on moving out and moving on...
DRAFT
I know I lied when I told a lot of people I only started living alone just recently. This is something I often tell new friends. Only when I trust them enough that I confess the truth.
I’ve been living on my own for almost 3 years now. That’s since my cousin, Wing, left for Manila to enjoy the comforts of his own condo unit. The big 2-storey house became my second home. It was scary at first, especially when I heard unusual creepy sounds in the middle of the night and when my stuffs (actually, just the undies) disappeared and reappeared in certain places in the house.
The house was perfect for someone as “autistic” as me. It was my perfect escape when I was feeling antisocial or wanted to enjoy being alone and unseen (read: walk around naked). I refrained from inviting friends over, especially guys because when they know I live alone, they always have something else in mind. Trust me on this. I’m not being presumptuous.
I thought I would be enjoying all the perks for just a year but I over-extended my stay. I was too lazy to look for a house, scared to lose the bond with my relatives (and miss their free food and internet connection on weekends? No way!) and looking for the perfect house/roommate was difficult.
I once wondered what would trigger me to move out. Then sad news came. My relatives from the US were bringing home my critically ill uncle. I was told they’re coming home for good and I didn’t find any reason to stay longer in their house. So with a heavy heart I decided to move out and made arrangement to stay with Mia temporarily.
And they came. I saw how everyone needed to be around one another to look after my uncle. His visitors come early morning and leave late in the evening. Since I sleep in the afternoons and they’re so many things going in the house, I hardly got a decent sleep in the past 2 weeks. If I keep on going to work with that much sleep, I was likely to get sick soon. I thought that moving out would really help me out. Selfish huh. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty. But I know other relatives could make better use of the room I was using.
I finally moved out on a cold rainy Monday morning. My aunt was crying when I left and said “mingawon man ko sa imo. Sorry kayo if nahassle ka. Always remember I love you very much”. I cried and laughed at the same time. When I was on my way to Mia’s I couldn’t help myself from crying in the cab. I know I’d sad but I didn’t know I’d be sadder. Sigh. My body’s kind of weak from lack of sleep and worries don't seem to leave me. I easily give in to emotions now.
I talked to Loumarie on the phone yesterday. I cried and my 11-year old niece was telling me things are going to be alright and that I should not worry since I would be going back “home” on weekends and our Boracay trip is in 3 days. Me love her.
New house, new beginning. Another chance to bond with Mia. We’re both sad and we promised to be each other’s beck and call these days.
PS
Oh on new beginning. I saw with a date the guy I cuddled up to and hugged on my birthday. I know he could be dating other girls but nothing bruises the ego more than the surprise of actually seeing him with another girl. But my ego is too big to even mope around over it. I’m cool. He’d always be remembered as the first stranger I kissed on one crazy hot summer night who eventually stayed a little in my life and made me smile and laugh (drama).
I know I lied when I told a lot of people I only started living alone just recently. This is something I often tell new friends. Only when I trust them enough that I confess the truth.
I’ve been living on my own for almost 3 years now. That’s since my cousin, Wing, left for Manila to enjoy the comforts of his own condo unit. The big 2-storey house became my second home. It was scary at first, especially when I heard unusual creepy sounds in the middle of the night and when my stuffs (actually, just the undies) disappeared and reappeared in certain places in the house.
The house was perfect for someone as “autistic” as me. It was my perfect escape when I was feeling antisocial or wanted to enjoy being alone and unseen (read: walk around naked). I refrained from inviting friends over, especially guys because when they know I live alone, they always have something else in mind. Trust me on this. I’m not being presumptuous.
I thought I would be enjoying all the perks for just a year but I over-extended my stay. I was too lazy to look for a house, scared to lose the bond with my relatives (and miss their free food and internet connection on weekends? No way!) and looking for the perfect house/roommate was difficult.
I once wondered what would trigger me to move out. Then sad news came. My relatives from the US were bringing home my critically ill uncle. I was told they’re coming home for good and I didn’t find any reason to stay longer in their house. So with a heavy heart I decided to move out and made arrangement to stay with Mia temporarily.
And they came. I saw how everyone needed to be around one another to look after my uncle. His visitors come early morning and leave late in the evening. Since I sleep in the afternoons and they’re so many things going in the house, I hardly got a decent sleep in the past 2 weeks. If I keep on going to work with that much sleep, I was likely to get sick soon. I thought that moving out would really help me out. Selfish huh. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty. But I know other relatives could make better use of the room I was using.
I finally moved out on a cold rainy Monday morning. My aunt was crying when I left and said “mingawon man ko sa imo. Sorry kayo if nahassle ka. Always remember I love you very much”. I cried and laughed at the same time. When I was on my way to Mia’s I couldn’t help myself from crying in the cab. I know I’d sad but I didn’t know I’d be sadder. Sigh. My body’s kind of weak from lack of sleep and worries don't seem to leave me. I easily give in to emotions now.
I talked to Loumarie on the phone yesterday. I cried and my 11-year old niece was telling me things are going to be alright and that I should not worry since I would be going back “home” on weekends and our Boracay trip is in 3 days. Me love her.
New house, new beginning. Another chance to bond with Mia. We’re both sad and we promised to be each other’s beck and call these days.
PS
Oh on new beginning. I saw with a date the guy I cuddled up to and hugged on my birthday. I know he could be dating other girls but nothing bruises the ego more than the surprise of actually seeing him with another girl. But my ego is too big to even mope around over it. I’m cool. He’d always be remembered as the first stranger I kissed on one crazy hot summer night who eventually stayed a little in my life and made me smile and laugh (drama).