The Talk lol
So here it is, Saturday. Yesterday was definitely an interesting day.
Got to see my boo and that went well, I havent seen her much lately and missed her and zoie. I didn't get to spend as much time with them as I would have liked to, but I did get to see them.
Zoie is getting so big, she looks like a little girl now rather then a baby :S and she's 2! ahh.
Then work went pretty well, got to see Stephen and talk to him for a couple hours at work. Thats always a good time, then I proceeded to be productive and got a lot done at work last night. :)
I like it when I'm productive at work on days that I'm managing, makes me feel like I'm actually a decent manager. Even though im only temporary...and from next week on out, I'll just be a fill in..But Im kind of okay with that..even though I like the manager shifts more and the money is so much nicer...next semester I wont feel so bad having more days where I couldn't work...and I really want to do Broadway Review. That involves going to Jackson two days a week...and there are many more options for covering cashier shifts then there are for covering manager shifts. So that could work out to my benefit.
So anyways, yeah after work I did go to pride night.
Man, the night started out pretty rough...first poor Nathans phone isn't working, and I couldn't get a hold of him for awhile...And then when we finally got on the road and up into Ann Arbor..it was fucking backed up by a fuck ton of stupid UofM fans in their effing Rv's going up for tomorrow's game...Ugh. We finally worked our way out of it and made it to the club though. It was a good time, when we first got there they played all the good music :) then slowly started playing the atypical music..but thats okay, it was fun.
Well Then....when we got back to my house..We finally had, The Talk...I wasn't sure if we would ever really have the talk, and if we did, how it would go...It pretty good lol I still underestimate him and how wonderful he is :) I'm just so glad we can both be so open and so honest with each other...and now its out, just about everything is out in the open and its been discussed...It was scary and hard, but it felt really good to finally be honest with him and to finally actually say it to him...like it was there and even after it was known it was just always something I could never actually bring myself to say...and then when I did, all that emotion that I keep at bay comes out..and the tears were inevitable..he handles me so well..I think there are still a few things we have a difference of opinion on, but thats only natural.
I completely understand why he would see this just being a small phase in my life, I get that and yes, that is usually how it works and how people work..going through the different phases in their lives and a lot of it never really lasts...But I can't explain why I feel differently about this..and I'm always the first to admit that something could very well just be a phase..but not this, not him =/ But I think a lot of it is my strong urge to do everything I can to make sure our friendship isn't just a phase..but something that we carry with us throughout our lives..even with all the changes it will encounter..I dont ever want to completely loose him =/ It's kind of funny how the things he asked me, were all things that I've already asked myself...if I ever actually had him, would I still want him? Do I really think it would work? and other questions that I use to think probably wouldn't...and dont know how or when it exactly changed, but it has...I truly believe that if we ever got the chance and really wanted it to work, we could make it work. I don't think I would grow sick of him, but only reinforce everything that is already there...I mean to actually be able to let it all out and express it, would take to whole new levels then it is now..and it's pretty up there...These are just things I try Not to think about, because I dont want to get myself worked up and put faith into something that isn't going to happen =/
I think a lot could happen between us that might surprise him...or might not, but I still think there is a lot between us that would come very naturally..Sometimes I think thats more evident to the outside view then it is to ours sometimes...I've thought about this before, but every where we go people always assume that Nathan and I are together, almost never hesitation from people that we're together or Married even...and yeah it could simply be because we're two people of the opposite sex and we're around that age and its a common natural society assumption..but I think there's more to it then that...I think that the naturalness that we feel, is also visible..I think when someone see's us, they can see how close we are, and how well we flow together...we don't have that awkward newly dating feel to us when we go out, and we're not all over each other but we're not exactly distant either...so I guess what I'm trying to say is that we even look like we're supposed to be together lol and I think people see that.
Last night when I actually got some of his input, and it was so surreal...Yeah I always Wonder if he feels at all the same for me..I mean some of the things he says and does Really makes me wonder, but thats usually too hard to think about..so I usually try not to and assume that he doesn't...but to actually hear him tell me he's thought about it, kinda clenched my tummy...I think there's a lot of unspoken feelings/assumptions between us but to actually see that one of them was right, was pretty powerful. No, I'm not going to go try to do anything about it, but there's just always so many questions in my head when we're hanging out...like, he's so close to me..how close does he want to be? How much does he really want to happen? What Would he let happen? What would happen if I...these are some of the questions I still hesitate to ask lol and probably for good reason...bah idk, my thoughts are still all jumbled...I was with him 7 hours ago and I miss him already >.< I seriously do love that man with my whole being.
