Mini's First Time [FanFic]
Title: Mini's First Time
Author: Tooks
Pairing: Foyet, Lil Foyet, JJ, some Henry and Amber Canardo
Rating: FRM
Summary: Officer Foyet has some very special gifts for his daughter, Lil, on her 10th birthday
Notes: This is for mcgarrygirl78's prompt of K is for Knife, Foyet, Lil Foyet, JJ at my Alphabet Meme. It's set in the Noir AU "Living For the Night" (thanks let_it_linger21 for the name). Again, first person (Foyet's POV), dark, gritty, real noir title, cursing, violence, and a death.
Funny, never saw myself as caring all that much for a female. Sure they’re good for a fun time or two, and some are more tolerable than most, but otherwise they aren’t worth the investment. But Lil…that girl’s worth it. She gets me, I get her, and that makes her just a little bit better than the average idiot out there. Not that I’ve gone all soft, I’ll never let a bitch run roughshod over me, but I do give my girl a little leeway. Gotta cut your kids some slack now and then, am I right? I'm right.
I pull up to the school and there she is waiting for me like a pup. She’s all blond hair in pigtails and schoolgirl uniform. The perfect little angel. No one would have a clue what she’s capable of. Two pets, three strays, and one attempt on her baby bro…took all my control not to let a chuckle pass my lips on that last one. I mean, who thinks a mother’s not going to notice her baby’s under a pile of blankets and pillows? Silly girl.
She’s grins and skips as she heads over to the passenger side of the car. “Hey Daddy!”
“Hey Sunshine.” Heard other dads go with that and it seems to work with her hair. “How was school?”
Her eyes roll. “Thanks loads for getting me outta there early,” she goes to toss her bag in the back as she gets in the passenger seat. “I was going nuts.”
“Why’s that?”
She gives a girlish giggle, “Because I’m surrounded by complete retards.” Lil’s keeping the cutesy thing going simply for laughs now. “And if I didn’t get outta there soon the teacher was gonna get a pencil jammed in her eye-socket.”
“Seatbelt.” I remind with a laugh before heading back out into traffic. “Excited about your birthday?”
“Duh!” She rolls her eyes again as if I’ve just asked the stupidest question in the world.
I laugh it off. “So, whaddya want?”
Lil shifts excitedly in her seat to look at me, “I want what every little girl wants.”
“If you tell me you want a pony I’m gonna smack you on principle alone.” I retort, half teasing. I would smack her for that, but only if I thought she was serious about the request.
She laughs some “I want a knife, a real one, not some little pocketknife like you got me last year.”
I give her a warning look about dismissing any gifts I get her.
“Don’t get me wrong,” she talks fast, covering her ass as she goes, “I love my Swiss Army, it’s too cute and more than enough for the day to day but I’m gonna be ten now. I want one like you got with a nice handle and a blade longer than inch.” She gives a saccharine smile, “I just wanna be like you, Daddy,” then her eyes soften, “please, Daddy, can’t I have a cool knife like you have?”
The final act is her batting her long lashes at me which is a little over-the-top but I have to admire the effort. I have to admire how quickly she’s learned all I’ve taught her about fitting in, about getting her way, and about keeping that innocent mask on at all times. It took me a while to figure it out, but Lil seems a natural…or I’m just a great teacher.
“I was thinking today we’d go have a little fun, just the two of us.”
“Our kind of fun?”
“What other kind of fun is there worth having?”
“Especially on my birthday,” my girl points out with a slight smugness.
“Especially on your birthday.”
My girl sits back in her seat with a genuine smile.
***
I drive us down to the swamplands, which isn’t anywhere I’ve taken my daughter before but I have something special planned. Something beyond our usual hunts together. (What else would we do? Take a father-daughter dance class? Not about to happen.)
I find a nice spot that’s near the cabin but not conspicuous and park before getting out. Lil follows me on her side to the trunk with a thoughtful frown. “Why are we here, Daddy?”
“Why do you think?”
“But we didn’t get my things.” The play clothes that she can get dirty, the hunting knife I hold onto just for her, and the general things kids like to have with them…snacks, juice boxes, and a spare toy to keep them entertained.
I work to open the trunk as I answer, “Have you ever known me to go anywhere unprepared?”
“No.”
“You think I’d forget you need your things?”
“No.”
I pull out a large duffle bag and drop it on the ground. “Then stop you’re whining, you sound just like your mother.”
“I’m not whining!”
My hand covers her mouth in a quick move and I apply just enough pressure to her jaw to let her know I’m not about to indulge that shit. “You wanna have fun today?”
Her eyes stay locked on mine, but her head nods the best it can and she’s not trying to talk. She’s not scared, but she’s obeying and that's enough for me for the time being.
“Then knock it off.” I let go with a little push before going to shut the trunk and grab the bag. “Now come on, we’re doing something special today.”
“Really?” The excitement is back in her voice as if nothing happened. I always like how Lil bounces right back, I hear most kids start crying all the more after you try to discipline them. “What are we gonna do, Daddy?”
“Something special.” I repeat simply as I head up the steps to the front porch and start working on the lock with a few tools I have tucked in my pocket. It isn’t until I get the door unlocked and open that I turn back to my daughter with a smile. “Something super special. Now, shhh,” I put my finger to my lips, giving her a pleasant smile as I let her enter the house first.
The inside is dark; the only light is what the sun and its reflection off the waters nearby can push through heavy foliage and grimy windows. It’s really rather perfect for my gift to Lil; there's enough darkness to stay hidden from those coming in, but still enough light that we’ll be able to see out.
