(no subject)
i've been trying to explain this to him, when it's really myself who needs to make things clearer.
i was thinking he was feeling obliged. too nice to say no, so asked him what was the deal with him, straight up. last night i thought it was fine. it's fine if we don't go out, he needs to sort himself out, though he thinks im a 'bloody groovy girl' and im his type, so i should be happy enough by that. but when i go to sleep thinking of him, get woken up at 1.30 by a call from him, and a message at 4 in the morning... i wake up thinking of him and can't get it out of my system.
so i was the one who was apologising in the morning. made him 'foncused' (ahha...). im sorry, but im not one who can handle having so much of you but not really have have you. coz i do want you..so badly... and it's not right to just have you just coming in and out, even just as friends, even just coz of the 'groovy-ness thing'..coz it's tempting, and it's hurting, and i don't want it to be this way. it's crazy, it honestly is. when there's finally a guy with enough balls to not be intimidated by me (just yet), there's always gota be some stupid reason stopping it. just my luck he was in a 3yr relationship that only ended recently. just my fucken luck. most guys would be running a mile, but he's somewhere around. perhaps being way too nice about it? i don't know. but yes, he was still hanging around after i pushed him away in a couple of different directions.
i wish i could just disappear.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i was thinking he was feeling obliged. too nice to say no, so asked him what was the deal with him, straight up. last night i thought it was fine. it's fine if we don't go out, he needs to sort himself out, though he thinks im a 'bloody groovy girl' and im his type, so i should be happy enough by that. but when i go to sleep thinking of him, get woken up at 1.30 by a call from him, and a message at 4 in the morning... i wake up thinking of him and can't get it out of my system.
so i was the one who was apologising in the morning. made him 'foncused' (ahha...). im sorry, but im not one who can handle having so much of you but not really have have you. coz i do want you..so badly... and it's not right to just have you just coming in and out, even just as friends, even just coz of the 'groovy-ness thing'..coz it's tempting, and it's hurting, and i don't want it to be this way. it's crazy, it honestly is. when there's finally a guy with enough balls to not be intimidated by me (just yet), there's always gota be some stupid reason stopping it. just my luck he was in a 3yr relationship that only ended recently. just my fucken luck. most guys would be running a mile, but he's somewhere around. perhaps being way too nice about it? i don't know. but yes, he was still hanging around after i pushed him away in a couple of different directions.
i wish i could just disappear.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH