1, 2, 3, 4 updates
So..
Hooray. It won't unbold.
Now? Nope. It's stuck.
You must deal with a livejournal post that is in bold for no reason.
Alright. Some new things:
1. We're passing off one of our cats to Kyllea, my older sister in Ohio, since she won't use her litter box. We've tried everything. New litter, another box, putting more litter in the box, cleaning it everyday, locking her in the litter room at night, and nothing has worked. It just came to our attention we should probably get her checked at the vet to make sure she doesn't have a UTI or a kidney stone, but I don't know what's going to happen since we've made plans for transport at Thanksgiving.
2. I went to Canaltown Coffee Roasters since a friend worked there. His name is (Super) James and I worked with him at Renee's when she was getting ready to move. She was trying to set me up with him. He's a huge music and coffee buff and he's a total hipster, though not in the poseur fucktard way. He's a cool hipster. The way hipsters were meant to be. He said people should come visit so I did and he bought me a cappuccino. Which made me realize that I don't really like cappuccinos. Which is cool. I kinda just like coffee in the morning and have no interest in learning how to make lattes and other such things. But I went and talked with him and his manager for a while. It made me realize we really have nothing in common. Which is cool. To some extent. We are like polar opposites though. Which has since quelled any romantic interest I might have had. He's really into music, I'm really into movies. He's really into going out and doing things and exploring, and I'm really into ... not doing any of that stuff. I'm much more comfortable at home and 'exploring' is tiring for me. Not that I don't like doing it, I do, but not on a regular basis. And he's really into going out and seeing shows and meeting new people and I'm really into staying at home and doing things there with people I already know. Anyway, so that happened.
3. I think I had an Exploding Head Syndrome episode again. I can't remember if I dreamed it or not. Last night was very odd. I know I woke up at night and was completely terrified to death of coke addicts. I have no idea how I got onto that one. I think I had a dream and then was worried that my sister would kill my parents and then I would roll over and see her standing there staring at me with a knife. I know I was up most of the night terrified though I feel like all of it was a dream now. And I can't remember the noise that I heard this time. It wasn't a circular saw. I think it was someone screaming or something. It was all very odd.
4. I have also realized that the way I've been thinking and feeling isn't craziness, it has a name. It's Existential Nihilism. Which is awesome. I've read up on it a little, mostly scanning through this article and I'm rereading it for more details. I told my mother that I felt this way, in summary, "Existential nihilism begins with the notion that the world is without meaning or purpose. Given this circumstance, existence itself-all action, suffering, and feeling-is ultimately senseless and empty." Which is pretty much how I feel. And I don't think it's a bad thing. My mother immediately starting handing out ideas on how to fix this 'problem' and how to get more out of life instead of considering the fact I was fine with it. Andy called it a religion, which I guess it could be, but it's more a philosophy. He immediately assumed it meant sex for him, since I don't care about anything anymore, it's not like sex is some physical punishment for me anymore. Silly boy. But the good thing is I feel liberated. I haven't felt this content in forever. This isn't me being happy because I'm in denial about something, but sincere happiness. I feel good. Which is good. Even if other people think it's bad.
So that's pretty much the last few weeks in a nutshell.
I'm trying to apply to places again. So frustrating.
Hooray. It won't unbold.
Now? Nope. It's stuck.
You must deal with a livejournal post that is in bold for no reason.
Alright. Some new things:
1. We're passing off one of our cats to Kyllea, my older sister in Ohio, since she won't use her litter box. We've tried everything. New litter, another box, putting more litter in the box, cleaning it everyday, locking her in the litter room at night, and nothing has worked. It just came to our attention we should probably get her checked at the vet to make sure she doesn't have a UTI or a kidney stone, but I don't know what's going to happen since we've made plans for transport at Thanksgiving.
2. I went to Canaltown Coffee Roasters since a friend worked there. His name is (Super) James and I worked with him at Renee's when she was getting ready to move. She was trying to set me up with him. He's a huge music and coffee buff and he's a total hipster, though not in the poseur fucktard way. He's a cool hipster. The way hipsters were meant to be. He said people should come visit so I did and he bought me a cappuccino. Which made me realize that I don't really like cappuccinos. Which is cool. I kinda just like coffee in the morning and have no interest in learning how to make lattes and other such things. But I went and talked with him and his manager for a while. It made me realize we really have nothing in common. Which is cool. To some extent. We are like polar opposites though. Which has since quelled any romantic interest I might have had. He's really into music, I'm really into movies. He's really into going out and doing things and exploring, and I'm really into ... not doing any of that stuff. I'm much more comfortable at home and 'exploring' is tiring for me. Not that I don't like doing it, I do, but not on a regular basis. And he's really into going out and seeing shows and meeting new people and I'm really into staying at home and doing things there with people I already know. Anyway, so that happened.
3. I think I had an Exploding Head Syndrome episode again. I can't remember if I dreamed it or not. Last night was very odd. I know I woke up at night and was completely terrified to death of coke addicts. I have no idea how I got onto that one. I think I had a dream and then was worried that my sister would kill my parents and then I would roll over and see her standing there staring at me with a knife. I know I was up most of the night terrified though I feel like all of it was a dream now. And I can't remember the noise that I heard this time. It wasn't a circular saw. I think it was someone screaming or something. It was all very odd.
4. I have also realized that the way I've been thinking and feeling isn't craziness, it has a name. It's Existential Nihilism. Which is awesome. I've read up on it a little, mostly scanning through this article and I'm rereading it for more details. I told my mother that I felt this way, in summary, "Existential nihilism begins with the notion that the world is without meaning or purpose. Given this circumstance, existence itself-all action, suffering, and feeling-is ultimately senseless and empty." Which is pretty much how I feel. And I don't think it's a bad thing. My mother immediately starting handing out ideas on how to fix this 'problem' and how to get more out of life instead of considering the fact I was fine with it. Andy called it a religion, which I guess it could be, but it's more a philosophy. He immediately assumed it meant sex for him, since I don't care about anything anymore, it's not like sex is some physical punishment for me anymore. Silly boy. But the good thing is I feel liberated. I haven't felt this content in forever. This isn't me being happy because I'm in denial about something, but sincere happiness. I feel good. Which is good. Even if other people think it's bad.
So that's pretty much the last few weeks in a nutshell.
I'm trying to apply to places again. So frustrating.