JOURNAL ENTRY #45
I usually rant on Twitter, but I've decided to put this here because I don't want audiences on the toxicity of my life right now.
I have so many deadlines both at work and in graduate school, so much that I ditched work for two days, one last week, and yesterday, just to accomplish some of those deadlines. Being absent from work meant not getting a pay for the day, but I had to sacrifice one to finish the other. This is probably the most exhausting March that I would remember. I am physically, emotionally and financially exhausted from work, graduate school and part-time in between I don't think I could take any other stressful stuff anymore.
So what I am feeling right now, is really beyond my capacity. I tick off a lot these days, and I might do something crazy, beyond anyone's expectations. I don't even know why I'm writing this but if I don't, I might just blow up. I do get how human beings could be so inconsiderate most of the time, but how could they be to that extent? How could they keep on blaming other people for the mistakes or actions of other people? Could they not take into consideration the psychology of the person? His cognition? Could they not take responsibility? Should it always be the fault of one? I am so done with this issue that if someone would tell to my face that a circumstance is a fault of one person alone, I might just put everything behind and leave.
I might go back to this hell of a month and backread everything that I've written and laugh at myself on how I overthought on things but right now, my 1.5 metre self surely could not handle this 2.0 metre pile of stress I am feeling right now. I pray to survive this month in one piece.
I have so many deadlines both at work and in graduate school, so much that I ditched work for two days, one last week, and yesterday, just to accomplish some of those deadlines. Being absent from work meant not getting a pay for the day, but I had to sacrifice one to finish the other. This is probably the most exhausting March that I would remember. I am physically, emotionally and financially exhausted from work, graduate school and part-time in between I don't think I could take any other stressful stuff anymore.
So what I am feeling right now, is really beyond my capacity. I tick off a lot these days, and I might do something crazy, beyond anyone's expectations. I don't even know why I'm writing this but if I don't, I might just blow up. I do get how human beings could be so inconsiderate most of the time, but how could they be to that extent? How could they keep on blaming other people for the mistakes or actions of other people? Could they not take into consideration the psychology of the person? His cognition? Could they not take responsibility? Should it always be the fault of one? I am so done with this issue that if someone would tell to my face that a circumstance is a fault of one person alone, I might just put everything behind and leave.
I might go back to this hell of a month and backread everything that I've written and laugh at myself on how I overthought on things but right now, my 1.5 metre self surely could not handle this 2.0 metre pile of stress I am feeling right now. I pray to survive this month in one piece.