finally back to LJ/ life updates
It’s definitely been a while since I’ve posted actual things on LJ. Which is a bit strange because I’ve been journaling offline more than I have in years. I’ve been going through some tough times and I was trying to work through them all by myself for a long time. I didn’t want to share such personal things with the internet. Or even with my RL friends. But why not? That is the point of online journaling. Sharing your thoughts, getting advice from others, maybe finding another person going through the same things as you. So, brief update on the big events in my life lately:
- At the beginning of March I dropped out of college and moved back in with my parents.
- This decision was reached after much discussion between me and friends and then me and my parents.
- Those discussions happened after me spending a week in a psychiatric ward. Yep, I was forced into the loony bin for 5 fucking days. It was miserable. Semi-long story short, I was having asthma problems late at night and had a college roommate drive me to the emergency room to get stronger meds/more help. I took my inhaler when I arrived and that seemed to help. I still was feeling crappy and my throat was tight tho and was starting to have a anxiety attack because hello, not being able to breathe freaks me out. (I didn’t have asthma problems until recently so I’m new to this). After waiting like an hour or two, and switching my roommate for one of my best friends I finally get taken back to talk to someone. They learn about my past/current problems with depression and self harm and finally give me an IV medicine to calm me down. My Mother eventually shows up and we learn that I am being forced to go into the loony bin for a 72 hour minimum. I ended up staying 5 days. It sucked. I was the youngest person in the place. My roommate was the only one near my age and she helped but it still didn’t go much of anything to help my problems. So eventually I get out and decide to drop out of school to focus on me and my health and getting better.
- It’s been almost 2 months and I’ve only seen a psychiatrist once because I had too, even though I haven’t been started on any depression meds. I’m waiting on an appointment with a therapist.
- I still feel pretty crappy most days. I’ve gotten at least 4 new allergy/asthma meds to try though to help with that.
- I cry at the drop of a hat these days. It’s not fun. I feel very raw.
- With no school and no job I’ve been looking for things in my home town to get back in to. I’m a lifetime member of the Girl Scouts & my Mom the head of our service unit so I’ve been talking to leaders and trying to stay in the loop with events. Not long after I got out of St. Simon’s my Mom and I went to Savannah for the 100 years of Girl Scouts celebration. I took lots of pictures, face painted dozens of girls, got to her the CEO of GS’s speak and participated in a worldwide sun rise ceremony.
- My friends and family are doing their best to be supportive. (Even tho most all of my family lives in PA they call and check in on me)
- On top of my problems, my Mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been my rock throughout my problems and I’m doing my best to support her the way she has been supporting me.
So yeah, that’s what’s been going on with me lately. If anyone out there want to talk about depression or self harm or what it’s like in psych wards-just shoot me a message. I hid my issues for a long time and I’m working on being more open about them. And trust me, it does help to talk about it, even with (or maybe esp with) strangers on the internet.