FROM A LONG TIME AGO...
Over the years, I watched my friends packed their bags and headed away from home. While I stayed, prayed and hoped with all my heart that my turn would come… soon.
I’ve always wanted to be one of them. I shed tears countless times, begged God with all the angels, saints and my fairy godmother (desperation made me believe I had one) to grant my ultimate wish. For someone who grew up with a sheltered life, but was not spoiled, I believed real life was ‘outthere’.
Back in high school, I took the UPCAT. First choice was Diliman and Cebu next. I was put on the waiting lists for the two campuses. I decided to choose Cebu not only because it was closer to my heart but also for the reason that I was geographically closer to it. Due to ficklemindedness and lure of Xavier University to include me in the honor’s program, I ended up in the good ole town and took the course I never thought I’d take.
I found my self in the company of wonderful, diverse people. Then came the time when some wanted to find their own ways and
moved away.
It wasn’t easy seeing a friend leave for Ateneo because we were starting to be very good friends then. After awhile he came back and we, the dudettes, celebrated the return of a good friend. Manila did so much for VJ. He was no longer as shy yet mysterious still. I said to myself that someday I’d have my taste of ‘outthere’.
After graduation, Kakay found a job that allowed her to travel almost every corner of the country. I secretly prayed that I’d get the same opportunity.
Ricric shifted to a non-IT job and I wondered what it was like to be, uhm, different.
When Shelley left for Makati, I was thrilled and I remembered all the long hours we spent talking about life strategies we’d take to make it outthere sooner. I later realized there’s no such thing as life’s short cuts.
I know Chui would survive anywhere his fate would take him.
I have to admit I was quite surprised to know that Candice and Chitgoks survived the crazy world of Makati. She, in all her girlyness and grace, proved that indeed she’s a tough one. He, the rich lad from our town, braved all the things he hated (the distance from family, bad traffic, heat, etc) and loved (girls... and more girls).
Those who remained back home succeeded in their own ways. Except probably me. The one who always felt she was left behind. However I consoled myself, I still wanted to get out so much. Albeit a lot of beautiful things happened but the desire never left me. I put so much pressure on myself. I became an unhappy individual. I had fights with my parents, the long distance relationship got nowhere. I thought things hit rock bottom for me and I was crushed. Nobody knew how much.
I recovered soon. I approached each day differently. I was no longer desperate. No more tears. No more wishing for short cuts. Just constant prayer and resumé update at Jobstreet (yup, it works yah know).
Then the opportunity came when I was already able to appreciate things more.
During the job interview, I was told I was perfect to be based in my hometown. I said NO with a sweet smile and went on with my speech on why I belong somewhere else. I heard myself say “hey girl, where did that come
from?”. Luckily, the company vice president was convinced to send off to far off place after five days.
And that brought me to Cebu. Here I am. In my 20s, neophyte in living an independent life. I thought I knew enough about life but hell, I was so wrong. This is a dream come true but ain’t a bed of roses. Looking back I made myself proud. I survived the two-week training in Manila by myself (some friends were there to help me thru). When I got here, I had to survive the culture shock, crazy work schedule, the daily van rides to the
office, the new sleeping habits and some lunatic officemates.
It’s been months since I kind of inherited my cousin's house. Now I wash my own clothes, cook whenever I want, clean the dishes and the entire 2-storey house, spend my own money for grocery, water and electric bills, watch all the Chinese movies I love, go home late at night, wake up and sleep whatever time I want, do plumbing, gardening (a little of this. My garden is such a mess, I swear!). And the best part was to walk about the house naked (lol).
At the end of the day, I’m usually tired and I think of the other friends who live far away from home. I often ask my self if this is all worth it. Are my friends not tired of working their arses out yet? Have they ever thought of going back home? Is ‘out here' as cruel as they told me? Are they not burnt out yet? How far can they still go? I get
physically worn but I love the independence. I think it’s still better than living a life of princess at my age. I know now that independence is selfish by nature. But I know I have to do what I love to do than be home and grow old not realizing what I’ve always to do.
Since I got here, I missed my loved ones’ birthdays back home, got lost and found myself in the opposite side of the town, stuck on a bridge during one cold night, got sick and pretended to be alright even if I had to crawl my way to the restroom, decided to live a non-luxurious life (choosing to buy instant noodles rather than a whole
good meal), had my eye lashes curled for free (I didn't know there's such thing), met and almost fell for a flight steward (who later turned out to be a total fag. that biatch!), realized that I’m allergic to Tide Ultra; that detergents make my palms rough; that Ps 2.50 a piece of banana is expensive (damn I always get them free from our farm), that there are some instant noodles covers that can light up when heated with microwave; that I have to have the aircon cleaned every 6 months; that some plants don’t need to be watered daily; that Baygon really kills those filthy roaches and I can go on and on. The saddest part is not being with my family faces some ordeals. This is price I’m paying for the life I chose to have.
So what happens now? My father told me since I haven’t saved much for working hard for years I might as well quit and do something with what what our family already has than making a amous Chinese usiness icon even richer. He thinks it fair for all of us if go home soon. We’ll see.
