Being in Love is Hard (1/3)
Title: I Love Only You
Pairing: Jay Park / Jessica
Summary: Jay Park is in love with Jessica (SNSD) and has been for a long time. There's only one problem: she's his best friend. And she doesn't feel the same way. In fact she's in love with Donghae. He should move on. But if he does, will she realize too late that he's the one she should be with? And can they truly be happy when she starts forgetting how special their relationship is? Why is being in love so hard? TOLD IN JESSICA POV
I open my locker door and immediately a note falls out. I recognize the stick-like handwriting and immediately crumble it up and throw it behind me right into the trash-bin.
As I slam my locker door shut, I give a little shout when I see him standing where my locker door was blocking him from view.
“Did you get my note?” he asks with a grin. I look him up and down. He’s wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses were hooked onto his v-neck shirt, exposing a little more of his neck. His spiky black hair looks perfect, even though he was probably wearing a helmet over it on his way to school on his motorcycle. However, despite his appearance, I know deep down he’s really a big sweetheart that wouldn’t harm a fly. He’s too kind, too caring, a little too overbearing honestly.
“I always get your notes,” I say in a bored tone, “Why do you keep on writing them? I’ve told you a million times, Jay, we can never be more than friends.”
He gives a hurt expression and I quickly look away from his brown eyes and stare across the field and see my dream guy.
He looks perfect. He has black hair and a great smile. He’s not quite a jock, even though he can dance pretty well and not exactly a geek even though he’s in advanced classes. He’s nice and charming, friends with everybody. He’s the type of guy who will say hi to every single person he sees and hug you when you have a bad day. My dream guy: Donghae.
“It’s never going to happen you know.”
I turn my attention back to Jay. He's glaring at Donghae, who is being tailed by, let me count, 5 girls.
“And nothing’s ever going to happen between us,” I say through gritted teeth. Man I love Jay to death, but like a brother. If he keeps on pursuing this, I don’t even know if we can be friends.
“You never know,” Jay puts something in my hood and quickly walks off. I see some of the older girls follow him as he separates from me. He has a whole flock of girls to choose from. Why on earth does he want me? I take the thing from my hood and see a dandelion.
I look over at Donghae and then blow on it.
So you might ask: when did I fall in love with Donghae.
Well it all started when I was ten years old. I was playing catch-ball with Jay. Yeah we’ve been friends since we were like babies. That’s why him liking me makes things so awkward! But anyway, he threw the ball too far. It went into the street. I, of course ran after it. Do you know how much money those balls were to a kid of 10 years old? No way would my mom agree to buy me another one. I could hear Jay oppa (back when I still called him that) calling me but I ignored him, only focused on the ball.
I didn’t even notice I was in the street when I finally got the ball. I heard a car honk and looked up to see a huge van heading towards me. Too shocked, I couldn’t move. Then I felt someone push me away from the car onto the sidewalk across the street. I don't know how long I was on the sidewalk, but when I opened my eyes Donghae’s face was the first thing I saw. He saved my life and I’ve been in love with him ever since.
Everyday, after school, Jay meets up with me at my locker so he can give me a ride home. As he makes his way over to my locker, I can see one of his admirers glaring at me. I think her name is Yoon Ji. I glare back at her and she seems to back off slightly.
“What are you doing?” Jay laughs at my glare.
“Why are you still single? Shouldn’t you start going out with girls already? You have a lot to choose from,” I try coaxing him.
He glares at me, “You know why.”
“Not this again, please,” I say as I follow him to his motorcycle.
He stops suddenly and I almost run into him.
“Why do you keep on chasing after that guy? You hardly ever talk to him! I can take care of you. I love you!” his confession is more of a shout.
I block my ears and sing a song, refusing to listen. Yeah I know this is childish but seriously why me Jay? Why not Yoon Ji?
“You’re so childish!” he says and gets onto his motorcycle. He waits for me to get on after him but I can tell he’s still pissed.
“You can go. I’ll take the bus,” I start walking away but he quickly grabs onto my wrist.
