so yeah. i've been meaning to
so things are goin good, i guess. the i guess is just cause my dad's pissin me off. here's how things are with my dad: i never see him unless i can find a day to play a quick 9 or maybe 18 with him. so everytime i do see him he has to ask me all these fucking questions about what i'm doing when and with who and how it was and who people are and bullshit like that. like today i was on the computer and i had to be rude to my friends talking to me because i couldn't take the bombardment of questions from my dad while talking to like 7 people. everyone was like "are you mad at me?" and i seriously wasn't, i just couldn't give them all attention. so, if you were one of them (i dont think so, i wasn't really talking to anyone who would read this) i'm sorry. i dont think everytime is one word but rather two. every time i die.
tour was hilarious. i went into it thinking "this may be the best 5 weeks of my life" and since i've been home for a few weeks i think it has been. like, i can't remember any consecutive like 5 weeks of just pure greatness. like, the only other times that can happen would be in the summer, and i remember summers growing up of maybe hanging out two to three times a week and most of the time having nothing to do or going to camps or vacations. so yeah, fuckin tour was the shit. honestly though the shows weren't the best but it was more of a vacation/trip with my best friends. not all of them but 7 of them. tiny, collin, luke, larry, mike, russ, and jamel. fuckin right. so many different memories. care to share? eh, i'll go until i get too much traffic online that i can't pay attention anymore. so, hold on tight.
in california we lost a dog. we were staying at luke's godmother's house who was gone all day and gave us a key to go in and out as we please she just said there's one rule: don't let the dog out. well, sure enough, the second to last day we got a little lazy with sending one person in through the small gate to put the dog on the chain before opening the big gate to drive the van in. i think this was at about 6 at night. the dog bolts past collin driving the van and we're all just like "oh shit" and i dont know what anyone else was doing i just knew none of them were running after the dog exept me. i was running for like 5 or 6 blocks (oh yeah i forgot to say this was downtown Los Angeles.) thinking "why the hell didn't anyone else chase the dog? it's not like i'm fast or anything, haven't played sports since i was 12, why are they trusting me to catch it" and by the time i got a little tired i heard footsteps behind me to see tiny chasing the dog too. oh great, tiny, what an athlete. so tiny and i chased the dog for 3 or 4 more blocks until we look back and see jamel, probably the most athletic out of the 8 of us, catching up. i breathed a sigh of releif and slowed my pace to let jamel pass me and i had no more fear. jamel is the shit. course he can catch this fucking dog. so the dog gets about 2 blocks a head of jamel (we've probably run about a mile? maybe a half. what, 8 or 10 blocks? i dont know. a while) and takes a right. wait this is after running straight through a really busy street while all of us put our hands on our heads and held our breath to see the dog get safely through the intersection. so by the time jamel caught up to the street the dog took a right on he looks down the street ane sees nothing. no dog. no where. must have gone left or right or anywhere, he didn't know. so i called back to the house where the fatties had just sat there and not done anything and told them to come pick us up in the van, we had to start looking for the dog in the vans.
(holy shit someone's gonna buy my head! fuckin right)
anyway so yeah, we got a few people looking in the vans, and the rest of us spread out on foot. i was by myself looking for it through a korean neighborhood. sooner or later i met up with larry and mike on a street corner and it starts getting a little darker and this black lady comes up to us "y'all are standin on the wrong corner" and we're like "excuse me?" and she basically tells us to get our white asses off the street cause we'll get beat up or jumped or something cause it was a bad part of town once night comes. so we're like "oh really?" and almost ran back to the house. we called everyone else and said get the fuck back to the house you white bastards. so luke goes "yah, i just asked someone if they've seen a dog and they said 'no but ask the wrong person and they might ask you if you've seen their knife' so i'm not moving bro, you'll have to come get me" he was scared SHITLESS. they finally got him and kept driving around. i was in the van with jamel and russ and after like an hour (it's like 9 oclock by now) we decide to go home and see where everyone else is at. we heard by phone that Marsha (the owner of the house) had come home and FLIPPED on larry cause he had to tell her the bad news. so when we got home she's crying her eyes out on the porch and before i even got out of the car luke calls me OUT of breath "WE SEE HER, I'M CHASING HER! COME QUICKLY!" so i rode with marsha and jamel and russ split with the van towards where they were and before marsha and i get too far luke calls "WE GOT HER! SHE'S IN THE VAN!" we heard later that collin had chased it with the van into a parking garage and then gotten out of the drivers seat after he cornered it, and picked it up in his arms and put it in the van. so. collin was the hero that night. the best thing that happened on tour was finding the dog. because we were sooooo fucking stressed. if it went a whole day without the dog, we wouldn't have left california. we would have looked for the dog every day and had to cancel our shows until we found it. so we were lucky to find it after a few hours. but it was crazy.
i think i'm a little tired of telling tour stories, even though i just told one. maybe i'll talk a little bit more and call it a night.
yeah so they say the summer after senior year's supposed to be the shit and it has been. like, fuckin right doggy. since like.... the end of march it's been summer for me. at blessed sacrement every day with no home work was fuckin awesome. jamel told me on tour i never don't have a cool-at girl. i.e. a girl i'm not attempting to be more than friends with if you know what i mean. a girl i'm not pursuing. he was pretty right. like, still is. i think it's cause i get lonely a lot. not in a sad way, just, i like having someone i can talk to, who likes me. and kissing is fun too.
oh yeah so, kissing with a lip ring isn't fun for me. i was making out for a while with it and she liked it and i didn't. so i took it out and we both agreed that that was better. but i like it apart from that, so i've resolved to having a stud for at least kissing.
i think i want some lemonade.
i was thinking the other day and every girl i've been with in high school, i've ended things with. so, yeah, i've never been broken up with. the last girl to break up with me was rebeccca rossi, in 8th grade. why is that? i dont know. it's crazy though. some girls are crazy. usually, most girls end up liking me more than i like them, and then i get sick of them. for some reason i'll get pissed at everything they do or say. so i think, instead of getting involved in relationships and marking my life by going from girl to girl for months at a time, i'll date girls. for example there's this girl i like right now who i've kissed a few times and i think i'm gonna like, ask her out on a date for the first time in my life, instead of asking her to be my girlfriend. get it? i think that's how grownups do it.
i think i might want a girl to end things with me soon. haha maybe that's why i've been being a jerk to this new girl, maybe subconsciously i want her to break up with me. probly not though. i'd be pretty bummed.
oh yeah! so this is something i'd like to say. i dont know if it applies or anything but whatever. a few times on tour someone would throw around the word "depressed" as easily as "bummed out" or "sad" and i think there's a pretty big difference. like someone would say "it depresses me how we sleep more in the day then at night" and i would just think "no it really doesn't, maybe it's sad, or peculiar, but no one should be seriously depressed about something like that" depressed to me is sad for days and not able to be happy about anything, even if you know there are things to chear you up, you just can't be happy no matter how hard you try. i dont think i can see how one certain thing could depress anyone unless it's something really big. for me to be seriously depressed it has to be a combination of things.
there's something bad i just remembered that i thought about putting in here, but then i'd rather not because it's something i'd rather not remember. crazy though. i dont think anyone will ever know.
whenever i hear of something happening and who's going or whatever, when mike susen's name is mentioned, it makes me want to do it 10 times more. i think i really missed him a lot and i know that i'm not going to see him much after this summer.
i miss pete too.
i dont want to be cocky or whatever you want to call it but i have a lot of friends and i'm really lucky to have all of them. it's really great. like i usually can find something to do when i want to hang out, and usually i dont have to look long. sometimes i'll have to chose between one thing and another because i'll be invited more than one place. i can remember times in 8th and 9th grade being sad that my friends didn't invite me places. i even wrote a song called "please invite me" about josh and tyler and mike. then we used the same music and changed the lyrics and called it "your charity" and wrote it about fucking Claudia. i dont even remember her last name. she was the first girl mike ever danced with in high school (ever?) and she was pursued by billy and i both at one time, and then billy won, and that's what the song was about, i think. i can't really remember any of the lyrics. she's fucked up now, got her GED and bullshit like that.
