i just found out there was a lot more resentment there than i thought there was and i didnt understand why weve never talked about. weve never discussed that letter, which is what i hearmade you realize you were better off without me as your friend. Please remember that i am not the one that wrote that letter. And just because i had it in my posession doesnt nessisarily mean that i felt that way too.
i love you and i miss you a lot... i really do. and i try not to think about it, but it makes me really sad to think that we came into high school and weve been together through a lot, and when we leave high school... idont know. it wont be that way.
i wanna know what you really think of me and im not saying that i havent been a bad friend, but apparently, i have. Please tell me what it was.
i know you dont like confrontation and i hate to do it over livejournal... we dont have to be friends, i just want to know. so if you hate me, or couldnt care less about me, or have some things youre bitter about, ide like to know.
ive said it a million times and ill say it again.... i love you like a sister, no matter how you feel about me.
i guess this whole thing really started before the letter happened.
it just seemed like you didn't care about anything you used to since chon happened. i remember before chon you had been excited because you were actually gonna have school spirit and do a bunch of stuff your senior year.
but that all changed when the school year actually started. and then when laura was talking with juan and the mona-mano business, it just felt like all we talked about at lunch was that family. and it felt like no one cared if i had something to say about something else.
and it was hard because you were so happy with him, but you were really different. i was happy for you, but at the same time i wanted it the way things used to be.
when the whole engagement thing happened, it seemed a bit unrealistic and it just felt like you were throwing everything away for him. and i guess it's just because the way i see it, you had just met this guy a few months ago and now suddenly he's the most important thing in your life.
it's like you had become everything we had complained about that mona did with ryan. only you didn't care. you didn't care about anything. except chon and when you were going to see him next.
i was kinda angry at him too. i guess it's not his fault you were failing economics and skipping school all the time. but in my opinion, if he loved you he would refuse to see you at a time when you're supposed to be at school. or not talk to you on the phone all night long when you're supposed to be doing a economics quiz on the internet. please don't get mad at me for saying this, it is just how i felt.
when i first found the letter i didn't read it. i don't know why i decided to read it when i found it again.
it really hurt my feelings, but more than that it made me extremely angry because mona wrote it and she really didn't know anything about me and dylan's relationship. and it seemed like you guys thought, that just because you guys were engaged, laura and i weren't "ready to grow up" because we were planning on college instead of wedding bells.
the reason i got mad at you too was because i had remembered you saying something about how that was a really nice note mona had written you, and that's probably why i opened it.
i guess i just felt really betrayed, because i had just defended you from someone who had been saying bad things about you, and when i read the letter, i felt like they had been right.
it felt like you were pushing everyone away, so instead of being pushed away i was just going to leave before i got hurt even more.
i don't think we can ever be as close as we were, but it would be nice if we can talk to each other again and hug each other at graduation.
and just because this has all happened doesn't mean i will forget all the fun and good times we've had.
omg, ok first of all... i remember hearing that you were upset with me because when you mentioned that you had the note and i said how sweet it was... i really wasnt being bitchy. I seriously had forgotten that she had said those things about you and laura. I was referring to how she called me her best friend and told me how much i meant to her. I sware I never even thought of the bad things she said about you two, or I would have apoligized that you had to read that. Once again, just because I had the note doesnt mean that I agreed with the things mona said. I actually remember being annoyed that mona made it sound like "good for you" that I was getting married right out of high school. I wasnt proud of myself for that. Even I thought it was crazy. I really was kinda blinded by how in love i was. In my opinion, it wasnt so much that I had changed because of chon, it was just that all my goals did. And I was a bit obsessive at first, but I was excited that I found some one that I love so much. I realize now that it was crazy to talk about marriage quite so soon, and we've put it off. And instead of just settling on going to Hill in cleburne, Im planning a couple years there to get on my feet... and then Baylor. Just like it's always been.
Im sorry if I seemed kind of distant, but I sware Im better now. I miss hanging out with you, and I know it will never be like it used to be because of all that happened. It was just killing me that you had so much anger and bitterness toward me and we never talked it out. I never meant to push you away like I did. I realize now that he was all I talked about but im over it. I still love him, but im just comfortable with it now, and I promise he doesnt dominate every conversation.