I shut and lock the door back up then head to the couch where I drop the duffle bag, open it, and signal for Lil to come over. I pull out her dark wash jeans, black sweatshirt, and sneakers. “Go change and I’ll give you your first early birthday present.”
“I’m getting more than one?”
“Only after you change.”
Lil’s at the back of the couch, balancing her tiny frame on it some with her stomach, and when she reaches for the clothes she nearly faceplants into the couch. I got her though, let her tip just enough to reach the clothes before setting a hand on the back of her legs and pressing down so her feet return to solid ground with a “woah” and giggle from her. “Thanks Daddy.” I smile at her as I grab other things out the bag. “Um…where do I change?”
I look up at her a moment and shrug, “You could always try the kitchen.”
“Ew.”
I chuckle some seeing her point. “How about the bathroom?”
“Okay!” She scurries off to find the bathroom.
When I’m sure she’s not about to pop back out I pull the box up from the bottom of the bag and prop it on the back of the couch. It’s wrapped in deep purple paper with a paler purple bow on top. Not my work, I got someone else to do it for me…I’m good with scissors, not so good with paper. I gave instructions on what kind of wrapping though and picked out the card too. Took forever to find one that didn’t make me vomit from syrupy words and cutesy pictures, but I found one. Strangely enough I actually give a shit about the presentation of these things now, for Lil anyway. JJ says it’s because I care. Maybe she’s right, I don’t know.
I’m setting the card on top of the gift when I hear feet moving quickly towards me. Staying quiet still isn’t one of Lil’s strong suits but she’s better than most brats so, just so long as it’s not bothering me, I let it slide.
The dark clothes make Lil fade into the shadows with just her hair to catch the light causing an odd halo effect. “Is that mine?” My little Angel of Darkness asks like she doesn’t know even when her smile says otherwise.
“Who else’s would it be?”
She runs up to the couch and snatches the box, card and all, before plopping on an armchair nearby. Like the polite girl I’ve taught her to be she goes for the card first and opens it up before giving a small laugh, “It’s so cool you didn’t get a lame one.”
“Have I ever?”
“I don’t think so.”
I shake my head to indicate I haven’t as I set aside the bag to sit on the couch nearest my daughter. I watch as Lil tears into the ribbon and paper like a little animal and all I can think is how amazing of a killer she’ll be one day. She’s ferocious even with just her hands.
When the box is bare and the paper little more than shreds she carefully looks it over. “It’s a wooden box.” The disappointment is crystallized in her tone.
“That’s just the case, Lil,” I roll my eyes a touch wondering how such a smart girl can be so dumb, “the gift is inside.”
“Oh.” She giggles in embarrassment as she goes to open it. Her eyes go wide. They glow as they suck in all the available sunlight and her mouth drops, then turns into a grin. I sense the shriek before it comes out of her mouth as she bounces in her seat. She almost forgets to set the box aside before jumping from her seat to my lap where she gives me an almost choking-strength hug. “Thank you, Daddy! Thank you thank you thank you!”
My daughter’s probably the only person ever I haven’t minded hugging ‘just because’. I can’t help it. Whether her signs of affection are legit or just efforts to manipulate me I feel compelled to reciprocate them. “You’re welcome.” That being said, eventually I do pull her off me. “So you like them?”
“Oh my god,” Lil scrambles off me and back to her new knives, “they are so cool!”
She delicately pulls one out and lets go of one handle to let the other and the blade fall out. In a quick twisting of her wrists my girl’s got the butterfly knife set and ready to go. “Is it sharp?” she asks as she gently presses a finger to the blade.
“What would you do with a dull blade?” I gather up the scrapes of paper and stuff them in the bag.
She starts playing with the blade, flipping it in and out of the handles with a respectable amount of speed given any age. I taught her to use them at the station a while back, not wanting to give her a gift that she’d only hurt herself on.
“Careful you don’t slice your finger off or it’ll ruin the rest of my surprises.”
“I won’t!” she chirps between the click-clack, click-clack of the play of the blade. “This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home,” she runs through the rhyme fast, matching the speed of the blade, click-clack click-clack, “this little piggy had none and this little piggy,” she catches the two handles and examines the blade with a mesmerized look, “well he’s not going anywhere.” Lil's smirking, smiling, giggling as she sets the blade back into its handles.
I hear twigs snap and the ground crinkle under the tires of a car. I go to stand, setting the bag on the floor and pulling out two paint ball masks.
“What was that?” Lil grows curious.
“Your other present.”
“My other present?”
I turn some to help her pull the small mask on. Seriously she looks kind of ridiculous with it on, but better safe than sorry. “You know how you’re always wanting to come with me on my little adventures?” The mask moves comically as she nods. “Well now you’re on one.” I give her a little wink and smile. “But it’s a little dangerous so I want you to stay hidden in the bathroom until I tell you to come out.”
“Dangerous?”
“You know how stray cats fight?”
“Uh huh.”
“Well people fight more than that and they’re better at it too.”
“We’re gonna kill a person? Like a real one?”
I smile softly, “Just stay in the bathroom until I call for you, okay Sunshine?”
“O-Okay.” She seems unsure for some reason. Maybe she’s just a little nervous, I was nervous in the beginning. Either way she doesn’t need to be told twice as she takes off.
I tuck myself on the other side of the wall in the kitchen and wait. I listen carefully to the steps up to the front door, the clicks of the key sliding into the lock, the creak of the door opening. I use that last sound as cover to slide my revolver out, then cock it to the sounds made by Amber dropping her keys and sidearm by the door. I count out the steps to guess where she is in the room, envision her stopping when she spots the dark mass of the duffle bag on the other side of her couch, and wait two to five seconds after her footfalls stop before I roll out from my hiding spot and fire twice; once in the knee, once in the gut.
