Pictures Galore and More
***re-post from www.TonyaJoneMiller.com***
I just posted the best shots from my most recent photo shoot on my Gallery Page for your viewing pleasure...I was going to wait until they were airbrushed and all prettied up for the web, but you know what? Fuck that. This is who I am. This is what I look like. I'm not perfect. AND I LOVE MYSELF ANYWAY. But it took me a long time to get here...
In fact I've always had a fucked up relationship with food and struggled with body image/eating disorders for most of my life. During the depths of my marriage, I was so miserable I ate myself into oblivion trying to feed the emptiness inside me. Believe it or not, at one point I weighed 225 pounds! Obviously, I have since managed to find a reasonably healthy balance. And I keep getting parts that require me to be scantily (or not at all) dressed onstage, so I've basically had to face my fear head-on. Lol. I never was one for taking the easy path...
But working in two industries (acting and adult entertainment) where the standards of youth and beauty are so ridiculously high, it's easy to slip back into old patterns. I have to remind myself that a little cellulite doesn't make me a horrible person...A couple of lines on my face show I spend more time laughing and smiling than following a "beauty regimen" or getting surgery or injecting botox...And if anyone sees something imperfect in my photos that keeps them from calling me...They are not the kind of person I want in my life. It's that simple.
Now try being me, the consummate Gemini, and reconciling those views with my burning desire to have huge tits. LMFAO but oh so true. I've been thinking about a boob job lately, mostly out of curiosity. I really wonder what it would be like to have a nice big chest. God bless push-up bras, but it's not the same thing. And before any of you natural lovers get in an uproar, it's just a daydream right now...I seriously doubt I'd actually do it, and if I did it wouldn't be a rash decision...
Total change of subject...Have I mentioned I got spoiled rotten for Christmas? Howard said, "oh let's not get out of control this year. We'll save money for our vacation." (Which we are taking sometime this spring in Jamaica!) He then proceded to get me the new LG Voyager touch screen cell phone with a Bluetooth headset! Also an electric blanket for my freezing-cold room, a plethora of stocking stuffer goodies, and a huge gift certificate to Fez Studio, which is the best place in Portland for perfume, make-up, and skincare. To top it all off, we spent Christmas night in excellent seats at the Rose Garden, watching my beloved Blazers whoop the Sonics' asses for win number 11 in a row! I swear, that man knows how to do a holiday up something fierce. *smiles*
Now I get a couple of days with one of my dearest friends, Bonnie, who is up here from L.A. with her hubby. We have dinner planned tomorrow night at Biwa, which I thought she'd like since it's in the old LaLuna building. She and I have sooooo many memories from that place...By the way, Bonnie is a really great actress who you might have seen recently as a recurring guest star on Cold Case...So keep your eye on her, because someday soon a brilliant Hollywood suit is going to cast her as the permanent lead in a successful tv show and you'll be able to say you liked her BEFORE she was even really famous...Hehehe...
Enough for now...I hope you are enjoying this holiday season...
Love,
Tonya
I just posted the best shots from my most recent photo shoot on my Gallery Page for your viewing pleasure...I was going to wait until they were airbrushed and all prettied up for the web, but you know what? Fuck that. This is who I am. This is what I look like. I'm not perfect. AND I LOVE MYSELF ANYWAY. But it took me a long time to get here...
In fact I've always had a fucked up relationship with food and struggled with body image/eating disorders for most of my life. During the depths of my marriage, I was so miserable I ate myself into oblivion trying to feed the emptiness inside me. Believe it or not, at one point I weighed 225 pounds! Obviously, I have since managed to find a reasonably healthy balance. And I keep getting parts that require me to be scantily (or not at all) dressed onstage, so I've basically had to face my fear head-on. Lol. I never was one for taking the easy path...
But working in two industries (acting and adult entertainment) where the standards of youth and beauty are so ridiculously high, it's easy to slip back into old patterns. I have to remind myself that a little cellulite doesn't make me a horrible person...A couple of lines on my face show I spend more time laughing and smiling than following a "beauty regimen" or getting surgery or injecting botox...And if anyone sees something imperfect in my photos that keeps them from calling me...They are not the kind of person I want in my life. It's that simple.
Now try being me, the consummate Gemini, and reconciling those views with my burning desire to have huge tits. LMFAO but oh so true. I've been thinking about a boob job lately, mostly out of curiosity. I really wonder what it would be like to have a nice big chest. God bless push-up bras, but it's not the same thing. And before any of you natural lovers get in an uproar, it's just a daydream right now...I seriously doubt I'd actually do it, and if I did it wouldn't be a rash decision...
Total change of subject...Have I mentioned I got spoiled rotten for Christmas? Howard said, "oh let's not get out of control this year. We'll save money for our vacation." (Which we are taking sometime this spring in Jamaica!) He then proceded to get me the new LG Voyager touch screen cell phone with a Bluetooth headset! Also an electric blanket for my freezing-cold room, a plethora of stocking stuffer goodies, and a huge gift certificate to Fez Studio, which is the best place in Portland for perfume, make-up, and skincare. To top it all off, we spent Christmas night in excellent seats at the Rose Garden, watching my beloved Blazers whoop the Sonics' asses for win number 11 in a row! I swear, that man knows how to do a holiday up something fierce. *smiles*
Now I get a couple of days with one of my dearest friends, Bonnie, who is up here from L.A. with her hubby. We have dinner planned tomorrow night at Biwa, which I thought she'd like since it's in the old LaLuna building. She and I have sooooo many memories from that place...By the way, Bonnie is a really great actress who you might have seen recently as a recurring guest star on Cold Case...So keep your eye on her, because someday soon a brilliant Hollywood suit is going to cast her as the permanent lead in a successful tv show and you'll be able to say you liked her BEFORE she was even really famous...Hehehe...
Enough for now...I hope you are enjoying this holiday season...
Love,
Tonya