(no subject)
I want to be able to access the part of my brain that turns me into a blathering idiot in every (even slightly) unfamiliar social situation. That is, I want to be able to edit it, to train it, or at the very least to know how it works. All it would take is the most basic information. Alas, though, we don't have access to ourselves at that level. Lacking that information, though, I can take guesses at its nature.
I'm afraid of stupid things. I never dance, which I imagine is because I'm afraid of making a fool of myself. This might even seem rational, at first blush, though in fact it doesn't make sense. Which makes me look worse: a few minutes of possibly spastic movement on a dance floor, or the equivalent amount of time standing along the wall looking dour? I get nervous talking to a peer, but have no such problem talking to a professor. This is so incredibly counter-intuitive that I can barely make sense of it. It resists any simple explanation, it is grounded in pure irrationality.
Realizing this, of course, grants no actual benefit, nor even allows for a solution. It is though, I hope, a step in the right direction.
I'm afraid of stupid things. I never dance, which I imagine is because I'm afraid of making a fool of myself. This might even seem rational, at first blush, though in fact it doesn't make sense. Which makes me look worse: a few minutes of possibly spastic movement on a dance floor, or the equivalent amount of time standing along the wall looking dour? I get nervous talking to a peer, but have no such problem talking to a professor. This is so incredibly counter-intuitive that I can barely make sense of it. It resists any simple explanation, it is grounded in pure irrationality.
Realizing this, of course, grants no actual benefit, nor even allows for a solution. It is though, I hope, a step in the right direction.