[Fic] Some Facts of a Delicate Nature (for everyone!)
Title: Some Facts of a Delicate Nature
Author: lumelle
Pairing/Characters: Oshitari/Atobe, Hyoutei
Rating: PG-13~ish
Summary: The Hyoutei team is quite shocked to realize their captain is not altogether correctly informed on the origin of babies. It falls on Oshitari to educate him on the matter.
Warnings: Includes sex-ed?
Notes: Inspired by an old study I heard of discovering that a great number of teenagers in the UK believed you can get pregnant from kissing. We all know Atobe could very well lead sheltered enough a life to end up rather misinformed.
"Man, I'm really not looking forward to going home," Gakuto declared, sighing as he put on his shirt. "Mom is probably still pissed off."
"Ahn?" Atobe apparently deemed this worth his attention, glancing over from where he was obsessing over his hair. "You managed to anger your mother?"
"Oh, right, you didn't hear," Oshitari realized. "You really should come to morning practice in time some day, you know. Helps in keeping up with the gossip." He smirked at the captain.
"Oh, shut up, Oshitari." Atobe glared at him. "Mukahi? Ore-sama asked you a question."
"No, I didn't." Gakuto sighed. "My sister did, though. I really don't know what she was thinking, just suddenly announcing she's pregnant of all things."
"And how did that happen?" Atobe sounded half amused, half bewildered.
"Well, I'd imagine her boyfriend was involved somehow," Gakuto murmured sarcastically. He bunched up his tennis jersey as though it was at fault at the current rift in his family.
"No, I mean… I don't remember you mentioning her getting married." Trust Atobe to find an opportunity to be snide no matter what the situation.
"That's because she's not," Gakuto snapped. "Which is exactly why mom is so pissed at her."
"But how'd she get pregnant if she's not married?" Oshitari was about to tell him to being an ass when he suddenly realized Atobe's confused tone was actually sincere.
"Ah… Atobe?" he said. "Forgive me for the probably stupid question, but… do you know what pregnant means?"
"Well, duh." Atobe rolled his eyes. "If a man and a woman are married and really love each other, the woman may get pregnant. Then a baby grows in her womb and in nine months, she goes to hospital to get the baby taken out."
A total silence fell over the changing room as everyone stared at Atobe. Only Kabaji stayed expressionless, standing beside Atobe as calmly as ever, but then Oshitari quite suspected not even an earthquake would have affected Kabaji's face that much.
"Ah… Atobe… it doesn't go quite like that." Oshitari sighed. Atobe got the gist of it right, yes, but the details were quite lacking to say the least.
"What do you mean?" Atobe seemed rather slighted at the implication that he was not absolutely right about something. Too bad for him that this was exactly the case at the moment.
"I mean," Oshitari said patiently, "that being married has nothing to do with getting pregnant. Nor does being in love, for that matter."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous." Atobe crossed his arms over his chest. "How else would you get children?"
Well, damn. He apparently was being serious. Oshitari glanced around at the other regulars, only to find them uniformly drawing away from the disaster.
"Don't look at me," Shishido said hurriedly. "It was awkward enough when I got the talk, I'm not getting involved in another if I can help it."
"You're the best for it anyway, Yuushi," Gakuto claimed, all but pushing him towards Atobe. "You've read all those books and everything, you know how to say things in a nice way or something. Besides, girls like you the best."
"Girls like Atobe the best," Oshitari pointed out, but found the argument rather useless in this situation. Everyone else slipped away, one by one, even Kabaji murmuring some sort of an excuse before hastily leaving the changing room. Oshitari soon found himself alone with an increasingly irritable Atobe.
"What's all this for?" Atobe asked snappishly. "And why is everyone acting like I'm some sort of an idiot?"
"Not an idiot, Atobe," Oshitari assured him. "Just somewhat… misinformed." At least it sounded vaguely better than 'ignorant'.
"About what?" Atobe demanded. "You're not going to claim babies are brought by storks, are you?"
"No, definitely not." Oshitari sighed, leaning against a wall. Now how to begin… "You, ah, are aware girls and boys have different body parts, aren't you?"
"Well, obviously." Atobe rolled his eyes. "Girls have breasts and a womb so they can have and feed the babies."
"Right. And only boys have a penis," Oshitari added.
"…Right." This time, Atobe didn't sound exactly as confident.
"Great. Now, have you ever thought of how the baby gets into the womb? Or out of there?"
