5.18 Intervention Picspam Part 2
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Cut to the Buffy Bot climbing out of the underground cavern.
BUFFYBOT: Spike? (looks around) I waited like you said, but then I missed you. Spike?
She walks off, not noticing Xander lying on the ground behind her.
(LOL Warren was really accurate with that little detail...
It's not like Xander had been bled by a cra cra demon girl and didn't even have handy Vamp healing ability. Spike totally deserved her attention. ♥)
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Cut to: darkness, sound of someone knocking on a door.
WILLOW: Xander, did you-
Willow opens the door to discover the Buffy Bot.
BUFFYBOT: Spike's gone!
WILLOW: Bu-Buffy. Uh, come in. Shh! It's late!
Willow ushers the bot in, closes the door. They walk through the darkened living room.
WILLOW: Wait.
Willow picks up a blanket from the floor, wraps it around herself, and she and the bot go out onto a balcony.
WILLOW: (whispers) We can talk out here.
She closes the door quietly and goes over to the bot.
WILLOW: Did Xander find you? He-he was looking for you.
Shot of Willow from the bot's perspective. Her attributes are:
best friend
gay (1999-present)
witch
good with computers
WILLOW: He hasn't come back. Anya sat up waiting.
BUFFYBOT: I don't know where Xander is. I haven't seen him. And when I came out of the tunnel, Spike was gone. I need to find him.
WILLOW: (winces) Um ... Buffy, this thing with Spike, i-i-it isn't true, is it? You didn't, you know, sleep with Spike?
BUFFYBOT: No.
Willow smiles with relief.
BUFFYBOT: I had sex with Spike. (Willow winces again) I'm sorry if it bothers you. You're my best friend.
WILLOW: I-I am. And I, I always will be, no matter what you do. I, I'm just trying to figure out why this happened, and I, I think with ... your mom and everything ... everyone was being all sympathetic, and, and making you feel weak. A-and Spike wasn't like that. So, just this one time, you just ... did something kinda ... crazy.
BUFFYBOT: (shakes head) It wasn't one time. It was lots of times. And lots of different ways. I could make sketches.
WILLOW: (disgusted) No! Buffy, there is something seriously wrong here! I ... (the bot looks confused) Okay, yeah, you've been with a vampire before, but Angel had a soul.
WILLOW: Okay ... look, I just wanna help you. Let me help you.
BUFFYBOT: You're my best friend.
WILLOW: Yeah. Again, I ... really am, but...
BUFFYBOT: You're recently gay.
WILLOW: Um...
Behind them, the apartment lights up. They turn to see through the window that Xander has returned.
XANDER: (inside) Guys! Guys, wake up.
Willow gives the bot one last confused look and goes inside. The bot follows.
Tara sits up from sleeping on the floor. Anya gets up from sleeping on the sofa.
ANYA: Oh, Xander, I was scared, are you hurt? What happened?
XANDER: Guys ... demony kinds of guys. Buffy.
BUFFYBOT: Yes, that's me.
XANDER: The guys that work for Glory, you said they're kind of like hobbits with leprosy? Well this was a whole flock of hobbits, and they just grabbed Spike. I think they're taking him to Glory.
WILLOW: But he, he knows about Dawn. (Xander nods)
BUFFYBOT: We have to get him back. (Willow gives her a disturbed look)
XANDER: So how do we find him?
Everyone looks at the bot. She looks uncertain.
BUFFYBOT: I fight with weapons.
XANDER: Yeah. I got nothin'. Let's hit your place, we'll stock up.
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Cut to: Glory's apartment. The door bursts open and the two main demons enter with Spike, whose hands are tied behind him. Glory gets up from the sofa where she was reading a magazine.
GLORY: What the hell is that, and why is it's hair that color?
MURK: Stunning one, we believe he is...
MURK AND JINX: (unison) The key!
Spike looks annoyed. Glory smiles.
GLORY: Really? That's fantabulous! (comes forward, shoves Murk away) And impossible. (walks in a circle around Spike) He can't be the key, because, see, the key ... has to be pure.
She returns to Spike's front and sniffs at him.
GLORY: This is a vampire. (Spike looks at her in alarm) Lesson number one, vampires equal impure.
SPIKE: (a little scared) Yeah, damn right I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. Let me go.
GLORY: You can't even brain-suck a vampire. (pats Spike on the chest) He's completely useless.
SPIKE: So, I'm just gonna let myself out.
He tries to escape but Murk stops him.
JINX: But, your holiness, we observed the Slayer. She protected this one above all others. (Glory looks over his shoulder at Spike) She treated him as precious.
GLORY: Really? Precious-ss-ss?
She pushes Jinx aside and goes over to Spike again.
GLORY: Let's take a peek at you, precious. (looks him up and down) What do you know, precious? What can I dig out of you?
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Cut to: Summers house, day. Xander opens the door for the Buffy Bot, who enters followed by Xander, Anya, and Willow. They walk into the living room.
BUFFYBOT: (smiling) This is my house.
XANDER: If we're gonna stop Spike from blabbing about Dawn, we're gonna need these.
He goes to the big weapons chest and opens it.
ANYA: Ooh, the big guns.
Xander takes out a weapon and gives it to Anya, takes out another one for himself.
ANYA: Saddling up. Shouldn't we have guns?
BUFFYBOT: Those are my weapons. Give me something big and sharp.
WILLOW: Um, Buffy, where do we go? Where should we look for Glory?
BUFFYBOT: She's a god. She wants the key.
XANDER: Yeah, so we should look...
They all look at the bot.
BUFFYBOT: I don't know. Why are you all looking at me? (They all look confused)
XANDER: Okay, Buff, it's okay, you're right, you shouldn't have to know everything.
BUFFYBOT: We need to rescue Spike.
WILLOW: Um ... Buffy, I, I think you have more weapons upstairs. Why don't you go get those?
ANYA: And maybe change your clothes, you know, something more ... fighty.
BUFFYBOT: I can do that. I'll be right back.
She turns with a smile and walks off.
XANDER: Okay, this has gone way too far. She thinks we're going to rescue Spike.
WILLOW: What *are* we gonna do?
XANDER: Find him, keep him from talking, whatever it takes.
ANYA: What do we do with Glory?
WILLOW: Whatever we do, we're gonna need Buffy's help.
XANDER: Then we're gonna have to talk to her.
WILLOW: Intervention time again?
XANDER: Yeah, 'cause what we need right now is a sane Buffy.
The real Buffy enters, still wearing her brown pants and turtleneck, carrying her brown coat.
BUFFY: Whoa. Group hang time?
The others look surprised.
WILLOW: Tha-that was quick.
BUFFY: Didn't seem like it to me. Death is my gift. (scoffs)
The others are completely bemused.
XANDER: Buffy, we need to talk.
BUFFY: (alarmed) What's wrong? Is Dawn okay?
WILLOW: Dawn's fine.
XANDER: Buffy, we care about you, and we're worried about you. The way you're acting, the things you're doing-
ANYA: It's wrong.
WILLOW: Wait. This shouldn't be about blame.
BUFFY: Blame? There's blame now?
WILLOW: No, there's only love. And ... some fear.
ANYA: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger.
BUFFY: (angrily) I am not having sex with Spike!
ANYA: Anger.
XANDER: (scoffs) Buffy, I saw you. Anya too. (Anya nods) We saw you and Spike ... (gestures vaguely) with the straddling.
The Buffy Bot enters, looking offended.
BUFFYBOT: Spike's mine. Who's straddling Spike?
She strides up next to Buffy, who stares at her in amazement.
BUFFY: Oh my god.
XANDER: (amazed) And so say all of us.
BUFFYBOT: Say, look at you. You look just like me! We're very pretty.
WILLOW: Two of them!
XANDER: Hey, I know this! They're both Buffy!
BUFFY: (annoyed at him) No, *she*'s a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made. You guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot?
BUFFYBOT: Oh, I don't think I'm a robot.
ANYA: She's very well done.
The bot smiles at her.
XANDER: Spike must have had her built so he could program her t-
BUFFY: (horrified) Oh god.
WILLOW: Yikes. Imagine the things-
BUFFY: No! No, no imagining. Any of you.
XANDER: (raises his hand) Already got the visual.
BUFFYBOT: People. Friends of mine. You're forgetting the most important thing. Glory has Spike and she's going to harm him.
BUFFY: (softly) Glory has Spike?
XANDER: (nervous laugh) We were gonna bring that up.
ANYA: We were getting weapons.
BUFFY: Grab 'em. We're going now. I have to kill him.
WILLOW: We don't even know where to look.
BUFFY: (ponders) I know where to start.
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Open on a shot of Sunnydale, daylight. We see the hill atop which is Glory's apartment building. Pan down to the park below.
BUFFY: Glory's key-sniffing snake was about here when I killed it. It was headed back to her.
WILLOW: Do you think she lives around here?
Pan down more to discover the Scooby gang with Giles and the Buffy Bot standing around. Most of them have weapons, including the bot.
XANDER: It's not a lot to go on.
BUFFY: (shrugs) It's all we got.
GILES: (staring at the bot) Quite extraordinary really.
BUFFYBOT: Thank you. But I really think we should be listening to the other Buffy, Guyles. She's very smart and she's gonna help us save Spike.
GILES: Guy-les? (turns to address the real Buffy) Spike didn't even bother to program my name properly.
BUFFY: Listen, skirt girl, we are not going to save him. We're going to kill him. He knows who the key is, and there's no way he's not telling Glory.
BUFFYBOT: You're right. He's evil. (smiles) But you should see him naked. I mean really.
Buffy grimaces in disgust.
BUFFY: Okay, guys, split up and spread out. Check the priciest-looking places first. Xander, you come with me. Willow, Anya, stick together, and Guy-les ... Giles- (Giles looks annoyed) you can watch ... it.
Giles sighs, turns back to the bot. She gives him a huge grin.
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GLORY: So start talkin'.
SPIKE: Yeah. Okay. The key. Here's the thing...
Shot of Spike's hands with chains wrapped around them. He twists them around trying to loosen the chains.
SPIKE: It's that guy... on TV ... what's his name?
GLORY: (frowns) On the television?
SPIKE: That show ... the prize show ... where they guess what stuff cost?
MURK: The Price Is Right?
JINX: Oh, Bob Barker!
MURK: We will bring you Bob Barker! We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Bark-
GLORY: (jumps up) It is not Bob Barker, scabby morons! The key is new to this world ... (turns back to face Spike) and Bob Barker is as old as grit. (smiles) The vampire ... is lying to me.
SPIKE: (laughs) Yeah ... but it was fun. And guess what, bitch. (Shot of his hands still trying to twist free) I'm not telling you
jack. You're never gonna get your sodding key, 'cause you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot.
GLORY: I am a god.
SPIKE: The god of what, bad home perms?
GLORY: Shut up! (takes a few steps toward him, pats her hair) I command you, shut up!
SPIKE: Yeah, okay, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. (Glory scoffs in disbelief) Mark my words, the Slayer ... is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass (Glory checks out her ass in dismay) back to whatever place would take a (sizing her up) cheap, whorish, fashion victim ex-god like you.
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Cut to: shot of the Buffy Bot's back. A flap of skin is peeled back revealing her inner workings. Willow is poking at the machinery with tools. It makes sputtering noises.
Pull out to reveal Tara standing next to Willow. They're in the magic shop. The bot is bent over the table.
TARA: (looks across the table) Is it weird?
