Fic: Throw Me a Lifeline
Title: Throw Me a Lifeline
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: PG-13-Ish
Spoilers: Er lets say through season one.
Characters: Kurt, Puck, Finn, The Hudmels, Mentions of Rachel, Mercedes, Quinn, Artie, and Tina.
Warnings: Angst...oh the angst! Some language, feelings of worthlessness. And non-awesome Burt...don't worry he gets awesome later. Some Puck/Kurt...kinda.
Word count: 4,404
Summary: Kurt's life is falling down around him, his dad isn't speaking to him, his friends seem to have forgotten he's even alive, and the only person who has spoken to him in the past several days is Puck, his life is falling apart.
A/N: Filled for this prompt...kinda. I had this idea, and that fit into it, so I killed two birds with one stone...
It was silent in the Hummel household.
It had been for nearly two days, seeing as Kurt and his father were not exactly on speaking terms at the moment. Or really, if Kurt was honest, his father wasn’t speaking to him, and he had gotten tired of trying only to be shut down. In an effort to try and ease the tension between his father and Finn, and salvage what he thought was a good relationship between Carole and his dad, Kurt had come clean about everything.
He had expected his father to be angry, he hadn’t been quite so prepared for the silence and the withering looks, but he figured he probably brought it upon himself, so he eventually he stopped trying to fix things between them. Not use to being on the receiving end of his father’s ire, Kurt tried to keep his distance, his father had made it perfectly clear he did not want to be around his son. So Kurt backed off and he stayed away from his dad. If his father was in the living room, Kurt stuck to the basement until his father either left, or went into his own room.
Kurt hated it, but if that’s what his father wanted, well he would just have to suck it up and do that until his father decided enough was enough. And if Kurt felt that he was drowning and had managed to alienate anyone who might actually care, well that was his own fault right? He stomped down on any bitterness or upset, because really he has got no one to blame but himself.
Kurt was fairly certain his father regretted defending him now.
But that’s ok, because Kurt knew it couldn’t last forever. At least he honestly hoped it wouldn’t, and that he could eventually, somehow, find a way to redeem himself. He hadn’t talked to Carole, and he doesn’t interact with Finn much, instead opting to give the other boy plenty of space. So the first time Burt informed him, via sticky note on the fridge, that he had gone over to the Hudson’s to talk, Kurt wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
When his father came back smiling however, Kurt took it as a good thing, and it almost didn’t hurt as much when Burt didn’t bother to acknowledge his existence. It would get better. At least things appeared to be working out for his dad and Carole, and if they could make it work, then at least his dad would be happy again. That was what was important. Eventually his dad would start talking to him again, he was sure of it.
He would just keep telling himself that anyhow.
*************
Kurt had gotten use to walking home. He often did when the weather was nice, considering he had not gotten his car back yet, but when the weather was bad, to snowy or icy, or raining particularly hard, his dad came to get him, it could dangerous to be out there in that kind of weather. The weather had soured quickly, the day having gone from bright and sunny to raging thunderstorms in the matter of a few minutes. Kurt sighed as he stood near the front doors.
Even though it was pouring rain, Kurt knew his father would not be coming to pick him up. He had considered trying to call to see if he’d come and get him, but had come to the conclusion his father would probably ignore it once he saw it was him. So he started to walk home, in the pouring rain. He’d had an umbrella once, but he had lost it a while back when the jocks thought it would be funny to break it. He doubted it would have helped much even if he had it, the wind had picked up in a way that slanted the rain, and it was sharp and cold. He trudges along miserably, knowing that his new jacket was ruined now and his shoes won’t ever be the same.
He’s cold and by the time he’s finally home he can’t really feel his fingers or toes. He fumbled with the keys to the door for a few moments, before he was finally able to let himself in. He’s shivering, and his teeth chatter together. He managed to get as far as the hallway before his father spotted him. It seemed like an eternity that the two just stared at each other, before Burt looked mildly concerned, but turned his attention back to the kitchen.
Kurt deflated, disappointment swelled in him briefly, but he squashed it down quickly, and headed into his room, at least he could take a nice hot shower. Once he felt at least a little warmer, and the feeling had flooded back into his fingers he puts on sweats. They are not fashionable, but they are warm, and really that was all Kurt wanted right now. He was still shivering a little, and he’d really like something hot to drink or maybe some soup, but he knew his father was in the kitchen and he’d like to avoid anymore awkward starring.
He wasn’t feeling particular great anyhow, so he just goes to bed early, buried under his sheets in an attempt to stay warm. Eventually the shivering stops, and Kurt falls sleep, curled into a tight, protective little ball.
*************
Burt couldn’t help but feel guilty, Kurt ended up getting sick. He tried to hide it, but it was hard to hide a hacking cough and constant sneezing. He hid out in the basement a lot, only really emerging when he thought Burt was in another room. The first time he brought Carole back over, he didn’t expect to find Kurt asleep on the couch, but there he was, and at first he wasn’t sure how Carole would react. She just frowned, but it was in a maternal way, and moved towards him. Her frowned deepened when Kurt didn’t even stir when she placed hand to his forehead.
“He’s running a fever.” She informed Burt quietly, draping the blanket from the back of the couch over him. She took a few moments to study him, and decided she did not like what she saw. When she returned to Burt, she was still frowning, but once she and Burt settle in the kitchen some coffee between them, she decided to hold off on her thoughts until she saw how Burt dealt with it himself. Kurt was his son after all.
Kurt went to school, even though he wasn’t feeling particular well yet. He managed to get through most of his classes without his friends really noticing, but once he got to glee, Rachel promptly sprayed him with disinfectant, loudly proclaiming she just couldn’t get sick. Kurt took a chair in the far corner, away from everyone else, and felt his heart sink when he observed the others. Mercedes and Quinn are involved in a conversation and hadn’t even noticed his arrival. Mercedes would have once jumped up and been all over Rachel for a stunt like that, now she hadn’t even noticed.
He tried to ignore that overwhelming ache in his chest. It seemed like everyone who was important to him; everyone who even once remotely gave a damn had seen what other people had been seeing for years apparently. That he just wasn’t worth it. God how that hurt to admit to himself. He found his shoes fascinating suddenly, and actually flinched when someone abruptly sat down next to him.
He wondered who would have joined him in exile.
He wasn’t sure if he should be grateful someone was sitting with him, or horrified that it’s Puck of all people. Still the bigger boy just nudged his shoulder, and gave him a distinctly concerned look. Finn’s glaring from across the room, but Kurt couldn’t be sure if he was glaring at him or at Puck, or maybe the both of them. He was too tired to actually care. He decided on being grateful, because at least someone sat with him, even if it’s someone who used to throw him in the dumpster on a regular basis.
“Don’t take this the wrong way Hummel, but you look like shit.” Puck informed him, and Kurt for some reason he couldn’t quite explain smiled a little at that.
“Thank you Noah, I feel like it.”
“Are you going to be ok for Glee? I mean I’m sure Mr. Schue would understand if you needed to go home.” Puck actually looked concerned, and for a moment, Kurt was honestly confused. Puck didn’t even like him, so why was he, of all people, showing the most concern over him? By all rights, Puck should be enjoying this horrible display of weakness, but it almost seemed as if he was trying to, well comfort him.
“I’m alright.” Really Kurt would rather be anywhere but home. Where his father was spending less and less time, leaving Kurt to spend more time alone, wondering if he really had just completely ruined everything good in his life. Puck doesn’t believe him, it’s clear by the look on his face, but he says nothing. Instead he just sat with Kurt for the rest of glee, his arm resting protectively across the back of Kurt’s chair. For once, Kurt didn’t mind.
When Puck offered to drive Kurt home, he hesitated for just a moment before agreeing and thanking him for the offer. Really it would beat walking and considering there’s a good chance his dad wouldn’t be home anyway, it’ll mean he can curl back up in his sweats sooner. He invited Puck in, but the other boy had to decline, he needed to go pick up his sister, but he did seem genuinely regretful, and offered a rain check.
Once inside, Kurt changed and called Mercedes. She picked up on the third ring, but before he can get much more out than a greeting, she told him that she was on the other line and that she’ll call him back in a few minutes. She hung up before he had time to say anything else. That overwhelming emptiness is starting to creep up on him again, and Kurt tried to convince himself that when Mercedes called back, he would talk to her about it.
She never called him back.
Strangely, over the next few days, Kurt found that he spent more and more time with Puck, and he was surprised to find that hell, he actually kind of liked the other boy. Each time Mercedes forgot to meet him, or blew him off for Quinn, Puck was surprisingly there, ready with something else for him to do. It was nice to feel like someone wanted him around, even if it’s quite possibly the weirdest thing that’s happened to him in a long time.
Weirdly enough, he’s pretty sure Puck kinda liked him too.
*************
It’s on day five of silence when Burt finally deigned to speak to his son. Kurt was curled up on the couch, balled up in the corner wearing the sweats that were becoming a more frequent sight. When he called his name, Kurt looked up surprised, and something flickered quickly across his face, it’s something that Burt can’t quite place, but makes him feel the faint twinge of guilt. Still, he’s trying to work things out with Carole and Finn, so he needed to be able to talk to them.
“Carole and Finn are coming over.” He informed him, and Kurt stilled before nodding. He knew what that meant; his dad wanted him to disappear for a while. He would like to just go hide out in his room, but he knows that’s not an option, Carole or Finn could decide to speak to him at anytime then. Or they may just not be comfortable around him at all, and this meeting was to try and find a way to work around him, he didn‘t even know anymore.
“Ok, I can go out for a while.” His dad nodded, distracted suddenly and Kurt headed downstairs to change. Once he was out of the door however, he realized he had no where to go. Once he would have headed over to Mercedes, but he’s sure she’s busy with Quinn. Artie and Tina were kind of having problems, so he knew better than to go to either of them. It took him a minute, but he finally decided to head out to the one place he’s never felt unwelcome.
When the Hudson’s arrived, Finn asked if Kurt was around, because he needed to talk to him, like yesterday. Once Burt explained that Kurt had gone out, Carole sent Finn to the kitchen before deciding now was the time to have that talk she had put off before. She motions for Burt to sit and they both wind up on the couch, Carole twisting to look at him better.
