woweeh
i think im just gunna use this livejournal to bitch about shit cuz nobody looks at it anyways... cuz nobody will suspect im using it agian.. great plan ehhh?
gr so im mad bc my boyfriend decided to spend 2 of his last days in manchester on going to canada instead of being here. i understand canada is cool but im not going to see him for 5 years, you think he could stay with me for his last couple days, ya know? he says i need a reality check, saying i dont understand how long we will be .. not together.. for, but maybe it is him. he keeps saying he is thinking of what our future situation will become, but i think im the only one thinking about it and hes just putting it off bc he doesnt want to have to think about it. i dont want to think about it but its all i can think about when im stuck and home and my boyfriend is drunk getting lapdances from dirty canadian whores.. yeah. i love him and i want to stay with him but obviously i cant considering im not gunna see him .. for a long long time. i mean sure ill go see him while hes in school in florida, but only like 1ce or 2ce cuz my rents are insane. and sure he will come to visit during his vacations, but only 1ce or 2ce cuz his family wont live up here anymore, plus its a pain in the ass to come visit just for one person.
i just wish this was a story book.. so then i would know there will be a moment of revalation where i completely understand everything that is going on around me and then fix everything..
but that would mean finding a cure for cancer. its soo hard to visit aric now. hes still the same old lovable and hilarious aric, just a lot more tired and more slow from all the drugs and shit he has to do. just going over there to see him is like experiences a whole new pain, nothing like what he is going through but considering he is my cousin(my cousin, one of my best friends, and basicaly my brother) it is very painful to see him go through numerous kemo's and tons of medicine and lots of let downs. his spirits are not very high right now so i gues all i can do is visit when he is awake, and pray for him.
i pray for a lot now. i use to pray when i was little because that is what i was taught, then i prayed for something impossible for a long time and when it didnt happen i kind of lost faith. now i see you cant pray for the impossible, you cant pray for ppl who are dying to live, you can only pray that their suffering is made less and that you can help in some way. you cant pray for all illnesses to be cured, but you can pray for those who have them and their families to feel like they are not alone in the world and pray that they know you love them and are there for them. you cant pray to end all wars, but you can pray that your boyfriend who is going to fight in them will be safe and will kick some fucking ass, maybe even have some fun.
its hard to grow older and all of the sudden have all this shit dumped on your head. nothing is hard when your young.. as soon as you mature ppl start piling their shit on your shoulders. all of the sudden you are responsible for helping out with impossible tasks, and i dont mean chores like taking out the dog or your garbage, i mean like actualy helping and thinking of others before yourself. its hard to think about how much ppl have changed over the years but i think the piles of shit that are shoveled on all of us are what does it. you cant really blame someone for changing to adjust the turd pile on their shoulders, can you?
i have always had a talent for looking on the good side of things. if you gave me something bad than i could tell you what good could come from it. where there was a downside there was most def. an upside as well.. and id be the one to find it. ppl use to come to me with their problems, they still do, but not as much. i use to be a great mediator and id help my friends with all their differences and arguements. id always be in the middle of arguements bc id listen to both sides and see that both sides are right in one way or another. id make both sides see their wrong and right side and then they would solve the problem themselves. i use to be able to help my friends in the date world too. id tell them the game plan and then theyd do it (with their original way) and of corse it would work bc i planned it, and then theyd 'get the guy' so to speak.
now im so preoccupied with the shit ppl dump on me that i dont have time anymore. i dont have time to help ppl with their poop bc ive changed to fix my own problems first. no longer do i help pooperscoop my friends shit piles. i use to be able to do both my own problems and theirs.. but i gues im just losing my touch. i still dont like it when my friends have arguments tho. i would still do anything to help any of my friends. ppl always say i have "too many" best friends. never. best friends keep me strong, they are my family. i have friends that ive known for as long as i can remember, and i can still count on them whenever i need them. i build bonds, not just friendships, but bonds. a bond is not easily broken and im sure some of my bonds will never be broken. some friends i know ill see when im like 82 and we will grow old together, some on the other hand i know will eventually betray me in some way or we will just grow apart. thats just the way things go.
