Okay so who would have thouhght that old sayings could be true?
So, last night I got out of class. I called Lacey cuz she left school and I was really worried about her. We vented to each other a little bit about life. Then it was to my uncle Pat's to watch Gray's Anatomy. OMG...that was seriously the best end of the season show. It made me think so much. Here is what I came up with (granted this could have been better if I could have gotten to a compter last night).
Yeah, so when Deny died and Izzy was crying, I was serioulsy bawling too. Yes, I am an emotional person, yes things choke me up a little bit. However, that is not why I was crying so bad.....
Okay, I have heard before that the way you spend bringing in the new year is how you will spend the whole year. Yeah, it is too bad that I had to spend mine crying. Thank you Kurtis! No, actually, it was only partially his fault, or maybe not even his fault at all. It was more of for the first time in my life I didn't have control over my life and the situation that was occuring in my life but yeah, not the point.
It wasnt until last night that I actually sat down and thought about it. I have had so much heat ache and so many tears cried this year, it isn't even funny. I mean last night for instance. I began to bawl because watching that show brought me back to the day that I got that call that Mark had died. Seriously, there are a lot of things that make me think of that day and him. I thought that I should be over it and I should be done crying but apparently, I can't. That day in March changed a lot of things forever.
I then start to think about Travis and can't even imagine what he is feeling. I mean they were best friends and all each other had. I only knew him for like 5 years. Then that brings me to how sad I am over Travis being so sad and different. I just want him to be okay.
Okay, now that brings us to the heart ache part of it. I seriously need to get over this boy. He is nothing but trouble for me. I just can't bring myself to give up. No matter what he does to hurt me or how much he pisses me off, I am still too stupid to just say game over. I don't know if it would be different if I didn't have to work so hard at it but we may never know the answer to that one. It is silly how depressed I am after every let down. I know what to expect by now but, I still tend to look on the positive side of things and have some hope. I don't know and may never know why I feel the way I do about the whole situation but, by now it is my own fault for continuing to have so little control of it.
So, after a couple hours of thinking about these matters that seem to be consuming my life, I finally just fell asleep.
Love Always,
Jamie Mae*
"Something's gotta give"
Yeah, so when Deny died and Izzy was crying, I was serioulsy bawling too. Yes, I am an emotional person, yes things choke me up a little bit. However, that is not why I was crying so bad.....
Okay, I have heard before that the way you spend bringing in the new year is how you will spend the whole year. Yeah, it is too bad that I had to spend mine crying. Thank you Kurtis! No, actually, it was only partially his fault, or maybe not even his fault at all. It was more of for the first time in my life I didn't have control over my life and the situation that was occuring in my life but yeah, not the point.
It wasnt until last night that I actually sat down and thought about it. I have had so much heat ache and so many tears cried this year, it isn't even funny. I mean last night for instance. I began to bawl because watching that show brought me back to the day that I got that call that Mark had died. Seriously, there are a lot of things that make me think of that day and him. I thought that I should be over it and I should be done crying but apparently, I can't. That day in March changed a lot of things forever.
I then start to think about Travis and can't even imagine what he is feeling. I mean they were best friends and all each other had. I only knew him for like 5 years. Then that brings me to how sad I am over Travis being so sad and different. I just want him to be okay.
Okay, now that brings us to the heart ache part of it. I seriously need to get over this boy. He is nothing but trouble for me. I just can't bring myself to give up. No matter what he does to hurt me or how much he pisses me off, I am still too stupid to just say game over. I don't know if it would be different if I didn't have to work so hard at it but we may never know the answer to that one. It is silly how depressed I am after every let down. I know what to expect by now but, I still tend to look on the positive side of things and have some hope. I don't know and may never know why I feel the way I do about the whole situation but, by now it is my own fault for continuing to have so little control of it.
So, after a couple hours of thinking about these matters that seem to be consuming my life, I finally just fell asleep.
Love Always,
Jamie Mae*
"Something's gotta give"