“Listen Burt, it’s probably none of my business, but I’m worried you’re being too hard on Kurt.” Burt looked like he might say something, so she continued before he had the chance. “I understand you’re angry with him, but have you actually bothered to really look at that kid recently? He’s obscenely worn out, he’s lost weight, and I don’t think I’ve seen him once other than the one time he was crashed out on the sofa.”
“He hasn’t said anything.” Burt said, but there’s a bit of hesitance in his voice. “I mean, he’d normally talk to Mercedes about it or something….but then come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve seen her around. I haven’t actually grounded Kurt, even if he’s behaving like I have.”
“You don’t have to ground him, he’s grounded himself. He’s following your lead you know, but he’s being much harder on himself than even you could think of being. Do you even know where he went?”
“Probably to Mercedes house.”
“I don’t think so.” Finn said from the doorway, having shamelessly eavesdropped on nearly the entire conversation. “They don’t seem to be getting along, or something. Mercedes is spending all her time with Quinn, and Kurt was actually hanging around with Puck the other day in glee, all off in the corner alone.”
Burt frowned at that, because he hadn’t known that. So exactly who had his son been talking to in the days where they weren’t talking to each other? For that matter, where the hell had Kurt gone off to tonight then? Any residual anger he may be feeling seemed to evaporate and all that’s left in its wake was crushing guilt. He was the parent; he was supposed to be above the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. He left his son to walk home when it was pouring outside, and it hadn’t even occurred to him to go get him. He let it get to the point where Kurt felt he couldn’t tell him anything.
Kurt didn’t think he’d listen.
Burt groaned before he stood up. He could not believe this, he could not believe that he allowed this to happen, that he had been so wrapped up in his own BS, he let his son fall by the wayside. He was supposed to be a parent! He was grabbing his jacket before Carole was even completely off the couch yet, and when she questioned him on where he was going he looked at her, before pulling her into a hug.
“I think I know where he is. I think it might take a little convincing to get him back home, so if you want to do this another night?”
“I think it would be better if we were all included in the decision making this time.” Carole said gently, and Burt smiled tiredly. Finn bit his lower lip for a moment before he glanced at Burt.
“Do you think I should call his friends?”
“Hold off a bit, let’s wait until we get him home, but then, yeah I think that might help.” And with that, Burt disappeared out the front door; he had a feeling he knew exactly where his son would be.
*************
Kurt sat crossed legged in front of his mother’s gravestone. At first he just sat there, staring at his mother’s name. Finally he hunched over his legs a little, leaning forward, he pulled his coat around himself a little tighter, he still wasn’t feeling one hundred percent yet, but he kind of thought he needed to do this just as much as his dad needed him out of the house. He took in a shuddering breath before he started.
“Hi mom.” He said, a little awkwardly. “I know I haven’t come to see you in a while. I’m really sorry about that. I’ve been busy with school, and glee club, and the Cheerios. Bet you never thought I’d be a cheerleader. Or I don’t know, maybe you did.” He let out a weak chuckle and a teary smile. It was quiet for a few moments, before Kurt lowered his head a little, and worried at his lip.
“I messed everything up mom.” It came out as a whisper. “And I don’t know what to do to fix it, I tried, god mom I promise that I tried. You probably would be so disappointed in me, Dad is. He‘s more than disappointed.” The sob caught in his throat and he took a moment to try and compose himself. “It’s ok, he should be. I mean I’m pretty sure I just fucked everything up. I’m sorry mom; I probably shouldn’t be telling you all of this. I mean I don’t know what I expect to get from talking to a piece of granite with your name on it…” He paused for a moment, dragging his hand across his eyes.
“I just know I really could’ve used you around this week. And I really miss you.” It breaks off in a sob, and Kurt buckles over, dropping his head into his hands. “I’m so sorry mom, I’m so sorry.” He seemed to sense when his father approached though, because he stiffened, and hastily tried to wipe away the tears. Burt dropped heavily into a sitting position next to his son.
“Oh Mary, I screwed up.” He said without preamble, Kurt doesn’t move, he barely seemed to be breathing. He isn’t sure where his dad is going to go with that, but he’s sure it has something to do with Carole or Finn. “You know I’m not strong. Not like you were, not like Kurt is.” He felt his son cringe at his side, buy he continued anyhow. “You would be so ashamed of me right now, I got angry, and I hurt our son.”
“Dad,” Kurt protested quietly.
“Hurt him bad enough that he couldn’t talk to me. I did some really stupid stuff; you’d probably kick my ass for what I’ve done.”
“No she wouldn‘t, you have every right to be mad. It‘s alright to be mad at me, she would understand that. I‘m sure she does understand that.”
“No, it’s really not.” He put a hand out, to grip Kurt’s shoulder and he felt overwhelmingly guilty when Kurt shied away. “Kurt,” He sighed, shifting over so he could actually get a hold of him. Once his hand comes into contact with his son, he can feel the tremors, and he pulled Kurt to him with a tug, and once he’s got him, Kurt just broke.
“No…I didn’t…I’m sorry!” Kurt stumbled over words, trying to get some sort of sentence out, but he was so upset, that he couldn’t. Burt folded his arms around him, tucking him against his chest, realizing Carole had been right. Kurt had always been thin, but he could see it now. His son had dark circles under his eyes and he briefly wondered when the last time Kurt slept well or at all, was. Worse though, was that Kurt was punishing himself far worse than anything Burt could have come up with. It certainly didn’t help that Kurt seemed to think that he deserved it either.
