"i'm tired from all the weight, tired of being strong"
work is really bringing me down lately. i don't enjoy any aspect of it, other than seeing the people and playing with rylee. what's worse is that i don't feel like i have a thing to look forward to right now, so all i can see is this whirling tunnel of stress and crying and wishing for something else. i always need something to look forward to. without it, i just retreat.
i don't know what to do about any of it, though. jerald's trying to get me to take my music seriously. and some days that sounds like a fabulous idea, but mostly i just don't believe in myself. that's the overarching problem with everything, i think. but again, i don't know what to do about it.
i really need a vacation. i haven't had a break from work since i started, unless you count the couple of days i was in michigan in december and actually didn't check my email (gasp!).... it's really catching up with me.
i'm also still not healthy, which doesn't help at all. i've been having breathing issues for the past few weeks, and also a recurring sore on the side of my tongue-- right where my upper and lower teeth meet one another. no doubt a souvenir of the teeth clenching in which i've been indulging at night. oh yeah, that's another thing. i never sleep anymore. blah.
i came this close to crying in robert's office on thursday. i had to go into my office so i could blink back the tears. i'm just so frustrated. and feeling hopeless.
jennie's in japan! i can't believe it. she totally needs to write in her journal while she's there. i don't know why, but i just think she should. are you gonna be able to watch survivor there, jennie? i'm assuming they're not running it there, but who knows. i'd assume you're taping the last few episodes... i won't ruin it for you by saying anything till you get back. :)
i don't know what to do about any of it, though. jerald's trying to get me to take my music seriously. and some days that sounds like a fabulous idea, but mostly i just don't believe in myself. that's the overarching problem with everything, i think. but again, i don't know what to do about it.
i really need a vacation. i haven't had a break from work since i started, unless you count the couple of days i was in michigan in december and actually didn't check my email (gasp!).... it's really catching up with me.
i'm also still not healthy, which doesn't help at all. i've been having breathing issues for the past few weeks, and also a recurring sore on the side of my tongue-- right where my upper and lower teeth meet one another. no doubt a souvenir of the teeth clenching in which i've been indulging at night. oh yeah, that's another thing. i never sleep anymore. blah.
i came this close to crying in robert's office on thursday. i had to go into my office so i could blink back the tears. i'm just so frustrated. and feeling hopeless.
jennie's in japan! i can't believe it. she totally needs to write in her journal while she's there. i don't know why, but i just think she should. are you gonna be able to watch survivor there, jennie? i'm assuming they're not running it there, but who knows. i'd assume you're taping the last few episodes... i won't ruin it for you by saying anything till you get back. :)