I am happy where I am. I now get along better with my equally lunatic officemates, I hang around my good friends from Cagayan and I love handling bigger responsibilities at work. I think I’m staying for a while.
I’ve always wanted to be one of them. I shed tears countless times, begged God with all the angels, saints and my fairy godmother (desperation made me believe I had one) to grant my ultimate wish. For someone who grew up with a sheltered life, but was not spoiled, I believed real life was ‘outthere’.
Back in high school, I took the UPCAT. First choice was Diliman and Cebu next. I was put on the waiting lists for the two campuses. I decided to choose Cebu not only because it was closer to my heart but also for the reason that I was geographically closer to it. Due to ficklemindedness and lure of Xavier University to include me in the honor’s program, I ended up in the good ole town and took the course I never thought I’d take.
I found my self in the company of wonderful, diverse people. Then came the time when some wanted to find their own ways and
moved away.
It wasn’t easy seeing a friend leave for Ateneo because we were starting to be very good friends then. After awhile he came back and we, the dudettes, celebrated the return of a good friend. Manila did so much for VJ. He was no longer as shy yet mysterious still. I said to myself that someday I’d have my taste of ‘outthere’.
After graduation, Kakay found a job that allowed her to travel almost every corner of the country. I secretly prayed that I’d get the same opportunity.
Ricric shifted to a non-IT job and I wondered what it was like to be, uhm, different.
When Shelley left for Makati, I was thrilled and I remembered all the long hours we spent talking about life strategies we’d take to make it outthere sooner. I later realized there’s no such thing as life’s short cuts.
I know Chui would survive anywhere his fate would take him.
I have to admit I was quite surprised to know that Candice and Chitgoks survived the crazy world of Makati. She, in all her girlyness and grace, proved that indeed she’s a tough one. He, the rich lad from our town, braved all the things he hated (the distance from family, bad traffic, heat, etc) and loved (girls... and more girls).
Those who remained back home succeeded in their own ways. Except probably me. The one who always felt she was left behind. However I consoled myself, I still wanted to get out so much. Albeit a lot of beautiful things happened but the desire never left me. I put so much pressure on myself. I became an unhappy individual. I had fights with my parents, the long distance relationship got nowhere. I thought things hit rock bottom for me and I was crushed. Nobody knew how much.
I recovered soon. I approached each day differently. I was no longer desperate. No more tears. No more wishing for short cuts. Just constant prayer and resumé update at Jobstreet (yup, it works yah know).
Then the opportunity came when I was already able to appreciate things more.
During the job interview, I was told I was perfect to be based in my hometown. I said NO with a sweet smile and went on with my speech on why I belong somewhere else. I heard myself say “hey girl, where did that come
from?”. Luckily, the company vice president was convinced to send off to far off place after five days.
And that brought me to Cebu. Here I am. In my 20s, neophyte in living an independent life. I thought I knew enough about life but hell, I was so wrong. This is a dream come true but ain’t a bed of roses. Looking back I made myself proud. I survived the two-week training in Manila by myself (some friends were there to help me thru). When I got here, I had to survive the culture shock, crazy work schedule, the daily van rides to the
office, the new sleeping habits and some lunatic officemates.
It’s been months since I kind of inherited my cousin's house. Now I wash my own clothes, cook whenever I want, clean the dishes and the entire 2-storey house, spend my own money for grocery, water and electric bills, watch all the Chinese movies I love, go home late at night, wake up and sleep whatever time I want, do plumbing, gardening (a little of this. My garden is such a mess, I swear!). And the best part was to walk about the house naked (lol).
At the end of the day, I’m usually tired and I think of the other friends who live far away from home. I often ask my self if this is all worth it. Are my friends not tired of working their arses out yet? Have they ever thought of going back home? Is ‘out here' as cruel as they told me? Are they not burnt out yet? How far can they still go? I get
physically worn but I love the independence. I think it’s still better than living a life of princess at my age. I know now that independence is selfish by nature. But I know I have to do what I love to do than be home and grow old not realizing what I’ve always to do.
Since I got here, I missed my loved ones’ birthdays back home, got lost and found myself in the opposite side of the town, stuck on a bridge during one cold night, got sick and pretended to be alright even if I had to crawl my way to the restroom, decided to live a non-luxurious life (choosing to buy instant noodles rather than a whole
good meal), had my eye lashes curled for free (I didn't know there's such thing), met and almost fell for a flight steward (who later turned out to be a total fag. that biatch!), realized that I’m allergic to Tide Ultra; that detergents make my palms rough; that Ps 2.50 a piece of banana is expensive (damn I always get them free from our farm), that there are some instant noodles covers that can light up when heated with microwave; that I have to have the aircon cleaned every 6 months; that some plants don’t need to be watered daily; that Baygon really kills those filthy roaches and I can go on and on. The saddest part is not being with my family faces some ordeals. This is price I’m paying for the life I chose to have.
So what happens now? My father told me since I haven’t saved much for working hard for years I might as well quit and do something with what what our family already has than making a amous Chinese usiness icon even richer. He thinks it fair for all of us if go home soon. We’ll see.
I am happy where I am. I now get along better with my equally lunatic officemates, I hang around my good friends from Cagayan and I love handling bigger responsibilities at work. I think I’m staying for a while.