“If anyone’s sorry here, it’s me kiddo.” Burt murmured, and he felt Kurt relax very so slightly against his chest. “I had a right to be angry, but I didn’t have the right to hurt you. I’m the parent here; I’m supposed to know better than to give you the cold shoulder or the silent treatment.” Kurt’s sobbing too hard to actually respond, and Burt just tightens his grip, because he’s done this. Other people may have contributed, but really this was his fault.
It took him nearly an hour to convince Kurt to come home, and once he did, he could only hope Kurt won’t immediately retreat back into his sweats and hide a way in his bedroom.
*************
Carole immediately wrapped Kurt up in a hug, which he was completely unprepared for and nearly started bawling again. Luckily, he managed to keep his cool and when she pulled back and offered him a smile, he was able to give a weak one in return. Finn isn’t completely sure what’s going on, but he feels kinda bad. It seems to him like maybe Kurt was taking a heavier hit than he needed too. He almost slung an arm around Kurt’s shoulders but thought better of it at the last minute, and instead just offered him a smile and wave.
Finally they talk, or rather, Burt and Carole talk and Finn tried to catch Kurt’s attention, and Kurt stared at his feet. Their parents wanted to give it another try, something Kurt was happy about. He spoke up for the first time, offering to clear out his mother’s old sewing room to make a bedroom for Finn, at least until they can do something bigger for him, if they decide to move in at some point in the future. His dad looked a little surprised by the offer, and Carole looked concerned, but Finn just looked confused.
“Wouldn’t that be like, taking away your moms stuff though?”
“I’m sure we could find other places to put it.” Kurt shrugged a little and Burt exchanged a glance with Carole.
“Well see,” Burt finally says. Finn decided now would probably be a good time to text a few of Kurt’s friends, because Finn may be oblivious to a lot of things, but Kurt’s pain was so overwhelming, Finn could practically feel it. And they needed to fix that, like immediately. He mentioned quietly to his mother that their friends are coming over.
When, Artie, Tina, Mercedes, Quinn, Rachel, and Puck finally arrived, Kurt looked like he wanted nothing more than to disappear into his basement and just never come back out. Rachel was the first to say anything; she jutted forward and caught Kurt in a hug before he could pull away.
“Kurt, I’m so sorry, if I had known you were feeling too terrible, I wouldn’t have sprayed you with disinfectant!” As far as apologizes go, it wasn’t particularly inspired, but honestly, Kurt appreciated it none the less. Burt however, looked less than pleased by that particular admission. Puck listened as each of them went on and on about how they just had no idea he was in such trouble and finally he let out a snort of disbelief, wading his way through them and standing shoulder to shoulder with Kurt, who had at some point, been backed into the wall.
“You guys couldn’t see it huh? Funny, because I sure as hell could.” Puck snapped. “I saw how Finn glared and how Aretha just flat out ignored him now that Quinn decided to be her friend.” Mercedes flushed angrily at that, but didn’t actually have anything to counter with. “Saw how the rest of you guys just pretended you couldn‘t see he was drowning right in front of you. It’s all well and good to show up now, when his dad’s already done the hard part. Where were you before, when he needed anybody to keep him afloat?” Silence reigned because no one had anything to say about that. Finally Finn finds his tongue and snaps back.
“Like you’re some great help!”
“Actually, he was.” Kurt said, and the others starred at him openly. “Noah was the only one who actually bothered with me this entire week.” In fact if it hadn’t been for Puck’s unexpected help, Kurt wasn’t exactly sure if he’d have been able to make it through this terrible week. Everyone always said he was strong, but he wasn’t invincible. He could be hurt, and this…this complete abandonment, it had hurt.
“Kurt,” Mercedes said, just as Finn said;
“Dude,” and his dad said;
“Buddy…”
“I’m tired.” Kurt said flatly, shutting down whatever else it was they wanted to say. “Look, I appreciate that you guys aren’t acting like jackasses.” He directed that to the glee club “And don’t appear to be mad at me any longer,” To his dad and Carole, “But seriously, you guys are exhausting.”
The others shifted uncomfortably, not really sure what they should say to that, and finally Puck rolled his eyes and slung his arm around Kurt’s shoulders. He glanced down at the other boy realizing that Kurt needed to get the hell out of there for his own mental stability.
“Come on Hummel, we’re going to the movies.” He informed him, and Kurt glanced up surprised.
“We are huh?”
“Yup, and I’m even going to let you pick the movie.” It’s said very charitably and Kurt smirks slightly.
“Really now,” There was a hint of amusement that his voice had been lacking before.
“Oh yeah,” Puck said as he began to weave them through the crowd of stunned on-lookers. “Of course if you pick some foreign film where I actually have to read subtitles, I fully expect you to make out with me instead.”
Kurt choked on a laugh in surprise at that, and that choked laugh turned into an actual laugh when he heard Finn’s horrified yelp and watched his dad’s face go sheet white and then several shades of red. It wasn’t until Puck has gotten them safely pass the others and outside that Kurt found it a little easier to breath. Once they’re in Puck’s truck Kurt realized something very strange.
