wake up call to my brain
i've realized a lot of things lately.
so much is clear to me now..
i've been high for so long, that i was in this fog, that i've finally passed through.
i'm sober now, and i'm seeing that so much i thought made me happy, really doesn't.. it was just the drugs making it seem that i was happy doing what i was doing and experiencing what i was experiencing.
mickey and i had a long talk about everything that has happened to me and him through these dex days. and everything that i did and did not enjoy certain thin sober and unsober.
so many people i thought were so great, really ended up not being so great through sober eyes.
the truth and reality of everything has finally struck me.
and now, i need to see what i truly enjoy sober. not what i think i enjoy, but really don't.
i've come to realize that i never really enjoyed being high, or i did for the very first honeymoon stage of taking dex.
it's just like anything new. it's great and exciting, and you want it to stay that way forever, so you make yourself believe it's still so great, when really the shine wore off a fucking long time ago.. and you're now left with the rotten truth.
i've spent so long with a broken heart, thinking so many people and events in my life i had once experienced were so great, when it was really just the drugs making it appear that way.
so, now..
i start afresh. a new start. in a light devoid of confusion.
without shading the world in rose-coloured glasses , i will now test, through trial and error, everything..
to discover the things that really, truly make me happy.
and those things may not seem to make me happy at first, because it's not on the fairytale level that dex has made it apper to be,
but that's okay. i can't keep dreaming forever.
it's a nice place to visit, but i wouldn't want to live there.
..then i wouldn't be truly living, right?
it'd be just a dream. that's all. a fleeting one.
so much is clear to me now..
i've been high for so long, that i was in this fog, that i've finally passed through.
i'm sober now, and i'm seeing that so much i thought made me happy, really doesn't.. it was just the drugs making it seem that i was happy doing what i was doing and experiencing what i was experiencing.
mickey and i had a long talk about everything that has happened to me and him through these dex days. and everything that i did and did not enjoy certain thin sober and unsober.
so many people i thought were so great, really ended up not being so great through sober eyes.
the truth and reality of everything has finally struck me.
and now, i need to see what i truly enjoy sober. not what i think i enjoy, but really don't.
i've come to realize that i never really enjoyed being high, or i did for the very first honeymoon stage of taking dex.
it's just like anything new. it's great and exciting, and you want it to stay that way forever, so you make yourself believe it's still so great, when really the shine wore off a fucking long time ago.. and you're now left with the rotten truth.
i've spent so long with a broken heart, thinking so many people and events in my life i had once experienced were so great, when it was really just the drugs making it appear that way.
so, now..
i start afresh. a new start. in a light devoid of confusion.
without shading the world in rose-coloured glasses , i will now test, through trial and error, everything..
to discover the things that really, truly make me happy.
and those things may not seem to make me happy at first, because it's not on the fairytale level that dex has made it apper to be,
but that's okay. i can't keep dreaming forever.
it's a nice place to visit, but i wouldn't want to live there.
..then i wouldn't be truly living, right?
it'd be just a dream. that's all. a fleeting one.