“What are you doing? Get on!”
But I wrench my hand away and just walk away from him.
“Don’t be like this!” he says angrily.
Okay so I’ve been waiting at the bus stop for around 45 minutes already. I’m really starting to wonder if the buses even go by here anymore until I hear footsteps near. I’m ready to defend myself when I hear a voice that brings music to my ears.
“Oh hey! I thought I was the only one who took the bus at this time,” I look up and see Donghae’s smiling face as he sits down beside me.
“Well…I---I” I stutter, “I kinda missed my ride.” It’s not entirely a lie. I really do miss Jay right now.
“The bus usually takes a long time to come. Not many people take this route,” Donghae says. He stares at me with a deep look and I start to blush.
“I never noticed how pretty you look,” he moves a strand of hair out of my face.
“Um…I..uh thanks?”
Donghae laughs and quickly pulls out something, “You hungry?”
I spaz! Omg it’s my favorite! Pocky sticks!
“I love pocky sticks!” I exclaim. I don’t even care if I look like an idiot right now. I really love those things. Omg now I’m thinking of the pepero game…and how I want to do that with him.
“Yeah these things are really good!” Donghae’s expression was like this ^_^
He quickly takes one out and hands it to me. And like this we bonded over our love of pocky.
The next morning I open my locker and another note falls out of it. Same stick like writing but this time I read the note.
I’m sorry for acting like a stupid jerk yesterday. I know how you feel now. I’ll leave you alone.
In my mind I was like “WHAT? LEAVE ME ALONE? WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?” Jay’s my best friend, like my only friend. What does he mean that he’ll leave me alone? Forever? No way!
I quickly slam my locker door and jump back when I see Donghae’s face.
“Hey,” he says and he hands me a green box of OMG POCKY STICKS!
“I thought you might like this,” he grins at me and I melt into his smile like honey.
I quickly take the box and hug him. Yes I would take any chance I can to do that. His hands quickly encircle my waist and tighten. Omg am I dreaming?
“Are you going to be at the bus stop today?” he asks when we stop hugging. He shifts the backpack to his other shoulder, “Actually are you busy after school today?”
I shake my head to say that I’m not and when I do I see something that catches my eye.
Next to one of the pillars is Jay with Yoon Ji. He has his back against the pillar but I can recognize his styled hair and jacket anywhere. Yoon Ji has her arms around his waist and is leaning into him…and then she kissed him. My mouth drops open. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING?
“Hello? Anyone home?” Donghae’s hand temporarily blocks my view and I turn to him, my mouth still open.
“Are you okay?” he turns his head to see what I was looking at and his smile falters, “Do you like Jay? I know you’re always with him.”
“No,” I shake my head, “He’s like my brother.” But I feel like there’s this huge lump in my throat.
I haven’t spoken to Jay at all today so near the end of school, I leave class early to meet him at his motorcycle. I check my watch as all the students are let out. He’s usually waiting at my locker when I get out so I don’t know why he isn’t here yet. I know he’s not at my locker. I can see it from here. Our school lockers are outside because our school decided to be fancy and have students go outside to get their books. Great idea, especially when we’re under three feet of snow.
It’s been about 10 minutes and I start to worry. Donghae should be waiting for me and Jay still hasn’t arrived. Suddenly I see a leather jacket and see Jay walking in my direction. He has his arm around yup you guessed it Yoon Ji. He sees me and whispers something in her ear. She walks away and he quickly heads towards me.
“What’s up?” he asks as he gets on the motorcycle. He hands me the extra helmet but I push it away.
“What’s up? What’s up? I haven’t seen you all fricking day! And you’re actually going out with Yoon Ji now?” I don’t know why I’m yelling at him. I mean isn’t this what I wanted?
“Did you get my note?” his eyes soften and he stands up like he’s about to hug me but I move away from him.
“What did you mean leave me alone? Did you mean forever?”
