I'm tired, I'm sore, but mostly, I'm just pissed.
Ok, so I figured I’d give you guys an update.
So as I’m sure some of you may have noticed, I went on a bit of a writing rampage for a little while there. And as many of you know, the worse I feel, the worse the stories, which spawned All the Same, and got me a lot of flack…not so much in the comments, (Though I could have done without people proclaiming their “hate” for me, I know you‘re kidding, it’s just been a shitty time lately.) but I received some emails and pms that were less than flattering. Whatever, I warned you in the author notes that it was a bad one.
I would recommend you guys always read my author notes or the prompt something is based on….just for your own well being.
The rest of this post is behind a cut.
So real life has continued sucking. My life is just sort of falling apart at the seams and there seems to be very little I can do to hold it together…it’s frustrating and infuriating and really I just want to curl up into a little ball and let someone tell me it’ll be ok, because I kind of need that right now. Its times like this that I think “Man, if I had a normal mom…” and then have to give myself a mental shake, because I don’t. I have a mother who despises me and has caused me nothing by pain and heartache since I was eight.
She sent the court a written statement that she would not be trying to get into contact with me, and that she would cease and desist all “harassment.” I put that in quotes because she doesn’t think she’s harassing me. After she got arrested, and then released on bail, she went back home, which was well…good for me. She found out that Michelle and I got married through my ex…and things got bad for a while. She had other people call me; send me letters, things like that. It was ridiculous.
I understand, my mother is batshit crazy, and she’d done really terrible things, but she’s still my mother and a part of me will probably always want her to love me. And that sounds kind of pathetic now that I see it written down like that, but I can’t help it. I’m kind of sensitive I guess.
Now, ok…so a couple weeks back I posted an entry about work and how I was doing the managers job, and was hurting because of something that had happened, well that something was that my ex caught up with me and slammed me up against the side of a car. I was mostly ok, my ribs bruised and dinged a little, and I was fairly bruised up, but I was more or less ok….now I bet he wished he paid closer attention though, because Tom was about three steps behind me. Because as badly as Michelle wants a piece of that douche, Tom wants him in a body bag.
To my knowledge the douche was released from the hospital last week some time….I have not heard from him since, but I know he is the one who informed my mother.
Work is…a fresh new kind of hell. Nothing is getting better, they aren’t giving us anyone else, and, it gets better, we’re loosing people in Pharmacy. Which means, my job won’t ever get done. As it is, I’m so exhausted and over worked and just ready to quit, that Michelle is actually worried about my health. My muscles are bound so tight it kind of hurts to move my arms to much.
Let me fill you in on some of the bullshit.
First of all, I’m just a hair under five feet tall. I also weight about a hundred pounds. I’m tiny. So we have these big heavy things that come in on truck and while I’m there and the store manager (Who is a man) is there, guess who ends up sorting the crap? That would be me. Now normally I would not mind, but I do mind when things upwards of forty pounds are stacked up way over my head, because really, that’s dangerous.
So I’m talking to another manager today, and he finds out about that (It happened yesterday) and he’s pissed. Says he’ll talk to the manager, but I already know what’s going to happen. He’ll wipe his ass with it, and let me do it again next week, and the week after. It's just...I'm annoyingly small, and things like that take me a lot of time...it would be easier if he helped me! I'm not asking for him to do it alone, I just want him to help!
Honestly, I’ve never worked in a job that had me this stressed out. I usually am able to go with the flow and relax, but I can’t. I’m stressed out and work, and then I come home and Michelle is leaving for her shift, so I spend a good portion of the evening tidying up or cruising around online. We’re like ships in the night, and really only see each other for any substantial amount of time on Sundays.
I guess I’m just overly worked, exhausted, and just mentally wrought out. It’s something I haven’t really felt in a really long time, and I just have yet to find a way to help center myself…eventually I’ll get there.
I know that probably didn't make a lot of sense...but I had to get it out somewhere.