I miss hanging out with you, and hearing stories about Dylan, and talking about clothes. I hate to think how you dont want to be around me, or how you could care less if youre ever my friend again. I really have been completely wrong, thank you for making me see that.
i love you and i miss you a lot... i really do. and i try not to think about it, but it makes me really sad to think that we came into high school and weve been together through a lot, and when we leave high school... idont know. it wont be that way.
i wanna know what you really think of me and im not saying that i havent been a bad friend, but apparently, i have. Please tell me what it was.
i know you dont like confrontation and i hate to do it over livejournal... we dont have to be friends, i just want to know.
so if you hate me, or couldnt care less about me, or have some things youre bitter about, ide like to know.
ive said it a million times and ill say it again.... i love you like a sister, no matter how you feel about me.
<3 heatherann
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it just seemed like you didn't care about anything you used to since chon happened. i remember before chon you had been excited because you were actually gonna have school spirit and do a bunch of stuff your senior year.
but that all changed when the school year actually started.
and then when laura was talking with juan and the mona-mano business, it just felt like all we talked about at lunch was that family. and it felt like no one cared if i had something to say about something else.
and it was hard because you were so happy with him, but you were really different. i was happy for you, but at the same time i wanted it the way things used to be.
when the whole engagement thing happened, it seemed a bit unrealistic and it just felt like you were throwing everything away for him. and i guess it's just because the way i see it, you had just met this guy a few months ago and now suddenly he's the most important thing in your life.
it's like you had become everything we had complained about that mona did with ryan. only you didn't care. you didn't care about anything. except chon and when you were going to see him next.
i was kinda angry at him too. i guess it's not his fault you were failing economics and skipping school all the time. but in my opinion, if he loved you he would refuse to see you at a time when you're supposed to be at school. or not talk to you on the phone all night long when you're supposed to be doing a economics quiz on the internet. please don't get mad at me for saying this, it is just how i felt.
when i first found the letter i didn't read it. i don't know why i decided to read it when i found it again.
it really hurt my feelings, but more than that it made me extremely angry because mona wrote it and she really didn't know anything about me and dylan's relationship.
and it seemed like you guys thought, that just because you guys were engaged, laura and i weren't "ready to grow up" because we were planning on college instead of wedding bells.
the reason i got mad at you too was because i had remembered you saying something about how that was a really nice note mona had written you, and that's probably why i opened it.
i guess i just felt really betrayed, because i had just defended you from someone who had been saying bad things about you, and when i read the letter, i felt like they had been right.
it felt like you were pushing everyone away, so instead of being pushed away i was just going to leave before i got hurt even more.
i don't think we can ever be as close as we were, but it would be nice if we can talk to each other again and hug each other at graduation.
and just because this has all happened doesn't mean i will forget all the fun and good times we've had.
so there you have it.
Reply
Once again, just because I had the note doesnt mean that I agreed with the things mona said. I actually remember being annoyed that mona made it sound like "good for you" that I was getting married right out of high school. I wasnt proud of myself for that. Even I thought it was crazy. I really was kinda blinded by how in love i was.
In my opinion, it wasnt so much that I had changed because of chon, it was just that all my goals did. And I was a bit obsessive at first, but I was excited that I found some one that I love so much. I realize now that it was crazy to talk about marriage quite so soon, and we've put it off. And instead of just settling on going to Hill in cleburne, Im planning a couple years there to get on my feet... and then Baylor. Just like it's always been.
Im sorry if I seemed kind of distant, but I sware Im better now. I miss hanging out with you, and I know it will never be like it used to be because of all that happened.
It was just killing me that you had so much anger and bitterness toward me and we never talked it out. I never meant to push you away like I did. I realize now that he was all I talked about but im over it. I still love him, but im just comfortable with it now, and I promise he doesnt dominate every conversation.
I miss hanging out with you, and hearing stories about Dylan, and talking about clothes. I hate to think how you dont want to be around me, or how you could care less if youre ever my friend again. I really have been completely wrong, thank you for making me see that.
I love you, Heather
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and it's ok
i should have talked to you about things
but as you def. know, i'm bad with confrontations
love you too
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*smile*
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*smile* <------------ that reminded me of weezer boards :)
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