Fic: Stranger than your Sympathy
Title: Stranger than your Sympathy
Disclaimer: I don't own em,if I did it would probably have to be on another channel.
Rating: R-ish
Warnings: Language, talk of past violence, emotional freakouts, angst
Characters: Kurt, Puck, Finn, Mike, and Matt. Artie and Mercedes are mentioned.
Word count: 4,232
Spoilers: Through season one to be safe.
Summary: Finn is just trying to get Kurt to bond with him, Puck, Mike and Matt. Their plan backfires pretty terribly though.
A/N: Written for this prompt over at glee_angst_meme. It kinda jumped the tracks and had a mind of it's own though. I hope it's somewhere in the ballpark of what you wanted anon!
It occurred to Finn one night, as he would come home from hanging out with Puck, Mike, and Matt.
They were all in glee, they were all in football, they hung out. They did things to bond and junk, and really, there was no reason they shouldn’t be including Kurt in that too. Kurt was their kicker, most of the team may hate that fact, but he was. He came home and found Kurt sprawled out on the couch, Brittany of all people at his side. He was patiently explaining whatever it was they were watching, and the blond was nodding solemnly. Finn thought about it and realized that out of all the guys in glee, Artie was the only who one spent time with Kurt other than himself, and that was probably because he lived with the guy, and Finn found a lot of fault in that.
So the next day, when meeting up with the guys for pizza, he suggested inviting Kurt along for their outing the next day. Mike and Matt got on board with very little convincing. Puck had been less than thrilled, but he eventually caved, and agreed to letting Kurt join them, he was out numbered anyway. But he wasn’t happy about it. Still once they were done eating and played an epic game of laser tag, they made their way back to the Hummel-Hudson abode. It took Finn a minute to actually get Kurt out of his room, and when he’s confronted with the others, the look on his face is unreadable, but Finn seemed so thrilled, that he just waited to see what exactly it was that they wanted.
“We’re going to hang out tomorrow, go to lunch and then maybe hit up the go carts or batting cages or something, we aren’t sure yet, but we want you to come!” Finn said excited, and Matt nodded in agreement, while Mike offered him a smile.
“Thank you, but no thanks.” Kurt said as gently as he could. He felt somewhat bad when Mike’s smile fell and Matt looked surprised. “Sorry, if you’ll excuse me I have company.” And he disappeared back down the stairs.
Finn was floored; he just couldn’t believe Kurt had turned them down so flat! He hadn’t even considered the offer; just decided he didn’t want to. That wasn’t fair, if Finn was making an effort, Kurt needed to make one too! They were trying to be nice, include him because it had felt like exclusion to Finn, so he had imagined it felt that way to Kurt too. Puck finally let out a little snort.
“Well he said no, so lets get back to our--”
“No, we should keep trying. Batting cages aren’t really his thing, but I don’t want him to think we’re ignoring him or anything. Come on guys, he‘s practically my brother, I just want us all to be able to get along.” Mike and Matt nodded, and even Puck seemed to give in to that sentiment. They still went out and had fun together and later that night, Finn questioned Kurt about his refusal.
“Why’d you turn us down?” He asked and Kurt glanced up from his book.
“Hm? Oh, it was nothing personal Finn.”
“I just want to know why.”
“Finn, you should know me well enough by now.”
“Look, I know that maybe batting cages aren’t’ your thing but--”
“Actually, I went to the cages with my dad a lot when I was younger. Right after my mom died, it kept him occupied, so I went with it.” Then Finn felt awkward as he usually did. Mrs. Hummel was a touchy subject. Kurt continued talking until he had successfully managed to redirect Finn’s attention completely.
It wasn’t until the next day that Finn even realized what had happened.
********************
Over the course of the following week, Kurt was invited out on several different excursions by the others even Puck invited him once. Each time he turned them down, with no explanation. It was kind of pissing Finn off. After being turned down yet again, Finn came to his great idea. Camping, everyone loved camping right? He could just snag Kurt and make him go. He couldn’t turn them down if he didn’t have a say! He figured he needed to get Burt on board with the idea, because it could go real sour if he wasn’t.
He had been surprised, but pleased when Burt agreed. It would do Kurt some good to bond with Finn and his friends, they were living together after all, and it was important that they get along with each other. So he gave them the go ahead. They just had to wait for the right timing. Burt was the one who finally set it in motion. Told Kurt he needed his help at the shop, and he’d pick him up on Friday from school. Kurt had agreed to help, because it was his dad.
Kurt really wasn’t amused by the switch.
He had been waiting for his dad when Finn pulled up. Puck and Matt jumped out of the back and before Kurt had much chance to do anything other than let out a noise of surprise he found himself forced into the truck, sandwiched in-between the two. Mike had twisted around in the front seat to offer him a grin and Kurt felt a really heavy feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. What was going on here, what could they possibly want, and surely, his dad would come looking for him.
Apparently not. Finn quickly went on to explain how his dad knew that they had wanted to spend some time with him, and had agreed to let them. Kurt crossed his arms tightly across his chest, hands clenched around his upper arms. He’s scowling and every once in a while he lets a little dig slip out. He gets increasingly unnerved when his questions of where they are going are left unanswered and the others exchanged little mischievous grins.
