Fic: Tired
Title: Tired
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: PG-ish.
Warnings: Just angst and use of the word Hell
Word count: 1315
Summary: Tina comforts Kurt, even though she has no idea what the hell she's doing.
A/N: I wrote this in an attempt to harness some seriously bad angst and woe in my life into something constructive. I don't think this is one of my better pieces, but I had to do something before it ate me alive.
Normally, Tina wouldn’t think twice about finding Kurt alone in the auditorium, they had all been there at some point. No, that wasn’t what sent Tina into a panic, the fact that Kurt was sitting on the floor, in his new Dolce and Gabbana outfit…yeah that started setting off alarm bells. She eyed him for a moment, his legs drawn up towards his chest, arms resting on his knees, starring vacantly off to the side. It isn’t until she moves a little closer does she realizes there’s tears on his cheeks and that unsettles her.
She and Kurt don’t converse frequently without Artie or Mercedes present, but she still considers him one of her closer friends, especially after their gaga assignment, and it distresses her to see him like this. So she quietly makes her way to his side and sinks down beside him, hesitantly slipping her hand into one of his. His fingers curl loosely around her own in response, but he says nothing. They sit silently for a few moments, before Tina speaks.
“What happened?” Because she’s seen Kurt get upset before, but she doesn’t think she’s ever seen him openly cry. It’s quiet for a few moments to long and Tina thinks that Kurt is either going to ignore her, or tell her nothing. She’s surprised when he actually opens up to her a little.
“I’m just tired Tina.” But there’s something in the way that he says it, that lets Tina know he doesn’t mean tired.
“That’s ok, everyone gets tired sometimes.” She says before biting her lower lip. “What are you tired of?”
“Everything.” Maybe it’s because she isn’t Mercedes who will want to fix it immediately, by any means necessary, or Artie, who will play it off with jokes and bad attempts at lightening the mood, but when she quietly asks what he means, he actually tells her.
“I’m tired of having to pretend everything is ok.” He admits, and Tina’s grip on his hand tightens a little. Kurt is the most private of all her close friends and getting such frank, honest, answers out of him is just a little unnerving. “Things aren’t ok Tina; they haven’t been in a long time.”
She vaguely wonders if he knows he’s crying, or if he just doesn’t care. Maybe she’s been let in far enough that she’s privy to this now, but more likely, he just doesn’t realize he’s so far gone, and that scares her a little. Still, he’s her friend and he’s hurting and she can’t just leave him like that. So she adjusts how she’s sitting, and wraps her free arm around his arm and lays her head on his shoulder, in a strange attempt at a hug.
“I wish I could help more.” She tells him honestly, because she isn’t sure what else she can say. She is sorry, because he doesn’t deserve this kind of thing, but she isn’t sure how much she can help, or how much he’d let her. They sit in silence, heavy and oppressive, until his voice breaks through, soft and choked.
“I’m tired of having to keep my friends at a distance.” Tina tightens her hold on his arm; because that’s the saddest thing she’s heard in a long time. Kurt seems to understand her non-verbal cues however, and he keeps talking. “What happened with Karofsky and Azimio, they push me around all the time, but they’ve never pushed a girl around before…it was because you were with me. And I’m so sorry that happened.” Tina starts at that, because what the hell? Kurt isn’t actually blaming himself for the fact that the jocks were assholes is he? By the way his eyes suddenly divert from straight ahead to his hands, makes her think he did, and she pulls away a little.
“Kurt, that’s…really stupid.” Kurt lets out an unamused noise and she squeezes his hand for a moment. “Seriously, that’s just dumb. They pushed me because they were assholes.”
“They didn’t push anyone else.” Kurt points out and Tina falters for just a moment before responding.
“That’s because they’re scared of them. Hell, no one was going to make fun of Santana, or Brittany. Mercedes is scary in her own right, and people just kind of ignore Quinn now, but I’m not much, and you’re their favorite target. We just happened to be together, but…I’m glad we were.”
“Why?” It’s so genuinely confused that Tina feels a few tears prick behind her eyes.
“You stood up for me Kurt, protected me. Most people would have kept their heads down and waited for them to pass, but you didn’t.”
“You don’t push girls.” He says it like it explains everything. Maybe for him it did, but it still didn’t take away from the fact that she didn‘t know many other people who would have done that in the same situation. Being habitually bullied made most kids cower back for fear of even worse retaliation, but Kurt hadn’t. He never did. She tells him as much.
“It’s not the same though. They push me around all the time, but they shouldn‘t have pushed you. That wasn‘t ok.” He tells her, a weariness in his voice she’s not use to. “I’m just tired of having to pretend that I’m ok, that I’m not falling apart at the seams, and trying desperately to keep myself together. I’m trying so hard to be ok, but I’m not, I’m not ok. I really want to be ok Tina, why can‘t I be ok?”
He’s crying again, and Tina knows there isn’t much she can do, she’s not good at this kind of thing really, so she just gets a better grip on his arm and lays her head back down, it’s not much, but it’s something. She’s there and she’s real and warm and solid, and after a few moments, Kurt lets his head rest on top of hers. They sit like that for as long as it takes for them to both settle down a little. Tina makes soft soothing noises in her throat, but she can’t tell him anything, because she doesn’t know what to say. When Kurt sits back up and clears his throat, she didn’t expect him to thank her, but he does.
“Thank you, you didn’t have to do this, you could have turned right around and left when you saw me, I wouldn‘t have blamed you if you had.”
“Yes I did, you’re my friend Kurt. I hope you’ll come to me if things get like this ok? I can’t make it ok, but I can maybe make it a little bit better?” He smiles weakly and she detangles herself before offering him her hand. “Come on, let’s cut the rest of the day, we’ve already missed a lot of class anyhow.” He slides his hand back into hers, but hauls himself upright and the two spend the rest of the day doing whatever they can to interject a little bit of joy into their lives.
She isn’t Mercedes, she can't cling to Kurt and promise to make him better, because he isn’t her boy. She isn’t Artie, she won’t make bad jokes and try and lighten the mood, because she really adores that boy, but his timing can be terrible sometimes. She isn’t Finn or Puck who can physically beat something into submission. She’s just Tina, and right now, she thinks that might be just what Kurt needs to help him get over this particular bump in the road.
They never mention the incident again.
But sometimes, when Tina notices that fragile, bleak look start to come over Kurt’s face, she slips her hand into his and gives it a gentle squeeze. He smiles weakly in return, because she knows, that he knows, that he has someone who will listen.
Which is sometimes just all you really need.
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: PG-ish.
Warnings: Just angst and use of the word Hell
Word count: 1315
Summary: Tina comforts Kurt, even though she has no idea what the hell she's doing.
A/N: I wrote this in an attempt to harness some seriously bad angst and woe in my life into something constructive. I don't think this is one of my better pieces, but I had to do something before it ate me alive.
Normally, Tina wouldn’t think twice about finding Kurt alone in the auditorium, they had all been there at some point. No, that wasn’t what sent Tina into a panic, the fact that Kurt was sitting on the floor, in his new Dolce and Gabbana outfit…yeah that started setting off alarm bells. She eyed him for a moment, his legs drawn up towards his chest, arms resting on his knees, starring vacantly off to the side. It isn’t until she moves a little closer does she realizes there’s tears on his cheeks and that unsettles her.
She and Kurt don’t converse frequently without Artie or Mercedes present, but she still considers him one of her closer friends, especially after their gaga assignment, and it distresses her to see him like this. So she quietly makes her way to his side and sinks down beside him, hesitantly slipping her hand into one of his. His fingers curl loosely around her own in response, but he says nothing. They sit silently for a few moments, before Tina speaks.
“What happened?” Because she’s seen Kurt get upset before, but she doesn’t think she’s ever seen him openly cry. It’s quiet for a few moments to long and Tina thinks that Kurt is either going to ignore her, or tell her nothing. She’s surprised when he actually opens up to her a little.
“I’m just tired Tina.” But there’s something in the way that he says it, that lets Tina know he doesn’t mean tired.
“That’s ok, everyone gets tired sometimes.” She says before biting her lower lip. “What are you tired of?”
“Everything.” Maybe it’s because she isn’t Mercedes who will want to fix it immediately, by any means necessary, or Artie, who will play it off with jokes and bad attempts at lightening the mood, but when she quietly asks what he means, he actually tells her.
“I’m tired of having to pretend everything is ok.” He admits, and Tina’s grip on his hand tightens a little. Kurt is the most private of all her close friends and getting such frank, honest, answers out of him is just a little unnerving. “Things aren’t ok Tina; they haven’t been in a long time.”
