Day 2 of Holiday Fic Extravaganza!: for midnightblack07
Title: Shame
Author: lit_chick08
Pairings: Klaus/Rebekah
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Everything to be safe
Word Count: 1618
Disclaimer: These characters belong to LJ Smith, Kevin Williamson, and Julie Plec
Summary: There are many accusations which can be hurled at his face, but no one could ever say Klaus did not love his baby sister
A/N: written from the wonderful midnightblack07 using the prompt: it's a shame you don't know what you're running from; would your bones have to break and your lights turn off?
So much of “before” has been softened in his memory with the passage of time, but he can remember with perfect clarity the night she was born.
He was three then, hardly more than a baby himself; his mother's cries in the birthing bed scared him, but, even at a young age, Niklaus knew better than to cry and risk his father's wrath. Instead he curled up in Leah's lap while Elijah and Finn played a game, his stomach a tangle of nerves until Ayanna came out of the room and announced the baby was a girl.
Leah carried him into the room; it was from his perch on her hip he saw Rebekah for the first time, soft and pink against their mother's breast, a dusting of golden hair atop her head.
She looks like me, he remembered thinking, so happy to no longer be the only yellow-haired child. And when Esther tilted her arms so Niklaus could see her better, Rebekah had opened her eyes and stared directly at him; he knew then she was not going to be like his other siblings.
Rebekah was special.
* * *
Klaus remembers the first time he drew blood on another person as if it was only yesterday.
He was just coming into manhood, barely five-and-ten, and hopeless in his father's eyes; Elijah was unmatchable with a sword, Finn sat a horse better than any man in the village, and even Leah could fire a bow with more skill than he. The other boys in the village mocked him constantly, and no one saw him as a threat, not Elijah's little brother. It was for that reason he suspected Dmitri, a boorish boy with a cruel streak, did not hesitate to grab Rebekah in front of him.
Even at two-and-ten, Rebekah was the most beautiful girl in the village, her body already sweetly curving and drawing the eyes of all. Their father insisted she not be left unattended when in town, fearful of what men might do to his daughter, and it was Niklaus who accompanied her to pick berries for their mother. Dmitri came upon them by accident, his bow slung over his shoulder, speaking to Rebekah without even sparing a glance at Niklaus. But when he heard Rebekah shout, Niklaus jerked around to see Dmitri roughly cupping one of Rebekah's breasts, his mouth trying to press against hers.
He did not remember moving, did not remember conscious thought; one moment he was plucking blackberries and the next he was brutally beating Dmitri, shattering the bones in the boy's face as Rebekah ran for help. It took Elijah and Finn to pull him away, and even then Niklaus fought, screaming his promise to kill Dmitri.
Klaus remembers the sight of bright red blood on his battered knuckles, but what he remembers most is after. If he closes his eyes, he can still see Rebekah, so young and so fresh, touching the bruises on his face, the split of his bottom lip, before pressing a tender kiss to his mouth.
“Thank you for loving me so well, Nik.”
Klaus cannot remember how to love, but Nik...Nik did it so well.
* * *
Those days after the transformation, Esther's death, and their desperate flee from Mikael all bleed together in Klaus's head, but he does not divide the world into categories like “when I was human” or “when I was not.” No, he has always differentiated the shifts in his universe as “when I loved Rebekah” and “when she loved me back.”
They were hiding in a forest when it happened. Elijah went to book them passage on a ship, and Rebekah began to cry for Esther again. Back then he did not know how to turn off his guilt, and Rebekah's tears had always made him ache as if it was his own pain. All he wanted to do was comfort her, to make her stop crying and see she was safe and loved, that it was better this way.
Her mouth was so warm, her skin so soft, and they had always been close, always known what the other needed without saying a word. Klaus will always remember the sound of Rebekah's gasp as he pushed inside her, the bite of her nails in his shoulders, the tremble of her body. Afterward she would not look at him, drawing her dress back on in silence, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
“This will not happen again,” she tried to pronounce firmly, but Niklaus could detect the quiver in her words.
“You did not like it?” was all he could think to say, his heart already breaking, already learning to harden.
Rebekah's mouth could lie expertly, but her eyes, her eyes were blasphemously honest. It was not dislike which inspired her words; it was shame.
Klaus supposes he should have known it then; he could bury the shame of wanting his sister deep inside with the guilt, the rejection, the pain. But Rebekah, she never quite learned how to lose her humanity entirely.
Sometimes Niklaus accuses Klaus of trying his best to make it so, but Klaus stopped listening to Niklaus centuries ago.
* * *
It haunts him for ninety years, what he did to Rebekah.
When he put the dagger in Leah's heart, it was about preservation; Mikael told his big sister the truth, and she came at him so fast, he nearly lost his life. When he put the dagger in Finn's heart, it was about revenge; his older brother had worked against him in his quest to become a hybrid. But, Klaus or not, he had swore to himself that he would never put a dagger into Elijah's heart, into Rebekah's heart, no matter what the circumstances.
Maybe there is more Niklaus still in him than he likes to think.
But she was going to leave. She was going to leave him for a bloody ripper who would bring Mikael down upon her in less than a week, just walk away like he meant nothing, like he had not spent every day of his unnaturally long existence tending to her every need. There was no one on earth - NO ONE! - who would ever love Rebekah the way he did.
The shocked betrayal in Rebekah's eyes fill his waking moments; in his dreams, as she rides him slowly, rising and falling in a rhythm they have perfected over a millennium, his hands will rise to cup her breasts only to find her skin has become gray and weathered, her body collapsing against his like a corpse. Nothing makes it better, nothing makes it stop.
He goes to her coffin a thousand times, stares down at her sleeping face, his hands wrapped around the dagger's hilt, and almost pulls it out until he remembers she does not love him anymore.
Klaus would rather live in a world without her than live in a world where she does not want him. He keeps Rebekah buried with Leah and Finn and vows to do the same to Elijah, the last remaining vestiges of Niklaus.
* * *
It is not the same when she comes back.
Now when he touches her, she flinches away; when he tries to kiss her, she turns her head. This Rebekah is shuttered, hiding her heart away, and all he wants is to hold her, to press apologies against her skin, to make promises he intends to keep.
But Rebekah does not want to be held, does not want apologies, does not want promises. Frustrated, furious, he screams, “What do you want then?!”
“I want Nik back!” she shrieks, pushing at his shoulders, sending him stumbling. “I want the brother I love back! Can you give me that? Give me him, and I will gladly sit at your right hand forever!”
“Rebekah - “
She shakes her head, disgusted tears flooding her eyes. “Put me back in the box if you want, but I will not forget what you did.”
“You were going to leave.”
“Because you drove me to it with your hybrid obsession!” Running her fingers through her hair in irritation, she draws a slow, deep breath before saying, “You keep saying Mother cursed you to be alone forever, but you were never alone. I was by your side every day for a thousand years. Why couldn't that have been enough? Why could I have been enough? But, no, it was doppelgangers and curses and hybrids. You left me the moment Katerina Petrova entered our lives.”
Klaus reaches for her elbow as he says her name, but she shakes him off, stepping backwards.
“Be a hybrid. Make your hybrid army. But we are not the same anymore, and that is your doing.”
If he was still Niklaus, he would have been ashamed. He would have fallen to his knees, grabbed her legs, and begged for the chance to do anything, to make it right.
But he is Klaus now, so he watches her head off to high school while his shame gnaws on his heart.
Author: lit_chick08
Pairings: Klaus/Rebekah
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Everything to be safe
Word Count: 1618
Disclaimer: These characters belong to LJ Smith, Kevin Williamson, and Julie Plec
Summary: There are many accusations which can be hurled at his face, but no one could ever say Klaus did not love his baby sister
A/N: written from the wonderful midnightblack07 using the prompt: it's a shame you don't know what you're running from; would your bones have to break and your lights turn off?
So much of “before” has been softened in his memory with the passage of time, but he can remember with perfect clarity the night she was born.
He was three then, hardly more than a baby himself; his mother's cries in the birthing bed scared him, but, even at a young age, Niklaus knew better than to cry and risk his father's wrath. Instead he curled up in Leah's lap while Elijah and Finn played a game, his stomach a tangle of nerves until Ayanna came out of the room and announced the baby was a girl.
Leah carried him into the room; it was from his perch on her hip he saw Rebekah for the first time, soft and pink against their mother's breast, a dusting of golden hair atop her head.
She looks like me, he remembered thinking, so happy to no longer be the only yellow-haired child. And when Esther tilted her arms so Niklaus could see her better, Rebekah had opened her eyes and stared directly at him; he knew then she was not going to be like his other siblings.
Rebekah was special.
* * *
Klaus remembers the first time he drew blood on another person as if it was only yesterday.
He was just coming into manhood, barely five-and-ten, and hopeless in his father's eyes; Elijah was unmatchable with a sword, Finn sat a horse better than any man in the village, and even Leah could fire a bow with more skill than he. The other boys in the village mocked him constantly, and no one saw him as a threat, not Elijah's little brother. It was for that reason he suspected Dmitri, a boorish boy with a cruel streak, did not hesitate to grab Rebekah in front of him.
Even at two-and-ten, Rebekah was the most beautiful girl in the village, her body already sweetly curving and drawing the eyes of all. Their father insisted she not be left unattended when in town, fearful of what men might do to his daughter, and it was Niklaus who accompanied her to pick berries for their mother. Dmitri came upon them by accident, his bow slung over his shoulder, speaking to Rebekah without even sparing a glance at Niklaus. But when he heard Rebekah shout, Niklaus jerked around to see Dmitri roughly cupping one of Rebekah's breasts, his mouth trying to press against hers.
He did not remember moving, did not remember conscious thought; one moment he was plucking blackberries and the next he was brutally beating Dmitri, shattering the bones in the boy's face as Rebekah ran for help. It took Elijah and Finn to pull him away, and even then Niklaus fought, screaming his promise to kill Dmitri.
Klaus remembers the sight of bright red blood on his battered knuckles, but what he remembers most is after. If he closes his eyes, he can still see Rebekah, so young and so fresh, touching the bruises on his face, the split of his bottom lip, before pressing a tender kiss to his mouth.
“Thank you for loving me so well, Nik.”
Klaus cannot remember how to love, but Nik...Nik did it so well.
* * *
Those days after the transformation, Esther's death, and their desperate flee from Mikael all bleed together in Klaus's head, but he does not divide the world into categories like “when I was human” or “when I was not.” No, he has always differentiated the shifts in his universe as “when I loved Rebekah” and “when she loved me back.”
They were hiding in a forest when it happened. Elijah went to book them passage on a ship, and Rebekah began to cry for Esther again. Back then he did not know how to turn off his guilt, and Rebekah's tears had always made him ache as if it was his own pain. All he wanted to do was comfort her, to make her stop crying and see she was safe and loved, that it was better this way.
Her mouth was so warm, her skin so soft, and they had always been close, always known what the other needed without saying a word. Klaus will always remember the sound of Rebekah's gasp as he pushed inside her, the bite of her nails in his shoulders, the tremble of her body. Afterward she would not look at him, drawing her dress back on in silence, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
“This will not happen again,” she tried to pronounce firmly, but Niklaus could detect the quiver in her words.
“You did not like it?” was all he could think to say, his heart already breaking, already learning to harden.
Rebekah's mouth could lie expertly, but her eyes, her eyes were blasphemously honest. It was not dislike which inspired her words; it was shame.
Klaus supposes he should have known it then; he could bury the shame of wanting his sister deep inside with the guilt, the rejection, the pain. But Rebekah, she never quite learned how to lose her humanity entirely.
Sometimes Niklaus accuses Klaus of trying his best to make it so, but Klaus stopped listening to Niklaus centuries ago.
* * *
It haunts him for ninety years, what he did to Rebekah.
When he put the dagger in Leah's heart, it was about preservation; Mikael told his big sister the truth, and she came at him so fast, he nearly lost his life. When he put the dagger in Finn's heart, it was about revenge; his older brother had worked against him in his quest to become a hybrid. But, Klaus or not, he had swore to himself that he would never put a dagger into Elijah's heart, into Rebekah's heart, no matter what the circumstances.
Maybe there is more Niklaus still in him than he likes to think.
But she was going to leave. She was going to leave him for a bloody ripper who would bring Mikael down upon her in less than a week, just walk away like he meant nothing, like he had not spent every day of his unnaturally long existence tending to her every need. There was no one on earth - NO ONE! - who would ever love Rebekah the way he did.
The shocked betrayal in Rebekah's eyes fill his waking moments; in his dreams, as she rides him slowly, rising and falling in a rhythm they have perfected over a millennium, his hands will rise to cup her breasts only to find her skin has become gray and weathered, her body collapsing against his like a corpse. Nothing makes it better, nothing makes it stop.
He goes to her coffin a thousand times, stares down at her sleeping face, his hands wrapped around the dagger's hilt, and almost pulls it out until he remembers she does not love him anymore.
Klaus would rather live in a world without her than live in a world where she does not want him. He keeps Rebekah buried with Leah and Finn and vows to do the same to Elijah, the last remaining vestiges of Niklaus.
* * *
It is not the same when she comes back.
Now when he touches her, she flinches away; when he tries to kiss her, she turns her head. This Rebekah is shuttered, hiding her heart away, and all he wants is to hold her, to press apologies against her skin, to make promises he intends to keep.
But Rebekah does not want to be held, does not want apologies, does not want promises. Frustrated, furious, he screams, “What do you want then?!”
“I want Nik back!” she shrieks, pushing at his shoulders, sending him stumbling. “I want the brother I love back! Can you give me that? Give me him, and I will gladly sit at your right hand forever!”
“Rebekah - “
She shakes her head, disgusted tears flooding her eyes. “Put me back in the box if you want, but I will not forget what you did.”
“You were going to leave.”
“Because you drove me to it with your hybrid obsession!” Running her fingers through her hair in irritation, she draws a slow, deep breath before saying, “You keep saying Mother cursed you to be alone forever, but you were never alone. I was by your side every day for a thousand years. Why couldn't that have been enough? Why could I have been enough? But, no, it was doppelgangers and curses and hybrids. You left me the moment Katerina Petrova entered our lives.”
Klaus reaches for her elbow as he says her name, but she shakes him off, stepping backwards.
“Be a hybrid. Make your hybrid army. But we are not the same anymore, and that is your doing.”
If he was still Niklaus, he would have been ashamed. He would have fallen to his knees, grabbed her legs, and begged for the chance to do anything, to make it right.
But he is Klaus now, so he watches her head off to high school while his shame gnaws on his heart.