“What?” he starts laughing, “No way! I’m just giving you space. I mean it looks like you got what you wanted,” his head nods in the direction behind me and I turn to see Donghae near the fountain, “And I’m starting to move on. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Jay asks me.
I turn to him, speechless. I don’t know if that is what I wanted anymore, but I nod anyway. Without a word he puts on his helmet and mumbles, “I guess you can find your own ride home.”
He leaves before I can say anything and I turn around. I can feel something wet roll down my cheeks and quickly wipe it away. When I turn to look at Donghae, even his beautiful face can’t make me smile.
“So you do like him?” Donghae walks up to me.
“What? L-l-like a brother, yes.” I stutter.
“Hmm,” Donghae wipes a tear away from my cheek and takes my hand to lead me to the fountain.
“I remember when I first met you,” he says as he sits down.
“You saved me,” I said with a grateful smile.
Donghae gently grabs my face to look at him, and when I do, I see confusion in his eyes, “No. I didn’t.”
“But you did,” I argue, “You must’ve saved me. When I woke up, you were there. That means you must’ve pushed me away from the car.”
“Jay saved you,” Donghae said, “He told me to watch you while he got help. I thought you knew; I mean you and him are so close.”
I couldn’t say anything. Jay was the one who saved me? And he never told me this? I looked towards the road where he just left. If I ran, I could make it to his house in thirty minutes.
“Sorry Donghae. I need to go!” I stood up and started running down the road.
I could hear Donghae shout but I ignored it. And then I heard a car horn and something crashed into me. I was thrown onto the street, and pain shot throughout my whole body, numbing my senses soon after.
“No!!!” I heard a familiar voice. I looked up and saw Jay come out of the restaurant across the street of our school. I guess he didn’t leave. He picked me up and laid my head on his lap. I felt so sleepy. I wanted to keep my eyes open, but I felt all of my energy drain away.
“Don’t die on me! Hang on!” Jay’s tears fell on my face and I felt like crying too but I was too tired.
“Save me again, Jay,” I say weakly, “I love only you.” And then I closed my eyes.
Part 2 > Part 3 >
Pairing: Jay Park / Jessica
Summary: Jay Park is in love with Jessica (SNSD) and has been for a long time. There's only one problem: she's his best friend. And she doesn't feel the same way. In fact she's in love with Donghae. He should move on. But if he does, will she realize too late that he's the one she should be with? And can they truly be happy when she starts forgetting how special their relationship is? Why is being in love so hard? TOLD IN JESSICA POV
I open my locker door and immediately a note falls out. I recognize the stick-like handwriting and immediately crumble it up and throw it behind me right into the trash-bin.
As I slam my locker door shut, I give a little shout when I see him standing where my locker door was blocking him from view.
“Did you get my note?” he asks with a grin. I look him up and down. He’s wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses were hooked onto his v-neck shirt, exposing a little more of his neck. His spiky black hair looks perfect, even though he was probably wearing a helmet over it on his way to school on his motorcycle. However, despite his appearance, I know deep down he’s really a big sweetheart that wouldn’t harm a fly. He’s too kind, too caring, a little too overbearing honestly.
“I always get your notes,” I say in a bored tone, “Why do you keep on writing them? I’ve told you a million times, Jay, we can never be more than friends.”
He gives a hurt expression and I quickly look away from his brown eyes and stare across the field and see my dream guy.
He looks perfect. He has black hair and a great smile. He’s not quite a jock, even though he can dance pretty well and not exactly a geek even though he’s in advanced classes. He’s nice and charming, friends with everybody. He’s the type of guy who will say hi to every single person he sees and hug you when you have a bad day. My dream guy: Donghae.
“It’s never going to happen you know.”
I turn my attention back to Jay. He's glaring at Donghae, who is being tailed by, let me count, 5 girls.
“And nothing’s ever going to happen between us,” I say through gritted teeth. Man I love Jay to death, but like a brother. If he keeps on pursuing this, I don’t even know if we can be friends.