All that comes out of Canardo is a yell, a grunt, and a groan of curses as she hits the floor. “Wh-what the…fuck?”
I head over to her, gun at the ready just in case, “You think I wouldn’t find out?” I growl out under the mask.
“G-George?”
“Mmm…” is the only reply I give before nudging about her body with my foot to ensure there isn’t a second weapon hidden on her. When I’m sure there isn’t I tuck the gun in the back of my pants, pull the mask up, and kneel down before the woman. “I’d think, after so many years of partnership, you’d have been a little smarter, Amber.”
“What are you talking about?”
I look over her some, watch the blood from her stomach seep into her uniform and stain it black, then let a hand follow my eyes. I press gently about her stomach, massage almost, “Did you really think I’d leave her for you? That whatever you’re carrying in there is even remotely going to match what I already have in Lil?” I let a finger slip into the wound through the fabric, enjoy the feel the warm wetness of her insides as the woman arches. It’s just like when we fuck, though her face shows pain and not pleasure now. “I know you talked to that freak kid-diddler, Curtis, about my daughter.”
I pull out, crooking my finger as I do, which nearly gets Amber to cry...pass out...maybe both. She stays with me enough to snipe though, “Fuck you. Just kill me.”
“You’re not my kill to have.” I tell her before standing and calling for my baby girl. “Lil! Come on out, your present’s ready!”
Lil’s slower and softer in her steps this time seeming to know the importance of things to come. When she finally appears she’s got her hands at her side, one holding the knife she’d been playing with earlier, and she’s shifting a lot. “Daddy?”
“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Amber half groans out, half laughs.
I kick her in the head with the order to shut up. Out of the corner of my eye I see Lil jump at the act, shrink back some. I take a deep breath in and out to calm myself, soften my overall appearance for for my girl. “It’s okay Lil, come on,” I smooth out my voice, get rid of the growl. She takes tentative steps towards me, her eyes darting between Amber and me behind her mask. When she reaches me I pull her mask up and off her. “What’s the matter, sweetie? Are you scared?”
“No,” she says in a tone that’s unsure of her own answer.
“Don’t be scared.” I rub her back a little with the unbloodied hand to comfort and reassure her. “She’s not dangerous anymore.”
Lil looks at me, then down at Amber who’s taken to holding her gut as if she might actually be able to stop the slow, insistent, bleed. “Hey, I know you,” Lil smiles a little, “you’re Daddy’s partner,” the smile leaves in a narrowing of the eyes, “I don’t like you.”
This was the main reason I’d chosen my partner as Lil’s first real victim. Amber never held back on her thoughts about my daughter and how my girl was making me her lapdog, not even to Lil. The last time the two females had been in the same room Amber suggested a few not-so-please possibilities on how the girl was able to get my attention over her and Lil countered in trying to staple the woman’s hand to the desk…probably would’ve succeeded too if it’d been a more powerful stapler. After that Amber turned to attempts at blackmailing me with the brat she was apparently carrying and getting some pedophile to kidnap Lil. It became pretty clear Amber had to go and I felt Lil would have an easier first time with someone she already hated.
My daughter smiles up at me a little, “You’re gonna kill her for me, Daddy?”
“No, baby, you get to kill her.”
“Oh...fuck...” Amber’s breathing is getting labored, beads of sweat are creeping up along with gooseflesh, and she’s shaking a little. Amazing how alike people can look in the throes of passion as they do in the ones of death.
“But I don’t know how.” Lil’s voice whispers the confession to me.
I give a small laugh, “Sure you do, Lil.” I bend down once more. “Just think of Amber here as a big cat, you’ve killed plenty of those, right?”
Lil nods some, lets her hand and gravity work to release the blade on her knife, but is still hesitant.
Amber takes the opportunity. “No, it’s not. It’s different. They scream and cry and beg. Th-they call out for their mommies.”
My knife buries itself in the center of her throat and I swear I can feel the pop of her voice box. I bite my lip some to hide my own excitement at the sound, pull out the blade, then move back on my heels to keep from going overboard. I don't want to ruin the kill and take my daughter's special birthday present from her. I hear a heavy exhale that doesn’t come from me or Amber and look back.
Lil’s mouth is open and her eyes fixed on the blood gurgling from the new hole I made in Canardo. The girl shuffles her feet forward some, gets on her knees beside me, and seems to examine the woman with the curiosity of any child. She starts to smile a little. “Cool.” Lil reaches out for the hole.
I give a soft chuckle, but stop her hand, “No prints.”
That’s not the real reason. The real reason is I don’t want Lil putting her fingers in wounds I’ve created; I don’t want to see her do that with any wounds. Maybe I’m being uptight, but I’d just rather not watch my baby girl doing that.
I bring things back to business. “You remember where the major arteries and veins are?” Lil nods some. “So think about how you want the blood to come out before stabbing.”
“Couldn’t I just…go for the heart?”
“Breastplate,” I remind with a tap to Amber’s chest.
“Under the ribs,” Lil counters before smiling at me, “My blade’s long enough, isn’t it, Daddy?”
I shrug, “It’s worth a try.” No harm in letting a child experiment a little, it’s how they learn after all.
Lil pulls back with her knife, ready to strike, when she hesitates. The girl takes a deep breath seeming to calm her nerves and clear her head before giving the woman a poke with her blade.
Amber’s body twitches, she gurgles and groans, hanging onto life as she reacts to the stimuli.
I give a small laugh, it’s pretty clear my girl’s unsure. It’s cute really. Like a kitten toying with a mouse, still unsure how to make that kill even while sure it wants to. “You need some help?”
