Life with Charlotte
Charlotte was born on Wednesday April 16th at 10.37pm after a labour which last 16 painful hours, even longer, 3 days, if you count from when my waters broke on the monday morning at 6am.
The labour was more painful than I could ever have imagined & although I had originally planned a natural childbirth in the 'birthcentre', who was I kidding.When it came down to it I got frightened & decided to swap to the labour ward.
I had actually decided to swap to the labour ward after doing the tour of the birth centre & seing that the monitoring technology that was available in the labour ward was not there in the birth centre. To me that seemed to large a risk to take. Then my waters broke just as I hit 37 weeks gestation & I knew with that making this a bit more scary I was determined to change.
Anyway, I ended up having every drug possible during the birth.I started with Tamazapam & panadine forte to help me get some sleep & they did nothing. Then when I started having full-on contractions they finally gave me a room in the labour ward & I started having showers & sucking on a canister of Nitrous oxide, which was very nice & definitely took the edge off the pain.
The nitrous helped me for several hours but then I got to the stage again where the pain was too much to cope with, I ended up having some pethidine, which was awful & didn't really help the pain at all, in fact it made me feel as if I would stop breathing, which was very scary.
There wee time during the labour where I was laughing & times where I was frightened for myself & Charlotte, very frightened. It's still hard for me to think back on the events with out feeling traumatised.
Apparently a few times, especially when they were administering drugs or when the put the little rod on Charlottes head so that they could monitor her heart rate I said something like 'I don't want to hurt my baby' to the midwife.I remember her telling me strongly that she would never do that....of course....but I hadn't slept in almost 3 days & I was drugged up to the eyeballs.
Other events of the labour that I recall are Adrians huge amount of support, being in the shower with me, which I had hot jets of water on my back & my bellie, he held me while I rocked my pelvis as they had shown us in the ante-natal classes & I even recall him singing waltzing matilda to me to help soothe the pain, but he couldn't remember all of the words...good effort though.
Because the labour was 16 hours & Adrian hadn't slept either when he became exhausted, my mother helped me in the shower. She just happened to be here on the day my waters broke as she was helping me pack up the flat in order to get some new furniture in...........going back during my pregnancy, I had strong nesting instincts & just had to re-furnish the tiny little, one bedroom flat, to make more room for the baby...charlotte.
So back onto the birth....by about the 10 hours of labour mark, I succumbed to having an epidural, which was very frightening. Apparently he stabbed me about 10 times to find the spot to put the needle into my spine. When he finally got it in I was pain free for a short period, well mostly & the contractions had slowed down so they gave me sintosin, to induce the labour. The epidural didn't seem to last very long & the contraction pain started coming back even stronger, I guess due to the induction drug.
before I knew it the pain became unbearable again & I was asking for a top up in the epidural. The aenesatist was in surgery so I had to wait & then just as he walked in the room at least 20 minutes or so later, though I was probably loosing any concept of time by this stage, I remember saying to my mother that I felt like' I was about to pop!'
I didn't realise it at that second but that poping feeling meant it was time to push. My mum knew straight away to call the midwife & she checked me for dilation & suddenly everything was underway!
This was by far the highlight of the whole event. Now I was dilated & it felt like control of the situation had been handed back to me. Suddenly everything started happening, the midwife set up the bed & I had my legs up on Adrian & Mum's hips and I was holding onto these handles that magically appeared at the side of the bed.
I started pushing & I remember the midwife telling me to take a deep breath & bear down , pushing like I was trying to do a giant poo!
Man it was hard work, but it didn't hurt at all, at this stage I don't recall feeling any pain, I had a humungus rush of adrenalin and I remember saying over & over again ' I CAn do this! like it was my power chant.
No-one really understood why I was saying 'I CAN do this' over & over....but I remember thinking several times while I was pregnant ' I can't get a baby out of my vagina'....but when it came down to it, I decided I COULD!
So anyway I was pushing for quite a while & the midwife I had for such a long time had to go & was replaced by an older midwife who seemed pretty experienced. She changed my feeting position, which helped & I kept pushing. To me it didn't seem as if I had been pushing for that long, but I guess it must have been about 40 or 50 minutes. Then it seemed like the room filled with people & I just remember this female doctor with short hair saying that they needed to get the baby out fairly quickly as she was going into distress & they were setting up to do a vacuum extraction.
As soon as I heard the word distress it gave me the extra strength to push charlotte out in about 3 pushed.I remember the first push after the doctor had told me about the extraction I am pretty sure she started to crown, then a second push, and I think her head came half out & they told me she had a hand next to her head. The doctor reached down & shook Charlottes hand & said hello. Then she asked me if I wanted to feel her & I reached down my hand & felt her head & her little hand & I think I muttered something like 'baby' in a quivering voice....I think I may have torn about this stage, which I felt happen, but I didn't feel pain nor did I really care.
then I remember the doc telling me not to push with the next contraction & apparently she just shot out. they put her up on my bellie & I don't really remember wheat I felt at this stage.I recall the doctor saying do you want her on your bellie & I said yes. Then Adrian cut the umbilical chord, which I couldn't see because my bellie was still big.
