(no subject)
as far as im concerned, i'm the most stressed out person right now.
i have no idea whats going on and what the hell im supposed to do. My mom started crying her eyes out this morning because "i don't appreciate her". Which is a load of crap. I don't ask for anything. I ask her for rides when i can't get there myself, and i always say thank you because i know it's a pain in the ass. But i never ask her for money, if she asks me if i have it, i usually don't so i say no, and she forks over WILLINGLY, a couple of bucks. But i don't just come out and ask her for money. I haven't done that in a long time. Lollapallooza is the only HUGE thing that she is paying for, and she offered to pay for it. She's paying for my hotel and my train, and some of my food money. but evreything else, i'm on my own. I appreciate everything she does for me. I always say thank you. What else does she want me to do? Kiss her feet? I just don't know what she expects, and if i knew i would fix it, but her only complaint was that i'm moody a lot. IM A GIRL, IM GONNA BE MOODY A LOT. and she's no god damn picnic either, she's 8 months pregnant, and IM THE ONLY ONE IN THE HOUSE THAT IS MOODY. what a load of shit. Seriously, it was like a smack in the face. I don't do anything wrong, and it's not like i'm home enough for her to be fed up with me all the time. I live at Sergei's. I see her for like...2 hours at the very most a day. ANd on very rare ocasions, maybe an hour or two longer.
It's just so frustrating because I don't know what I'm going to do when this baby comes.
I'm not excited about it and i hate that i'm not. But i just don't care. I don't care if it's a boy and I don't care if it's a girl. i just don't want anything to do with it because I don't think we have the money to take care of it. I feel bad for the baby. Day by day, i'm trying to get myself excited and prepared for it, but i'm totaly clueless. I was so excited when Audrey was born, but not this one, now i just think she's in over her head and doesn't realize it yet.