So Wrong It's Right recordings

[totaldrwhofreak]

This evening I went to see 2 eps of So Wrong It's Right being recorded, one with Grahem Linehan, Holly Walsh and Isy Suttie, the other with Graham Linehan, Helen Zaltzman and Matthew Crosby. they were both excellent and had me in tears of laughter throughout.

Here are some of my notes of what heppened if you are interested. Quite a lot of the recordings was them just forgetting it was a show and just having an unbroadcastable off topic conversation, which was lovely.

• "It's like pooing with your mouth" - Brooker on the satisfaction of hawking up a big 'oyster' of phlegm (after talking about how eating oysters was like eating phlegm)
• "I've never been aroused by seafood" - Brooker confused at 'seafood theme' of the party Walsh attended as a prawn, where she ate too much and was immobilised in her prawn costume on the stairs. also present was a 'crab with crabs' (brought up after brooker made a 'Hogwarts' pun on animal stds) - she knew he had crabs cos she slept with him (in costume) with mayonnaise everywhere ('that's one crabstick I won't be going near again') which she later likened to the scene Linehan was describing in Branagh's Frankenstein where the liquid is all over the floor and they're writhing in it
• One of the first intro's Brooker had to read involved the word 'neighbours'. Of course this is Brooker and he said 'neighbiz'. And then said it again on the retake. and then lost it and couldn't say it without giggling. bless!
• can i just say now that Brooker is looking mighty fine nowadays it's like he keeps getting more attractive everytime i see his face, it is ridiculous. (Linehan commented that he's looking lean and thin, blaming it on Charlie's running app - "The first time i saw you after you got that running app i nearly dropped my drink. You used to look like me and now you look like you." *silence* Brooker: "I didn't know how to follow that, who am I?")
• They were talking about something fairly inappropriate, actually i think it was Brooker swearing during an intro and then going 'this is going out at half 6!',  and then Linehan said something like 'this is the perfect time to wish your mother a happy mother's day' and then Charlie mentioned that his mum was in the audience, it was sweet.
• During the mike test Suttie was talking about why she shortened her name to Isy not Izzy and then Walsh went 'My name's Holly, short for Holiver', and then Brooker said Holiver was actually a nice name and wrote it down as he was looking for baby names. This then lead to a discussion on initials and shortned nnames with brooker confessing he wand to be called  TJ Brooker at school, or at last 'Chuck', but sadly wasn't.
• When it came to the putrid modern hell round Walsh was talking about how she hated the uncertinties and awkwardness of modern greetings, like kisses on cheeks and hugging etc, and Brooker told an anecdote of how as a student he went to his posh friend's party and his friend's mum was there. when everyone was leaving Brooker noticed they were all kissing his friends mum on the cheek when saying goodbye. Brooker became nervous about this and rehearsed in his head how he would kiss her on the cheek and say, 'thank you, the food was delicious'. But Brooker's head went into meltdown and he ended up kissing her on the mouth and then going 'mmm, delicious'
• One of Linehan's pitches was for an 'exciting ladder' that would randomly start vibrating while in use. This lead to a discussion on tension and 'screamers'. Linehan mentioned that his first screamer was sent to him by Chris Morris, he had to look and see 'what was wrong with the garden'. When he saw the face he tried to flee while still sitting down in his chair. Crosby also talked about his reaction to the 'follow the car' screamer (which he had followed the instruction of turning up the volume for- and for which linehan then mocked him), he was alon in his house and when he was it he went 'OOH OOH OOH' - 3 short staccato outbursts and then threw his cup of tea at the wall. This then lead to discusssion of the bizarre noises and things people say when terrified, Brooker told us of how he wwas sitting on his sofa and a spider came scuttling from under the TV towards him, and his terrified reaction was to go 'NOOOOOOOO, THAT WON'T DO!' ( i wish text could do justice to Brooker's recreation of this phrase, alas you'll just have to hope it makes it into the broadcast)
• Brooker mentioned that on one of his dvds, if you select a particular audio track, you get the nomal audio soundtrack, but halfway through, on a back speaker in surround sound you hear a whisper that says 'you're going mad...'.
• Crosby told of a friend who burned an audio cd with the first half of silence and then it's suddenly lots of bloodcurding screams. his friend would go into electronic shops, start playing this cd on a demo cd player and then leave the shop.
• Brooker wondered if on the show they could shock people my making it mostly silent and then shouting or screaming, them was all like 'but we can't do that cos pople might be istening in cars and they'll crash' which then lead to Brooker shouting at people to crash their cars and everyone demonstrating the potential misuse of the dj traffic info button.
• Another thing text (and radio) will not do justice to is Brooker's demonstration of a tip from a Penn and Teller book to stop people on planes talking to you - to tell them 'i have a condition where i sleep with my eyes open, i just wanted to warn you' and then 15 minutes into the flight, allow your head to loll around with your eyes open and then stare at them, pretending you're alseep. Brooker's demonstration was disturbing to say the least.
• Linehan also demonstrated the best way (as told by another comic) of ensuring you aways have a seat next to you on the bus - when people look for a seat, to point to the one next to you eagerly.
• Prompted by Linehan talking about an opera he went to (and hated - his wife actually expressed to the director her dislike of it before she realised it was the director!) about the internet (specifically about a guy who tricked another guy into thinking he was training him to be a MI5 agent, and then getting the 'agent' to try and murder him), Brooker talked about a musical he went to about the internet, in which it had Jack Wild (the Artful Dodger) playing a computer mouse, singing a song called 'double click' (of which Brooker then did a short rendition), and also had a song and dance about compressing folders into .zip files, which got Brooker into a nerd rage because it was technically wrong.
• At one stage the show just turned into a discussion on piracy - spurred by Linehan's dislike of unskippable piracy warnings and adverts on legit dvds. Stealing not same as piracy - if it was 'You wouldn't clone a car' people would go, hang on, i would - if you could download a car you would. Charlie is pleased when people pirate his stuff and put it on youtube (although maybe not if he was trying to sell it). Linehan makes point of downloaders being ones who buy most too - they're fans. fans download because they love it so much they're impatient - the companies don't get it - cos money/greed is their priority, they think it's the priority of the downloaders too.