She vaguely wonders if he knows he’s crying, or if he just doesn’t care. Maybe she’s been let in far enough that she’s privy to this now, but more likely, he just doesn’t realize he’s so far gone, and that scares her a little. Still, he’s her friend and he’s hurting and she can’t just leave him like that. So she adjusts how she’s sitting, and wraps her free arm around his arm and lays her head on his shoulder, in a strange attempt at a hug.
“I wish I could help more.” She tells him honestly, because she isn’t sure what else she can say. She is sorry, because he doesn’t deserve this kind of thing, but she isn’t sure how much she can help, or how much he’d let her. They sit in silence, heavy and oppressive, until his voice breaks through, soft and choked.
“I’m tired of having to keep my friends at a distance.” Tina tightens her hold on his arm; because that’s the saddest thing she’s heard in a long time. Kurt seems to understand her non-verbal cues however, and he keeps talking. “What happened with Karofsky and Azimio, they push me around all the time, but they’ve never pushed a girl around before…it was because you were with me. And I’m so sorry that happened.” Tina starts at that, because what the hell? Kurt isn’t actually blaming himself for the fact that the jocks were assholes is he? By the way his eyes suddenly divert from straight ahead to his hands, makes her think he did, and she pulls away a little.
“Kurt, that’s…really stupid.” Kurt lets out an unamused noise and she squeezes his hand for a moment. “Seriously, that’s just dumb. They pushed me because they were assholes.”
“They didn’t push anyone else.” Kurt points out and Tina falters for just a moment before responding.
“That’s because they’re scared of them. Hell, no one was going to make fun of Santana, or Brittany. Mercedes is scary in her own right, and people just kind of ignore Quinn now, but I’m not much, and you’re their favorite target. We just happened to be together, but…I’m glad we were.”
“Why?” It’s so genuinely confused that Tina feels a few tears prick behind her eyes.
“You stood up for me Kurt, protected me. Most people would have kept their heads down and waited for them to pass, but you didn’t.”
“You don’t push girls.” He says it like it explains everything. Maybe for him it did, but it still didn’t take away from the fact that she didn‘t know many other people who would have done that in the same situation. Being habitually bullied made most kids cower back for fear of even worse retaliation, but Kurt hadn’t. He never did. She tells him as much.
“It’s not the same though. They push me around all the time, but they shouldn‘t have pushed you. That wasn‘t ok.” He tells her, a weariness in his voice she’s not use to. “I’m just tired of having to pretend that I’m ok, that I’m not falling apart at the seams, and trying desperately to keep myself together. I’m trying so hard to be ok, but I’m not, I’m not ok. I really want to be ok Tina, why can‘t I be ok?”
He’s crying again, and Tina knows there isn’t much she can do, she’s not good at this kind of thing really, so she just gets a better grip on his arm and lays her head back down, it’s not much, but it’s something. She’s there and she’s real and warm and solid, and after a few moments, Kurt lets his head rest on top of hers. They sit like that for as long as it takes for them to both settle down a little. Tina makes soft soothing noises in her throat, but she can’t tell him anything, because she doesn’t know what to say. When Kurt sits back up and clears his throat, she didn’t expect him to thank her, but he does.
“Thank you, you didn’t have to do this, you could have turned right around and left when you saw me, I wouldn‘t have blamed you if you had.”
“Yes I did, you’re my friend Kurt. I hope you’ll come to me if things get like this ok? I can’t make it ok, but I can maybe make it a little bit better?” He smiles weakly and she detangles herself before offering him her hand. “Come on, let’s cut the rest of the day, we’ve already missed a lot of class anyhow.” He slides his hand back into hers, but hauls himself upright and the two spend the rest of the day doing whatever they can to interject a little bit of joy into their lives.
She isn’t Mercedes, she can't cling to Kurt and promise to make him better, because he isn’t her boy. She isn’t Artie, she won’t make bad jokes and try and lighten the mood, because she really adores that boy, but his timing can be terrible sometimes. She isn’t Finn or Puck who can physically beat something into submission. She’s just Tina, and right now, she thinks that might be just what Kurt needs to help him get over this particular bump in the road.
They never mention the incident again.
But sometimes, when Tina notices that fragile, bleak look start to come over Kurt’s face, she slips her hand into his and gives it a gentle squeeze. He smiles weakly in return, because she knows, that he knows, that he has someone who will listen.
Which is sometimes just all you really need.