"It doesn't have to get into the womb, it grows in there," Atobe replied dryly. "And I told you, the woman goes to hospital. The doctors there take the baby out."
"Through the skin?" As Atobe didn't respond, Oshitari concluded he'd have to clarify. "Look, there's a channel out of the womb that ends between the woman's legs. It's part of the female genitals, and it's called vagina." As Atobe's eyes widened minutely, Oshitari snorted. "You've apparently come across the word. Yes, it's the technical, 'clean' term, not a 'bad word'. Sure, it's generally considered improper to talk about it in polite company, but then that's the case with genitals in general."
"…Fine. Girls have different parts so they can have a baby. Happy now with my knowledge?"
"Sadly, no." Oshitari smirked. "Remember when I said it doesn't matter if you're in love or married?"
"And I said then there's no way to have children," Atobe replied.
"Ah… not exactly. Did you think the fetus - that's an unborn baby - just magically appears in the womb? Because… it doesn't. You have to have sex, first."
Atobe frowned. "I really don't think that's an appropriate subject."
"Oh, but it's perfectly appropriate." Oshitari chuckled. "I don't know what you've heard, but the fact is, people have sex. Your parents have had sex, or there would be no Atobe Keigo. Gakuto's sister and her boyfriend have had sex, or she wouldn't be pregnant. People usually frown at getting pregnant before married, at least here in Japan, but the fact is that people rarely are virgins when they get married, nowadays."
"So what does sex have to do with babies?" Atobe asked.
"Sex has everything to do with babies," Oshitari replied. "Sex is what makes women pregnant." Was he really telling this to Atobe Keigo? "See, when you like someone really, really much, you want to, ah, do things. You want to be close, hold hands, kiss… and then touch. Usually their erogenous parts."
"I don't want to touch girls," Atobe snapped. "That'd be just a waste of time."
"Ah, but surely you've at least been aroused sometimes? You've gone through your growth spurt and your voice's broken. There's no way you aren't far enough in puberty." As Atobe was still frowning, he sighed. Could the other truly be that clueless? "Be aroused. Get an erection. Get hard. You feel funny and your penis swells."
"And what does that have to do with girls?"
"Oh, for goodness' sake… I know it sometimes seems you get hard at the drop of a hat, we're healthy boys in puberty after all, but theory is it happens either through physical contact or mental arousal. I know Jirou's forced some manga on you; nosebleed signals arousal there."
"But I've never been aroused by girls." Atobe was back at the cross between confusion and annoyance.
"Then what does arouse you?" Oshitari shot back.
"Normal exciting things," Atobe claimed. "Things like watching someone play tennis really well, such as Sanada."
Oh.
…Oh.
"Atobe," Oshitari said, almost gently, "do you mean you don't want to date girls?"
"I told you. Girls are just a waste of time."
"Well… what if you were to date a boy?"
"Boys don't date other boys, idiot."
"Just bear with me for a bit here," Oshitari said, trying to be patient. "First, boys do date boys on occasion. Second… how would you feel about touching another boy? Someone you… like?"
Oshitari was certain he'd never seen Atobe look actually embarrassed, even during this whole discussion. Well, this was a first of a kind, then.
"That's just inappropriate," Atobe murmured, looking to the side.
"Oh, but sometimes it's very appropriate. See, Atobe-chan… I think you might be gay." He supposed he could have been more surprised. Atobe certainly was flamboyant enough that if he hadn't been such a macho muscle-headed idiot sometimes, he probably would have been labeled as a flaming gay ages ago.
"No, I'm not!" Atobe protested vehemently. Ah, attitudes.
"It's all right, you know," Oshitari said soothingly. "Being gay is like having blue eyes, it's just a trait. Besides, it's not like you're alone. Everyone knows Shishido and Ootori have it bad for each other."
"That's different," Atobe claimed. "They just like each other."
"Yeah, nosebleed-like." Oshitari couldn't help but chuckle at Atobe's petulant expression. "Look, just… can I kiss you?"
"Huh?" Atobe's eyes widened again.
"Can I kiss you?" Oshitari repeated. "I have a point to prove but I'd rather not rely on sexual harassment, so instead I'm asking first."
"Why would you want to kiss me?"
"To prove to you that two boys can indeed kiss and that it might arouse you." Oshitari smirked. "That, and I'm not entirely straight and you're not unattractive." To say the least.
