Fic: The Blame Game
Title: The Blame Game
Disclaimer: I don't own em,if I did it would probably have to be on another channel.
Rating: PG-ish?
Warnings: Implied violence, talk of severe injury, language
Characters: Puck, Kurt, Finn
Word count: 1,600
Spoilers: Lets just say through season one to be safe.
Summary: Puck feels guilty
A/N: I have no idea where this came from.
News traveled so quickly in Lima.
Even if few high schoolers actually watched the news, by Monday morning everyone knew. Everyone was aware that Kurt Hummel had been hospitalized after he had been nearly beaten to death. Surprisingly, people were subdued. The gleeks were given a fairly wide berth, and even the jocks seemed to be upset. They may hate him, trip him up in the calls, call him names, push him around, but they would never, even on their very worst day, do something like that.
In the days that followed, Finn missed more days than he attended, preferring to stay by his new step-brother’s bedside, and neither his mother, nor Kurt’s dad pushed the issue of school very frequently. At first, no one was allowed to visit. Oh, it didn’t stop them from showing up and lingering in the waiting room, hoping that Kurt might somehow know they were there, but they weren’t actually allowed in to see him.
If Finn’s expression was anything to go by, that may have been a good thing.
It wasn’t until Kurt regained consciousness for the first time that the rule changed and the others were allowed to visit. They usually came in small groups or pairs, and each time, they left looking shaken. Finn was surprised by some of the reactions, and not so surprised by others.
Everyone came to visit except for Puck.
Which was bullshit, because Finn blamed Puck a good deal. Kurt had been going to meet Puck when it had happened, and while part of Finn knew it wasn’t fair to blame him, he couldn’t help it. Puck had needed a friend, and Kurt stepped up, but when the roles were reversed, Puck ran. It infuriated Finn, because he really had tried to warn Kurt that Puck couldn’t be trusted. Part of him was just angry at himself, because even before their parents got married, Finn had said he was going to protect Kurt. And he had failed, miserably. Kurt didn’t blame him, but Kurt probably wouldn’t tell him if he did. Getting any kind of information out of Kurt was difficult now a days.
It seemed as if Kurt had retreated into himself after the horrible events and nothing short of a full breakdown was going to drag things out of him. Finn was trying to give him space and time, but it was so damn hard! After a week, Puck finally showed up, and to say Finn was surprised was an understatement. He didn’t see anyone with the other boy, so Puck hadn’t been dragged there. He paused in front of his one time best friend before Puck spoke.
“Do you think he might be up for a visit? I mean…I’ll keep it short…” He trailed off uneasily, and Finn wanted to say no. Wanted to tell him that it was a damn sight to late for that, but the look on Puck’s face made it nearly impossible, and someone grudgingly, Finn nodded his acceptance.
“Yeah, that should be ok. I think I’ll uh, go grab something to eat then.” Finn said and Puck nodded gratefully. When he entered the room, he was momentarily taken aback at just how awful Kurt actually looked. Now Puck knew it would be bad, the others had mentioned how terrible it was. But seeing Kurt now, taking in the damage with his own eyes, it made Puck’s blood boil.
Kurt’s eyes were closed. His left eye swollen shut and a terrible shade of purple, while the right eye was pressed down in sleep, there was a cut that was held together by stitches that ran from his right ear to just below his cheekbone. His right arm was broken and casted, but the worst, the absolute worst was that his jaw had been wired shut. He could only imagine the damage done in places he couldn’t see. Kurt seemed to be aware of his presence and flickered slowly back to wakefulness. His good eye opened and he watched Puck with open surprise.
“Hey.” Puck said, lifting his hand in an awkward wave. Kurt gave a small nod of his head in response and Puck took a deep, soothing breath before walking the rest of the way into the room and taking the seat by the bed. “Finn uh, went to get something to eat.” He watched as Kurt’s free hand groped for something before his fingers curled around a pen and he began to write something on the pad that was settled in his lap. Puck had to admit he was impressed that Kurt could write with both hands, and waited as patiently as he knew how to until Kurt had finished writing down whatever it was he was trying to say. He pushed the pad towards Puck who had to admit, the handwriting might be messier, but he could still read it. He was startled and a little upset by the question.
“Of course I’m ok.” He said in exasperation. “I’m not the one who nearly died.” Even with one eye, Kurt managed to set him with a pretty spectacular look and Puck knew exactly what it was Kurt was saying. “I, god Kurt, I don’t know. I should have been here sooner, I know that. I couldn’t face it though. If I hadn’t been so insistent you come over, this wouldn’t have happened.” He refused to meet Kurt’s eyes and watched uneasily as the pen scratched across the paper in quick angry motions.
This is not your fault.
“Of course it is.” Puck said shaking his head. “Everyone knows it. You are in the vast minority if you don’t blame me.” The angry look Kurt set him with was somewhat dampered by the lines of pain that were etched around the corners of his mouth and his good eye. “I’m surprised Finn even let me in the room! I can tell by the way people look at me they blame me. Hell Santana went as far as to tell me she blames me!” Kurt’s pen went back to furiously scratching across the page, and Puck could see growing frustration in his body language. Finally he shoved the pad of paper at Puck.