He was actually really grateful to have Noah Puckerman in his life.
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: PG-13-Ish
Spoilers: Er lets say through season one.
Characters: Kurt, Puck, Finn, The Hudmels, Mentions of Rachel, Mercedes, Quinn, Artie, and Tina.
Warnings: Angst...oh the angst! Some language, feelings of worthlessness. And non-awesome Burt...don't worry he gets awesome later. Some Puck/Kurt...kinda.
Word count: 4,404
Summary: Kurt's life is falling down around him, his dad isn't speaking to him, his friends seem to have forgotten he's even alive, and the only person who has spoken to him in the past several days is Puck, his life is falling apart.
A/N: Filled for this prompt...kinda. I had this idea, and that fit into it, so I killed two birds with one stone...
It was silent in the Hummel household.
It had been for nearly two days, seeing as Kurt and his father were not exactly on speaking terms at the moment. Or really, if Kurt was honest, his father wasn’t speaking to him, and he had gotten tired of trying only to be shut down. In an effort to try and ease the tension between his father and Finn, and salvage what he thought was a good relationship between Carole and his dad, Kurt had come clean about everything.
He had expected his father to be angry, he hadn’t been quite so prepared for the silence and the withering looks, but he figured he probably brought it upon himself, so he eventually he stopped trying to fix things between them. Not use to being on the receiving end of his father’s ire, Kurt tried to keep his distance, his father had made it perfectly clear he did not want to be around his son. So Kurt backed off and he stayed away from his dad. If his father was in the living room, Kurt stuck to the basement until his father either left, or went into his own room.
Kurt hated it, but if that’s what his father wanted, well he would just have to suck it up and do that until his father decided enough was enough. And if Kurt felt that he was drowning and had managed to alienate anyone who might actually care, well that was his own fault right? He stomped down on any bitterness or upset, because really he has got no one to blame but himself.
Kurt was fairly certain his father regretted defending him now.
But that’s ok, because Kurt knew it couldn’t last forever. At least he honestly hoped it wouldn’t, and that he could eventually, somehow, find a way to redeem himself. He hadn’t talked to Carole, and he doesn’t interact with Finn much, instead opting to give the other boy plenty of space. So the first time Burt informed him, via sticky note on the fridge, that he had gone over to the Hudson’s to talk, Kurt wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
When his father came back smiling however, Kurt took it as a good thing, and it almost didn’t hurt as much when Burt didn’t bother to acknowledge his existence. It would get better. At least things appeared to be working out for his dad and Carole, and if they could make it work, then at least his dad would be happy again. That was what was important. Eventually his dad would start talking to him again, he was sure of it.
He would just keep telling himself that anyhow.
*************
Kurt had gotten use to walking home. He often did when the weather was nice, considering he had not gotten his car back yet, but when the weather was bad, to snowy or icy, or raining particularly hard, his dad came to get him, it could dangerous to be out there in that kind of weather. The weather had soured quickly, the day having gone from bright and sunny to raging thunderstorms in the matter of a few minutes. Kurt sighed as he stood near the front doors.
Even though it was pouring rain, Kurt knew his father would not be coming to pick him up. He had considered trying to call to see if he’d come and get him, but had come to the conclusion his father would probably ignore it once he saw it was him. So he started to walk home, in the pouring rain. He’d had an umbrella once, but he had lost it a while back when the jocks thought it would be funny to break it. He doubted it would have helped much even if he had it, the wind had picked up in a way that slanted the rain, and it was sharp and cold. He trudges along miserably, knowing that his new jacket was ruined now and his shoes won’t ever be the same.
He’s cold and by the time he’s finally home he can’t really feel his fingers or toes. He fumbled with the keys to the door for a few moments, before he was finally able to let himself in. He’s shivering, and his teeth chatter together. He managed to get as far as the hallway before his father spotted him. It seemed like an eternity that the two just stared at each other, before Burt looked mildly concerned, but turned his attention back to the kitchen.
Kurt deflated, disappointment swelled in him briefly, but he squashed it down quickly, and headed into his room, at least he could take a nice hot shower. Once he felt at least a little warmer, and the feeling had flooded back into his fingers he puts on sweats. They are not fashionable, but they are warm, and really that was all Kurt wanted right now. He was still shivering a little, and he’d really like something hot to drink or maybe some soup, but he knew his father was in the kitchen and he’d like to avoid anymore awkward starring.
He wasn’t feeling particular great anyhow, so he just goes to bed early, buried under his sheets in an attempt to stay warm. Eventually the shivering stops, and Kurt falls sleep, curled into a tight, protective little ball.
*************
Burt couldn’t help but feel guilty, Kurt ended up getting sick. He tried to hide it, but it was hard to hide a hacking cough and constant sneezing. He hid out in the basement a lot, only really emerging when he thought Burt was in another room. The first time he brought Carole back over, he didn’t expect to find Kurt asleep on the couch, but there he was, and at first he wasn’t sure how Carole would react. She just frowned, but it was in a maternal way, and moved towards him. Her frowned deepened when Kurt didn’t even stir when she placed hand to his forehead.
