Fault
That moment when you feel like an overbearing, pompous, dictatorial, petty-minded reactionary because you yell, you correct people, you fucking give people your opinion.
And it's your fault, because all they did was:
1) Tell you to have an opinion
2) Tell you not to be afraid to voice it
3) Complain to you all the fucking time about things you're reminding them about.
But if's not their fault; it's your fault. Because they don't mean things like whether you've cooked enough for people comng over, what superhero you respond to emotionally, how to rearrange the china display cabinet they've just emptied. They want opinions on world politics, books, movies, current affairs. They want rational arguments, examples, articulate vocalisation.
And if you do happen to respond to something emotionally - if you get passionate, angry, frustrated because you're tongue-tied - they laugh. Because it's adorable and funny and no, they're not laughing at you, not really. They're not being patronisng and dismissive. They're not being disrespectful and insensitive becauset they're not laughing *at* you (though they can't say they're laughing with you either), they're laughing at the picture you make. At the irrelevance of your contrbution to a discussion that they can talk over, or around, or just use as a springboard to get something else entirely.
ANd I'm so tired of this. Of being a scold and a nag, of being irrelevnet, of being the person with potential who never delivers. Because she's just never managed to *get it*. And that's my fault.
When will I learn?
And it's your fault, because all they did was:
1) Tell you to have an opinion
2) Tell you not to be afraid to voice it
3) Complain to you all the fucking time about things you're reminding them about.
But if's not their fault; it's your fault. Because they don't mean things like whether you've cooked enough for people comng over, what superhero you respond to emotionally, how to rearrange the china display cabinet they've just emptied. They want opinions on world politics, books, movies, current affairs. They want rational arguments, examples, articulate vocalisation.
And if you do happen to respond to something emotionally - if you get passionate, angry, frustrated because you're tongue-tied - they laugh. Because it's adorable and funny and no, they're not laughing at you, not really. They're not being patronisng and dismissive. They're not being disrespectful and insensitive becauset they're not laughing *at* you (though they can't say they're laughing with you either), they're laughing at the picture you make. At the irrelevance of your contrbution to a discussion that they can talk over, or around, or just use as a springboard to get something else entirely.
ANd I'm so tired of this. Of being a scold and a nag, of being irrelevnet, of being the person with potential who never delivers. Because she's just never managed to *get it*. And that's my fault.
When will I learn?