Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and die
I'm so stressed out beyond what I can handle. I can't find work and my car might not be even worth fixing so now I have no money and no way to get around. Zack and I have to use the money we can just to buy food and give people gas money just so he can get to work and back and we are both at our breaking point to now we are fighting a lot and he keeps threatening to leave. I love the kid but and if he leaves that will be it for me. I can't take any more stress and let downs. I'm almost 23 years old, I can't hold a job, I'm living at home in a roller coaster of a relationship that has a high chance of not working out and collecting unemployment which could be taken away any time now because I have no transportation if I get called for an interview and if unemployment gets wind that I had to turn down work, I've lost everything but my home. I don't want to get out of bed or go into the sunshine, I just want to sleep all day and wondering where I'm going to be in the next few years and if being alive is really all that it's cracked up to bed. I'm not suicidal. Which is the only positive thing in my life right now, but I think we all get down to a point where we weight out the pros and cons of life itself. I know it seems over dramatic and quite middle school Esq, but I feel like I'm losing my mind. The worst part is I could get help and get on some antidepressants, but I don't even have to money to pay for that. I owe my dad at least 8 months back pay of car insurance and he gives me a roof over my head so I can't ask him for the money for meds and I'm already going to have to try to swindle a car out of my mom and pay her back once I start working (if she does help me out) so I have to chose between a car and antidepressants and right now getting a car is more important than my mental health.
It's times like these I wish I would have never taken the best parts of childhood and innocents for granted. To be 9 years old one more time would be a dream come true.
It's times like these I wish I would have never taken the best parts of childhood and innocents for granted. To be 9 years old one more time would be a dream come true.