i think i'm getting a little ahead of myself and i'm being a jerk to some of my friends which isn't cool. i gotta chill on that. i think it might have been sophmore year, probably inspired by Sophmore Faith (can i spell sophmore? sophomore?) and all like WWJD and crap like that. then i got more friends (haha maybe because of that) and started forgetting about it. i haven't really been to church in a year or so, maybe more. yeah, more, cause i stopped going to church when i was with lauren, because i would tell my mom i went to church and then go to laurens. then i started working alot on sundays and just haven't gone to church in a while. maybe for christmas or something.
i went over lauren's last night and we laughed about a lot of times we laughed. if that makes sense. we remenisced if you will about all of the good times we had. we did have goodtimes, beleive it or not. it ended pretty shittily. i think i finally told her why i had to leave and she said basically that it was the right thing to do, even if it ruined her. things are going very well for her now and i'm really happy about it.
is this long enough for you? give yourself a pat on the back if you've made it this far. i hope your eyes don't hurt yet.
my dad's cousin tom has 5 children under age 6. the 3 youngest are triplets. 2 years old, one didn't fit in the womb so he's not all there, if you know what i mean. he's going to be a special needs kid when he grows up. (it's his wife, sherri, and his daughter, mary, in the picture on the left of this) anyway so Tom, a doctor, OBGYN to be exact. (he delivers babies) was workin out in his basement and sherri was cookin outside on the grill. by chance he took a break and looked out the window into his back yard to see 2 bodies face down in the pool. he dove in the pool clothes and all to bring his two baby children to the side of the pool and gave them both CPR. he saved both of their lives, they coughed for a minute and cried for a while and then it was like nothing had happened. scared the shit out of me. all day i've been picturing the kids in the pool and my cousin tom scared shitless and sherri crying and all that. oh i forgot to say, the kid who didn't really make it in one peice out of the womb, Sam, was sitting idly by the pool "too stupid to go swimming" said my dad. i love him the best though. he is my favorite. the other kids, even though they're barely old enough to talk, know he's different, and treat him horribly. like, steal his food and push him and stuff cause they know he can't fight back. i wish they didn't live in georgia so i could see them more often. i fucking love that kid though.
i'm growing up. and i love it. i just wish i would grow up slower. i see little 11 and 12 year old girls wearing make up and jewelry to be like their older sisters and i want to shout at them "SLOW DOWN!" because we're adults for 80 years and only children for 20 and it's not fair to be expected to grow up so fast. i want to savor these years. i'm 19 on tuesday and already bummed about it. i even forgot about it. someone asked me why my dad bought me sweet pants and i said "well 18 is a big year" and then they said "aren't you turning 19?" and i laughed.
tour was hilarious. i went into it thinking "this may be the best 5 weeks of my life" and since i've been home for a few weeks i think it has been. like, i can't remember any consecutive like 5 weeks of just pure greatness. like, the only other times that can happen would be in the summer, and i remember summers growing up of maybe hanging out two to three times a week and most of the time having nothing to do or going to camps or vacations. so yeah, fuckin tour was the shit. honestly though the shows weren't the best but it was more of a vacation/trip with my best friends. not all of them but 7 of them. tiny, collin, luke, larry, mike, russ, and jamel. fuckin right. so many different memories. care to share? eh, i'll go until i get too much traffic online that i can't pay attention anymore. so, hold on tight.
in california we lost a dog. we were staying at luke's godmother's house who was gone all day and gave us a key to go in and out as we please she just said there's one rule: don't let the dog out. well, sure enough, the second to last day we got a little lazy with sending one person in through the small gate to put the dog on the chain before opening the big gate to drive the van in. i think this was at about 6 at night. the dog bolts past collin driving the van and we're all just like "oh shit" and i dont know what anyone else was doing i just knew none of them were running after the dog exept me. i was running for like 5 or 6 blocks (oh yeah i forgot to say this was downtown Los Angeles.) thinking "why the hell didn't anyone else chase the dog? it's not like i'm fast or anything, haven't played sports since i was 12, why are they trusting me to catch it" and by the time i got a little tired i heard footsteps behind me to see tiny chasing the dog too. oh great, tiny, what an athlete. so tiny and i chased the dog for 3 or 4 more blocks until we look back and see jamel, probably the most athletic out of the 8 of us, catching up. i breathed a sigh of releif and slowed my pace to let jamel pass me and i had no more fear. jamel is the shit. course he can catch this fucking dog. so the dog gets about 2 blocks a head of jamel (we've probably run about a mile? maybe a half. what, 8 or 10 blocks? i dont know. a while) and takes a right. wait this is after running straight through a really busy street while all of us put our hands on our heads and held our breath to see the dog get safely through the intersection. so by the time jamel caught up to the street the dog took a right on he looks down the street ane sees nothing. no dog. no where. must have gone left or right or anywhere, he didn't know. so i called back to the house where the fatties had just sat there and not done anything and told them to come pick us up in the van, we had to start looking for the dog in the vans.
(holy shit someone's gonna buy my head! fuckin right)
anyway so yeah, we got a few people looking in the vans, and the rest of us spread out on foot. i was by myself looking for it through a korean neighborhood. sooner or later i met up with larry and mike on a street corner and it starts getting a little darker and this black lady comes up to us "y'all are standin on the wrong corner" and we're like "excuse me?" and she basically tells us to get our white asses off the street cause we'll get beat up or jumped or something cause it was a bad part of town once night comes. so we're like "oh really?" and almost ran back to the house. we called everyone else and said get the fuck back to the house you white bastards. so luke goes "yah, i just asked someone if they've seen a dog and they said 'no but ask the wrong person and they might ask you if you've seen their knife' so i'm not moving bro, you'll have to come get me" he was scared SHITLESS. they finally got him and kept driving around. i was in the van with jamel and russ and after like an hour (it's like 9 oclock by now) we decide to go home and see where everyone else is at. we heard by phone that Marsha (the owner of the house) had come home and FLIPPED on larry cause he had to tell her the bad news. so when we got home she's crying her eyes out on the porch and before i even got out of the car luke calls me OUT of breath "WE SEE HER, I'M CHASING HER! COME QUICKLY!" so i rode with marsha and jamel and russ split with the van towards where they were and before marsha and i get too far luke calls "WE GOT HER! SHE'S IN THE VAN!" we heard later that collin had chased it with the van into a parking garage and then gotten out of the drivers seat after he cornered it, and picked it up in his arms and put it in the van. so. collin was the hero that night. the best thing that happened on tour was finding the dog. because we were sooooo fucking stressed. if it went a whole day without the dog, we wouldn't have left california. we would have looked for the dog every day and had to cancel our shows until we found it. so we were lucky to find it after a few hours. but it was crazy.
i think i'm a little tired of telling tour stories, even though i just told one. maybe i'll talk a little bit more and call it a night.
yeah so they say the summer after senior year's supposed to be the shit and it has been. like, fuckin right doggy. since like.... the end of march it's been summer for me. at blessed sacrement every day with no home work was fuckin awesome. jamel told me on tour i never don't have a cool-at girl. i.e. a girl i'm not attempting to be more than friends with if you know what i mean. a girl i'm not pursuing. he was pretty right. like, still is. i think it's cause i get lonely a lot. not in a sad way, just, i like having someone i can talk to, who likes me. and kissing is fun too.
oh yeah so, kissing with a lip ring isn't fun for me. i was making out for a while with it and she liked it and i didn't. so i took it out and we both agreed that that was better. but i like it apart from that, so i've resolved to having a stud for at least kissing.
i think i want some lemonade.
i was thinking the other day and every girl i've been with in high school, i've ended things with. so, yeah, i've never been broken up with. the last girl to break up with me was rebeccca rossi, in 8th grade. why is that? i dont know. it's crazy though. some girls are crazy. usually, most girls end up liking me more than i like them, and then i get sick of them. for some reason i'll get pissed at everything they do or say. so i think, instead of getting involved in relationships and marking my life by going from girl to girl for months at a time, i'll date girls. for example there's this girl i like right now who i've kissed a few times and i think i'm gonna like, ask her out on a date for the first time in my life, instead of asking her to be my girlfriend. get it? i think that's how grownups do it.
i think i might want a girl to end things with me soon. haha maybe that's why i've been being a jerk to this new girl, maybe subconsciously i want her to break up with me. probly not though. i'd be pretty bummed.
