Honesty is the Best Policy
As a child, society always told me that. It also told me that I cannot say everything that I think. That I must not say things which can be harmful to others. To follow the rule of 'if you can't say anything nice...'
Well, what if not-nice things are the truth? Which rule do I follow?
For the better part of my life. I have kept many things I have felt to be true in my mind or within a close circle of friends. I have done this even when it meant allowing myself to be taken advantage of and trampled on.
Last night, that ended. Last night I decided to be honest, and use some of the confidence I had gathered up.
So, after being forward with rat bastard and demanding that he come to my house before his trip, I was told that he could not see me, he had a date with harem girl.
Oh, this did not sit well with me. It did not sit well with me at all, and I told him so.
Now, to be fair, I got angry first. But, in other fairness, he threw the first real hit about my 'issues'. It would have been weakness to back down at that point.
So, I proceeded to tell him some things. I listed off various traits that I have never told him exist.
How he contradicts himself, how he is hypocrite, how he is unfair to me and should stop playing the victim because he's hurt me plenty of times too.
I am always honest that some issues were my fault, and I do this far more than he does. And lately, he has been making it seem like I am a giant bitch who did nothing but be mean to him, the poor boy who made the mistake of introducing himself.
Then, I moved onto harem girl. What makes her so goddamn special? Why does she get more chances and a progressive state when I don't get a promise of things staying as they are? Not to mention that she has a fucking harem of men while I have but one rat bastard who switches back and forth between good terms and bad more than a pendulum swings from side to side? And the situation he just set up with her, which he says is not a commitment or relationship was labeled just that by him when I asked for it.
Yeah. I was pissed. I was pissed royally at being pushed aside for a chick who reminds me of a squirrel and who gets to see him every fucking day. Me? I haven't seen him since the last day of school, and that was an odd thing because there were other people there. I may not have given him a day to come to my house, but I hinted enough. And anyone who knows me (especially him) know that I hint so as to get other people to give me hints about if they agree with me or not.
I happened to be just a few hours late about not hinting, and this thought did nothing to help. And harem girl....well, she does annoy me royally. And it was only a week ago that he was telling me that he was afraid I would pull the same thing she had been pulling for weeks.
I apologized for not giving a specific day and just hinting (even though he knows that is how I work), but not for being pissed. And I told him that he has shot me down plenty of times too, so he needs to stop doing that.
His response was to bring up how he can't just drive to my house (even though I am one of the few people who live in the god forsaken area of outside of town) because it costs money, and he is in debt, and he doesn't want to be thinking that he could have used the gas for something else.
Then he said to chill. I could still be pissed off, but I needed to chill.
Another fucking contradiction.
Then I got offline, because I was half an hour over my time limit and had said nearly everything, so there was no further need to risk mom waking up and catching me.
All of this was last night. Today I continued with the honesty by outright telling McWolf
"About last week....when are you going to apologize for deliberately pissing me off?"
He just kind of looked at me and then said he wasn't quite sure what he had done. So I told him that he had been pushing me about a subject that upset me. That is why I had gotten mad at him, that is why I wanted an apology.
(Last week, he decided to mess with me by not letting go of the understudies vs alternates thing, and having and 'understudy night', which upsets me because I've worked my ass off to get a leading performance every night, other people haven't. And a few other reasons, but mainly that one. He thought I was mad at the decision to have such a night, when really I was mad that he kept pushing the issue in conversation even though I was getting upset over it.)
He still seemed confused and slightly put-off, so me and my compadre (who had gone off to pick up scraped in the carpet as soon as I started the topic) went out to the car to discuss show things.
I like this honesty. I like telling the bastards and assholes in my life what I think and that they are pissing me off. I am tired of acting miffed but not bringing up the problem that much. I like going head first into the issue and saying "Listen buddy, I am mad as hell right now and this is why. You better listen, because most of it is you and not me."
Honesty is the best policy after all.