Journal
Is a journal a good idea? Eh...it's something. My thoughts wonder. The train jarred me bit. My eyes hurt from the pot and I smell cigarettes. I have to get up in the morning to work. I leave soon. Yet I feel like I'm not keeping up with both enough. I've tried to get ahold of that guy several time. My mind wanders again. This time to my writing. "Take a semester off and think and write. All the free time in the world right?" Well it is bullshit. I'm lazy and pitful. I've decided that I don't feel much emotion. I don't know how true that is. I guess if I repeat to myself it means I can make it true or at least linger on the idea. Then I wonder if I want to be that way or if for some unknown reason I would do this. Maybe I like being cold and honest. And I do. How do you be a writer with little emotion? I feel emotion with movies. I feel emotion with personal people. I enjoy life's luxeries. I marvel at our advanced society and achievements. Yet I feel blocked or empty in some way. Of course I feel trapped in this house. In one sense I do it to myself. Well, I know I do. "Never blaim your own actions on someone else" That's a rule of mine. My veins show through my skin. How skinny am I? Wouldn't you look and feel better if you quit smoking and started working out? But I feel so alienated like I'm the only one who understands me. Worse than high school actually. I have no friends and I don't like most people I meet. How horrible is that. But what the question is, honestly, is What is best for me?" Um...working out is good. Quitting smoking is "cool" and playing less video games. Maybe living more. Go out. Greet and mingle. MOVE AROUND! You're a stump on a giant tree where everyone else checks things out. What is a life worth living inside? Experience art and then create art. Remember that. "EXPERIENCE ART AND THEN CREATE IT" It seems excellent. Cat's in. Goodbye!