2004/08/04 - Yokohama Arena MC Translation
Sho： What shall we do then?
Aiba ： I had a dream about this,, you know!
Jun ： You had a dream about being felt up on a train!??
Nino ： What's up with that?
Sho： You were feeling someone up?
Aiba ： No-- I didn't-- I wasn't the one doing it!
Nino ： Well then. let's have two of us play out the scenario... The one being touched and the one touching.
A "what would you do if it was you..?" thing, let's play it out.
Sho ： Personally, I wanna see Ohmiya do it.
Nino ： Okay, sure.
Audience 『Cheer/Applause』
Nino ： I'll be the one who does the feeling up! I'll feel him up! (Laugh)
Ohno ： What are we doing?
Jun ： Do your best, please!
Nino ： Leave it to us!
Sho ： So Aiba-chan sees this woman being touched, and the guy who's doing it.
Let's see how he'll deal with this situation.
Ohno ： So, that means I'm the one being felt up?
Sho ： Well, either way's fine...
Ohno ： O-okay, I'll be the woman.
Sho ： Let's give Nino a bit of a comb-over Ojisan hairstyle*... somewhere between Ojisan and Oniisan....
～Nino styles his hair～
Nino ： It's a full-on comb-over!
Jun ： So is Aiba-chan on the train the whole time? Does he get on later?
Aiba ： Later.
Nino ： What? This is gonna take forever!
Sho ： Whaaat? So long... Well, I guess it's okay... (to Aiba) you come up with the situation yourself.
Aiba ： I really did see this in a dream you know!
Jun ： Let's go! Ready... START.
～Ohno, Aiba & Nino start acting out the dream～
Nino is touching Ohno
Aiba, from behind them, has a fake phone call: "Ah, hello, Police? I see. Ahhh you can't come now? No, no
This is molestation were talking about here... You've got to.....Oh. Oh, oh, okay. Well, excuse me" Aiba hangs up.
Nino's still perving...
Aiba picks up the phone again: "Hello, Fire Station? Yes.. Yeah... There's a Perver-- PERVERT!!!" (He grabs Nino's arm and holds it up)
Aiba ： I say that. I suddenly become like... this great hero, right. I'm all like, "PERVERT!!"
And at the moment I grab his arm, the woman right here says something really really sweet.
Nino ： What does she say?
Ohno ： Tell me, let me say it.
～Aiba whispers in his ear～
Aiba ： So I'm like "PERVERT!!!".. and she's like..
Ohno ： Thank you～♥
Aiba ： Ahh I'm such a hero～ I thought to myself
Nino ： （About Ohno） He sounded just like a mother...
Aiba ： But you know, I'm one of those people who really loves to save others, aren't I? Any time, any where.
The kind of type to purposefully throw someone out of a boat, then try and help them back on.
Nino ： Not that kind of "type" .. that kind of "person", surely?
Aiba ： Remember when all of us were like, on that banana boat that time? It was just like that then, right?
I pushed Nino out on purpose, then went straight back to save him.
Sho ： A kind of pointless hero act.
Nino ： Like, "I saved him!" .. "No, you were the one who pushed him in the first place, weren't you!?"
Aiba ： I really love those kind of moments.
SOURCES
The above youtube video, and this blog post with the original Japanese transcript.
NOTES
The translation goes on for about two lines past where the video ends, because the video cut off at an awkward point!
*In Japan there's certain hairstyles referred to with numbers, with the numbers representing where the parting of a hairstyle is. Like 3:7 is a slight side parting, whereas a 1:9 is a massive comb-over style. So when they're talking about Nino's hair, Sho suggests giving him a 3:7 but Nino says it ends up a 1:9 in the end. (Both are stereotypical middle-aged man/ salaryman styles).
The site that I took the audio transcript from also has the rest of the 2004 Iza, Now MC, so I think I will translate all of it eventually. Watch this space!