“He’s running a fever.” She informed Burt quietly, draping the blanket from the back of the couch over him. She took a few moments to study him, and decided she did not like what she saw. When she returned to Burt, she was still frowning, but once she and Burt settle in the kitchen some coffee between them, she decided to hold off on her thoughts until she saw how Burt dealt with it himself. Kurt was his son after all.
Kurt went to school, even though he wasn’t feeling particular well yet. He managed to get through most of his classes without his friends really noticing, but once he got to glee, Rachel promptly sprayed him with disinfectant, loudly proclaiming she just couldn’t get sick. Kurt took a chair in the far corner, away from everyone else, and felt his heart sink when he observed the others. Mercedes and Quinn are involved in a conversation and hadn’t even noticed his arrival. Mercedes would have once jumped up and been all over Rachel for a stunt like that, now she hadn’t even noticed.
He tried to ignore that overwhelming ache in his chest. It seemed like everyone who was important to him; everyone who even once remotely gave a damn had seen what other people had been seeing for years apparently. That he just wasn’t worth it. God how that hurt to admit to himself. He found his shoes fascinating suddenly, and actually flinched when someone abruptly sat down next to him.
He wondered who would have joined him in exile.
He wasn’t sure if he should be grateful someone was sitting with him, or horrified that it’s Puck of all people. Still the bigger boy just nudged his shoulder, and gave him a distinctly concerned look. Finn’s glaring from across the room, but Kurt couldn’t be sure if he was glaring at him or at Puck, or maybe the both of them. He was too tired to actually care. He decided on being grateful, because at least someone sat with him, even if it’s someone who used to throw him in the dumpster on a regular basis.
“Don’t take this the wrong way Hummel, but you look like shit.” Puck informed him, and Kurt for some reason he couldn’t quite explain smiled a little at that.
“Thank you Noah, I feel like it.”
“Are you going to be ok for Glee? I mean I’m sure Mr. Schue would understand if you needed to go home.” Puck actually looked concerned, and for a moment, Kurt was honestly confused. Puck didn’t even like him, so why was he, of all people, showing the most concern over him? By all rights, Puck should be enjoying this horrible display of weakness, but it almost seemed as if he was trying to, well comfort him.
“I’m alright.” Really Kurt would rather be anywhere but home. Where his father was spending less and less time, leaving Kurt to spend more time alone, wondering if he really had just completely ruined everything good in his life. Puck doesn’t believe him, it’s clear by the look on his face, but he says nothing. Instead he just sat with Kurt for the rest of glee, his arm resting protectively across the back of Kurt’s chair. For once, Kurt didn’t mind.
When Puck offered to drive Kurt home, he hesitated for just a moment before agreeing and thanking him for the offer. Really it would beat walking and considering there’s a good chance his dad wouldn’t be home anyway, it’ll mean he can curl back up in his sweats sooner. He invited Puck in, but the other boy had to decline, he needed to go pick up his sister, but he did seem genuinely regretful, and offered a rain check.
Once inside, Kurt changed and called Mercedes. She picked up on the third ring, but before he can get much more out than a greeting, she told him that she was on the other line and that she’ll call him back in a few minutes. She hung up before he had time to say anything else. That overwhelming emptiness is starting to creep up on him again, and Kurt tried to convince himself that when Mercedes called back, he would talk to her about it.
She never called him back.
Strangely, over the next few days, Kurt found that he spent more and more time with Puck, and he was surprised to find that hell, he actually kind of liked the other boy. Each time Mercedes forgot to meet him, or blew him off for Quinn, Puck was surprisingly there, ready with something else for him to do. It was nice to feel like someone wanted him around, even if it’s quite possibly the weirdest thing that’s happened to him in a long time.
Weirdly enough, he’s pretty sure Puck kinda liked him too.
*************
It’s on day five of silence when Burt finally deigned to speak to his son. Kurt was curled up on the couch, balled up in the corner wearing the sweats that were becoming a more frequent sight. When he called his name, Kurt looked up surprised, and something flickered quickly across his face, it’s something that Burt can’t quite place, but makes him feel the faint twinge of guilt. Still, he’s trying to work things out with Carole and Finn, so he needed to be able to talk to them.
“Carole and Finn are coming over.” He informed him, and Kurt stilled before nodding. He knew what that meant; his dad wanted him to disappear for a while. He would like to just go hide out in his room, but he knows that’s not an option, Carole or Finn could decide to speak to him at anytime then. Or they may just not be comfortable around him at all, and this meeting was to try and find a way to work around him, he didn‘t even know anymore.
“Ok, I can go out for a while.” His dad nodded, distracted suddenly and Kurt headed downstairs to change. Once he was out of the door however, he realized he had no where to go. Once he would have headed over to Mercedes, but he’s sure she’s busy with Quinn. Artie and Tina were kind of having problems, so he knew better than to go to either of them. It took him a minute, but he finally decided to head out to the one place he’s never felt unwelcome.
When the Hudson’s arrived, Finn asked if Kurt was around, because he needed to talk to him, like yesterday. Once Burt explained that Kurt had gone out, Carole sent Finn to the kitchen before deciding now was the time to have that talk she had put off before. She motions for Burt to sit and they both wind up on the couch, Carole twisting to look at him better.