i feel like ive gotten some stuff off my chest but if i keep going i wont have enough for another entry, tehe.
steven is hot
gr so im mad bc my boyfriend decided to spend 2 of his last days in manchester on going to canada instead of being here. i understand canada is cool but im not going to see him for 5 years, you think he could stay with me for his last couple days, ya know? he says i need a reality check, saying i dont understand how long we will be .. not together.. for, but maybe it is him. he keeps saying he is thinking of what our future situation will become, but i think im the only one thinking about it and hes just putting it off bc he doesnt want to have to think about it. i dont want to think about it but its all i can think about when im stuck and home and my boyfriend is drunk getting lapdances from dirty canadian whores.. yeah. i love him and i want to stay with him but obviously i cant considering im not gunna see him .. for a long long time. i mean sure ill go see him while hes in school in florida, but only like 1ce or 2ce cuz my rents are insane. and sure he will come to visit during his vacations, but only 1ce or 2ce cuz his family wont live up here anymore, plus its a pain in the ass to come visit just for one person.
i just wish this was a story book.. so then i would know there will be a moment of revalation where i completely understand everything that is going on around me and then fix everything..
but that would mean finding a cure for cancer. its soo hard to visit aric now. hes still the same old lovable and hilarious aric, just a lot more tired and more slow from all the drugs and shit he has to do. just going over there to see him is like experiences a whole new pain, nothing like what he is going through but considering he is my cousin(my cousin, one of my best friends, and basicaly my brother) it is very painful to see him go through numerous kemo's and tons of medicine and lots of let downs. his spirits are not very high right now so i gues all i can do is visit when he is awake, and pray for him.
i pray for a lot now. i use to pray when i was little because that is what i was taught, then i prayed for something impossible for a long time and when it didnt happen i kind of lost faith. now i see you cant pray for the impossible, you cant pray for ppl who are dying to live, you can only pray that their suffering is made less and that you can help in some way. you cant pray for all illnesses to be cured, but you can pray for those who have them and their families to feel like they are not alone in the world and pray that they know you love them and are there for them. you cant pray to end all wars, but you can pray that your boyfriend who is going to fight in them will be safe and will kick some fucking ass, maybe even have some fun.
its hard to grow older and all of the sudden have all this shit dumped on your head. nothing is hard when your young.. as soon as you mature ppl start piling their shit on your shoulders. all of the sudden you are responsible for helping out with impossible tasks, and i dont mean chores like taking out the dog or your garbage, i mean like actualy helping and thinking of others before yourself. its hard to think about how much ppl have changed over the years but i think the piles of shit that are shoveled on all of us are what does it. you cant really blame someone for changing to adjust the turd pile on their shoulders, can you?
i have always had a talent for looking on the good side of things. if you gave me something bad than i could tell you what good could come from it. where there was a downside there was most def. an upside as well.. and id be the one to find it. ppl use to come to me with their problems, they still do, but not as much. i use to be a great mediator and id help my friends with all their differences and arguements. id always be in the middle of arguements bc id listen to both sides and see that both sides are right in one way or another. id make both sides see their wrong and right side and then they would solve the problem themselves. i use to be able to help my friends in the date world too. id tell them the game plan and then theyd do it (with their original way) and of corse it would work bc i planned it, and then theyd 'get the guy' so to speak.
now im so preoccupied with the shit ppl dump on me that i dont have time anymore. i dont have time to help ppl with their poop bc ive changed to fix my own problems first. no longer do i help pooperscoop my friends shit piles. i use to be able to do both my own problems and theirs.. but i gues im just losing my touch. i still dont like it when my friends have arguments tho. i would still do anything to help any of my friends. ppl always say i have "too many" best friends. never. best friends keep me strong, they are my family. i have friends that ive known for as long as i can remember, and i can still count on them whenever i need them. i build bonds, not just friendships, but bonds. a bond is not easily broken and im sure some of my bonds will never be broken. some friends i know ill see when im like 82 and we will grow old together, some on the other hand i know will eventually betray me in some way or we will just grow apart. thats just the way things go.
i feel like ive gotten some stuff off my chest but if i keep going i wont have enough for another entry, tehe.
steven is hot