Matt was the first to notice when Kurt’s mannerisms changed. The scowl slowly faded away into something worried and he began to gnaw at his bottom lip a little. His fingers began to dig in harder, deeper into his arms and Matt was afraid he might actually be giving himself bruises. They passed the “Thank you for Visiting Lima!” sign and Kurt’s demeanor changed even further, he cringed in on himself, and there was a slight hitch in his breathing.
“Seriously, this isn't funny. Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Finn replied with a grin, and Kurt seemed to fall in on himself even further. The area began to get wooded, and Kurt’s breathing sped up and he began to look out the window.
“Finn, really, where are you taking me?” Finn ignored the question, and however concerned Matt was, it was Puck who noticed the slight tremors that began to shudder through Kurt’s slighter frame.
“Dude, relax.” He said rolling his eyes, but the barest hint of concern was there.
“I really think you should let me out now.” Kurt said, but he sounded wrong.
“Kurt?” Matt asked softly and Puck met Finn’s eyes in the review mirror, wondering what was going on.
“Let me out Finn. You’ve had your fun, but this really isn’t funny!” and then they pass further into the woods and Kurt just seemed to snap. He tried to draw in a breath, but it sounded tight and he wheezed a little. He felt more than saw when Matt began to stare in concern. Still, no one made any move to stop the vehicle or put his mind at ease, and Kurt attempted to swallow thickly against the strangle hold that panic had on him.
“Please, let me out. Please.” It was the second please that did it. It sounded so desperately frightened that Finn found himself pulling over to the side of the road. Kurt’s fingers were digging into his arms so tightly that Matt was afraid he would break the skin if he kept it up so he grabbed one to tug it away.
The reaction was immediate and Matt snatched his hand back when Kurt whimpered and slammed his eyes shut. Once they’re safely on the side, Finn cut the engine and everyone began to get out of the car. Once Matt slid free, Kurt was out like a shot. He’s out quicker than anyone could really process, and when he’s standing several feet away, watching them with wary terrified eyes they realize that this was a mistake.
“Dude…” It’s Puck who spoke first. “Jesus Christ, what the hell? We just wanted to go camping! What we didn’t get your products so you freak?” But when Puck took a step forward, Kurt skittered three steps back, and Puck froze, as if suddenly realizing that whatever happened was bad.
“Kurt,” It was gentle, but firm and Finn tried to catch Kurt’s eyes which were darting around the area. “Kurt.” He said again, this time stressing the name.
“You thought we were going to hurt you.” Matt stated and all movement ceased. Finn was starring at Kurt openly hurt and Mike looked upset, even Puck looked a little horrified by that. Kurt didn’t deny it either.
“Kurt!” Finn exploded upset. “How could you think we’d do something like that, we just wanted to hang out with you!”
“So you figured the best way to do that was to drag me out into the middle of the woods?” Kurt’s voice was tight, and Puck couldn’t be sure if it’s barely controlled hysteria or barely contained fury.
“Ok, so maybe we didn’t think it out so well. We just wanted you to hang out with us, and you were always turning us down! We didn’t---”
“Because being around you guys freaks me out!” Kurt shouted, shocking the others into silence, Kurt’s eyes were wild, and he looked at the others before a bitter look crossed his face. “Oh no no, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to look wounded.” It’s harsh and bitter and though he would never admit to it, Puck took a step backwards when he heard it.
“Kurt,” Finn tried, but Kurt held his hand out to stop him.
“No Finn.” Kurt was breathing funny, and it was worrying Matt. “You really don’t think I’ve had reason to be leery of you? You’ve thrown me into dumpsters which has seriously hurt me before, tossed slushies on me, slammed me into the lockers hard enough that it left massive bruises, you’ve tripped me in the halls, you call me terrible names, and that’s just at school. Let’s not even get into the things you like to do to me when not there. When guys like you drag guys like me out into the woods, it’s not because they want to go camping.”
The others were stunned into silence and when Kurt lowered himself to the ground, not seeming to care that he was getting his pants dirty, it really seemed to sink in. They had thought it would be fun to go camping, they hadn’t even considered what it might feel like for Kurt to be grabbed and forced into a car, and not be told anything. Just dragged off into the woods by four guys who got their jollies by tormenting him on a daily basis. Even if Finn, Matt, and Mike weren’t nearly as bad as Puck, they had helped at some point in time.
They had each scarred him in their own way.
Finn’s the first to recover and he crossed to his almost-brother, hesitating before stepping right up to him, and encasing Kurt in his arms. The smaller boy tried to pull back, but Finn wasn’t having it, effectively pinning him to his chest.
“I’m sorry.” He said and Kurt froze.
“Me too, I didn’t really think how this would seem to you.” Matt said and Kurt’s eyes cut to him, still being mostly masked by Finn.
“Are you really scared of us?” And there’s something in Puck’s voice, like he really was upset to find this out. Kurt let out a slightly muffled, half-hysterical laugh, and he managed to squirm out from under Finn’s arms. He set an incredulous look on Puck, before speaking.
“Puck, you were constantly doing whatever you could to make me miserable. You went out of your way to try and hurt me, whether it was physical or just some verbal warfare. Just because you’ve decided to try and play nice recently doesn’t negate the fact you nearly broke my arm. Or that you dislocated my shoulder, or that I missed three days of school because you tossed me onto broken glass in the dumpster. It doesn‘t take away all the horrible abuse you‘ve hurled my way over the years.” His eyes have that wild quality to them again, and he turned to the others.
“You may not have been as bad, but you helped.” He turned to Mike. “I know you helped with that obscene picture in the boy’s room.” And Mike’s cheeks flushed with shame. “And I know you helped spread that rumor about me freshman year.” He said jabbing a finger at Matt, and when he turned to Finn, his eyes clouded over.
“You might be the worst. You want to be my friend, my brother, but you have moments where you’re clearly uncomfortable around me because I’m gay. You may not physically hurt me, but you say things Finn! You may not mean them the way they come out, but you still say them! So am I’m scared of you guys? Yes, because I never know when the next hit is coming.”
“Dude…” Puck breathed.
“Stop calling me dude!” Kurt’s voice was shrill and upset, and Puck flinched and glanced at his feet, feeling guilty. He wasn’t sure if he had ever felt so guilty before. He may not like Kurt much, but he certainly never wanted things to get so far that Kurt thought they would try and murder him at the first given opportunity.
“Sorry… just sorry.” Puck muttered, and when Finn reached out for Kurt, he shied away.
“Just… stop. Look, I’m sorry I freaked out, and---”
“I’m surprised it took you this long honestly.” Mike interrupted and Kurt glanced at him. “If you’ve kept this bottled up for so long, I’m surprised we haven’t felt the burnt of it before. And you’re right; we can’t just expect you to be our friend because we share extra curricular activities, not after how we treated you. But surely you can understand that it’s a shock to us that you actually thought we were going to hurt you. Lynch you, I don’t know what you were thinking, but that we‘d do something terrible to you.”
“I meant what I said Mike,” Kurt said, his voice finally evening out a little. “When guys like you, the populars, the jocks, drag the local queer out into the woods, it’s not because they want to go camping.”
“Don’t call yourself that.” Puck protested.
“What, only you’re allowed to call me names? I hate to break it to you but you’re not the only one who feels the need to throw filthy derogatory names at me.”
“What?”
“It doesn’t just happen at school Puck.” His tone is flat and suddenly something seems to click in Finn’s head.
“That’s why you try and beat us to the phone.”
“Partly.”
“Can we do anything?” Matt asked, just really wanting to find a way to fix the giant mess they‘ve created.
“You could take me home. I know you guys didn’t mean to freak me out, but you can’t force the issue ok? You have to let me want to hang out with you too, just because you want to hang out with me, bond or whatever it is, doesn’t mean I have to agree to it, or even want to in return.”
“That makes sense.” Mike agreed. “We just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel left out, I don’t think it ever occurred to us that you just might not want anything to do with us.” And boy didn’t that make them sound self-absorbed and full of themselves.
“Does stuff like that actually still happen?” Puck asked.
“With some frequency.” Kurt admitted.
“Is that…is that why your dad doesn’t like you being alone?” Finn asked hesitantly, because he couldn’t think of the last time Kurt went anywhere without someone with him.
“My dad lives in the constantly fear that someone will enact some of the more vile threats we get. Oh, I have no doubt that if something should happen to me your mom and yourself would help him through it, but it scares him. There‘s been a couple incidents already that worried him enough that I was lucky to get out of the house again.” The others were quiet as that disturbing piece of information set in.
“Come on, we’ll take you home.” Finn said softly, and this time, Kurt sat in the passenger’s seat, so he had room and wouldn’t feel boxed in. The ride home was silent, each boy lost in their own thoughts. Once they finally reached the Hummel-Hudson home, Kurt slid out of the car and vanished inside before anyone has a chance to say anything.
Unable to face the rest of his family yet, Finn agreed to food with the guys before heading back and seeing if there was any possible way for him to fix this monumental fuck up of his.
********************
Sunday had been awkward. Burt had agreed to the camping trip, but he hadn’t agreed to them not telling Kurt about what was going on. Still, he couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. Finn had invited himself down to the basement and when Kurt didn’t cause a fuss or immediately kick him out, Finn took that as an invitation to start talking and asking Kurt questions.
“I really am sorry we freaked you out. We didn’t mean to, and I’m really sorry we messed you up so bad you thought we were dragging you out into the woods to hurt you.”
“I know Finn, I’m sorry I worried you guys.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, you didn’t do anything. That was just…stupidity on my part. On all our parts. Can I ask you something though?” Kurt nodded a little and Finn fidgeted before just blurting out what it was he wanted to ask. “When you said that some stuff had happened, people followed through on the threats, or tried to, what did you mean?”
