A big meaty entry (so, cearly, not for vegitarians):
So my life seems to be falling more & more into trivial shambles lately.
My cat ran away.
There is another thing going on in our house that needs money, each month, I swear. I can't keep track of it. I set aside utilties money, once, which comes from a sum total, then all of a sudden there are 20 other things not added into that total, that my meek little budget can't really handle. Why do we have so much clothing to wash? Why do I always leave the lights on? Why do we have cable and tivo? Why? Why? Why? Why can't I grab some balls & swear to never watch the TV (which I don't anyways) so I don't pay for it. Because it's mean & then I throw the burden off on Emily & Kate, which I don't want to do, because I'm nice, and because I do watch some TV to chill, sometimes. That's why.
Emily wants one of her kittens to come up & live with us, which I would love too. But, considering the cat that I've already focused about $500 on ran away because we took in a stray kitten for the weekend, I'm hesitant. But I can't say no. She didn't say no to being my roomate when I had a cat. & She's a great roomate. What kind of roomate would I be if I said no? I don't really feel in the position to say no.
There's too much else going on in my life, with GTC this weekend, our first run of the show on Wednsday , a Costume Design due on Tuesday, two papers due on Thursday ( one a week late), a strict workout plan that I HAVE TO HAVE TO do if I'm ever going to use my body for something other than a container for my brain & fatty foods. Why is there so much pet-drama too?
The thing about it is, I'm turning into that woman that lives alone, talks to her cats, takes in strays & bakes cakes for herself & plays Sudoku & knits on the weekends. How can I be that lonely, really? It's pathetic. I haven't been this brutally honest in a while.
I want so badly to have my shit together this year, to feel like if I can have a 100% grasp on my life in college then it won't be impossible for me to have some sort of grasp on 'real life' when it starts in May.
I had a meeting with Jim today about my GTC monologue, running it & discussing it & what not. And I know what I have to do to fix it, It's just going to take so much more time than I have. And that workout plan.
My weaknesses as an actor are my limited physicality & my constant need to make situations comfortable.
My weaknesses as a person are the same damn things.
I'm not bad though. I'm not a bad actor. I don't feel like I'm being led to run circles around the bold-faced truth that I just don't 'got it'.
I feel like I've been told these things all 4 years of college & if I had really used GTA as a school of acting these past 3 years, I would be so much further along than I am now.
But who the hell am I to complain? It's not beyond my grasp & I've had some brilliant sucesses as of late. I have lines in the musical, for-fucking-finally, so I couldn't have digressed. I should just shutup, really.
The Magnetic Fields "I Think I Need A New Heart" Guitar Intro was just on a Dog Food Commercial (I heard it from the other room... I wasn't watching the TV). I don't know what it means, but somehow it has prefectly poignant timing in my life.
Quit taking yourself so Goddamn seriously, Tracy, geez.
It's a very gloomy day , though. And I feel miserable. I've got a long night ahead of me, I've got to go...write out a schedule or something.
bah.
My cat ran away.
There is another thing going on in our house that needs money, each month, I swear. I can't keep track of it. I set aside utilties money, once, which comes from a sum total, then all of a sudden there are 20 other things not added into that total, that my meek little budget can't really handle. Why do we have so much clothing to wash? Why do I always leave the lights on? Why do we have cable and tivo? Why? Why? Why? Why can't I grab some balls & swear to never watch the TV (which I don't anyways) so I don't pay for it. Because it's mean & then I throw the burden off on Emily & Kate, which I don't want to do, because I'm nice, and because I do watch some TV to chill, sometimes. That's why.
Emily wants one of her kittens to come up & live with us, which I would love too. But, considering the cat that I've already focused about $500 on ran away because we took in a stray kitten for the weekend, I'm hesitant. But I can't say no. She didn't say no to being my roomate when I had a cat. & She's a great roomate. What kind of roomate would I be if I said no? I don't really feel in the position to say no.
There's too much else going on in my life, with GTC this weekend, our first run of the show on Wednsday , a Costume Design due on Tuesday, two papers due on Thursday ( one a week late), a strict workout plan that I HAVE TO HAVE TO do if I'm ever going to use my body for something other than a container for my brain & fatty foods. Why is there so much pet-drama too?
The thing about it is, I'm turning into that woman that lives alone, talks to her cats, takes in strays & bakes cakes for herself & plays Sudoku & knits on the weekends. How can I be that lonely, really? It's pathetic. I haven't been this brutally honest in a while.
I want so badly to have my shit together this year, to feel like if I can have a 100% grasp on my life in college then it won't be impossible for me to have some sort of grasp on 'real life' when it starts in May.
I had a meeting with Jim today about my GTC monologue, running it & discussing it & what not. And I know what I have to do to fix it, It's just going to take so much more time than I have. And that workout plan.
My weaknesses as an actor are my limited physicality & my constant need to make situations comfortable.
My weaknesses as a person are the same damn things.
I'm not bad though. I'm not a bad actor. I don't feel like I'm being led to run circles around the bold-faced truth that I just don't 'got it'.
I feel like I've been told these things all 4 years of college & if I had really used GTA as a school of acting these past 3 years, I would be so much further along than I am now.
But who the hell am I to complain? It's not beyond my grasp & I've had some brilliant sucesses as of late. I have lines in the musical, for-fucking-finally, so I couldn't have digressed. I should just shutup, really.
The Magnetic Fields "I Think I Need A New Heart" Guitar Intro was just on a Dog Food Commercial (I heard it from the other room... I wasn't watching the TV). I don't know what it means, but somehow it has prefectly poignant timing in my life.
Quit taking yourself so Goddamn seriously, Tracy, geez.
It's a very gloomy day , though. And I feel miserable. I've got a long night ahead of me, I've got to go...write out a schedule or something.
bah.