(no subject)
just saw kif's xanga.
i feel so detached from them, from archi, from everyone.
sigh. i just think i will become a bit of a loner when i get back to school. esp after the groups are reshuffled. i dunno. i don't feel particularly attached to anyone. esp after kif left. sometimes i wish... bla i dunno.
why is it so hard to find people who understand you, and who genuinely care. i didn't talk to anyone after i got back to sg for summer. none of them bothered to either, except for janet, cos she's the only one who's not fake. i gave up msning winnie because i just can't stand all that attitude she gave me the past year. and she actually initiated a convo with me just now. ha. maybe people do realise, sometimes. no idea.
i'm trying to tell myself, it's okay. i've been alone for the most part of my life. sure i've got friends who i just bum around with. but those i trust... well there are around 5 i guess. which is good enough. the bad thing is they're all abroad, none in my school. so. well, what can i do. sometimes i feel even though i exist amongst people, i exist alone. it's that feeling, you know? (god i dunno why i sound all emo and philo these days, seems kinda pathetic, really. urgh get a life jam)
i'm trying to tell myself, it's okay. it's not my fault. i'm not a freak, i'm not weird, i'm not being anti-social. (well my classmates consider me normal and outgoing, actually. then again they don't know me; they aren't close to me) all i know is that i'm just a little tired. tired of playing nice, tired of having to adjust all the time, just to 'fit in'. tired of putting up with people's shit just to have people to eat lunch with. how pathetic is that. i mean i stay myself for most part, but sometimes u gotta do things even though you don't really like, i guess. i'm really worried about getting a yr4 next year to be my bao. urgh. why is the hku archi system so fked up anyway.
i miss timmy, matt, lynn, mel... people who i can really trust and talk to. but everyone's in a different country. haha. i can only list 4 people. i love knotty and tako to death, but it's hard to stay in touch. kazu as well.. i miss him alot, but i know he's got his priorities.
sigh *buries self in jpop/jrock/jdrama/anime* some people think fandom is a form of escape. maybe it is.
OKAY *sits up resolutely* end of moping. i need to get a grip. emotional strength is one thing i've prided myself on, always. because i hate letting people see me weak.
sometimes i can't believe all the shit i write. boy, makes me feel like rereading my old blog. it's like a friggin' novel. maybe i'll publish it when i'm 60 and get more retirement money. HA!
*
saw the cover of Ayumi's new single. omg why is the hk skyline in rainbow colors LMAO. i actually went down to pottinger street with my friend, where she filmed her PV, but i only got a glimpse of her double -_-; and lots of angry security and avex staff people who were trying to get fans out of the way. lol.
i feel so detached from them, from archi, from everyone.
sigh. i just think i will become a bit of a loner when i get back to school. esp after the groups are reshuffled. i dunno. i don't feel particularly attached to anyone. esp after kif left. sometimes i wish... bla i dunno.
why is it so hard to find people who understand you, and who genuinely care. i didn't talk to anyone after i got back to sg for summer. none of them bothered to either, except for janet, cos she's the only one who's not fake. i gave up msning winnie because i just can't stand all that attitude she gave me the past year. and she actually initiated a convo with me just now. ha. maybe people do realise, sometimes. no idea.
i'm trying to tell myself, it's okay. i've been alone for the most part of my life. sure i've got friends who i just bum around with. but those i trust... well there are around 5 i guess. which is good enough. the bad thing is they're all abroad, none in my school. so. well, what can i do. sometimes i feel even though i exist amongst people, i exist alone. it's that feeling, you know? (god i dunno why i sound all emo and philo these days, seems kinda pathetic, really. urgh get a life jam)
i'm trying to tell myself, it's okay. it's not my fault. i'm not a freak, i'm not weird, i'm not being anti-social. (well my classmates consider me normal and outgoing, actually. then again they don't know me; they aren't close to me) all i know is that i'm just a little tired. tired of playing nice, tired of having to adjust all the time, just to 'fit in'. tired of putting up with people's shit just to have people to eat lunch with. how pathetic is that. i mean i stay myself for most part, but sometimes u gotta do things even though you don't really like, i guess. i'm really worried about getting a yr4 next year to be my bao. urgh. why is the hku archi system so fked up anyway.
i miss timmy, matt, lynn, mel... people who i can really trust and talk to. but everyone's in a different country. haha. i can only list 4 people. i love knotty and tako to death, but it's hard to stay in touch. kazu as well.. i miss him alot, but i know he's got his priorities.
sigh *buries self in jpop/jrock/jdrama/anime* some people think fandom is a form of escape. maybe it is.
OKAY *sits up resolutely* end of moping. i need to get a grip. emotional strength is one thing i've prided myself on, always. because i hate letting people see me weak.
sometimes i can't believe all the shit i write. boy, makes me feel like rereading my old blog. it's like a friggin' novel. maybe i'll publish it when i'm 60 and get more retirement money. HA!
*
saw the cover of Ayumi's new single. omg why is the hk skyline in rainbow colors LMAO. i actually went down to pottinger street with my friend, where she filmed her PV, but i only got a glimpse of her double -_-; and lots of angry security and avex staff people who were trying to get fans out of the way. lol.