Here's hoping I can get through today, been a very short night and gonna be a long day me thinks. Back later I guess, time to go to work :s
Got to see my boo and that went well, I havent seen her much lately and missed her and zoie. I didn't get to spend as much time with them as I would have liked to, but I did get to see them.
Zoie is getting so big, she looks like a little girl now rather then a baby :S and she's 2! ahh.
Then work went pretty well, got to see Stephen and talk to him for a couple hours at work. Thats always a good time, then I proceeded to be productive and got a lot done at work last night. :)
I like it when I'm productive at work on days that I'm managing, makes me feel like I'm actually a decent manager. Even though im only temporary...and from next week on out, I'll just be a fill in..But Im kind of okay with that..even though I like the manager shifts more and the money is so much nicer...next semester I wont feel so bad having more days where I couldn't work...and I really want to do Broadway Review. That involves going to Jackson two days a week...and there are many more options for covering cashier shifts then there are for covering manager shifts. So that could work out to my benefit.
So anyways, yeah after work I did go to pride night.
Man, the night started out pretty rough...first poor Nathans phone isn't working, and I couldn't get a hold of him for awhile...And then when we finally got on the road and up into Ann Arbor..it was fucking backed up by a fuck ton of stupid UofM fans in their effing Rv's going up for tomorrow's game...Ugh. We finally worked our way out of it and made it to the club though. It was a good time, when we first got there they played all the good music :) then slowly started playing the atypical music..but thats okay, it was fun.
Well Then....when we got back to my house..We finally had, The Talk...I wasn't sure if we would ever really have the talk, and if we did, how it would go...It pretty good lol I still underestimate him and how wonderful he is :) I'm just so glad we can both be so open and so honest with each other...and now its out, just about everything is out in the open and its been discussed...It was scary and hard, but it felt really good to finally be honest with him and to finally actually say it to him...like it was there and even after it was known it was just always something I could never actually bring myself to say...and then when I did, all that emotion that I keep at bay comes out..and the tears were inevitable..he handles me so well..I think there are still a few things we have a difference of opinion on, but thats only natural.
I completely understand why he would see this just being a small phase in my life, I get that and yes, that is usually how it works and how people work..going through the different phases in their lives and a lot of it never really lasts...But I can't explain why I feel differently about this..and I'm always the first to admit that something could very well just be a phase..but not this, not him =/ But I think a lot of it is my strong urge to do everything I can to make sure our friendship isn't just a phase..but something that we carry with us throughout our lives..even with all the changes it will encounter..I dont ever want to completely loose him =/ It's kind of funny how the things he asked me, were all things that I've already asked myself...if I ever actually had him, would I still want him? Do I really think it would work? and other questions that I use to think probably wouldn't...and dont know how or when it exactly changed, but it has...I truly believe that if we ever got the chance and really wanted it to work, we could make it work. I don't think I would grow sick of him, but only reinforce everything that is already there...I mean to actually be able to let it all out and express it, would take to whole new levels then it is now..and it's pretty up there...These are just things I try Not to think about, because I dont want to get myself worked up and put faith into something that isn't going to happen =/
I think a lot could happen between us that might surprise him...or might not, but I still think there is a lot between us that would come very naturally..Sometimes I think thats more evident to the outside view then it is to ours sometimes...I've thought about this before, but every where we go people always assume that Nathan and I are together, almost never hesitation from people that we're together or Married even...and yeah it could simply be because we're two people of the opposite sex and we're around that age and its a common natural society assumption..but I think there's more to it then that...I think that the naturalness that we feel, is also visible..I think when someone see's us, they can see how close we are, and how well we flow together...we don't have that awkward newly dating feel to us when we go out, and we're not all over each other but we're not exactly distant either...so I guess what I'm trying to say is that we even look like we're supposed to be together lol and I think people see that.
Last night when I actually got some of his input, and it was so surreal...Yeah I always Wonder if he feels at all the same for me..I mean some of the things he says and does Really makes me wonder, but thats usually too hard to think about..so I usually try not to and assume that he doesn't...but to actually hear him tell me he's thought about it, kinda clenched my tummy...I think there's a lot of unspoken feelings/assumptions between us but to actually see that one of them was right, was pretty powerful. No, I'm not going to go try to do anything about it, but there's just always so many questions in my head when we're hanging out...like, he's so close to me..how close does he want to be? How much does he really want to happen? What Would he let happen? What would happen if I...these are some of the questions I still hesitate to ask lol and probably for good reason...bah idk, my thoughts are still all jumbled...I was with him 7 hours ago and I miss him already >.< I seriously do love that man with my whole being.
Here's hoping I can get through today, been a very short night and gonna be a long day me thinks. Back later I guess, time to go to work :s