Bleeding The Poison. I'm dry.
I'm currently sitting on my porch typing which if you look at the post time; it should say something. My fingers are numb which is appropriately ironic considering that's what I feel like inside. I hear a wind chime in the distance. Today was interesting. I thought I was going to die. I really did. I think people say that a lot, but I had a complete panic attack doing 75 down I-10. Its like my muscles tightened, and i couldn't move. I barely pulled over in time. Then, I just laid in my car seat. I couldn't think. It just felt like I was paralyzed and my heart was racing. Sorry, if my sentences seem disjointed, but I don't know what is going on. The result was a moment of complete and utter clarity. I grew a pair but lost a friend.
It seems like everyone has someone, and I'm sitting on my porch in the cold. I'm wasting my life. Self-medicating won't help. There's not enough vodka in the world. It only makes it worse. Maybe, I'll just sit here until day trying to find solace in the words written by others trying to find a kindred spirit. I hate winter. I want you. I never even was close. Merely, the understudy looking for his big break. I feel used, but the only person using me is me. Trying to find some sort of pattern in the chaos. Jacked up grills and cold winter chills. Scared to smile. Christmas trees and big red bows. Broken hearts and panic attacks. The flame of hope went out. My pilot light is gone. Big blue eyes and empty skies. Laughing nights and futile fights. US-71 and a storm in Houston. I'm running from the thunder, but you can't escape the lighting. Maybe no one has anyone. Maybe I'm just being honest with myself. Maybe I'm full of shit. Five years, and I'm still staring at the remains of my burned bridges. Honesty isn't the best policy. Maybe, just going through motions with a smile and a nod. Maybe, someday I'll get my shot. Maybe someday, I stop being the one to pick up the pieces. And we'll pick up the pieces of me. Shattered dreams across I-10. I want to feel. I want to breath. Cut the cords around my lungs.
Who the fuck am I kidding? Who would want me? The fucked up writings of someone who should have been happy with what they had. Going all-in. Steady now. Steady now. If I close my eyes, I'm scared of what I'm going to see. Ain't coming back until the morning light. At least, I can still hear the chimes. At least, I still have your smile. The wind stopped. Maybe there is a God. Maybe there's not. Doesn't really matter does it? I'm doing the best I can. Its what you wanted.
and you said I love you more than the stars in the sky
but your aliveness just gets me tonight.
It seems like everyone has someone, and I'm sitting on my porch in the cold. I'm wasting my life. Self-medicating won't help. There's not enough vodka in the world. It only makes it worse. Maybe, I'll just sit here until day trying to find solace in the words written by others trying to find a kindred spirit. I hate winter. I want you. I never even was close. Merely, the understudy looking for his big break. I feel used, but the only person using me is me. Trying to find some sort of pattern in the chaos. Jacked up grills and cold winter chills. Scared to smile. Christmas trees and big red bows. Broken hearts and panic attacks. The flame of hope went out. My pilot light is gone. Big blue eyes and empty skies. Laughing nights and futile fights. US-71 and a storm in Houston. I'm running from the thunder, but you can't escape the lighting. Maybe no one has anyone. Maybe I'm just being honest with myself. Maybe I'm full of shit. Five years, and I'm still staring at the remains of my burned bridges. Honesty isn't the best policy. Maybe, just going through motions with a smile and a nod. Maybe, someday I'll get my shot. Maybe someday, I stop being the one to pick up the pieces. And we'll pick up the pieces of me. Shattered dreams across I-10. I want to feel. I want to breath. Cut the cords around my lungs.
Who the fuck am I kidding? Who would want me? The fucked up writings of someone who should have been happy with what they had. Going all-in. Steady now. Steady now. If I close my eyes, I'm scared of what I'm going to see. Ain't coming back until the morning light. At least, I can still hear the chimes. At least, I still have your smile. The wind stopped. Maybe there is a God. Maybe there's not. Doesn't really matter does it? I'm doing the best I can. Its what you wanted.
and you said I love you more than the stars in the sky
but your aliveness just gets me tonight.