“I can do it.” Lil insists stubbornly as she pokes a bit more. Then she goes for it, using all her strength she shoves the blade in between ribs. It’s rough, unskilled, and I know it’s going to be twice as messy when the blade comes out. But it is successful.
Lil seems to know that too as she moves her attention from the wound to Amber’s face, watching life leave the woman with the same amazement that another kid might watch life come into the world on a farm somewhere. Even a good full minute after my little girl can’t look away, can’t remove the blade, can’t do anything but stare and mouth-breathe.
Eventually it starts to make me a touch unnerved so I go to put an end to it. “Okay, Lil, come on, we gotta clean up.”
“I wanna look.” Lil insists, her little hand twisting the knife as if curious if anything will happen. It’s won’t though. Canardo died the moment Lil took the plunge.
“She’s dead, Lil.” I stand up. “Go take a shower and change back into your school clothes. Now.” I go to pull at Lil’s free hand and force her up to stand. “I’ll clean your knife and everything.”
***
It takes me twice the usual time to leave a crime scene with Lil lingering and stalling like she does. Still, I’m able to clean up evidence she and I were there and stage the scene to look like it might be someone else. Odds are I’ll still probably be looked at, gossiped about, over this but it'll never go beyond that. I’m too good at what I do for things to ever go beyond that.
I let Lil play with the butterfly knife she used on Amber as we drive home. Her movements are slower than at the cabin and she focuses more on the blade this time. Every so often she stops her movements completely to just examine the cleaned silver steel. Bring it to her face, scan it inch-by-inch with her eyes, run her fingers over the flat ends. Halfway home my girl finally speaks. “Have you killed lots of people, Daddy?”
“I’ve killed enough.” A shrug joins my answer.
“Enough?”
“To know that it gets easier as you go.”
Lil goes silent, her focus seeming to return to her knife, but then speaks once more. "How old were you when you first killed somebody?"
I smile with a bit of pride, "I was nine."
"Who was it?"
"My parents." Lil looks up, shock striking her face. "They weren't like us, Lil, and I was better without them so I got rid of them." I don't tell her how. I don't want her getting any clear ideas, exact methods she can try that'll shine a light back onto my parents' deaths...ones dismissed as accidental.
Lil closes her blade, "Are we gonna do that with Mommy and Henry?"
"No, Sweetheart, they help us."
"How?"
"They keep us looking normal and that's very important."
"Oh...okay." When we arrive back at the house Lil finally smiles once again, her period of reflection and thoughtfulness seemingly over for now. “I can’t wait to show Mommy the gift you got me!” She’s already half out the car when I grab her by the back of the shirt and pull her back.
“Lil, you can’t tell Mom about these gifts. The knives or the lady.”
“But I wanna play with my knives.”
“You can when it’s just us.”
“I wanna play with my knives now!” She yells with a glare at me.
The urge to put her in place with a good smack rises up quick, but I suppress it. “Either you put them away now,” I growl out, “or that one’s going in your guts.”
Lil keeps staring back, trying to read the level of seriousness in my eyes, before folding. “Fine,” she goes to toss the knife back in the box and leaves the whole thing on the floor of the car before getting out. “I can’t wait to see what else I got!” She states happily, already onto the next thing as she pulls her schoolbag from the back seat.
The five-year-old, Henry, immediately scurries behind its mother’s legs at seeing Lil and I come through the door. The mother, however, stands strong with a smile. “Hey guys, how was your day?”
“Awesome!” Lil announces gleefully. “Daddy picked me up early from school so we could spend time together!”
JJ gives me a slightly less-than-impressed look. I shrug it off. “It’s her birthday.”
My wife just sighs some and turns her attention back to our daughter, “You should do your homework today so you can just enjoy your party without having to worry about it tomorrow.”
“I already did my homework.” Lil lies with a bright smile.
JJ’s eyes flicker up at me for confirmation and I go with it. “She did it while we had lunch at McDonald’s.” I think JJ knows I’m lying too, but she doesn’t bother to press it.
It doesn’t matter anyway. I make the effort to ensure Lil’s got things in order before school and she usually does. Things come easy to her, she can do her homework in a few minutes while in front of the TV and still go without mistakes. It reminds me of me at that age; great success with little effort.
“Can I have my party today?” Lil asks, smile growing a touch. I’m guessing she expects a yes.
“No, Lil, everything is planned for tomorrow.”
“Please,” the girl sing-songs the word in her sweetest voice as she heads over to her mother, “It’d be so cool if I could have my party today.”
“But then what would you do tomorrow, Lil?” JJ points out with a smile.
Lil giggles, “Have another party.”
Both JJ and I laugh a little.
“How about a slice of cake, Lil?” JJ offers, “Would that be alright for now?”
“A slice of cake and a present.” Lil counter-offers before looking over at me with a slight smirk, “Daddy already gave me an early present, didn’t you, Daddy?”
“Did I?” I can feel my heart nearly skip a beat.
“Sure you did,” the girl giggles, then turns back to her mother, “and you should too, Mommy. Then it’s fair.”
“What present did Daddy give you early, exactly?” JJ looks up at me curiously. As far as she knows all of Lil’s presents are one we bought and still locked up in the attic for tomorrow.
“He got me out of school early,” Lil replies simply before looking back at me. She gives me a small wink and I have to seriously wonder if my own daughter isn’t fucking with me.
Thankfully JJ simply smiles, relieved that nothing more was hidden from her by us. “Okay, Lil, you can have a slice of cake and a small gift today.”