“Finn…” Finn looked at him pleadingly, so Kurt sighed. “The phone calls we get? It’s not always just someone calling me names. Sometimes it’s fairly detailed threats. My dad picked up one that pretty much told him they were going give me exactly what I wanted, what I deserved.”
“Dude,” Finn said because he knew what that was suppose to mean.
“We’ve learned to deal with it the best we could. Once someone said they would rid my father of his unfortunate burden and two days later, someone jumped me on my way home from Tina’s house. They beat me up pretty good, and left me in the worst part of town. By the time I finally made it home I’d been held up twice, lost my shoes and coat, and ended up having to go to the hospital to get treated.”
“That’s not right! What did the police say?”
“Nothing. They claim there wasn’t enough evidence to do anything.” Finn looked horrified. “Finn, we live in Lima, no one’s ever going to listen to what I say and not think I wasn’t asking for it somehow.” Finn was horrified, but didn’t ask anymore more questions.
Monday Kurt had been quiet, reserved, he stuck mostly with Mercedes and Artie. Finn had wanted to relay what Kurt told him to the others, but he knew that if he did that then Kurt wouldn’t tell him anything anymore. So he kept it to himself and just kept an eye on Kurt when he could too. Neither of their parents said anything when Kurt just picked at dinner.
By Tuesday, Kurt seemed to be himself again, and something about that was bugging the hell out of Finn. After everything that happened, Kurt just couldn’t suddenly be ok, normal. The others noticed it too, and while they had tried to figure out the best way to approach him about it, Puck just went directly for it. He cornered Kurt in the boy’s room and asked him flat out if he was actually ok, or if he was just faking it.
“Puck, I can’t show any emotion at this school. Just because you aren’t tormenting me doesn’t mean the other knuckle draggers we go to school with have stopped as well.”
“The teams giving you trouble? That’s bullshit; you’re part of the team!”
“No, I’m really not.” Kurt said shaking his head. “I’m on the team yes, but I’m not part of it. I’ll never be allowed to be part of it.” Puck wanted to ask why Kurt was still on the team, but decided that was a question best left for another time.
“Who’s giving you a hard time? I’ll put a stop to it.”
“Puck, I appreciate the concern, at least I think it’s concern, but even you can’t stop it. It’s part of my life, and I’ll deal with it. Now I really need to go, I was supposed to meet Mercedes ten minutes ago, and she’s going to start freaking out if I don’t get there soon.”
“Why it’s only ten minutes.”
“Don’t worry about it.” But the look on Kurt’s face was hard to pinpoint, a mixture of upset and memory, and worry. Puck let him go though.
He finds out through the grapevine why Mercedes would worry if Kurt was late. The last time Kurt had been ten minutes late it was because a few of the jocks had decided it was time for a good rousing game of smear the queer, and Kurt had ended up pretty hurt. He kind of remembered that, Kurt had been gone for two days and Mercedes had been snapping at anyone who played a sport. He relayed what he found out to Finn, Matt, and Mike.
“But…But Kurt said he had an accident at his dad’s shop!” Finn protested. Why would Kurt like to them about something like that?
“Look, it’s great that we want to be cool with him now,” Mike started shifting hesitantly. “But we really need to start taking into consideration that we made his life hell for years. Kurt’s the strongest guy I know, but he’s not invincible, he just doesn’t let us see it when it hurts him. That doesn’t mean it didn’t ever hurt him. He built up really big walls to protect himself, he‘s not going to lower them just because we suddenly decide we want to hang out with him.” Matt nodded because that made sense.
“Still, he’s one of us now; this shit with the others has to stop.” Puck mumbled.
So slowly, the four begin to look out for Kurt more. The slushies started to stop, and the dumpster diving ceased completely. They may not be able to spare Kurt from everything, but they can sure as hell make life at school a little more bearable. If the others notice their protective behavior, they don’t mention it. Oh sure, Finn had stopped them from shoving Artie in the port-o-john before, and he’d defended Tina once or twice, but the new behavior from the other three, Kurt’s own personal body guards, well that was new.
Kurt didn’t mention it either. He let them go on in their quest to make life a little more bearable, though he was sure it was out of some misguided sense of guilt than actually wanting to do better by him. He let them walk with him to class, and he found he actually genuinely liked Mike and Matt. He and Mike had a shared love for dance, and Matt turned out to be really funny if you actually bothered to listen.
The problem was Puck still wanted to solve problems with his fists, and he still made Kurt a little uneasy. Sure he made the jocks back off, but Kurt was obviously uneasy in his presence. Which kind of sucked and Puck wanted to fix that. So when Puck started to walk with Kurt after school, he claimed it was because Kurt’s place was on the way to his own and he really hated to walk alone. The first few times they walked in silence, Kurt shooting curious looks Puck’s way. By the third day, Puck was just talking. About anything he could think of, because he really hated silence.
The following week, Kurt started to talk back. He’d even invited Puck inside a couple of times.
After a month it was routine, and they found they actually kind of enjoyed each others company, both blatantly ignoring the fact that Puck actually lived in the opposite direction.
It was weird and strange to find themselves friends after so many years of animosity towards each other, but hey, it was high school, and it was weird like that sometimes.