“Listen Burt, it’s probably none of my business, but I’m worried you’re being too hard on Kurt.” Burt looked like he might say something, so she continued before he had the chance. “I understand you’re angry with him, but have you actually bothered to really look at that kid recently? He’s obscenely worn out, he’s lost weight, and I don’t think I’ve seen him once other than the one time he was crashed out on the sofa.”
“He hasn’t said anything.” Burt said, but there’s a bit of hesitance in his voice. “I mean, he’d normally talk to Mercedes about it or something….but then come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve seen her around. I haven’t actually grounded Kurt, even if he’s behaving like I have.”
“You don’t have to ground him, he’s grounded himself. He’s following your lead you know, but he’s being much harder on himself than even you could think of being. Do you even know where he went?”
“Probably to Mercedes house.”
“I don’t think so.” Finn said from the doorway, having shamelessly eavesdropped on nearly the entire conversation. “They don’t seem to be getting along, or something. Mercedes is spending all her time with Quinn, and Kurt was actually hanging around with Puck the other day in glee, all off in the corner alone.”
Burt frowned at that, because he hadn’t known that. So exactly who had his son been talking to in the days where they weren’t talking to each other? For that matter, where the hell had Kurt gone off to tonight then? Any residual anger he may be feeling seemed to evaporate and all that’s left in its wake was crushing guilt. He was the parent; he was supposed to be above the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. He left his son to walk home when it was pouring outside, and it hadn’t even occurred to him to go get him. He let it get to the point where Kurt felt he couldn’t tell him anything.
Kurt didn’t think he’d listen.
Burt groaned before he stood up. He could not believe this, he could not believe that he allowed this to happen, that he had been so wrapped up in his own BS, he let his son fall by the wayside. He was supposed to be a parent! He was grabbing his jacket before Carole was even completely off the couch yet, and when she questioned him on where he was going he looked at her, before pulling her into a hug.
“I think I know where he is. I think it might take a little convincing to get him back home, so if you want to do this another night?”
“I think it would be better if we were all included in the decision making this time.” Carole said gently, and Burt smiled tiredly. Finn bit his lower lip for a moment before he glanced at Burt.
“Do you think I should call his friends?”
“Hold off a bit, let’s wait until we get him home, but then, yeah I think that might help.” And with that, Burt disappeared out the front door; he had a feeling he knew exactly where his son would be.
*************
Kurt sat crossed legged in front of his mother’s gravestone. At first he just sat there, staring at his mother’s name. Finally he hunched over his legs a little, leaning forward, he pulled his coat around himself a little tighter, he still wasn’t feeling one hundred percent yet, but he kind of thought he needed to do this just as much as his dad needed him out of the house. He took in a shuddering breath before he started.
“Hi mom.” He said, a little awkwardly. “I know I haven’t come to see you in a while. I’m really sorry about that. I’ve been busy with school, and glee club, and the Cheerios. Bet you never thought I’d be a cheerleader. Or I don’t know, maybe you did.” He let out a weak chuckle and a teary smile. It was quiet for a few moments, before Kurt lowered his head a little, and worried at his lip.
“I messed everything up mom.” It came out as a whisper. “And I don’t know what to do to fix it, I tried, god mom I promise that I tried. You probably would be so disappointed in me, Dad is. He‘s more than disappointed.” The sob caught in his throat and he took a moment to try and compose himself. “It’s ok, he should be. I mean I’m pretty sure I just fucked everything up. I’m sorry mom; I probably shouldn’t be telling you all of this. I mean I don’t know what I expect to get from talking to a piece of granite with your name on it…” He paused for a moment, dragging his hand across his eyes.
“I just know I really could’ve used you around this week. And I really miss you.” It breaks off in a sob, and Kurt buckles over, dropping his head into his hands. “I’m so sorry mom, I’m so sorry.” He seemed to sense when his father approached though, because he stiffened, and hastily tried to wipe away the tears. Burt dropped heavily into a sitting position next to his son.
“Oh Mary, I screwed up.” He said without preamble, Kurt doesn’t move, he barely seemed to be breathing. He isn’t sure where his dad is going to go with that, but he’s sure it has something to do with Carole or Finn. “You know I’m not strong. Not like you were, not like Kurt is.” He felt his son cringe at his side, buy he continued anyhow. “You would be so ashamed of me right now, I got angry, and I hurt our son.”
“Dad,” Kurt protested quietly.
“Hurt him bad enough that he couldn’t talk to me. I did some really stupid stuff; you’d probably kick my ass for what I’ve done.”
“No she wouldn‘t, you have every right to be mad. It‘s alright to be mad at me, she would understand that. I‘m sure she does understand that.”
“No, it’s really not.” He put a hand out, to grip Kurt’s shoulder and he felt overwhelmingly guilty when Kurt shied away. “Kurt,” He sighed, shifting over so he could actually get a hold of him. Once his hand comes into contact with his son, he can feel the tremors, and he pulled Kurt to him with a tug, and once he’s got him, Kurt just broke.
“No…I didn’t…I’m sorry!” Kurt stumbled over words, trying to get some sort of sentence out, but he was so upset, that he couldn’t. Burt folded his arms around him, tucking him against his chest, realizing Carole had been right. Kurt had always been thin, but he could see it now. His son had dark circles under his eyes and he briefly wondered when the last time Kurt slept well or at all, was. Worse though, was that Kurt was punishing himself far worse than anything Burt could have come up with. It certainly didn’t help that Kurt seemed to think that he deserved it either.