“Yay!” Lil seems satisfied with the concession. “Can I have two?” …Well almost…
"CHILDHOOD: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge." ~ Rick Bayan, The Cynic's Dictionary
Author: Tooks
Pairing: Foyet, Lil Foyet, JJ, some Henry and Amber Canardo
Rating: FRM
Summary: Officer Foyet has some very special gifts for his daughter, Lil, on her 10th birthday
Notes: This is for mcgarrygirl78's prompt of K is for Knife, Foyet, Lil Foyet, JJ at my Alphabet Meme. It's set in the Noir AU "Living For the Night" (thanks let_it_linger21 for the name). Again, first person (Foyet's POV), dark, gritty, real noir title, cursing, violence, and a death.
Funny, never saw myself as caring all that much for a female. Sure they’re good for a fun time or two, and some are more tolerable than most, but otherwise they aren’t worth the investment. But Lil…that girl’s worth it. She gets me, I get her, and that makes her just a little bit better than the average idiot out there. Not that I’ve gone all soft, I’ll never let a bitch run roughshod over me, but I do give my girl a little leeway. Gotta cut your kids some slack now and then, am I right? I'm right.
I pull up to the school and there she is waiting for me like a pup. She’s all blond hair in pigtails and schoolgirl uniform. The perfect little angel. No one would have a clue what she’s capable of. Two pets, three strays, and one attempt on her baby bro…took all my control not to let a chuckle pass my lips on that last one. I mean, who thinks a mother’s not going to notice her baby’s under a pile of blankets and pillows? Silly girl.
She’s grins and skips as she heads over to the passenger side of the car. “Hey Daddy!”
“Hey Sunshine.” Heard other dads go with that and it seems to work with her hair. “How was school?”
Her eyes roll. “Thanks loads for getting me outta there early,” she goes to toss her bag in the back as she gets in the passenger seat. “I was going nuts.”
“Why’s that?”
She gives a girlish giggle, “Because I’m surrounded by complete retards.” Lil’s keeping the cutesy thing going simply for laughs now. “And if I didn’t get outta there soon the teacher was gonna get a pencil jammed in her eye-socket.”
“Seatbelt.” I remind with a laugh before heading back out into traffic. “Excited about your birthday?”
“Duh!” She rolls her eyes again as if I’ve just asked the stupidest question in the world.
I laugh it off. “So, whaddya want?”
Lil shifts excitedly in her seat to look at me, “I want what every little girl wants.”
“If you tell me you want a pony I’m gonna smack you on principle alone.” I retort, half teasing. I would smack her for that, but only if I thought she was serious about the request.
She laughs some “I want a knife, a real one, not some little pocketknife like you got me last year.”
I give her a warning look about dismissing any gifts I get her.
“Don’t get me wrong,” she talks fast, covering her ass as she goes, “I love my Swiss Army, it’s too cute and more than enough for the day to day but I’m gonna be ten now. I want one like you got with a nice handle and a blade longer than inch.” She gives a saccharine smile, “I just wanna be like you, Daddy,” then her eyes soften, “please, Daddy, can’t I have a cool knife like you have?”
The final act is her batting her long lashes at me which is a little over-the-top but I have to admire the effort. I have to admire how quickly she’s learned all I’ve taught her about fitting in, about getting her way, and about keeping that innocent mask on at all times. It took me a while to figure it out, but Lil seems a natural…or I’m just a great teacher.
“I was thinking today we’d go have a little fun, just the two of us.”
“Our kind of fun?”
“What other kind of fun is there worth having?”
“Especially on my birthday,” my girl points out with a slight smugness.
“Especially on your birthday.”
My girl sits back in her seat with a genuine smile.
***
I drive us down to the swamplands, which isn’t anywhere I’ve taken my daughter before but I have something special planned. Something beyond our usual hunts together. (What else would we do? Take a father-daughter dance class? Not about to happen.)
I find a nice spot that’s near the cabin but not conspicuous and park before getting out. Lil follows me on her side to the trunk with a thoughtful frown. “Why are we here, Daddy?”
“Why do you think?”
“But we didn’t get my things.” The play clothes that she can get dirty, the hunting knife I hold onto just for her, and the general things kids like to have with them…snacks, juice boxes, and a spare toy to keep them entertained.
I work to open the trunk as I answer, “Have you ever known me to go anywhere unprepared?”
“No.”
“You think I’d forget you need your things?”
“No.”
I pull out a large duffle bag and drop it on the ground. “Then stop you’re whining, you sound just like your mother.”
“I’m not whining!”
My hand covers her mouth in a quick move and I apply just enough pressure to her jaw to let her know I’m not about to indulge that shit. “You wanna have fun today?”
Her eyes stay locked on mine, but her head nods the best it can and she’s not trying to talk. She’s not scared, but she’s obeying and that's enough for me for the time being.
“Then knock it off.” I let go with a little push before going to shut the trunk and grab the bag. “Now come on, we’re doing something special today.”
“Really?” The excitement is back in her voice as if nothing happened. I always like how Lil bounces right back, I hear most kids start crying all the more after you try to discipline them. “What are we gonna do, Daddy?”
“Something special.” I repeat simply as I head up the steps to the front porch and start working on the lock with a few tools I have tucked in my pocket. It isn’t until I get the door unlocked and open that I turn back to my daughter with a smile. “Something super special. Now, shhh,” I put my finger to my lips, giving her a pleasant smile as I let her enter the house first.
The inside is dark; the only light is what the sun and its reflection off the waters nearby can push through heavy foliage and grimy windows. It’s really rather perfect for my gift to Lil; there's enough darkness to stay hidden from those coming in, but still enough light that we’ll be able to see out.
I shut and lock the door back up then head to the couch where I drop the duffle bag, open it, and signal for Lil to come over. I pull out her dark wash jeans, black sweatshirt, and sneakers. “Go change and I’ll give you your first early birthday present.”
