What a lonely summer

Jul 27, 2010 23:19

For serious, this has been such an incredibly lonely summer.  For all that Jen's been up here, which has been great, and all that, I have never been so lonely.  I work all day, and teh commute is so long mostly it's not worth going out after (not like I would much anyway, to be fair), so I mostly only talk to the people at work

Only I don't.

Everyone is very nice.  Very nice indeed.  The trouble is: I have nothing to say they're interested in, and they prefer to talk about things I don't even know about.  Lunch conversation revolves around things like actors I haven't heard of and TV shows I know nothing about.  I'd love to talk to, but I can say NOTHING.  It's the same with everything else: Elise and Adam talk about mutual acquaintances in the state (seriously, does everyone know everyone else up here?) and I know no one, so that's out.  They talk about Columbia, about which I know: New York, Elise goes there, Patrick goes there.   Nope.  Alyssa and Candace laugh about her brother who loves comic con, and  act surprised that important people go to speak there, and talk about how people at those things are losers, while I quietly comment that I would like to go to comic con, and do not live with my mother, and am going into a non-loser field.  I then consider pulling my graphic novel out of my bag and defiantly reading it at the table, a notion I quickly reject.

It's like I'm invisible.  I don't know what to talk about, I don't have anything to say, and even when I do say things, it seems like no one notices.   And it's awfully lonely to work every day in an office, and have lunch every day with nice people engaging in animated and happy conversations and know that you are the only one no one hears.  It makes me feel like I ought to waste my precious and rare free time watching tv shows I wouldn't like, and that I generally think are stupid just so I can HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

Bah.  I can't wait to go home and engage in happy circular conversations about happily geeky things until I'm sick of it and yearn desperately for a bit of quiet.  Better yet, I CAN"T WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO START.  Where there will be many nice people united by a bond of common suffering, and affection for glee, and I can join in conversations JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE.

The judge from Louisiana came in to confer with our judge and talked to me a bit while he was waiting, and it was just so nice to have a normal friendly conversation that I could participate in.   Seriously, I had more real conversation with the insurance man when I went in to check if Jen could drive the car, than I have had all summer with anyone I work with this summer.  
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