“If anyone’s sorry here, it’s me kiddo.” Burt murmured, and he felt Kurt relax very so slightly against his chest. “I had a right to be angry, but I didn’t have the right to hurt you. I’m the parent here; I’m supposed to know better than to give you the cold shoulder or the silent treatment.” Kurt’s sobbing too hard to actually respond, and Burt just tightens his grip, because he’s done this. Other people may have contributed, but really this was his fault.
It took him nearly an hour to convince Kurt to come home, and once he did, he could only hope Kurt won’t immediately retreat back into his sweats and hide a way in his bedroom.
*************
Carole immediately wrapped Kurt up in a hug, which he was completely unprepared for and nearly started bawling again. Luckily, he managed to keep his cool and when she pulled back and offered him a smile, he was able to give a weak one in return. Finn isn’t completely sure what’s going on, but he feels kinda bad. It seems to him like maybe Kurt was taking a heavier hit than he needed too. He almost slung an arm around Kurt’s shoulders but thought better of it at the last minute, and instead just offered him a smile and wave.
Finally they talk, or rather, Burt and Carole talk and Finn tried to catch Kurt’s attention, and Kurt stared at his feet. Their parents wanted to give it another try, something Kurt was happy about. He spoke up for the first time, offering to clear out his mother’s old sewing room to make a bedroom for Finn, at least until they can do something bigger for him, if they decide to move in at some point in the future. His dad looked a little surprised by the offer, and Carole looked concerned, but Finn just looked confused.
“Wouldn’t that be like, taking away your moms stuff though?”
“I’m sure we could find other places to put it.” Kurt shrugged a little and Burt exchanged a glance with Carole.
“Well see,” Burt finally says. Finn decided now would probably be a good time to text a few of Kurt’s friends, because Finn may be oblivious to a lot of things, but Kurt’s pain was so overwhelming, Finn could practically feel it. And they needed to fix that, like immediately. He mentioned quietly to his mother that their friends are coming over.
When, Artie, Tina, Mercedes, Quinn, Rachel, and Puck finally arrived, Kurt looked like he wanted nothing more than to disappear into his basement and just never come back out. Rachel was the first to say anything; she jutted forward and caught Kurt in a hug before he could pull away.
“Kurt, I’m so sorry, if I had known you were feeling too terrible, I wouldn’t have sprayed you with disinfectant!” As far as apologizes go, it wasn’t particularly inspired, but honestly, Kurt appreciated it none the less. Burt however, looked less than pleased by that particular admission. Puck listened as each of them went on and on about how they just had no idea he was in such trouble and finally he let out a snort of disbelief, wading his way through them and standing shoulder to shoulder with Kurt, who had at some point, been backed into the wall.
“You guys couldn’t see it huh? Funny, because I sure as hell could.” Puck snapped. “I saw how Finn glared and how Aretha just flat out ignored him now that Quinn decided to be her friend.” Mercedes flushed angrily at that, but didn’t actually have anything to counter with. “Saw how the rest of you guys just pretended you couldn‘t see he was drowning right in front of you. It’s all well and good to show up now, when his dad’s already done the hard part. Where were you before, when he needed anybody to keep him afloat?” Silence reigned because no one had anything to say about that. Finally Finn finds his tongue and snaps back.
“Like you’re some great help!”
“Actually, he was.” Kurt said, and the others starred at him openly. “Noah was the only one who actually bothered with me this entire week.” In fact if it hadn’t been for Puck’s unexpected help, Kurt wasn’t exactly sure if he’d have been able to make it through this terrible week. Everyone always said he was strong, but he wasn’t invincible. He could be hurt, and this…this complete abandonment, it had hurt.
“Kurt,” Mercedes said, just as Finn said;
“Dude,” and his dad said;
“Buddy…”
“I’m tired.” Kurt said flatly, shutting down whatever else it was they wanted to say. “Look, I appreciate that you guys aren’t acting like jackasses.” He directed that to the glee club “And don’t appear to be mad at me any longer,” To his dad and Carole, “But seriously, you guys are exhausting.”
The others shifted uncomfortably, not really sure what they should say to that, and finally Puck rolled his eyes and slung his arm around Kurt’s shoulders. He glanced down at the other boy realizing that Kurt needed to get the hell out of there for his own mental stability.
“Come on Hummel, we’re going to the movies.” He informed him, and Kurt glanced up surprised.
“We are huh?”
“Yup, and I’m even going to let you pick the movie.” It’s said very charitably and Kurt smirks slightly.
“Really now,” There was a hint of amusement that his voice had been lacking before.
“Oh yeah,” Puck said as he began to weave them through the crowd of stunned on-lookers. “Of course if you pick some foreign film where I actually have to read subtitles, I fully expect you to make out with me instead.”
Kurt choked on a laugh in surprise at that, and that choked laugh turned into an actual laugh when he heard Finn’s horrified yelp and watched his dad’s face go sheet white and then several shades of red. It wasn’t until Puck has gotten them safely pass the others and outside that Kurt found it a little easier to breath. Once they’re in Puck’s truck Kurt realized something very strange.
He was actually really grateful to have Noah Puckerman in his life.