“You never know,” Jay puts something in my hood and quickly walks off. I see some of the older girls follow him as he separates from me. He has a whole flock of girls to choose from. Why on earth does he want me? I take the thing from my hood and see a dandelion.
I look over at Donghae and then blow on it.
So you might ask: when did I fall in love with Donghae.
Well it all started when I was ten years old. I was playing catch-ball with Jay. Yeah we’ve been friends since we were like babies. That’s why him liking me makes things so awkward! But anyway, he threw the ball too far. It went into the street. I, of course ran after it. Do you know how much money those balls were to a kid of 10 years old? No way would my mom agree to buy me another one. I could hear Jay oppa (back when I still called him that) calling me but I ignored him, only focused on the ball.
I didn’t even notice I was in the street when I finally got the ball. I heard a car honk and looked up to see a huge van heading towards me. Too shocked, I couldn’t move. Then I felt someone push me away from the car onto the sidewalk across the street. I don't know how long I was on the sidewalk, but when I opened my eyes Donghae’s face was the first thing I saw. He saved my life and I’ve been in love with him ever since.
Everyday, after school, Jay meets up with me at my locker so he can give me a ride home. As he makes his way over to my locker, I can see one of his admirers glaring at me. I think her name is Yoon Ji. I glare back at her and she seems to back off slightly.
“What are you doing?” Jay laughs at my glare.
“Why are you still single? Shouldn’t you start going out with girls already? You have a lot to choose from,” I try coaxing him.
He glares at me, “You know why.”
“Not this again, please,” I say as I follow him to his motorcycle.
He stops suddenly and I almost run into him.
“Why do you keep on chasing after that guy? You hardly ever talk to him! I can take care of you. I love you!” his confession is more of a shout.
I block my ears and sing a song, refusing to listen. Yeah I know this is childish but seriously why me Jay? Why not Yoon Ji?
“You’re so childish!” he says and gets onto his motorcycle. He waits for me to get on after him but I can tell he’s still pissed.
“You can go. I’ll take the bus,” I start walking away but he quickly grabs onto my wrist.
“What are you doing? Get on!”
But I wrench my hand away and just walk away from him.
“Don’t be like this!” he says angrily.
Okay so I’ve been waiting at the bus stop for around 45 minutes already. I’m really starting to wonder if the buses even go by here anymore until I hear footsteps near. I’m ready to defend myself when I hear a voice that brings music to my ears.
“Oh hey! I thought I was the only one who took the bus at this time,” I look up and see Donghae’s smiling face as he sits down beside me.
“Well…I---I” I stutter, “I kinda missed my ride.” It’s not entirely a lie. I really do miss Jay right now.
“The bus usually takes a long time to come. Not many people take this route,” Donghae says. He stares at me with a deep look and I start to blush.
“I never noticed how pretty you look,” he moves a strand of hair out of my face.
“Um…I..uh thanks?”
Donghae laughs and quickly pulls out something, “You hungry?”
I spaz! Omg it’s my favorite! Pocky sticks!
“I love pocky sticks!” I exclaim. I don’t even care if I look like an idiot right now. I really love those things. Omg now I’m thinking of the pepero game…and how I want to do that with him.
“Yeah these things are really good!” Donghae’s expression was like this ^_^
He quickly takes one out and hands it to me. And like this we bonded over our love of pocky.
The next morning I open my locker and another note falls out of it. Same stick like writing but this time I read the note.
I’m sorry for acting like a stupid jerk yesterday. I know how you feel now. I’ll leave you alone.
In my mind I was like “WHAT? LEAVE ME ALONE? WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?” Jay’s my best friend, like my only friend. What does he mean that he’ll leave me alone? Forever? No way!
I quickly slam my locker door and jump back when I see Donghae’s face.
“Hey,” he says and he hands me a green box of OMG POCKY STICKS!
“I thought you might like this,” he grins at me and I melt into his smile like honey.
I quickly take the box and hug him. Yes I would take any chance I can to do that. His hands quickly encircle my waist and tighten. Omg am I dreaming?
