Call me Mr. Target....or not
So I went in to work last night at 11:30pm, well I started at 11:30pm but whatever, and I wound up staying later to help out and wound up staying until almost 8:30am. I got home, played some FIFA, showered and then slept for about 3 hours, and that was really all I've done today. I'm pretty tired, but not exhausted, I just didn't feel like doing anything today ya know? I've been sort of moping around. I'm sad that I'm happy. Yes I typed that correctly. I'm more than happy actually, to keep it simple....I really like Bethany. I'm not rushing into anything I'm really not, but now that I really, really like her and have met her family...I'm sort of hooked. I'm mad because I didn't want to get hooked yet. I've liked her since we started talking, no question there, but I was fine just having a big crush on her and seeing her when she had time. I thought about her a bit but was focused on getting my other stuff done, or at least trying to. Now however, I want to see her, I'm always wondering what she's thinking, what she really thinks of me, is she on the same level? Close? Or is she the oppossite. When we were at Disneyland we talked about how neither of us were looking for a relationship, we didn't need a boyfriend/girlfriend and we both agreed. I never once started thinking about needing a girlfriend. Bethany and I hang out, we watch movies, we tickle, we kiss, and hold hands. We're dating a bit more than casually, but we agreed we were able to date other people if we wanted. I was cool with that, and for a while before her and just after her I did. But you all know that feeling that you get when you talk to someone and see them and study them and you just go "holy crap....I'm in trouble." Bethany does that to me, trouble in a good way that is, and I love it. I just want to hear her talk, it doesn't even have to be to me, just to hear her, and see her. I'm in deep, and I'm fighting all I can. I don't want to mention too much to her because I don't want to scare her away. If she knows that I like her as much as I do and she isn't interested in serious feelings I'm screwed. The thing is that I know I'm being super paranoid. I'm fighting so hard to not call or e-mail her until Monday. I want to show I don't need to talk to and see her. And in reality I don't, but I SOOOOOOO want to. It's really hard right now, and it's the first time I've actually been sad that I liked someone like this. I'm just going to do what I can to keep seeing her and throw up as many prayers as I can to have things work out, to fix my brain so I don't care or you know, whatever the best solution might be. The inner workings of the human mind and heart alone show me that there is something bigger and better out there, God that is. No way could I feel this urge to talk to Him about feelings I can't even explain if there was no God. He is great and might, and the greatest sculpter of them all. Goodnight