They’re scared and want someone to blame. You’re a convenient target, because you feel guilty and you’re letting them blame you. Do you really think you could have made me do anything? If I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t have gone.
“You only went because I said I needed someone to talk to!” Puck protested after reading the note. “Even if you didn’t want to go, you still would have because I said I needed to talk to you, that I needed someone I trusted, and you just-” He cut off when Kurt made to try and push himself upright, wincing in the process.
“Don’t do that, you’re going to hurt yourself!” Puck hurried to try and help and when he noticed that Kurt’s eyes looked suspiciously wet and he was clearly frustrated. Puck felt guilty again. “I’m sorry.” Kurt motioned for the notepad a pathetic noise coming from his mouth that made Puck feel even worse as he handed the notepad over again. He hovered unsure of what he could do, but knowing he wanted to help.
I plan to inform the others about this too, but you need to hear it first apparently. What happened was no ones fault except for the people who did this. I have no idea why everyone has such a hard time understanding this, considering I understand it quite well.
“Kurt,” Puck started hesitating for a moment before placing his hand gently on Kurt’s shoulder. “I should never have asked you to come over so late, and everyone feels guilty for different reasons. I’m sure Finn wishes he had agreed to drive you over, and your dad wishes he hadn’t let you leave the house, and the others all wish that you hadn’t ever taken pity on me.” He has more to say but its cut off as Kurt scribbles down a quick note.
I’m tired.
That was all it said, but somehow, it spoke volumes. Puck looked at Kurt then, really looked at him, didn’t concentrate on the damaged skin, and saw how emotionally exhausted he appeared. As if somehow after all the damage his body took, what’s really causing him the most harm is the emotional and psychological torture of those around him punishing themselves over and over, for something that was out of their control. And he’s being forced to bear witness to it. Puck wants to apologize, promise him that he’ll do whatever he has to do to make it better.
Instead he takes the coward’s way out.
“Then you should rest. I’ll come back to see you tomorrow.” He beats a hasty retreat before Kurt can do anything in reply. He barely acknowledges Finn or either of their parents as he passes. He realizes that if Kurt hadn’t been under his protection before, he sure as hell was now, and he was going to track down each and every one of those bastards and return the favor.
Until then, he knew that everyone would continue to blame and hurt and pick and Kurt would die just a little bit more each time. Puck can solve the problem of the guys who hurt him in the first place, because Puck’s good with his fists. He can make sure they won’t ever try and lay a hand on someone like Kurt again.
But he can’t fix Kurt.
And he can’t forgive himself for that.
Disclaimer: I don't own em,if I did it would probably have to be on another channel.
Rating: PG-ish?
Warnings: Implied violence, talk of severe injury, language
Characters: Puck, Kurt, Finn
Word count: 1,600
Spoilers: Lets just say through season one to be safe.
Summary: Puck feels guilty
A/N: I have no idea where this came from.
News traveled so quickly in Lima.
Even if few high schoolers actually watched the news, by Monday morning everyone knew. Everyone was aware that Kurt Hummel had been hospitalized after he had been nearly beaten to death. Surprisingly, people were subdued. The gleeks were given a fairly wide berth, and even the jocks seemed to be upset. They may hate him, trip him up in the calls, call him names, push him around, but they would never, even on their very worst day, do something like that.
In the days that followed, Finn missed more days than he attended, preferring to stay by his new step-brother’s bedside, and neither his mother, nor Kurt’s dad pushed the issue of school very frequently. At first, no one was allowed to visit. Oh, it didn’t stop them from showing up and lingering in the waiting room, hoping that Kurt might somehow know they were there, but they weren’t actually allowed in to see him.
If Finn’s expression was anything to go by, that may have been a good thing.
It wasn’t until Kurt regained consciousness for the first time that the rule changed and the others were allowed to visit. They usually came in small groups or pairs, and each time, they left looking shaken. Finn was surprised by some of the reactions, and not so surprised by others.
Everyone came to visit except for Puck.
Which was bullshit, because Finn blamed Puck a good deal. Kurt had been going to meet Puck when it had happened, and while part of Finn knew it wasn’t fair to blame him, he couldn’t help it. Puck had needed a friend, and Kurt stepped up, but when the roles were reversed, Puck ran. It infuriated Finn, because he really had tried to warn Kurt that Puck couldn’t be trusted. Part of him was just angry at himself, because even before their parents got married, Finn had said he was going to protect Kurt. And he had failed, miserably. Kurt didn’t blame him, but Kurt probably wouldn’t tell him if he did. Getting any kind of information out of Kurt was difficult now a days.
It seemed as if Kurt had retreated into himself after the horrible events and nothing short of a full breakdown was going to drag things out of him. Finn was trying to give him space and time, but it was so damn hard! After a week, Puck finally showed up, and to say Finn was surprised was an understatement. He didn’t see anyone with the other boy, so Puck hadn’t been dragged there. He paused in front of his one time best friend before Puck spoke.
