(no subject)
So recently (tonight especially) I've been thinking about what a different person I used to be a few years ago. Actually, as short amount of time as a year ago. Change is wonderful. Joe and I just spoke tonight about the necessity of change in life. However, with all change comes the positive and the negative. The battles won and the other shit lost. I don't know. I used to be so much more committed and productive and thoughtful. Or at least I feel like I used to be that so much more. Maybe it's that as you mature, you realize that some of the things you used to be aren't as beneficial to your personal development and well-being as they are to others'. It's been a trying struggle between what I should sacrifice for the good of my community and friends and what I shouldn't compromise for those same people. My hair and self-expression for a lame date? Definitely NOT compromising. But a little bit of time and a forced lunch date for the sake of someone's happiness? Maybe I should work on being a bit more selfless. I just don't know anymore. Who and what am I responsible for? Have I become so blinded by my own values and strengths that I have begun to neglect those who require a little more effort on my part? I don't know what's my fault and what I can't control. I can't control anything; isn't that the point? That no matter what, no one else in the world has a hold on us? That in the long run, you always have a choice? That no other human can actually MAKE you do something. Because in the end, the other option is always the worst thing you can imagine. Pain. Torture. Aloneness. Death. But it is still a choice.