We see Buffy standing on the other side of the table. Dawn sits beside her.
BUFFY: Oh yeah. (walks closer) At least it's not a very good copy. (sits in the chair next to the bot) I mean...
Buffy lays her head down on the table to look into the bot's face.
BUFFY: ...look at it.
WILLOW: Uh ... yeah. (looks up at Tara)
The door opens and they look up as Xander and Giles enter. Buffy gets up.
BUFFY: What'd you guys do with Spike? And please let the story have a dusty ending.
XANDER: We dumped him back in his crypt.
GILES: Tried to find out if he'd ... told her anything, but he was too badly beaten to make much sense.
ANYA: Well, even if he told her, he'd just lie to us about it anyway, right?
BUFFY: Yeah, you can count on it. But I have to know. Now. If he did give us up, Dawn and I need to get out of town. I mean, she could be on her way right now.
Dawn looks alarmed.
GILES: (to Dawn) But, uh, not to worry, you know, I'm sure we'll all be perfectly safe.
DAWN: (smiles) We're safe, right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with.
Buffy frowns, looks at Tara.
TARA: I-it sounded convincing when I thought it.
WILLOW: Hey! I-I think I found somethin'.
Anya comes over and looks at the machinery.
ANYA: Uch! Looks very complicated in there. Personally, I'd rather look at guts.
WILLOW: (to Buffy) I found where she's broken. Some of these wires got fried extra crispy. (smiles) It's an easy fix.
Buffy gives her an astonished look.
WILLOW: I mean ... not that I would.
XANDER: God, I feel ... kind of bad for the guy. Gets all whupped and his best toy gets taken away.
BUFFY: Xander. Please don't be suggesting what I'd have to kill you for suggesting.
XANDER: No, no, travesty, completely on board, it's just ... the guy was so thrashed.
Buffy considers this.
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Cut to: Spike lying in his crypt, daylight outside. His facial bruises have swelled up and his hair is still messy.
The door slams open. The Buffy Bot stands there. She walks briskly over to the coffin where Spike's lying.
BUFFYBOT: Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds.
Spike turns his head toward her. His eyes are swollen mostly shut.
SPIKE: Yeah. (starts to sit up) I feel real sexy. (slowly pulls himself upright) Where you been?
BUFFYBOT: I fell down and got confused. Willow fixed me. She's gay.
SPIKE: Will fixed you? I thought they'd melt you into scrap.
BUFFYBOT: They were confused too. (smiles) Do you wanna ravage me now?
SPIKE: (weakly) Give us a minute. Got some bones need mending.
BUFFYBOT: Why did you let that Glory hurt you?
SPIKE: She wanted to know who the key was.
BUFFYBOT: Oh, well, I can tell her, and then you'll-(turns to leave)
SPIKE: No! (coughs as she turns back) You can't ever. Glory never finds out.
BUFFYBOT: Why?
SPIKE: (quietly) 'Cause Buffy ... the other, not so pleasant Buffy ... anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in that much pain. Let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.
She leans forward and kisses him softly on the lips. Spike starts to kiss her back, frowns and pulls away.
Shot of her looking at him.
Spike stares at her in amazement.
Raise you hand if this is also one of your favorite kisses (from any TV show, movie, book, etc) ever. ♥
She turns to walk away.
SPIKE: And my robot?
BUFFY: (turns back) The robot is gone. The robot was gross and obscene.
SPIKE: (lowers his head) It wasn't supposed to-
BUFFY: Don't. That ... thing, it ... it wasn't even real.
She turns and takes a few more steps toward the door. Spike sits with his head hanging. Buffy pauses again but doesn't turn back to him.
BUFFY: What you did, for me, and Dawn ... that was real.
Spike lifts his head to look at her. She turns to look at him over her shoulder.
BUFFY: I won't forget it.
She walks out, closing the door behind her. Spike stares after her.
Blackout.
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