I see you have a beta reader but English was still strange. I think the main problem was in the present tense you used to write this. Usually when people write stories they use past tense. It seems more natural somehow. I know people use present tense sometimes, but it is much harder to make it work in the story. The ending with Reita so easily accepting Ruki's discovery was little unbelievable. I know you wanted to wrap it up but it just seemed little bit too fast. Please don't be sad or offended. This is a constructive criticism. I know it's not easy to write fanfiction especially in a language which isn't your mother tongue, I personally found it too much of a trouble myself so I'm just reading them now.
I was proofing this at an ungodly hour and I've gone back and read it and am just now catching my mistakes. (-_-);;; Made me feel like crap, but I'll do better next time. I vow on that one. *determined look*
thank you for your critic.yes i knw it's kind of awkward in the end.. somehow what i intended to tell is not coming the way i want it to be. so it turn out to be like this. I'm learning.. so i'll work hard on my next story. thank you
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I love you too, Tori~!!!! (^______________^)
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