“I’m getting more than one?”
“Only after you change.”
Lil’s at the back of the couch, balancing her tiny frame on it some with her stomach, and when she reaches for the clothes she nearly faceplants into the couch. I got her though, let her tip just enough to reach the clothes before setting a hand on the back of her legs and pressing down so her feet return to solid ground with a “woah” and giggle from her. “Thanks Daddy.” I smile at her as I grab other things out the bag. “Um…where do I change?”
I look up at her a moment and shrug, “You could always try the kitchen.”
“Ew.”
I chuckle some seeing her point. “How about the bathroom?”
“Okay!” She scurries off to find the bathroom.
When I’m sure she’s not about to pop back out I pull the box up from the bottom of the bag and prop it on the back of the couch. It’s wrapped in deep purple paper with a paler purple bow on top. Not my work, I got someone else to do it for me…I’m good with scissors, not so good with paper. I gave instructions on what kind of wrapping though and picked out the card too. Took forever to find one that didn’t make me vomit from syrupy words and cutesy pictures, but I found one. Strangely enough I actually give a shit about the presentation of these things now, for Lil anyway. JJ says it’s because I care. Maybe she’s right, I don’t know.
I’m setting the card on top of the gift when I hear feet moving quickly towards me. Staying quiet still isn’t one of Lil’s strong suits but she’s better than most brats so, just so long as it’s not bothering me, I let it slide.
The dark clothes make Lil fade into the shadows with just her hair to catch the light causing an odd halo effect. “Is that mine?” My little Angel of Darkness asks like she doesn’t know even when her smile says otherwise.
“Who else’s would it be?”
She runs up to the couch and snatches the box, card and all, before plopping on an armchair nearby. Like the polite girl I’ve taught her to be she goes for the card first and opens it up before giving a small laugh, “It’s so cool you didn’t get a lame one.”
“Have I ever?”
“I don’t think so.”
I shake my head to indicate I haven’t as I set aside the bag to sit on the couch nearest my daughter. I watch as Lil tears into the ribbon and paper like a little animal and all I can think is how amazing of a killer she’ll be one day. She’s ferocious even with just her hands.
When the box is bare and the paper little more than shreds she carefully looks it over. “It’s a wooden box.” The disappointment is crystallized in her tone.
“That’s just the case, Lil,” I roll my eyes a touch wondering how such a smart girl can be so dumb, “the gift is inside.”
“Oh.” She giggles in embarrassment as she goes to open it. Her eyes go wide. They glow as they suck in all the available sunlight and her mouth drops, then turns into a grin. I sense the shriek before it comes out of her mouth as she bounces in her seat. She almost forgets to set the box aside before jumping from her seat to my lap where she gives me an almost choking-strength hug. “Thank you, Daddy! Thank you thank you thank you!”
My daughter’s probably the only person ever I haven’t minded hugging ‘just because’. I can’t help it. Whether her signs of affection are legit or just efforts to manipulate me I feel compelled to reciprocate them. “You’re welcome.” That being said, eventually I do pull her off me. “So you like them?”
“Oh my god,” Lil scrambles off me and back to her new knives, “they are so cool!”
She delicately pulls one out and lets go of one handle to let the other and the blade fall out. In a quick twisting of her wrists my girl’s got the butterfly knife set and ready to go. “Is it sharp?” she asks as she gently presses a finger to the blade.
“What would you do with a dull blade?” I gather up the scrapes of paper and stuff them in the bag.
She starts playing with the blade, flipping it in and out of the handles with a respectable amount of speed given any age. I taught her to use them at the station a while back, not wanting to give her a gift that she’d only hurt herself on.
“Careful you don’t slice your finger off or it’ll ruin the rest of my surprises.”
“I won’t!” she chirps between the click-clack, click-clack of the play of the blade. “This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home,” she runs through the rhyme fast, matching the speed of the blade, click-clack click-clack, “this little piggy had none and this little piggy,” she catches the two handles and examines the blade with a mesmerized look, “well he’s not going anywhere.” Lil's smirking, smiling, giggling as she sets the blade back into its handles.
I hear twigs snap and the ground crinkle under the tires of a car. I go to stand, setting the bag on the floor and pulling out two paint ball masks.
“What was that?” Lil grows curious.
“Your other present.”
“My other present?”
I turn some to help her pull the small mask on. Seriously she looks kind of ridiculous with it on, but better safe than sorry. “You know how you’re always wanting to come with me on my little adventures?” The mask moves comically as she nods. “Well now you’re on one.” I give her a little wink and smile. “But it’s a little dangerous so I want you to stay hidden in the bathroom until I tell you to come out.”
“Dangerous?”
“You know how stray cats fight?”
“Uh huh.”
“Well people fight more than that and they’re better at it too.”
“We’re gonna kill a person? Like a real one?”
I smile softly, “Just stay in the bathroom until I call for you, okay Sunshine?”
“O-Okay.” She seems unsure for some reason. Maybe she’s just a little nervous, I was nervous in the beginning. Either way she doesn’t need to be told twice as she takes off.
I tuck myself on the other side of the wall in the kitchen and wait. I listen carefully to the steps up to the front door, the clicks of the key sliding into the lock, the creak of the door opening. I use that last sound as cover to slide my revolver out, then cock it to the sounds made by Amber dropping her keys and sidearm by the door. I count out the steps to guess where she is in the room, envision her stopping when she spots the dark mass of the duffle bag on the other side of her couch, and wait two to five seconds after her footfalls stop before I roll out from my hiding spot and fire twice; once in the knee, once in the gut.
