self-preservation
Click to viewI wonder why ppl engage in stupid behaviors contradrictory to what they want in order to preserve themselves... is it some evolutionary drive that makes us cringe when ppl get to close or lash out to push them away... or enviornmental cues where most ppl ascribe to the idea that if ppl get too close they can kill (figuretively)... Regardless of how sometimes i feel, i push instead of pull and punch instead of gather close... I stop talking to ppl when talking is what i want to do.. why do i have this weird sense of needed suppossed independence... but realizing that i'm not... i was told in clinical supervision that i am not superwoman,cannot do everyhing, and cannot be everything... intellectually i understand but inside where it counts i don't get it... is that denial then? its like fighting nature... Pushing away even though i want to crawl inside and know what i can't grasp... reading from the inside out so i can't be hurt... bc knowing is half the battle they say....