Cleansed

[tofusushi]

Howie and I are, surprisingly, fine. Getting sick left us too tired to fight so it stopped the cycle of verbal abuse. Time washed our hurts away so neither of us had any reason to defend ourselves or pick on the other person. Lately I've been reading on the topic of kind communication. The Biblical theory is that bitter words come from a

Comments

[pepfin]

Okay, listen to me. I am only going to say this one time because I have said it all before and I am not even doing to delve. Religion is a form of escapism and it is meant to comfort the weak. I respect you learning about ALL religions as information for your brain, I really don't give damn if you want to actually believe any of it because that is for you to decide. I can't stop you.

You relationship with Howie has been an ongoing battle. You defend it like many, many, many people do when they are in dysfunctional relationships. I don't doubt you love him, J... you love fully and freely and you give your heart to most anyone who will show you love in return. That is one of the things I have always loved most about you.

However, you get yourself into situations that are not ideal and then you feel like you are obligated to see them through. You are willing to do anything to convince yourself to just "stay and things will get better". How long did it take you to get out of the job you hated in VA? How many discussions about your happiness did we have to have?

I know you love him, J, but honestly, you have never, (I mean never) been completely happy with him. I know you would try to deny that too, but there is not a thing to do to convince me otherwise. And don't try that "no one's perfect, you have to accept the flaws..." because that is not all we are talking about here. We are talking substance abuse (past, present or otherwise) and we are talking abuse in your relationship by him or you or both - verbally. And anytime you belittle or attack the person you are with who you claim to love... that is a big problem and yes, the counselor will uncover all of that. If you continue to try to make it work even though you know he isn't right for you, fine. You will no doubt begin to try to change yourself to make the relationship better because that is what you always do. You will say that you are to blame eventually, I have watched you do it before.

Ultimately, I don't believe that you are truly happy with Howie, and never will be. But I don't know if you will ever find what you are looking for, because I am not sure you know what that is.