Life shits on everyone, but it seems to be taking a super massive power dump on me right now.
I’ve had a really shitty day. Put behind a cut so if you don’t wanna read about it, you don’t have to. But let’s just put it this way, not even Glee is cheering me up right now, and I usually consider that as a little piece of happy.
It’s two in the morning, and I’m awake. Which in and of itself is not wholly unusual as I am an insomniac and am up a lot late, especially when Michelle works late. But I’m a little ashamed to admit, I’ve been crying in bouts since about eight this evening, and right now I’m exhausted, but I still can’t sleep.
Some of you may know that last month was particular bad for me, and this month was looking up, but it still wasn’t excellent or anything. Yesterday was alright, but today was terrible. I went to work, which yeah kinda sucks on a Sunday as we’re kinda slow, but whatever, it’s a job right? Well I’m doing one of my less than pleasant duties when our photo tech girl comes over and says that I need to go into the office, because my ex is there with someone and their asking for me, so I need to get out of sight, and quick.
So I head to the office (Cutting through the back room and across the pharmacy) where I met up with one of the assistant managers who has me look at the security tape, and I about have a heart attack right then and there. Yes, my ex is there and for some unexplainable, mind numbing reason so is my mother. What the hell is she doing here?! So I guess I went really pale or something, because the next thing I know, I’m being more or less sat down in a chair and told breath deeply. So I follow instructions, breath deeply and promptly avert my eyes from the screen.
By this point, I can actually hear my mother’s shrill voice shrieking about how she needs to see her daughter, and it’s important. I’m not sure who called my brother, or who called Michelle, but they both showed up (And made remarkably good time to boot) and my brother and mother get into a screaming match, the police show up, and I’m still not allowed out of the office, though Michelle is allowed in.
So finally it’s decided I need to go home, my shift was nearly over anyhow, but clearly I’m not of any use in that state, so Michelle and I try and leave. I have no idea when the argument moved from the store to the parking lot, but there it was, and the second my mother saw me…well I assume if you’ve followed the drama you can guess some of what she had to say. Some highlights included how I was the worst mistake she ever made, how she could understand how my ex could get so angry he had to hit me, make me bleed, break my bones, because of course that was always, and I mean in her mind always, my fault. How it was wrong and unnatural to be with Michelle.
I’m sorry, but who is she to judge? Who is anyone for that matter, if you don’t like same sex relationships, then don’t freaking have one! It doesn’t ruin the sanctity of marriage to let people of the same sex marry, only divorce ruins it! Good job mom, you ruined the sanctity of marriage! Pretty sure the bible has something to say about adultery too, since she left my family for another man and was knocked up with his child before the divorce was finalized.
Oh and the topper, the very best part, when she screamed, loudly enough for people in the store to hear, how she wished I had died, so I wouldn’t be such a terrible burden on those around me. Wow, thanks mom! I totally needed that, it’s not enough that you’re completely batshit crazy and everyone knows it now, you have to scream something like that at my place of employment, so my coworkers can hear it. That’s awesome of you, because as if they don’t already know how screwed up my life is, why don’t you advertise how apparently I’m the bane of your existence, I need that extra helping of crazy right now.
I kind of shut down I guess, cause I don’t really remember getting home. All I know is that I got a call from my brother saying he’d be over tonight, because he’s pretty sure mommy dearest isn’t done yet, she‘s gotta be here for a reason. Of course she made this big scene in front of witnesses, and there is already a temporary restraining order, because she did this shit in front of cops…how stupid is she!? But still, why is she here, and why oh god why is she communicating with my ex?!
What the hell could she possibly want now? I just don’t understand what it is that I could have done to make her hate me this damn much! So I just kind of fell apart, and cried all night. Because yeah, that makes me feel great knowing my mother hates me enough to wish I had died. I know she considers marrying my father and my siblings and I as her “unfortunate mistakes” but really, what kind of woman wishes her child death?
I’m just not sure what to do with myself. Michelle tried to call out of work, but their short staffed and really needed her, plus I don’t want her to feel like she has to tip toe around me or anything, it’s not fair to her. Sometimes I wonder just what she’s given up to be with me and all my issues.
It’s just sorta to the point now where I wanna throw my hands up and scream that I’m done and just curl up and quit. I know that life shits on everyone, it just feels like right now, it's taking a super massive power dump on me. I'll get over it, but I'm just...tired.
And if you read that, thanks. Sorry for unloading all of it, but I just…don’t know what else I can do at the moment besides rip my hair out, and I’d rather not do that. I think it might just be best to watch a movie or lay down or something. Again, if you read all of that thanks, and sorry, I hate to be "That girl" the one who's always complaining, I just had to get it out I suppose.