Disclaimer: I don't own em,if I did it would probably have to be on another channel.
Rating: R-ish
Warnings: Language, talk of past violence, emotional freakouts, angst
Characters: Kurt, Puck, Finn, Mike, and Matt. Artie and Mercedes are mentioned.
Word count: 4,232
Spoilers: Through season one to be safe.
Summary: Finn is just trying to get Kurt to bond with him, Puck, Mike and Matt. Their plan backfires pretty terribly though.
A/N: Written for this prompt over at glee_angst_meme. It kinda jumped the tracks and had a mind of it's own though. I hope it's somewhere in the ballpark of what you wanted anon!
It occurred to Finn one night, as he would come home from hanging out with Puck, Mike, and Matt.
They were all in glee, they were all in football, they hung out. They did things to bond and junk, and really, there was no reason they shouldn’t be including Kurt in that too. Kurt was their kicker, most of the team may hate that fact, but he was. He came home and found Kurt sprawled out on the couch, Brittany of all people at his side. He was patiently explaining whatever it was they were watching, and the blond was nodding solemnly. Finn thought about it and realized that out of all the guys in glee, Artie was the only who one spent time with Kurt other than himself, and that was probably because he lived with the guy, and Finn found a lot of fault in that.
So the next day, when meeting up with the guys for pizza, he suggested inviting Kurt along for their outing the next day. Mike and Matt got on board with very little convincing. Puck had been less than thrilled, but he eventually caved, and agreed to letting Kurt join them, he was out numbered anyway. But he wasn’t happy about it. Still once they were done eating and played an epic game of laser tag, they made their way back to the Hummel-Hudson abode. It took Finn a minute to actually get Kurt out of his room, and when he’s confronted with the others, the look on his face is unreadable, but Finn seemed so thrilled, that he just waited to see what exactly it was that they wanted.
“We’re going to hang out tomorrow, go to lunch and then maybe hit up the go carts or batting cages or something, we aren’t sure yet, but we want you to come!” Finn said excited, and Matt nodded in agreement, while Mike offered him a smile.
“Thank you, but no thanks.” Kurt said as gently as he could. He felt somewhat bad when Mike’s smile fell and Matt looked surprised. “Sorry, if you’ll excuse me I have company.” And he disappeared back down the stairs.
Finn was floored; he just couldn’t believe Kurt had turned them down so flat! He hadn’t even considered the offer; just decided he didn’t want to. That wasn’t fair, if Finn was making an effort, Kurt needed to make one too! They were trying to be nice, include him because it had felt like exclusion to Finn, so he had imagined it felt that way to Kurt too. Puck finally let out a little snort.
“Well he said no, so lets get back to our--”
“No, we should keep trying. Batting cages aren’t really his thing, but I don’t want him to think we’re ignoring him or anything. Come on guys, he‘s practically my brother, I just want us all to be able to get along.” Mike and Matt nodded, and even Puck seemed to give in to that sentiment. They still went out and had fun together and later that night, Finn questioned Kurt about his refusal.
“Why’d you turn us down?” He asked and Kurt glanced up from his book.
“Hm? Oh, it was nothing personal Finn.”
“I just want to know why.”
“Finn, you should know me well enough by now.”
“Look, I know that maybe batting cages aren’t’ your thing but--”
“Actually, I went to the cages with my dad a lot when I was younger. Right after my mom died, it kept him occupied, so I went with it.” Then Finn felt awkward as he usually did. Mrs. Hummel was a touchy subject. Kurt continued talking until he had successfully managed to redirect Finn’s attention completely.
It wasn’t until the next day that Finn even realized what had happened.
********************
Over the course of the following week, Kurt was invited out on several different excursions by the others even Puck invited him once. Each time he turned them down, with no explanation. It was kind of pissing Finn off. After being turned down yet again, Finn came to his great idea. Camping, everyone loved camping right? He could just snag Kurt and make him go. He couldn’t turn them down if he didn’t have a say! He figured he needed to get Burt on board with the idea, because it could go real sour if he wasn’t.
He had been surprised, but pleased when Burt agreed. It would do Kurt some good to bond with Finn and his friends, they were living together after all, and it was important that they get along with each other. So he gave them the go ahead. They just had to wait for the right timing. Burt was the one who finally set it in motion. Told Kurt he needed his help at the shop, and he’d pick him up on Friday from school. Kurt had agreed to help, because it was his dad.
Kurt really wasn’t amused by the switch.
He had been waiting for his dad when Finn pulled up. Puck and Matt jumped out of the back and before Kurt had much chance to do anything other than let out a noise of surprise he found himself forced into the truck, sandwiched in-between the two. Mike had twisted around in the front seat to offer him a grin and Kurt felt a really heavy feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. What was going on here, what could they possibly want, and surely, his dad would come looking for him.
Apparently not. Finn quickly went on to explain how his dad knew that they had wanted to spend some time with him, and had agreed to let them. Kurt crossed his arms tightly across his chest, hands clenched around his upper arms. He’s scowling and every once in a while he lets a little dig slip out. He gets increasingly unnerved when his questions of where they are going are left unanswered and the others exchanged little mischievous grins.