"I don't see how that'd change anything," Atobe muttered, still looking both flushed and annoyed. "But if it makes you shut up…"
That was all the permission he needed. Oshitari stepped forward, fingers rising to touch Atobe's chin. Atobe was never bad-looking, of course, but somehow he seemed even more attractive with a slight flush on his cheeks, glaring at Oshitari.
Leaning closer, he pressed his lips over Atobe's. They tasted of some fruity lip balm, soft and well cared for.
For a moment Atobe was tense, then relaxed, too inexperienced to do much about the kiss but apparently enjoying it, considering how he leant closer. Oshitari found his hands searching the other's shoulders, holding him closer. With some practice, he was sure Atobe would be a great kisser.
His hands wandered as though on their own, sliding down Atobe's back and finally to his bottom. It was unsurprisingly rather firm and nicely shaped. Oshitari couldn't help but squeeze it a bit, drawing a gasp from Atobe in reaction.
"I hate you," Atobe murmured, a bright flush on his frowning face. Somehow, even in his embarrassment, he managed to retain the look of royal contempt so typical of the King of Hyoutei.
"Really?" Oshitari smirked, drawing Atobe's hips closer to his. The action drew a gasp from both of them this time as it was rather obvious they hadn't been unaffected by the kiss. "I'm tempted to say… you might like me instead, if your arousal is any evidence."
"It's a physical reaction," Atobe argued. "You said so yourself."
"Mm-hmm. Physical reaction to being kissed by another boy." Oshitari chuckled. "Face it, Keigo-chan. You're gay."
"I'm not convinced." Atobe folded his arms across his chest again. "There's no evidence I'd like actually dating another boy."
"My, my, Keigo-chan. Was that a challenge?" Because Oshitari almost felt like taking him up on it.
"Maybe." This time it was Atobe who kissed him, with the kind of beginner clumsiness he probably wouldn't have liked to admit to having, but at least the feeling was there. As they pulled apart again, for a moment Oshitari just looked at him, silent. It really was amazing, he thought, how the high and mighty King of Hyoutei could manage to look so very self-assured yet almost… nervous… at the same time.
There was a moment of silence. Finally, Atobe broke it.
"…Oshitari. …Yuushi."
"Mm?" was all the answer Yuushi could bother to give.
"You still didn't explain what sex has to do with babies."
Author: lumelle
Pairing/Characters: Oshitari/Atobe, Hyoutei
Rating: PG-13~ish
Summary: The Hyoutei team is quite shocked to realize their captain is not altogether correctly informed on the origin of babies. It falls on Oshitari to educate him on the matter.
Warnings: Includes sex-ed?
Notes: Inspired by an old study I heard of discovering that a great number of teenagers in the UK believed you can get pregnant from kissing. We all know Atobe could very well lead sheltered enough a life to end up rather misinformed.
"Man, I'm really not looking forward to going home," Gakuto declared, sighing as he put on his shirt. "Mom is probably still pissed off."
"Ahn?" Atobe apparently deemed this worth his attention, glancing over from where he was obsessing over his hair. "You managed to anger your mother?"
"Oh, right, you didn't hear," Oshitari realized. "You really should come to morning practice in time some day, you know. Helps in keeping up with the gossip." He smirked at the captain.
"Oh, shut up, Oshitari." Atobe glared at him. "Mukahi? Ore-sama asked you a question."
"No, I didn't." Gakuto sighed. "My sister did, though. I really don't know what she was thinking, just suddenly announcing she's pregnant of all things."
"And how did that happen?" Atobe sounded half amused, half bewildered.
"Well, I'd imagine her boyfriend was involved somehow," Gakuto murmured sarcastically. He bunched up his tennis jersey as though it was at fault at the current rift in his family.
"No, I mean… I don't remember you mentioning her getting married." Trust Atobe to find an opportunity to be snide no matter what the situation.
"That's because she's not," Gakuto snapped. "Which is exactly why mom is so pissed at her."
"But how'd she get pregnant if she's not married?" Oshitari was about to tell him to being an ass when he suddenly realized Atobe's confused tone was actually sincere.
"Ah… Atobe?" he said. "Forgive me for the probably stupid question, but… do you know what pregnant means?"
"Well, duh." Atobe rolled his eyes. "If a man and a woman are married and really love each other, the woman may get pregnant. Then a baby grows in her womb and in nine months, she goes to hospital to get the baby taken out."
