Seconds later, Lex's phone rang again. Clark was on the other side, running the small stampede that was forming behind him. "Leeeeex, Lois wants me to go to the prom with her and so does the rest of Smallville, except for my mom because that'd be weird, and they all want answers right now. Like, right now. I don't know what to do!"
"Oh my God, Clark, do not go with Lois, she is a bitch," Lex said, eyes widening even as he said it. Oh. Damn. He shook his head and tried to clear his mind of whatever that fishnet-wearing skank had done to him. "Why did we hold the Masquerade Ball in Smallville, that town sucks and tried to kill me like a hundred times." Damn it, talk normally!
"You have to get out of Smallville, Clark. Come stay with me, Metropolis is awesome. Also, I am cooler."
"We should totally have a sleepover! Okay, I'm coming over now. I think I've lost them in the field. W-wait no, they're regrouping. Gotta go. Oh, heh, hey, Chlo--"
Lex was staring at the phone in alarm, pondering how to best crush Chloe Sullivan, when Clark appeared on the balcony to his penthouse, looking extremely ruffled.
"Oh my God, Clark, your hair is ruffled!" Lex said, darting to the door. "Clearly this a sign that you are totally in danger sit down right now." Lex's feelings towards his inner child-or inner teenaged girl, whichever-grew increasingly violent. But this was giving him the opportunity to stroke Clark's hair, so perhaps it all evened out.
"I think my hair's fine now," said Clark hesitantly, after some minutes. "Except it might need highlights. Wow, did I just say that aloud? Anyway, Lex, thanks for having me over. I don't know what'd I do without y--"
He jumped as his phone rang. "Uummm, Whitney, hey! What's up? Yeah, I know, it's ridiculous, isn't it? ....oh. Uh. Listen, I know we've had that rivalry thing over Lana, but it's kind of... um. I mean, I like you as a friend, but I already agreed to go with someone else."
"Wait, Whitney? What the hell, was he not dead?" Lex continued stroking Clark's hair. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Caesar looking on in confusion, and possibly jealousy. "He's alive again? Good for him! Also, prom in Smallville would be lame. Because it's Smallville." Lex pondered it for a moment. "We'll show up in a limo and make all those bitches jealous."
Oh God, please let this wear off before I pick out a dress. Please. I will even stop building giant robots made of Kryptonite.
"What? Whitney's not dead. I think. Do you believe in ghosts? I kind of do. I believe aliens exist, anyway. Oh, sorry, Whitney. Anyywaayyy, I'll catch you later, sorry to disappoint."
Clark snapped his phone shut with a sigh, then turned back to Lex. "I wish you wouldn't talk about Smallville like that. I like it there! It's got horses. Ugh, but I still don't know who I'm going with! Maybe I just won't go."
"I totally have the right to talk about Smallville like that, it dropped a meteor on me and then I lost all my hair, and even though I am rocking the baldness to this day, it still hurts inside." Must. Knock. Self. Out. Only way to stop the indignity. "Also, someone hopped up Kryptonite tried to kill me like every Thursday, and in between my dad constantly fondling my shoulder and watching everyone in town throw themselves at you, I can't really recommend it."
Lex saw Clark start to pout, and as attractive as that was, wanted to make him happy again, "We should watch a movie! I can order Twilight?"
Clearly, praying to the Judeo-Christian god was not working. Time to start moving through the pagans. Dear Zeus, I know we have not talked before...
"Oh my god! Lex, you're totally my brand of heroin." With this profound realization, Clark sobered up and looked up at him seriously. "Hey, actually... would you go to the prom with me? I know you hate Smallville and everything, but maybe I could change your mind."
Lex grinned. "Silly Clark, I was going to go to prom with you whether you wanted me to or not." He darted in to give him a hug.
Lex tried very hard not to squeal with glee at the idea of going to the prom with Clark. You are Lex Luthor. You are the most powerful man in Metropolis, and ideally, the world. Be strong. Be manly. Do not--Kitty was right, I should dress Caesar up in cute outifts. He could be Warrior Angel for Halloween. Clearly, this was not working. Dear Shiva, perhaps you'll be more receptive to my increasingly desperate pleas...