Matt was the first to notice when Kurt’s mannerisms changed. The scowl slowly faded away into something worried and he began to gnaw at his bottom lip a little. His fingers began to dig in harder, deeper into his arms and Matt was afraid he might actually be giving himself bruises. They passed the “Thank you for Visiting Lima!” sign and Kurt’s demeanor changed even further, he cringed in on himself, and there was a slight hitch in his breathing.
“Seriously, this isn't funny. Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Finn replied with a grin, and Kurt seemed to fall in on himself even further. The area began to get wooded, and Kurt’s breathing sped up and he began to look out the window.
“Finn, really, where are you taking me?” Finn ignored the question, and however concerned Matt was, it was Puck who noticed the slight tremors that began to shudder through Kurt’s slighter frame.
“Dude, relax.” He said rolling his eyes, but the barest hint of concern was there.
“I really think you should let me out now.” Kurt said, but he sounded wrong.
“Kurt?” Matt asked softly and Puck met Finn’s eyes in the review mirror, wondering what was going on.
“Let me out Finn. You’ve had your fun, but this really isn’t funny!” and then they pass further into the woods and Kurt just seemed to snap. He tried to draw in a breath, but it sounded tight and he wheezed a little. He felt more than saw when Matt began to stare in concern. Still, no one made any move to stop the vehicle or put his mind at ease, and Kurt attempted to swallow thickly against the strangle hold that panic had on him.
“Please, let me out. Please.” It was the second please that did it. It sounded so desperately frightened that Finn found himself pulling over to the side of the road. Kurt’s fingers were digging into his arms so tightly that Matt was afraid he would break the skin if he kept it up so he grabbed one to tug it away.
The reaction was immediate and Matt snatched his hand back when Kurt whimpered and slammed his eyes shut. Once they’re safely on the side, Finn cut the engine and everyone began to get out of the car. Once Matt slid free, Kurt was out like a shot. He’s out quicker than anyone could really process, and when he’s standing several feet away, watching them with wary terrified eyes they realize that this was a mistake.
“Dude…” It’s Puck who spoke first. “Jesus Christ, what the hell? We just wanted to go camping! What we didn’t get your products so you freak?” But when Puck took a step forward, Kurt skittered three steps back, and Puck froze, as if suddenly realizing that whatever happened was bad.
“Kurt,” It was gentle, but firm and Finn tried to catch Kurt’s eyes which were darting around the area. “Kurt.” He said again, this time stressing the name.
“You thought we were going to hurt you.” Matt stated and all movement ceased. Finn was starring at Kurt openly hurt and Mike looked upset, even Puck looked a little horrified by that. Kurt didn’t deny it either.
“Kurt!” Finn exploded upset. “How could you think we’d do something like that, we just wanted to hang out with you!”
“So you figured the best way to do that was to drag me out into the middle of the woods?” Kurt’s voice was tight, and Puck couldn’t be sure if it’s barely controlled hysteria or barely contained fury.
“Ok, so maybe we didn’t think it out so well. We just wanted you to hang out with us, and you were always turning us down! We didn’t---”
“Because being around you guys freaks me out!” Kurt shouted, shocking the others into silence, Kurt’s eyes were wild, and he looked at the others before a bitter look crossed his face. “Oh no no, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to look wounded.” It’s harsh and bitter and though he would never admit to it, Puck took a step backwards when he heard it.
“Kurt,” Finn tried, but Kurt held his hand out to stop him.
“No Finn.” Kurt was breathing funny, and it was worrying Matt. “You really don’t think I’ve had reason to be leery of you? You’ve thrown me into dumpsters which has seriously hurt me before, tossed slushies on me, slammed me into the lockers hard enough that it left massive bruises, you’ve tripped me in the halls, you call me terrible names, and that’s just at school. Let’s not even get into the things you like to do to me when not there. When guys like you drag guys like me out into the woods, it’s not because they want to go camping.”
The others were stunned into silence and when Kurt lowered himself to the ground, not seeming to care that he was getting his pants dirty, it really seemed to sink in. They had thought it would be fun to go camping, they hadn’t even considered what it might feel like for Kurt to be grabbed and forced into a car, and not be told anything. Just dragged off into the woods by four guys who got their jollies by tormenting him on a daily basis. Even if Finn, Matt, and Mike weren’t nearly as bad as Puck, they had helped at some point in time.
They had each scarred him in their own way.
Finn’s the first to recover and he crossed to his almost-brother, hesitating before stepping right up to him, and encasing Kurt in his arms. The smaller boy tried to pull back, but Finn wasn’t having it, effectively pinning him to his chest.
“I’m sorry.” He said and Kurt froze.
“Me too, I didn’t really think how this would seem to you.” Matt said and Kurt’s eyes cut to him, still being mostly masked by Finn.
“Are you really scared of us?” And there’s something in Puck’s voice, like he really was upset to find this out. Kurt let out a slightly muffled, half-hysterical laugh, and he managed to squirm out from under Finn’s arms. He set an incredulous look on Puck, before speaking.