A total silence fell over the changing room as everyone stared at Atobe. Only Kabaji stayed expressionless, standing beside Atobe as calmly as ever, but then Oshitari quite suspected not even an earthquake would have affected Kabaji's face that much.
"Ah… Atobe… it doesn't go quite like that." Oshitari sighed. Atobe got the gist of it right, yes, but the details were quite lacking to say the least.
"What do you mean?" Atobe seemed rather slighted at the implication that he was not absolutely right about something. Too bad for him that this was exactly the case at the moment.
"I mean," Oshitari said patiently, "that being married has nothing to do with getting pregnant. Nor does being in love, for that matter."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous." Atobe crossed his arms over his chest. "How else would you get children?"
Well, damn. He apparently was being serious. Oshitari glanced around at the other regulars, only to find them uniformly drawing away from the disaster.
"Don't look at me," Shishido said hurriedly. "It was awkward enough when I got the talk, I'm not getting involved in another if I can help it."
"You're the best for it anyway, Yuushi," Gakuto claimed, all but pushing him towards Atobe. "You've read all those books and everything, you know how to say things in a nice way or something. Besides, girls like you the best."
"Girls like Atobe the best," Oshitari pointed out, but found the argument rather useless in this situation. Everyone else slipped away, one by one, even Kabaji murmuring some sort of an excuse before hastily leaving the changing room. Oshitari soon found himself alone with an increasingly irritable Atobe.
"What's all this for?" Atobe asked snappishly. "And why is everyone acting like I'm some sort of an idiot?"
"Not an idiot, Atobe," Oshitari assured him. "Just somewhat… misinformed." At least it sounded vaguely better than 'ignorant'.
"About what?" Atobe demanded. "You're not going to claim babies are brought by storks, are you?"
"No, definitely not." Oshitari sighed, leaning against a wall. Now how to begin… "You, ah, are aware girls and boys have different body parts, aren't you?"
"Well, obviously." Atobe rolled his eyes. "Girls have breasts and a womb so they can have and feed the babies."
"Right. And only boys have a penis," Oshitari added.
"…Right." This time, Atobe didn't sound exactly as confident.
"Great. Now, have you ever thought of how the baby gets into the womb? Or out of there?"
"It doesn't have to get into the womb, it grows in there," Atobe replied dryly. "And I told you, the woman goes to hospital. The doctors there take the baby out."
"Through the skin?" As Atobe didn't respond, Oshitari concluded he'd have to clarify. "Look, there's a channel out of the womb that ends between the woman's legs. It's part of the female genitals, and it's called vagina." As Atobe's eyes widened minutely, Oshitari snorted. "You've apparently come across the word. Yes, it's the technical, 'clean' term, not a 'bad word'. Sure, it's generally considered improper to talk about it in polite company, but then that's the case with genitals in general."
"…Fine. Girls have different parts so they can have a baby. Happy now with my knowledge?"
"Sadly, no." Oshitari smirked. "Remember when I said it doesn't matter if you're in love or married?"
"And I said then there's no way to have children," Atobe replied.
"Ah… not exactly. Did you think the fetus - that's an unborn baby - just magically appears in the womb? Because… it doesn't. You have to have sex, first."
Atobe frowned. "I really don't think that's an appropriate subject."
"Oh, but it's perfectly appropriate." Oshitari chuckled. "I don't know what you've heard, but the fact is, people have sex. Your parents have had sex, or there would be no Atobe Keigo. Gakuto's sister and her boyfriend have had sex, or she wouldn't be pregnant. People usually frown at getting pregnant before married, at least here in Japan, but the fact is that people rarely are virgins when they get married, nowadays."
"So what does sex have to do with babies?" Atobe asked.
"Sex has everything to do with babies," Oshitari replied. "Sex is what makes women pregnant." Was he really telling this to Atobe Keigo? "See, when you like someone really, really much, you want to, ah, do things. You want to be close, hold hands, kiss… and then touch. Usually their erogenous parts."
"I don't want to touch girls," Atobe snapped. "That'd be just a waste of time."
"Ah, but surely you've at least been aroused sometimes? You've gone through your growth spurt and your voice's broken. There's no way you aren't far enough in puberty." As Atobe was still frowning, he sighed. Could the other truly be that clueless? "Be aroused. Get an erection. Get hard. You feel funny and your penis swells."
"And what does that have to do with girls?"
