::Insert entry title here::
I wanna be with u.........Still
So basically I still wanna be with Chris. badly. Tonite I just wanted to snuggle with him and kiss him and just do things couples would do......but I couldn't. I dunno what it was but he just was so damn cute today. and his smile...just makes me weak. uggghhhh I can't take this anymore! I am so confused when it comes to him. everyday I'm feeling something new. One day I'll be like "nah we'll be better off as friends", One day I'll say "I don't wanna be friends with him hes a stupid fucker", and then One day I'll say "omg I want him so bad". ALL THE FREAKIN TIME
and I have been in such horrible moods lately. so I've been giving him major attitudes that are pretty obvious he doesn't deserve. I kno its gotta be pushing him away and I feel that if I do finally make up my mind and want to be with him.....it'll be too late. My attitude will make him not wanna be around me (which it seems thats what hes doing), and I'm afraid when I change and everything is better again....it's gunna be too late. he'll be gone. I wanna change for him.....I WANNA BE BETTER FOR HIM. Now I know somebody's gotta be thinking "don't do it for him do it for u" cuz that crossed my mind while writing this. but I want to be with him...I will do anything to be with him. Anything.
Should I talk to him bout this? I'm not even sure I kno how to change. I'm not expecting him to tell me how to change or anything but his opinion on what he doesn't like bout me would be nice so I can change. I've been confused for so long....since I've met him...since FUCKING SEPTEMBER
I can't take this. I question every little thing I do now when it comes to him.....what I say to him, what I think when I think bout him (and I always think bout him). I can't ignore this either....tried that. tried going cold turkey too. I need help. if any 1 can give me advice or anything I would really appreciate it.