“Puck, you were constantly doing whatever you could to make me miserable. You went out of your way to try and hurt me, whether it was physical or just some verbal warfare. Just because you’ve decided to try and play nice recently doesn’t negate the fact you nearly broke my arm. Or that you dislocated my shoulder, or that I missed three days of school because you tossed me onto broken glass in the dumpster. It doesn‘t take away all the horrible abuse you‘ve hurled my way over the years.” His eyes have that wild quality to them again, and he turned to the others.
“You may not have been as bad, but you helped.” He turned to Mike. “I know you helped with that obscene picture in the boy’s room.” And Mike’s cheeks flushed with shame. “And I know you helped spread that rumor about me freshman year.” He said jabbing a finger at Matt, and when he turned to Finn, his eyes clouded over.
“You might be the worst. You want to be my friend, my brother, but you have moments where you’re clearly uncomfortable around me because I’m gay. You may not physically hurt me, but you say things Finn! You may not mean them the way they come out, but you still say them! So am I’m scared of you guys? Yes, because I never know when the next hit is coming.”
“Dude…” Puck breathed.
“Stop calling me dude!” Kurt’s voice was shrill and upset, and Puck flinched and glanced at his feet, feeling guilty. He wasn’t sure if he had ever felt so guilty before. He may not like Kurt much, but he certainly never wanted things to get so far that Kurt thought they would try and murder him at the first given opportunity.
“Sorry… just sorry.” Puck muttered, and when Finn reached out for Kurt, he shied away.
“Just… stop. Look, I’m sorry I freaked out, and---”
“I’m surprised it took you this long honestly.” Mike interrupted and Kurt glanced at him. “If you’ve kept this bottled up for so long, I’m surprised we haven’t felt the burnt of it before. And you’re right; we can’t just expect you to be our friend because we share extra curricular activities, not after how we treated you. But surely you can understand that it’s a shock to us that you actually thought we were going to hurt you. Lynch you, I don’t know what you were thinking, but that we‘d do something terrible to you.”
“I meant what I said Mike,” Kurt said, his voice finally evening out a little. “When guys like you, the populars, the jocks, drag the local queer out into the woods, it’s not because they want to go camping.”
“Don’t call yourself that.” Puck protested.
“What, only you’re allowed to call me names? I hate to break it to you but you’re not the only one who feels the need to throw filthy derogatory names at me.”
“What?”
“It doesn’t just happen at school Puck.” His tone is flat and suddenly something seems to click in Finn’s head.
“That’s why you try and beat us to the phone.”
“Partly.”
“Can we do anything?” Matt asked, just really wanting to find a way to fix the giant mess they‘ve created.
“You could take me home. I know you guys didn’t mean to freak me out, but you can’t force the issue ok? You have to let me want to hang out with you too, just because you want to hang out with me, bond or whatever it is, doesn’t mean I have to agree to it, or even want to in return.”
“That makes sense.” Mike agreed. “We just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel left out, I don’t think it ever occurred to us that you just might not want anything to do with us.” And boy didn’t that make them sound self-absorbed and full of themselves.
“Does stuff like that actually still happen?” Puck asked.
“With some frequency.” Kurt admitted.
“Is that…is that why your dad doesn’t like you being alone?” Finn asked hesitantly, because he couldn’t think of the last time Kurt went anywhere without someone with him.
“My dad lives in the constantly fear that someone will enact some of the more vile threats we get. Oh, I have no doubt that if something should happen to me your mom and yourself would help him through it, but it scares him. There‘s been a couple incidents already that worried him enough that I was lucky to get out of the house again.” The others were quiet as that disturbing piece of information set in.
“Come on, we’ll take you home.” Finn said softly, and this time, Kurt sat in the passenger’s seat, so he had room and wouldn’t feel boxed in. The ride home was silent, each boy lost in their own thoughts. Once they finally reached the Hummel-Hudson home, Kurt slid out of the car and vanished inside before anyone has a chance to say anything.
Unable to face the rest of his family yet, Finn agreed to food with the guys before heading back and seeing if there was any possible way for him to fix this monumental fuck up of his.
********************
Sunday had been awkward. Burt had agreed to the camping trip, but he hadn’t agreed to them not telling Kurt about what was going on. Still, he couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. Finn had invited himself down to the basement and when Kurt didn’t cause a fuss or immediately kick him out, Finn took that as an invitation to start talking and asking Kurt questions.
“I really am sorry we freaked you out. We didn’t mean to, and I’m really sorry we messed you up so bad you thought we were dragging you out into the woods to hurt you.”
“I know Finn, I’m sorry I worried you guys.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, you didn’t do anything. That was just…stupidity on my part. On all our parts. Can I ask you something though?” Kurt nodded a little and Finn fidgeted before just blurting out what it was he wanted to ask. “When you said that some stuff had happened, people followed through on the threats, or tried to, what did you mean?”