All that comes out of Canardo is a yell, a grunt, and a groan of curses as she hits the floor. “Wh-what the…fuck?”
I head over to her, gun at the ready just in case, “You think I wouldn’t find out?” I growl out under the mask.
“G-George?”
“Mmm…” is the only reply I give before nudging about her body with my foot to ensure there isn’t a second weapon hidden on her. When I’m sure there isn’t I tuck the gun in the back of my pants, pull the mask up, and kneel down before the woman. “I’d think, after so many years of partnership, you’d have been a little smarter, Amber.”
“What are you talking about?”
I look over her some, watch the blood from her stomach seep into her uniform and stain it black, then let a hand follow my eyes. I press gently about her stomach, massage almost, “Did you really think I’d leave her for you? That whatever you’re carrying in there is even remotely going to match what I already have in Lil?” I let a finger slip into the wound through the fabric, enjoy the feel the warm wetness of her insides as the woman arches. It’s just like when we fuck, though her face shows pain and not pleasure now. “I know you talked to that freak kid-diddler, Curtis, about my daughter.”
I pull out, crooking my finger as I do, which nearly gets Amber to cry...pass out...maybe both. She stays with me enough to snipe though, “Fuck you. Just kill me.”
“You’re not my kill to have.” I tell her before standing and calling for my baby girl. “Lil! Come on out, your present’s ready!”
Lil’s slower and softer in her steps this time seeming to know the importance of things to come. When she finally appears she’s got her hands at her side, one holding the knife she’d been playing with earlier, and she’s shifting a lot. “Daddy?”
“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Amber half groans out, half laughs.
I kick her in the head with the order to shut up. Out of the corner of my eye I see Lil jump at the act, shrink back some. I take a deep breath in and out to calm myself, soften my overall appearance for for my girl. “It’s okay Lil, come on,” I smooth out my voice, get rid of the growl. She takes tentative steps towards me, her eyes darting between Amber and me behind her mask. When she reaches me I pull her mask up and off her. “What’s the matter, sweetie? Are you scared?”
“No,” she says in a tone that’s unsure of her own answer.
“Don’t be scared.” I rub her back a little with the unbloodied hand to comfort and reassure her. “She’s not dangerous anymore.”
Lil looks at me, then down at Amber who’s taken to holding her gut as if she might actually be able to stop the slow, insistent, bleed. “Hey, I know you,” Lil smiles a little, “you’re Daddy’s partner,” the smile leaves in a narrowing of the eyes, “I don’t like you.”
This was the main reason I’d chosen my partner as Lil’s first real victim. Amber never held back on her thoughts about my daughter and how my girl was making me her lapdog, not even to Lil. The last time the two females had been in the same room Amber suggested a few not-so-please possibilities on how the girl was able to get my attention over her and Lil countered in trying to staple the woman’s hand to the desk…probably would’ve succeeded too if it’d been a more powerful stapler. After that Amber turned to attempts at blackmailing me with the brat she was apparently carrying and getting some pedophile to kidnap Lil. It became pretty clear Amber had to go and I felt Lil would have an easier first time with someone she already hated.
My daughter smiles up at me a little, “You’re gonna kill her for me, Daddy?”
“No, baby, you get to kill her.”
“Oh...fuck...” Amber’s breathing is getting labored, beads of sweat are creeping up along with gooseflesh, and she’s shaking a little. Amazing how alike people can look in the throes of passion as they do in the ones of death.
“But I don’t know how.” Lil’s voice whispers the confession to me.
I give a small laugh, “Sure you do, Lil.” I bend down once more. “Just think of Amber here as a big cat, you’ve killed plenty of those, right?”
Lil nods some, lets her hand and gravity work to release the blade on her knife, but is still hesitant.
Amber takes the opportunity. “No, it’s not. It’s different. They scream and cry and beg. Th-they call out for their mommies.”
My knife buries itself in the center of her throat and I swear I can feel the pop of her voice box. I bite my lip some to hide my own excitement at the sound, pull out the blade, then move back on my heels to keep from going overboard. I don't want to ruin the kill and take my daughter's special birthday present from her. I hear a heavy exhale that doesn’t come from me or Amber and look back.
Lil’s mouth is open and her eyes fixed on the blood gurgling from the new hole I made in Canardo. The girl shuffles her feet forward some, gets on her knees beside me, and seems to examine the woman with the curiosity of any child. She starts to smile a little. “Cool.” Lil reaches out for the hole.
I give a soft chuckle, but stop her hand, “No prints.”
That’s not the real reason. The real reason is I don’t want Lil putting her fingers in wounds I’ve created; I don’t want to see her do that with any wounds. Maybe I’m being uptight, but I’d just rather not watch my baby girl doing that.
I bring things back to business. “You remember where the major arteries and veins are?” Lil nods some. “So think about how you want the blood to come out before stabbing.”
“Couldn’t I just…go for the heart?”
“Breastplate,” I remind with a tap to Amber’s chest.
“Under the ribs,” Lil counters before smiling at me, “My blade’s long enough, isn’t it, Daddy?”
I shrug, “It’s worth a try.” No harm in letting a child experiment a little, it’s how they learn after all.
Lil pulls back with her knife, ready to strike, when she hesitates. The girl takes a deep breath seeming to calm her nerves and clear her head before giving the woman a poke with her blade.
Amber’s body twitches, she gurgles and groans, hanging onto life as she reacts to the stimuli.
I give a small laugh, it’s pretty clear my girl’s unsure. It’s cute really. Like a kitten toying with a mouse, still unsure how to make that kill even while sure it wants to. “You need some help?”