"Let's order pizza," Lex said cheerfully. "I totally think I can light a fire in the fireplace, and then we can make s'mores!"
"Okay, let's watch Twilight!" Lex said, grinning. He casually draped an arm across the back of the couch. If he timed this right, and he totally would because he was Lex Luthor and he would use his knowledge to make out with Clark Kent, he would eventually get his arm completely wrapped around Clark's shoulders.
"Bruce totally tells people he's a vampire," Lex said as the opening credits started up. "I bet he would sparkle. It seems like the kind of thing he would do."
"I was just thinking that! No one understands me like you do," said Clark, shifting ever so slightly closer to him as the sheer intellectual brilliance that was Twilight started up on the screen.
"Oh my God, we should go on a double date with Bruce and Harvey!" Lex squealed. "I mean, they'll probably hook up in the bathroom before dessert, but it would still be totally awesome! We could go mini-golfing!"
That actually didn't sound too bad, which was extremely alarming. Lex let his hand creep around Clark's shoulder.
"We can cover our eyes if this get freaky," Lex said. "I mean, Robert Pattinson's hair is kind of freaky anyway, but whatever."
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"You have to get out of Smallville, Clark. Come stay with me, Metropolis is awesome. Also, I am cooler."
DAMN IT!
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The line went dead.
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"Oh my God, Clark, your hair is ruffled!" Lex said, darting to the door. "Clearly this a sign that you are totally in danger sit down right now." Lex's feelings towards his inner child-or inner teenaged girl, whichever-grew increasingly violent. But this was giving him the opportunity to stroke Clark's hair, so perhaps it all evened out.
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He jumped as his phone rang. "Uummm, Whitney, hey! What's up? Yeah, I know, it's ridiculous, isn't it? ....oh. Uh. Listen, I know we've had that rivalry thing over Lana, but it's kind of... um. I mean, I like you as a friend, but I already agreed to go with someone else."
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Oh God, please let this wear off before I pick out a dress. Please. I will even stop building giant robots made of Kryptonite.
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Clark snapped his phone shut with a sigh, then turned back to Lex. "I wish you wouldn't talk about Smallville like that. I like it there! It's got horses. Ugh, but I still don't know who I'm going with! Maybe I just won't go."
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Lex saw Clark start to pout, and as attractive as that was, wanted to make him happy again, "We should watch a movie! I can order Twilight?"
Clearly, praying to the Judeo-Christian god was not working. Time to start moving through the pagans. Dear Zeus, I know we have not talked before...
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Lex tried very hard not to squeal with glee at the idea of going to the prom with Clark. You are Lex Luthor. You are the most powerful man in Metropolis, and ideally, the world. Be strong. Be manly. Do not--Kitty was right, I should dress Caesar up in cute outifts. He could be Warrior Angel for Halloween. Clearly, this was not working. Dear Shiva, perhaps you'll be more receptive to my increasingly desperate pleas...
"Let's order pizza," Lex said cheerfully. "I totally think I can light a fire in the fireplace, and then we can make s'mores!"
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He ran into the other room and began scribbling furiously on his notepad.
Dear Diary,
I'm going to the prom with Lex he is hot omg, I hope he wears his white suit (or nothing at all teehee.)
xoxo
Clark
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'Dear Diary which totally I did not have until just now,
Clark asked me to prom! :D :D :D YAY I am so happy right now, because he totally chose me over that vapid bitch Lana.
Also, my pleas to the gods are not working. Clearly, SCIENCE is the answer. Also, I should invest in a foxier-looking labcoat. Clark will approve
OMG I cannot believe I am going to prom with him! This will be so awesome!
Hugs and kisses,
Alexander J. Luthor'
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He mentally added, "I bet we're going to make out omg" as he sat down on the couch next to Lex.
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"Bruce totally tells people he's a vampire," Lex said as the opening credits started up. "I bet he would sparkle. It seems like the kind of thing he would do."
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That actually didn't sound too bad, which was extremely alarming. Lex let his hand creep around Clark's shoulder.
"We can cover our eyes if this get freaky," Lex said. "I mean, Robert Pattinson's hair is kind of freaky anyway, but whatever."
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