So Complicated
Okay, it's official. I'm uber in need of a trip home. Everything makes sense there, you know why? I bet it's because there's no magic there unless I choose to have it. I miss my parents, and the estate which Mom and Dad have agreed to completely give to me when I turn eighteen. Basically meaning they're moving out... Which kind of sucks because it's their house... But Mom convinced Dad that it was tradition in her family, so he went along with it... I need a big family, or like 5 roommates. I refuse to live on the Estate alone... It's too big.
Remind me though that I need to speak to Sirius about our trip there. I'd really like to stay for more than one day, maybe I can con him into it... Maybe I'll drag him out there on Thursday and hold him captive. Maybe we can apparate back to the castle sometimes Sunday or something... I'm the queen of wishful thinking aren't I?
There's something about today thats bugging me. I can tell that I'm probably going to spout either half of my life story, or crap that I haven't been posting on here before because people can read it. I'm really not sure how this computer thing works, if anyone can actually read it... Probably can, I just hope it's not open to the public, that would... Be interesting. I'd just like to warn/ remind everyone for the umpteenth time that you people aren't supposed to leave me alone with my thoughts. I always come up with either bad solutions or a headache. No one ever seems to like what I come up with either... Still here begins my rantings.
For a good Portion of my life I've been trying to make everyone happy. My parents were happy because I did chores without being asked, because I stuck with dance over the two years that i wanted nothing to do with it... Because I agreed to basically take summer school so that If I ever decided that I didn't want to have a magical life like my mother decided she didnt want, I wouldn't be uninformed in the muggle world, and could actually support myself with money and a job. Which is Bullox, like I'd ever willingly give up magic, but I said I'd do it, and you know... If any of my Hogwarts friends ever need to know anything about the Muggle History of Britain, they'll know just who to ask. Except they dont CARE! They care about wizarding History which I ALSO have to learn... *Bah Humbug* Not to mention giving myself a curfew, and going to bed at decent hours... I can't believe the things I talk myself into... I've been trying to please everyone... It seems that I am no longer included in everyone.
I love Char to bits as well, but lately... It's been nearly killing me to stick with what I'm supposed to be/do as a friend. I'm supposed to Support her no matter what, which is hard to do when you know she's fucking around with one of your greatest enemies. Telling you that your all wrong about him and that he's the sweetest man, and none of us know what we're talking about... Okay, yeah... Because the greatest men in the world put love potions on the almost fiancee's of their cousins whom they are in hate with... Yep that sounds very lovely to me... Not to mention the fact that I could never tell even my best friend that I was still in love with my Ex boyfriend, because she was dating him... Life is so Kafuffled.
My parents piss me off... I used to get a whole bunch of muggle mail, and at least an Owl a week. Not to mention a muggle care basket full with all of my favorite stuff. Now I cant even get a letter out of them.. I haven't heard from anyone in my family in over two weeks. I'm starting to feel like I'm being disowned. Which is precicely why I'm snagging Sirius, and we're going to go visit them.
Confusion is permanent, I've realised. I haven't had a good nights rest since the day after i got back to this horrid castle, which is the main source of my misery. I think right now, a majority of my confusion comes from Black. Which isn't fair to him, because it's not as if I can blame it on him, entirely... It's mostly my fault, and muggle society, which tells you to question everything, because no one really means what they say, or says what they mean anymore... *sigh* Why must life be so Suck-tacular???
Relationships suck, somone take me back to first year, when I didn't really care about my hair, or wrinkles on my uniform.... Because the opinions of men didn't matter to me. All I had to worry about was Pumkin Juice and Homework. now I've got to worry about My enemies fucking with my friends, and screwing my friend over by screwing her should be fiancee! *Growls* I'm starting to think I should just break it of with Sirius... Things are only going to get more confusing... Besides, once Charlie comes back from wherever off of this planet she is, Sirius will undoubtedly want her back, no matter what he's saying right this moment...
It's all Bullox!
Adieu,
Emmeline Vance
(PS) Will someone please help me? I desperately need to figure all of this shit out before I have a mental break down... Pretty Please?