oh yeah! so this is something i'd like to say. i dont know if it applies or anything but whatever. a few times on tour someone would throw around the word "depressed" as easily as "bummed out" or "sad" and i think there's a pretty big difference. like someone would say "it depresses me how we sleep more in the day then at night" and i would just think "no it really doesn't, maybe it's sad, or peculiar, but no one should be seriously depressed about something like that" depressed to me is sad for days and not able to be happy about anything, even if you know there are things to chear you up, you just can't be happy no matter how hard you try. i dont think i can see how one certain thing could depress anyone unless it's something really big. for me to be seriously depressed it has to be a combination of things.
there's something bad i just remembered that i thought about putting in here, but then i'd rather not because it's something i'd rather not remember. crazy though. i dont think anyone will ever know.
whenever i hear of something happening and who's going or whatever, when mike susen's name is mentioned, it makes me want to do it 10 times more. i think i really missed him a lot and i know that i'm not going to see him much after this summer.
i miss pete too.
i dont want to be cocky or whatever you want to call it but i have a lot of friends and i'm really lucky to have all of them. it's really great. like i usually can find something to do when i want to hang out, and usually i dont have to look long. sometimes i'll have to chose between one thing and another because i'll be invited more than one place. i can remember times in 8th and 9th grade being sad that my friends didn't invite me places. i even wrote a song called "please invite me" about josh and tyler and mike. then we used the same music and changed the lyrics and called it "your charity" and wrote it about fucking Claudia. i dont even remember her last name. she was the first girl mike ever danced with in high school (ever?) and she was pursued by billy and i both at one time, and then billy won, and that's what the song was about, i think. i can't really remember any of the lyrics. she's fucked up now, got her GED and bullshit like that.
i think i'm getting a little ahead of myself and i'm being a jerk to some of my friends which isn't cool. i gotta chill on that. i think it might have been sophmore year, probably inspired by Sophmore Faith (can i spell sophmore? sophomore?) and all like WWJD and crap like that. then i got more friends (haha maybe because of that) and started forgetting about it. i haven't really been to church in a year or so, maybe more. yeah, more, cause i stopped going to church when i was with lauren, because i would tell my mom i went to church and then go to laurens. then i started working alot on sundays and just haven't gone to church in a while. maybe for christmas or something.
i went over lauren's last night and we laughed about a lot of times we laughed. if that makes sense. we remenisced if you will about all of the good times we had. we did have goodtimes, beleive it or not. it ended pretty shittily. i think i finally told her why i had to leave and she said basically that it was the right thing to do, even if it ruined her. things are going very well for her now and i'm really happy about it.
is this long enough for you? give yourself a pat on the back if you've made it this far. i hope your eyes don't hurt yet.
my dad's cousin tom has 5 children under age 6. the 3 youngest are triplets. 2 years old, one didn't fit in the womb so he's not all there, if you know what i mean. he's going to be a special needs kid when he grows up. (it's his wife, sherri, and his daughter, mary, in the picture on the left of this) anyway so Tom, a doctor, OBGYN to be exact. (he delivers babies) was workin out in his basement and sherri was cookin outside on the grill. by chance he took a break and looked out the window into his back yard to see 2 bodies face down in the pool. he dove in the pool clothes and all to bring his two baby children to the side of the pool and gave them both CPR. he saved both of their lives, they coughed for a minute and cried for a while and then it was like nothing had happened. scared the shit out of me. all day i've been picturing the kids in the pool and my cousin tom scared shitless and sherri crying and all that. oh i forgot to say, the kid who didn't really make it in one peice out of the womb, Sam, was sitting idly by the pool "too stupid to go swimming" said my dad. i love him the best though. he is my favorite. the other kids, even though they're barely old enough to talk, know he's different, and treat him horribly. like, steal his food and push him and stuff cause they know he can't fight back. i wish they didn't live in georgia so i could see them more often. i fucking love that kid though.
i'm growing up. and i love it. i just wish i would grow up slower. i see little 11 and 12 year old girls wearing make up and jewelry to be like their older sisters and i want to shout at them "SLOW DOWN!" because we're adults for 80 years and only children for 20 and it's not fair to be expected to grow up so fast. i want to savor these years. i'm 19 on tuesday and already bummed about it. i even forgot about it. someone asked me why my dad bought me sweet pants and i said "well 18 is a big year" and then they said "aren't you turning 19?" and i laughed.