“Are you going to be at the bus stop today?” he asks when we stop hugging. He shifts the backpack to his other shoulder, “Actually are you busy after school today?”
I shake my head to say that I’m not and when I do I see something that catches my eye.
Next to one of the pillars is Jay with Yoon Ji. He has his back against the pillar but I can recognize his styled hair and jacket anywhere. Yoon Ji has her arms around his waist and is leaning into him…and then she kissed him. My mouth drops open. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING?
“Hello? Anyone home?” Donghae’s hand temporarily blocks my view and I turn to him, my mouth still open.
“Are you okay?” he turns his head to see what I was looking at and his smile falters, “Do you like Jay? I know you’re always with him.”
“No,” I shake my head, “He’s like my brother.” But I feel like there’s this huge lump in my throat.
I haven’t spoken to Jay at all today so near the end of school, I leave class early to meet him at his motorcycle. I check my watch as all the students are let out. He’s usually waiting at my locker when I get out so I don’t know why he isn’t here yet. I know he’s not at my locker. I can see it from here. Our school lockers are outside because our school decided to be fancy and have students go outside to get their books. Great idea, especially when we’re under three feet of snow.
It’s been about 10 minutes and I start to worry. Donghae should be waiting for me and Jay still hasn’t arrived. Suddenly I see a leather jacket and see Jay walking in my direction. He has his arm around yup you guessed it Yoon Ji. He sees me and whispers something in her ear. She walks away and he quickly heads towards me.
“What’s up?” he asks as he gets on the motorcycle. He hands me the extra helmet but I push it away.
“What’s up? What’s up? I haven’t seen you all fricking day! And you’re actually going out with Yoon Ji now?” I don’t know why I’m yelling at him. I mean isn’t this what I wanted?
“Did you get my note?” his eyes soften and he stands up like he’s about to hug me but I move away from him.
“What did you mean leave me alone? Did you mean forever?”
“What?” he starts laughing, “No way! I’m just giving you space. I mean it looks like you got what you wanted,” his head nods in the direction behind me and I turn to see Donghae near the fountain, “And I’m starting to move on. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Jay asks me.
I turn to him, speechless. I don’t know if that is what I wanted anymore, but I nod anyway. Without a word he puts on his helmet and mumbles, “I guess you can find your own ride home.”
He leaves before I can say anything and I turn around. I can feel something wet roll down my cheeks and quickly wipe it away. When I turn to look at Donghae, even his beautiful face can’t make me smile.
“So you do like him?” Donghae walks up to me.
“What? L-l-like a brother, yes.” I stutter.
“Hmm,” Donghae wipes a tear away from my cheek and takes my hand to lead me to the fountain.
“I remember when I first met you,” he says as he sits down.
“You saved me,” I said with a grateful smile.
Donghae gently grabs my face to look at him, and when I do, I see confusion in his eyes, “No. I didn’t.”
“But you did,” I argue, “You must’ve saved me. When I woke up, you were there. That means you must’ve pushed me away from the car.”
“Jay saved you,” Donghae said, “He told me to watch you while he got help. I thought you knew; I mean you and him are so close.”
I couldn’t say anything. Jay was the one who saved me? And he never told me this? I looked towards the road where he just left. If I ran, I could make it to his house in thirty minutes.
“Sorry Donghae. I need to go!” I stood up and started running down the road.
I could hear Donghae shout but I ignored it. And then I heard a car horn and something crashed into me. I was thrown onto the street, and pain shot throughout my whole body, numbing my senses soon after.
“No!!!” I heard a familiar voice. I looked up and saw Jay come out of the restaurant across the street of our school. I guess he didn’t leave. He picked me up and laid my head on his lap. I felt so sleepy. I wanted to keep my eyes open, but I felt all of my energy drain away.
“Don’t die on me! Hang on!” Jay’s tears fell on my face and I felt like crying too but I was too tired.
“Save me again, Jay,” I say weakly, “I love only you.” And then I closed my eyes.
Part 2 > Part 3 >