“I can do it.” Lil insists stubbornly as she pokes a bit more. Then she goes for it, using all her strength she shoves the blade in between ribs. It’s rough, unskilled, and I know it’s going to be twice as messy when the blade comes out. But it is successful.
Lil seems to know that too as she moves her attention from the wound to Amber’s face, watching life leave the woman with the same amazement that another kid might watch life come into the world on a farm somewhere. Even a good full minute after my little girl can’t look away, can’t remove the blade, can’t do anything but stare and mouth-breathe.
Eventually it starts to make me a touch unnerved so I go to put an end to it. “Okay, Lil, come on, we gotta clean up.”
“I wanna look.” Lil insists, her little hand twisting the knife as if curious if anything will happen. It’s won’t though. Canardo died the moment Lil took the plunge.
“She’s dead, Lil.” I stand up. “Go take a shower and change back into your school clothes. Now.” I go to pull at Lil’s free hand and force her up to stand. “I’ll clean your knife and everything.”
***
It takes me twice the usual time to leave a crime scene with Lil lingering and stalling like she does. Still, I’m able to clean up evidence she and I were there and stage the scene to look like it might be someone else. Odds are I’ll still probably be looked at, gossiped about, over this but it'll never go beyond that. I’m too good at what I do for things to ever go beyond that.
I let Lil play with the butterfly knife she used on Amber as we drive home. Her movements are slower than at the cabin and she focuses more on the blade this time. Every so often she stops her movements completely to just examine the cleaned silver steel. Bring it to her face, scan it inch-by-inch with her eyes, run her fingers over the flat ends. Halfway home my girl finally speaks. “Have you killed lots of people, Daddy?”
“I’ve killed enough.” A shrug joins my answer.
“Enough?”
“To know that it gets easier as you go.”
Lil goes silent, her focus seeming to return to her knife, but then speaks once more. "How old were you when you first killed somebody?"
I smile with a bit of pride, "I was nine."
"Who was it?"
"My parents." Lil looks up, shock striking her face. "They weren't like us, Lil, and I was better without them so I got rid of them." I don't tell her how. I don't want her getting any clear ideas, exact methods she can try that'll shine a light back onto my parents' deaths...ones dismissed as accidental.
Lil closes her blade, "Are we gonna do that with Mommy and Henry?"
"No, Sweetheart, they help us."
"How?"
"They keep us looking normal and that's very important."
"Oh...okay." When we arrive back at the house Lil finally smiles once again, her period of reflection and thoughtfulness seemingly over for now. “I can’t wait to show Mommy the gift you got me!” She’s already half out the car when I grab her by the back of the shirt and pull her back.
“Lil, you can’t tell Mom about these gifts. The knives or the lady.”
“But I wanna play with my knives.”
“You can when it’s just us.”
“I wanna play with my knives now!” She yells with a glare at me.
The urge to put her in place with a good smack rises up quick, but I suppress it. “Either you put them away now,” I growl out, “or that one’s going in your guts.”
Lil keeps staring back, trying to read the level of seriousness in my eyes, before folding. “Fine,” she goes to toss the knife back in the box and leaves the whole thing on the floor of the car before getting out. “I can’t wait to see what else I got!” She states happily, already onto the next thing as she pulls her schoolbag from the back seat.
The five-year-old, Henry, immediately scurries behind its mother’s legs at seeing Lil and I come through the door. The mother, however, stands strong with a smile. “Hey guys, how was your day?”
“Awesome!” Lil announces gleefully. “Daddy picked me up early from school so we could spend time together!”
JJ gives me a slightly less-than-impressed look. I shrug it off. “It’s her birthday.”
My wife just sighs some and turns her attention back to our daughter, “You should do your homework today so you can just enjoy your party without having to worry about it tomorrow.”
“I already did my homework.” Lil lies with a bright smile.
JJ’s eyes flicker up at me for confirmation and I go with it. “She did it while we had lunch at McDonald’s.” I think JJ knows I’m lying too, but she doesn’t bother to press it.
It doesn’t matter anyway. I make the effort to ensure Lil’s got things in order before school and she usually does. Things come easy to her, she can do her homework in a few minutes while in front of the TV and still go without mistakes. It reminds me of me at that age; great success with little effort.
“Can I have my party today?” Lil asks, smile growing a touch. I’m guessing she expects a yes.
“No, Lil, everything is planned for tomorrow.”
“Please,” the girl sing-songs the word in her sweetest voice as she heads over to her mother, “It’d be so cool if I could have my party today.”
“But then what would you do tomorrow, Lil?” JJ points out with a smile.
Lil giggles, “Have another party.”
Both JJ and I laugh a little.
“How about a slice of cake, Lil?” JJ offers, “Would that be alright for now?”
“A slice of cake and a present.” Lil counter-offers before looking over at me with a slight smirk, “Daddy already gave me an early present, didn’t you, Daddy?”
“Did I?” I can feel my heart nearly skip a beat.
“Sure you did,” the girl giggles, then turns back to her mother, “and you should too, Mommy. Then it’s fair.”
“What present did Daddy give you early, exactly?” JJ looks up at me curiously. As far as she knows all of Lil’s presents are one we bought and still locked up in the attic for tomorrow.
“He got me out of school early,” Lil replies simply before looking back at me. She gives me a small wink and I have to seriously wonder if my own daughter isn’t fucking with me.
Thankfully JJ simply smiles, relieved that nothing more was hidden from her by us. “Okay, Lil, you can have a slice of cake and a small gift today.”
“Yay!” Lil seems satisfied with the concession. “Can I have two?” …Well almost…
"CHILDHOOD: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge." ~ Rick Bayan, The Cynic's Dictionary