It’s two in the morning, and I’m awake. Which in and of itself is not wholly unusual as I am an insomniac and am up a lot late, especially when Michelle works late. But I’m a little ashamed to admit, I’ve been crying in bouts since about eight this evening, and right now I’m exhausted, but I still can’t sleep.
Some of you may know that last month was particular bad for me, and this month was looking up, but it still wasn’t excellent or anything. Yesterday was alright, but today was terrible. I went to work, which yeah kinda sucks on a Sunday as we’re kinda slow, but whatever, it’s a job right? Well I’m doing one of my less than pleasant duties when our photo tech girl comes over and says that I need to go into the office, because my ex is there with someone and their asking for me, so I need to get out of sight, and quick.
So I head to the office (Cutting through the back room and across the pharmacy) where I met up with one of the assistant managers who has me look at the security tape, and I about have a heart attack right then and there. Yes, my ex is there and for some unexplainable, mind numbing reason so is my mother. What the hell is she doing here?! So I guess I went really pale or something, because the next thing I know, I’m being more or less sat down in a chair and told breath deeply. So I follow instructions, breath deeply and promptly avert my eyes from the screen.
By this point, I can actually hear my mother’s shrill voice shrieking about how she needs to see her daughter, and it’s important. I’m not sure who called my brother, or who called Michelle, but they both showed up (And made remarkably good time to boot) and my brother and mother get into a screaming match, the police show up, and I’m still not allowed out of the office, though Michelle is allowed in.
So finally it’s decided I need to go home, my shift was nearly over anyhow, but clearly I’m not of any use in that state, so Michelle and I try and leave. I have no idea when the argument moved from the store to the parking lot, but there it was, and the second my mother saw me…well I assume if you’ve followed the drama you can guess some of what she had to say. Some highlights included how I was the worst mistake she ever made, how she could understand how my ex could get so angry he had to hit me, make me bleed, break my bones, because of course that was always, and I mean in her mind always, my fault. How it was wrong and unnatural to be with Michelle.
I’m sorry, but who is she to judge? Who is anyone for that matter, if you don’t like same sex relationships, then don’t freaking have one! It doesn’t ruin the sanctity of marriage to let people of the same sex marry, only divorce ruins it! Good job mom, you ruined the sanctity of marriage! Pretty sure the bible has something to say about adultery too, since she left my family for another man and was knocked up with his child before the divorce was finalized.
Oh and the topper, the very best part, when she screamed, loudly enough for people in the store to hear, how she wished I had died, so I wouldn’t be such a terrible burden on those around me. Wow, thanks mom! I totally needed that, it’s not enough that you’re completely batshit crazy and everyone knows it now, you have to scream something like that at my place of employment, so my coworkers can hear it. That’s awesome of you, because as if they don’t already know how screwed up my life is, why don’t you advertise how apparently I’m the bane of your existence, I need that extra helping of crazy right now.
I kind of shut down I guess, cause I don’t really remember getting home. All I know is that I got a call from my brother saying he’d be over tonight, because he’s pretty sure mommy dearest isn’t done yet, she‘s gotta be here for a reason. Of course she made this big scene in front of witnesses, and there is already a temporary restraining order, because she did this shit in front of cops…how stupid is she!? But still, why is she here, and why oh god why is she communicating with my ex?!
What the hell could she possibly want now? I just don’t understand what it is that I could have done to make her hate me this damn much! So I just kind of fell apart, and cried all night. Because yeah, that makes me feel great knowing my mother hates me enough to wish I had died. I know she considers marrying my father and my siblings and I as her “unfortunate mistakes” but really, what kind of woman wishes her child death?
I’m just not sure what to do with myself. Michelle tried to call out of work, but their short staffed and really needed her, plus I don’t want her to feel like she has to tip toe around me or anything, it’s not fair to her. Sometimes I wonder just what she’s given up to be with me and all my issues.
It’s just sorta to the point now where I wanna throw my hands up and scream that I’m done and just curl up and quit. I know that life shits on everyone, it just feels like right now, it's taking a super massive power dump on me. I'll get over it, but I'm just...tired.
And if you read that, thanks. Sorry for unloading all of it, but I just…don’t know what else I can do at the moment besides rip my hair out, and I’d rather not do that. I think it might just be best to watch a movie or lay down or something. Again, if you read all of that thanks, and sorry, I hate to be "That girl" the one who's always complaining, I just had to get it out I suppose.