“Do you think he might be up for a visit? I mean…I’ll keep it short…” He trailed off uneasily, and Finn wanted to say no. Wanted to tell him that it was a damn sight to late for that, but the look on Puck’s face made it nearly impossible, and someone grudgingly, Finn nodded his acceptance.
“Yeah, that should be ok. I think I’ll uh, go grab something to eat then.” Finn said and Puck nodded gratefully. When he entered the room, he was momentarily taken aback at just how awful Kurt actually looked. Now Puck knew it would be bad, the others had mentioned how terrible it was. But seeing Kurt now, taking in the damage with his own eyes, it made Puck’s blood boil.
Kurt’s eyes were closed. His left eye swollen shut and a terrible shade of purple, while the right eye was pressed down in sleep, there was a cut that was held together by stitches that ran from his right ear to just below his cheekbone. His right arm was broken and casted, but the worst, the absolute worst was that his jaw had been wired shut. He could only imagine the damage done in places he couldn’t see. Kurt seemed to be aware of his presence and flickered slowly back to wakefulness. His good eye opened and he watched Puck with open surprise.
“Hey.” Puck said, lifting his hand in an awkward wave. Kurt gave a small nod of his head in response and Puck took a deep, soothing breath before walking the rest of the way into the room and taking the seat by the bed. “Finn uh, went to get something to eat.” He watched as Kurt’s free hand groped for something before his fingers curled around a pen and he began to write something on the pad that was settled in his lap. Puck had to admit he was impressed that Kurt could write with both hands, and waited as patiently as he knew how to until Kurt had finished writing down whatever it was he was trying to say. He pushed the pad towards Puck who had to admit, the handwriting might be messier, but he could still read it. He was startled and a little upset by the question.
“Of course I’m ok.” He said in exasperation. “I’m not the one who nearly died.” Even with one eye, Kurt managed to set him with a pretty spectacular look and Puck knew exactly what it was Kurt was saying. “I, god Kurt, I don’t know. I should have been here sooner, I know that. I couldn’t face it though. If I hadn’t been so insistent you come over, this wouldn’t have happened.” He refused to meet Kurt’s eyes and watched uneasily as the pen scratched across the paper in quick angry motions.
This is not your fault.
“Of course it is.” Puck said shaking his head. “Everyone knows it. You are in the vast minority if you don’t blame me.” The angry look Kurt set him with was somewhat dampered by the lines of pain that were etched around the corners of his mouth and his good eye. “I’m surprised Finn even let me in the room! I can tell by the way people look at me they blame me. Hell Santana went as far as to tell me she blames me!” Kurt’s pen went back to furiously scratching across the page, and Puck could see growing frustration in his body language. Finally he shoved the pad of paper at Puck.
They’re scared and want someone to blame. You’re a convenient target, because you feel guilty and you’re letting them blame you. Do you really think you could have made me do anything? If I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t have gone.
“You only went because I said I needed someone to talk to!” Puck protested after reading the note. “Even if you didn’t want to go, you still would have because I said I needed to talk to you, that I needed someone I trusted, and you just-” He cut off when Kurt made to try and push himself upright, wincing in the process.
“Don’t do that, you’re going to hurt yourself!” Puck hurried to try and help and when he noticed that Kurt’s eyes looked suspiciously wet and he was clearly frustrated. Puck felt guilty again. “I’m sorry.” Kurt motioned for the notepad a pathetic noise coming from his mouth that made Puck feel even worse as he handed the notepad over again. He hovered unsure of what he could do, but knowing he wanted to help.
I plan to inform the others about this too, but you need to hear it first apparently. What happened was no ones fault except for the people who did this. I have no idea why everyone has such a hard time understanding this, considering I understand it quite well.
“Kurt,” Puck started hesitating for a moment before placing his hand gently on Kurt’s shoulder. “I should never have asked you to come over so late, and everyone feels guilty for different reasons. I’m sure Finn wishes he had agreed to drive you over, and your dad wishes he hadn’t let you leave the house, and the others all wish that you hadn’t ever taken pity on me.” He has more to say but its cut off as Kurt scribbles down a quick note.
I’m tired.
That was all it said, but somehow, it spoke volumes. Puck looked at Kurt then, really looked at him, didn’t concentrate on the damaged skin, and saw how emotionally exhausted he appeared. As if somehow after all the damage his body took, what’s really causing him the most harm is the emotional and psychological torture of those around him punishing themselves over and over, for something that was out of their control. And he’s being forced to bear witness to it. Puck wants to apologize, promise him that he’ll do whatever he has to do to make it better.
Instead he takes the coward’s way out.
“Then you should rest. I’ll come back to see you tomorrow.” He beats a hasty retreat before Kurt can do anything in reply. He barely acknowledges Finn or either of their parents as he passes. He realizes that if Kurt hadn’t been under his protection before, he sure as hell was now, and he was going to track down each and every one of those bastards and return the favor.
Until then, he knew that everyone would continue to blame and hurt and pick and Kurt would die just a little bit more each time. Puck can solve the problem of the guys who hurt him in the first place, because Puck’s good with his fists. He can make sure they won’t ever try and lay a hand on someone like Kurt again.
But he can’t fix Kurt.
And he can’t forgive himself for that.