“Finn…” Finn looked at him pleadingly, so Kurt sighed. “The phone calls we get? It’s not always just someone calling me names. Sometimes it’s fairly detailed threats. My dad picked up one that pretty much told him they were going give me exactly what I wanted, what I deserved.”
“Dude,” Finn said because he knew what that was suppose to mean.
“We’ve learned to deal with it the best we could. Once someone said they would rid my father of his unfortunate burden and two days later, someone jumped me on my way home from Tina’s house. They beat me up pretty good, and left me in the worst part of town. By the time I finally made it home I’d been held up twice, lost my shoes and coat, and ended up having to go to the hospital to get treated.”
“That’s not right! What did the police say?”
“Nothing. They claim there wasn’t enough evidence to do anything.” Finn looked horrified. “Finn, we live in Lima, no one’s ever going to listen to what I say and not think I wasn’t asking for it somehow.” Finn was horrified, but didn’t ask anymore more questions.
Monday Kurt had been quiet, reserved, he stuck mostly with Mercedes and Artie. Finn had wanted to relay what Kurt told him to the others, but he knew that if he did that then Kurt wouldn’t tell him anything anymore. So he kept it to himself and just kept an eye on Kurt when he could too. Neither of their parents said anything when Kurt just picked at dinner.
By Tuesday, Kurt seemed to be himself again, and something about that was bugging the hell out of Finn. After everything that happened, Kurt just couldn’t suddenly be ok, normal. The others noticed it too, and while they had tried to figure out the best way to approach him about it, Puck just went directly for it. He cornered Kurt in the boy’s room and asked him flat out if he was actually ok, or if he was just faking it.
“Puck, I can’t show any emotion at this school. Just because you aren’t tormenting me doesn’t mean the other knuckle draggers we go to school with have stopped as well.”
“The teams giving you trouble? That’s bullshit; you’re part of the team!”
“No, I’m really not.” Kurt said shaking his head. “I’m on the team yes, but I’m not part of it. I’ll never be allowed to be part of it.” Puck wanted to ask why Kurt was still on the team, but decided that was a question best left for another time.
“Who’s giving you a hard time? I’ll put a stop to it.”
“Puck, I appreciate the concern, at least I think it’s concern, but even you can’t stop it. It’s part of my life, and I’ll deal with it. Now I really need to go, I was supposed to meet Mercedes ten minutes ago, and she’s going to start freaking out if I don’t get there soon.”
“Why it’s only ten minutes.”
“Don’t worry about it.” But the look on Kurt’s face was hard to pinpoint, a mixture of upset and memory, and worry. Puck let him go though.
He finds out through the grapevine why Mercedes would worry if Kurt was late. The last time Kurt had been ten minutes late it was because a few of the jocks had decided it was time for a good rousing game of smear the queer, and Kurt had ended up pretty hurt. He kind of remembered that, Kurt had been gone for two days and Mercedes had been snapping at anyone who played a sport. He relayed what he found out to Finn, Matt, and Mike.
“But…But Kurt said he had an accident at his dad’s shop!” Finn protested. Why would Kurt like to them about something like that?
“Look, it’s great that we want to be cool with him now,” Mike started shifting hesitantly. “But we really need to start taking into consideration that we made his life hell for years. Kurt’s the strongest guy I know, but he’s not invincible, he just doesn’t let us see it when it hurts him. That doesn’t mean it didn’t ever hurt him. He built up really big walls to protect himself, he‘s not going to lower them just because we suddenly decide we want to hang out with him.” Matt nodded because that made sense.
“Still, he’s one of us now; this shit with the others has to stop.” Puck mumbled.
So slowly, the four begin to look out for Kurt more. The slushies started to stop, and the dumpster diving ceased completely. They may not be able to spare Kurt from everything, but they can sure as hell make life at school a little more bearable. If the others notice their protective behavior, they don’t mention it. Oh sure, Finn had stopped them from shoving Artie in the port-o-john before, and he’d defended Tina once or twice, but the new behavior from the other three, Kurt’s own personal body guards, well that was new.
Kurt didn’t mention it either. He let them go on in their quest to make life a little more bearable, though he was sure it was out of some misguided sense of guilt than actually wanting to do better by him. He let them walk with him to class, and he found he actually genuinely liked Mike and Matt. He and Mike had a shared love for dance, and Matt turned out to be really funny if you actually bothered to listen.
The problem was Puck still wanted to solve problems with his fists, and he still made Kurt a little uneasy. Sure he made the jocks back off, but Kurt was obviously uneasy in his presence. Which kind of sucked and Puck wanted to fix that. So when Puck started to walk with Kurt after school, he claimed it was because Kurt’s place was on the way to his own and he really hated to walk alone. The first few times they walked in silence, Kurt shooting curious looks Puck’s way. By the third day, Puck was just talking. About anything he could think of, because he really hated silence.
The following week, Kurt started to talk back. He’d even invited Puck inside a couple of times.
After a month it was routine, and they found they actually kind of enjoyed each others company, both blatantly ignoring the fact that Puck actually lived in the opposite direction.
It was weird and strange to find themselves friends after so many years of animosity towards each other, but hey, it was high school, and it was weird like that sometimes.