I know there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel; I just can’t see it yet.
So as I’m sure some of you may have noticed, I went on a bit of a writing rampage for a little while there. And as many of you know, the worse I feel, the worse the stories, which spawned All the Same, and got me a lot of flack…not so much in the comments, (Though I could have done without people proclaiming their “hate” for me, I know you‘re kidding, it’s just been a shitty time lately.) but I received some emails and pms that were less than flattering. Whatever, I warned you in the author notes that it was a bad one.
I would recommend you guys always read my author notes or the prompt something is based on….just for your own well being.
The rest of this post is behind a cut.
So real life has continued sucking. My life is just sort of falling apart at the seams and there seems to be very little I can do to hold it together…it’s frustrating and infuriating and really I just want to curl up into a little ball and let someone tell me it’ll be ok, because I kind of need that right now. Its times like this that I think “Man, if I had a normal mom…” and then have to give myself a mental shake, because I don’t. I have a mother who despises me and has caused me nothing by pain and heartache since I was eight.
She sent the court a written statement that she would not be trying to get into contact with me, and that she would cease and desist all “harassment.” I put that in quotes because she doesn’t think she’s harassing me. After she got arrested, and then released on bail, she went back home, which was well…good for me. She found out that Michelle and I got married through my ex…and things got bad for a while. She had other people call me; send me letters, things like that. It was ridiculous.
I understand, my mother is batshit crazy, and she’d done really terrible things, but she’s still my mother and a part of me will probably always want her to love me. And that sounds kind of pathetic now that I see it written down like that, but I can’t help it. I’m kind of sensitive I guess.
Now, ok…so a couple weeks back I posted an entry about work and how I was doing the managers job, and was hurting because of something that had happened, well that something was that my ex caught up with me and slammed me up against the side of a car. I was mostly ok, my ribs bruised and dinged a little, and I was fairly bruised up, but I was more or less ok….now I bet he wished he paid closer attention though, because Tom was about three steps behind me. Because as badly as Michelle wants a piece of that douche, Tom wants him in a body bag.
To my knowledge the douche was released from the hospital last week some time….I have not heard from him since, but I know he is the one who informed my mother.
Work is…a fresh new kind of hell. Nothing is getting better, they aren’t giving us anyone else, and, it gets better, we’re loosing people in Pharmacy. Which means, my job won’t ever get done. As it is, I’m so exhausted and over worked and just ready to quit, that Michelle is actually worried about my health. My muscles are bound so tight it kind of hurts to move my arms to much.
Let me fill you in on some of the bullshit.
First of all, I’m just a hair under five feet tall. I also weight about a hundred pounds. I’m tiny. So we have these big heavy things that come in on truck and while I’m there and the store manager (Who is a man) is there, guess who ends up sorting the crap? That would be me. Now normally I would not mind, but I do mind when things upwards of forty pounds are stacked up way over my head, because really, that’s dangerous.
So I’m talking to another manager today, and he finds out about that (It happened yesterday) and he’s pissed. Says he’ll talk to the manager, but I already know what’s going to happen. He’ll wipe his ass with it, and let me do it again next week, and the week after. It's just...I'm annoyingly small, and things like that take me a lot of time...it would be easier if he helped me! I'm not asking for him to do it alone, I just want him to help!
Honestly, I’ve never worked in a job that had me this stressed out. I usually am able to go with the flow and relax, but I can’t. I’m stressed out and work, and then I come home and Michelle is leaving for her shift, so I spend a good portion of the evening tidying up or cruising around online. We’re like ships in the night, and really only see each other for any substantial amount of time on Sundays.
I guess I’m just overly worked, exhausted, and just mentally wrought out. It’s something I haven’t really felt in a really long time, and I just have yet to find a way to help center myself…eventually I’ll get there.
I know that probably didn't make a lot of sense...but I had to get it out somewhere.
I know there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel; I just can’t see it yet.