that should have been me
I keep seeing pictures of everyone on FB either with new babies, or baby bellies or people announcing that they are preggo
While I am happy for them, I keep having the bitter thought - That should have been me.
I am still very much bummed out by this loss, and Matt is not. He has moved on, I am still trying to get my head around it. He said something the other day about my "fucked up body" and how - with out saying it outright- that it is my fault I cant get pregnant - or stay pregnant. This cut me to the quick. The rest of the night was a loss for me, I couldnt stop crying. I told him later how much it hurt for him to say these things, I can tell he doesnt understand why. But in the end he agreed to not say these things to me again
I feel the loss of life with in me, it FELT different when I was pregnant. I miss that feeling. I also miss knowing that soon I was going to have a baby in my arms. There was this warmth in my belly - I could feel it radiating out. Weird but true. I really miss that.
I was OK not having children at this time, but I am not ok loosing the baby I was given.
While I am happy for them, I keep having the bitter thought - That should have been me.
I am still very much bummed out by this loss, and Matt is not. He has moved on, I am still trying to get my head around it. He said something the other day about my "fucked up body" and how - with out saying it outright- that it is my fault I cant get pregnant - or stay pregnant. This cut me to the quick. The rest of the night was a loss for me, I couldnt stop crying. I told him later how much it hurt for him to say these things, I can tell he doesnt understand why. But in the end he agreed to not say these things to me again
I feel the loss of life with in me, it FELT different when I was pregnant. I miss that feeling. I also miss knowing that soon I was going to have a baby in my arms. There was this warmth in my belly - I could feel it radiating out. Weird but true. I really miss that.
I was OK not having children at this time, but I am not ok loosing the baby I was given.