This is where i can't really be bothered to explain anymore and i figure quite a lot of it will be in the actual broadcast anyway

• Zaltzman's wedding proposal by stranger in Iceland  (shop) (Mum's voice in her head going 'It's a solid offer!')
• Linehan naked impersonating a clothed man after leg in fountain (/man being sick)
• Man who talked in rhyme, lawyer in cloak carrying pile of cakes of differing sizes
• Do not try to tie anything around a cat's neck at home
• Suttie dislikes Blackberry ability to accidentally hang up with your face
• Crosby's invention of a spray that reveals subtext of convo -flirting/murder etc. Brooker - "that's what facial expressions are for!"
• Unintererested in moving around so bed coffin toilet combo
• Not broadcastable - tube train youths picking fun, Brooker's friend didn't want to be picked on so pretended had an obvious mental/physical diability - this backfired - kids picked more, old ladies came to rescue, kids got off tube, old ladies comforting the pretending man - had to keep up pretence until left platform
• Master chef french doesn't know how to say flour, oh no -  die hard sitution needs to light a match oh no the match is wet! Brooker said old Bruce Willis reminded him of Jasper carrot so found latest die hard hilarious
•  Crosby doesn't like 'amazeballs' type words: brooker says time to update tabloid language eg 'OMG EARTHQUAKE: TRAGIBALLS' Helen Zaltzman:  'madelinemcannballs found in greeceballs'
• Disturbing  exciting ladder - some people get off on firemen breaking into house wanking on the stairs
•  America using tramps as wi-fi hotspots - tshirts saying "i am a wifi hotspot" but didnt consider awkwardness of using expensive laptop next to homeless person. miss the old cliche movie scene of crazy thing going past - hobo rubs eyes and throws bottle of moonshine away
•  Linehan's problem with global warming is not knowing what to wear - remix seasons -  warmth before spring is like a trailer for summer
• "Don't give me admin!"
• Ironic murderer
• Lansey can't go slower than a 'light trot' in hospitals
• Clegg saying 'we've made Tory changes better' like saying 'here's this you have to turd to eat but look we put some icing sugar on it'
• Cannibal Ocean's Eleven
• Zaltzman's hate of reality tv shows -  a job on Most Haunted - Throwing ball bearings at the happy mondays
• Pig Bond