for my lovely laura loserface =]
Well, just to see what's going on. Hmmm..
Eating habits. While in utah not only did i throw up but i stopped eating and kinda got back to my old self. i lost only ten pounds but it's the push i needed to get back on track. but i've stopped throwing up my food because it takes alot of time for me toget it there and i just don't want it to be how i do things. i'd rahter not eat. well i've ate alot since i've got back. but i don't think i've gained any weight. i'm going to s tart going back to the gym to lose the last ten and be happy finally with the way i look. i really am only finally being pushed cause my mother is a bad inf.luence and told me daily "you'll get the weight off" and jeff always tells me i'm fat even though now i think he think's i'm hot finally.
jeff. he is the finest boy i've ever dated. usually i'm not shallow and i date guys who i like personality wise and really don't care about the looks of them. but jeff, he is different. he's actually cute and he always makes me laugh (and sometimes makes me cry). lately i had been crying LOTS because i was on drugs, nothing major, and it just made me emotional so i almost fucked up our relationship thing on that. which bothers me, and is a problem. jeff won't tell me we're dtaing but we act like we're dating. we kiss and peck and hug like we're dating. we hold hands in public, most of the tyme, we fuck (OHH IT'S SO GOOD) and we go out places together. idk what his deal is but everytime i want to leave and show him that he doens't have me under his spell i just can't. he makes me want him by not being clingy and not galways showing me attentino. idk i think i love him.
utahh. i didn't even notice the time there. it went by so quickly. i can't even believe that i was there. being with my mother and her other just efels like a dream now that i'm in michigan again. i just cant' fathom that i took the bus and dind't see my ferinds for a month. it's weird. i miss her but then again i don.t. my dating jeff is causing a rukus in the family. they don't see how i can love outside my color, which i again think is FUCKING IGNORANT, and they say brash remarks and are quick to blame him and guilt me.
in a way i miss doing heroin, cause i did it like a little bit this summer, but since i've went to utah i havent, but i stil lmiss it. idk if that makes me a drug addict or what. i just know that while in utah i CHOSE not to drink or even go to this park where they sell anyting you want because i'm trying to do good with my life. school is coming up and i'm just nervous that thinsg will be different. i have to lost the last ten before school starts. 125 is my goal forever. i won't have to lost any weight after taht.
but alright i'm outtie laura hope you like, i'll write more anotyiher time cause there is more i just can't remmeber anymore. :) love yo uboo.
Eating habits. While in utah not only did i throw up but i stopped eating and kinda got back to my old self. i lost only ten pounds but it's the push i needed to get back on track. but i've stopped throwing up my food because it takes alot of time for me toget it there and i just don't want it to be how i do things. i'd rahter not eat. well i've ate alot since i've got back. but i don't think i've gained any weight. i'm going to s tart going back to the gym to lose the last ten and be happy finally with the way i look. i really am only finally being pushed cause my mother is a bad inf.luence and told me daily "you'll get the weight off" and jeff always tells me i'm fat even though now i think he think's i'm hot finally.
jeff. he is the finest boy i've ever dated. usually i'm not shallow and i date guys who i like personality wise and really don't care about the looks of them. but jeff, he is different. he's actually cute and he always makes me laugh (and sometimes makes me cry). lately i had been crying LOTS because i was on drugs, nothing major, and it just made me emotional so i almost fucked up our relationship thing on that. which bothers me, and is a problem. jeff won't tell me we're dtaing but we act like we're dating. we kiss and peck and hug like we're dating. we hold hands in public, most of the tyme, we fuck (OHH IT'S SO GOOD) and we go out places together. idk what his deal is but everytime i want to leave and show him that he doens't have me under his spell i just can't. he makes me want him by not being clingy and not galways showing me attentino. idk i think i love him.
utahh. i didn't even notice the time there. it went by so quickly. i can't even believe that i was there. being with my mother and her other just efels like a dream now that i'm in michigan again. i just cant' fathom that i took the bus and dind't see my ferinds for a month. it's weird. i miss her but then again i don.t. my dating jeff is causing a rukus in the family. they don't see how i can love outside my color, which i again think is FUCKING IGNORANT, and they say brash remarks and are quick to blame him and guilt me.
in a way i miss doing heroin, cause i did it like a little bit this summer, but since i've went to utah i havent, but i stil lmiss it. idk if that makes me a drug addict or what. i just know that while in utah i CHOSE not to drink or even go to this park where they sell anyting you want because i'm trying to do good with my life. school is coming up and i'm just nervous that thinsg will be different. i have to lost the last ten before school starts. 125 is my goal forever. i won't have to lost any weight after taht.
but alright i'm outtie laura hope you like, i'll write more anotyiher time cause there is more i just can't remmeber anymore. :) love yo uboo.