"Oh, for goodness' sake… I know it sometimes seems you get hard at the drop of a hat, we're healthy boys in puberty after all, but theory is it happens either through physical contact or mental arousal. I know Jirou's forced some manga on you; nosebleed signals arousal there."
"But I've never been aroused by girls." Atobe was back at the cross between confusion and annoyance.
"Then what does arouse you?" Oshitari shot back.
"Normal exciting things," Atobe claimed. "Things like watching someone play tennis really well, such as Sanada."
Oh.
…Oh.
"Atobe," Oshitari said, almost gently, "do you mean you don't want to date girls?"
"I told you. Girls are just a waste of time."
"Well… what if you were to date a boy?"
"Boys don't date other boys, idiot."
"Just bear with me for a bit here," Oshitari said, trying to be patient. "First, boys do date boys on occasion. Second… how would you feel about touching another boy? Someone you… like?"
Oshitari was certain he'd never seen Atobe look actually embarrassed, even during this whole discussion. Well, this was a first of a kind, then.
"That's just inappropriate," Atobe murmured, looking to the side.
"Oh, but sometimes it's very appropriate. See, Atobe-chan… I think you might be gay." He supposed he could have been more surprised. Atobe certainly was flamboyant enough that if he hadn't been such a macho muscle-headed idiot sometimes, he probably would have been labeled as a flaming gay ages ago.
"No, I'm not!" Atobe protested vehemently. Ah, attitudes.
"It's all right, you know," Oshitari said soothingly. "Being gay is like having blue eyes, it's just a trait. Besides, it's not like you're alone. Everyone knows Shishido and Ootori have it bad for each other."
"That's different," Atobe claimed. "They just like each other."
"Yeah, nosebleed-like." Oshitari couldn't help but chuckle at Atobe's petulant expression. "Look, just… can I kiss you?"
"Huh?" Atobe's eyes widened again.
"Can I kiss you?" Oshitari repeated. "I have a point to prove but I'd rather not rely on sexual harassment, so instead I'm asking first."
"Why would you want to kiss me?"
"To prove to you that two boys can indeed kiss and that it might arouse you." Oshitari smirked. "That, and I'm not entirely straight and you're not unattractive." To say the least.
"I don't see how that'd change anything," Atobe muttered, still looking both flushed and annoyed. "But if it makes you shut up…"
That was all the permission he needed. Oshitari stepped forward, fingers rising to touch Atobe's chin. Atobe was never bad-looking, of course, but somehow he seemed even more attractive with a slight flush on his cheeks, glaring at Oshitari.
Leaning closer, he pressed his lips over Atobe's. They tasted of some fruity lip balm, soft and well cared for.
For a moment Atobe was tense, then relaxed, too inexperienced to do much about the kiss but apparently enjoying it, considering how he leant closer. Oshitari found his hands searching the other's shoulders, holding him closer. With some practice, he was sure Atobe would be a great kisser.
His hands wandered as though on their own, sliding down Atobe's back and finally to his bottom. It was unsurprisingly rather firm and nicely shaped. Oshitari couldn't help but squeeze it a bit, drawing a gasp from Atobe in reaction.
"I hate you," Atobe murmured, a bright flush on his frowning face. Somehow, even in his embarrassment, he managed to retain the look of royal contempt so typical of the King of Hyoutei.
"Really?" Oshitari smirked, drawing Atobe's hips closer to his. The action drew a gasp from both of them this time as it was rather obvious they hadn't been unaffected by the kiss. "I'm tempted to say… you might like me instead, if your arousal is any evidence."
"It's a physical reaction," Atobe argued. "You said so yourself."
"Mm-hmm. Physical reaction to being kissed by another boy." Oshitari chuckled. "Face it, Keigo-chan. You're gay."
"I'm not convinced." Atobe folded his arms across his chest again. "There's no evidence I'd like actually dating another boy."
"My, my, Keigo-chan. Was that a challenge?" Because Oshitari almost felt like taking him up on it.
"Maybe." This time it was Atobe who kissed him, with the kind of beginner clumsiness he probably wouldn't have liked to admit to having, but at least the feeling was there. As they pulled apart again, for a moment Oshitari just looked at him, silent. It really was amazing, he thought, how the high and mighty King of Hyoutei could manage to look so very self-assured yet almost… nervous… at the same time.
There was a moment of silence. Finally, Atobe broke it.
"…Oshitari. …Yuushi."
"Mm?" was all the answer Yuushi could bother to give.
"You still didn't explain what sex has to do with babies."