Then they rushed her over to the resusitare as she was not breathing & she was purple, which I didn't know at the time, my mother said she looked black, but Adrian didn't seem to think she was quite that bad.
When se was born I clearly remember seing Adrian's face, he was beaming, like I had never seen him beam before. When they took her to the table, I was still up on the bed, Adrian was next to me & he looked at me, I could see in his eyes his look said I want to go stand with the baby & I just looked back at him with a look at said 'go for it, & he stood with the baby while they had her on the resusitare.
At this stage I was SO exhausted & out of it, & not allowed to move from the bed, I jut looked over & saw Adrian & the baby.
Next thing I remember was the doctor stitching me up & Vicky coming in during the stitching was screaming as she stitched me ever though she had given me a local anaesthetic. Then I held Charlotte & I expected I should be crying because I was so overwhelmed with the profound feeling of love I had for her, but at the same time I was so exhausted from the long hard labour that all I could do was look.
Mum and Adrian dashed out of the room to make phone calls & Vicky stayed with me.I asked Vicky to hold charlotte as my arms were so intensely sore as I had been using my arm muscles during the pushing, holding onto the handles at the side of the bed.
After wards I remember, getting up to take a shower & clean off all the blood, I was able to stand & the epidural seemed to have mostly warn off, then I was being wheeled up to the mothers & babies ward. Which was a makeshift mothers & babies ward as the real mothers & babies ward was overflowing.
I had to share the room with 3 other people who had just had babies & I was really sad that Adrian couldn't stay with me. Charlotte was next to me in a little hospital cot.I recall her crying a bit during the night & I had no idea what to do with her...I was patting her little head & calling her 'wobble' which was her nickname during my pregnancy & these things seemed to calm her down.
I also remember being unable to sleep because I could stop looking at her & I wanted to make sure she was always ok & still breathing. She was so precious to me, I couldn't have contemplated just how precious until that moment & I don't really think it can be put into words.
The labour was more painful than I could ever have imagined & although I had originally planned a natural childbirth in the 'birthcentre', who was I kidding.When it came down to it I got frightened & decided to swap to the labour ward.
I had actually decided to swap to the labour ward after doing the tour of the birth centre & seing that the monitoring technology that was available in the labour ward was not there in the birth centre. To me that seemed to large a risk to take. Then my waters broke just as I hit 37 weeks gestation & I knew with that making this a bit more scary I was determined to change.
Anyway, I ended up having every drug possible during the birth.I started with Tamazapam & panadine forte to help me get some sleep & they did nothing. Then when I started having full-on contractions they finally gave me a room in the labour ward & I started having showers & sucking on a canister of Nitrous oxide, which was very nice & definitely took the edge off the pain.
The nitrous helped me for several hours but then I got to the stage again where the pain was too much to cope with, I ended up having some pethidine, which was awful & didn't really help the pain at all, in fact it made me feel as if I would stop breathing, which was very scary.
There wee time during the labour where I was laughing & times where I was frightened for myself & Charlotte, very frightened. It's still hard for me to think back on the events with out feeling traumatised.
Apparently a few times, especially when they were administering drugs or when the put the little rod on Charlottes head so that they could monitor her heart rate I said something like 'I don't want to hurt my baby' to the midwife.I remember her telling me strongly that she would never do that....of course....but I hadn't slept in almost 3 days & I was drugged up to the eyeballs.
Other events of the labour that I recall are Adrians huge amount of support, being in the shower with me, which I had hot jets of water on my back & my bellie, he held me while I rocked my pelvis as they had shown us in the ante-natal classes & I even recall him singing waltzing matilda to me to help soothe the pain, but he couldn't remember all of the words...good effort though.
Because the labour was 16 hours & Adrian hadn't slept either when he became exhausted, my mother helped me in the shower. She just happened to be here on the day my waters broke as she was helping me pack up the flat in order to get some new furniture in...........going back during my pregnancy, I had strong nesting instincts & just had to re-furnish the tiny little, one bedroom flat, to make more room for the baby...charlotte.
So back onto the birth....by about the 10 hours of labour mark, I succumbed to having an epidural, which was very frightening. Apparently he stabbed me about 10 times to find the spot to put the needle into my spine. When he finally got it in I was pain free for a short period, well mostly & the contractions had slowed down so they gave me sintosin, to induce the labour. The epidural didn't seem to last very long & the contraction pain started coming back even stronger, I guess due to the induction drug.
before I knew it the pain became unbearable again & I was asking for a top up in the epidural. The aenesatist was in surgery so I had to wait & then just as he walked in the room at least 20 minutes or so later, though I was probably loosing any concept of time by this stage, I remember saying to my mother that I felt like' I was about to pop!'
I didn't realise it at that second but that poping feeling meant it was time to push. My mum knew straight away to call the midwife & she checked me for dilation & suddenly everything was underway!
This was by far the highlight of the whole event. Now I was dilated & it felt like control of the situation had been handed back to me. Suddenly everything started happening, the midwife set up the bed & I had my legs up on Adrian & Mum's hips and I was holding onto these handles that magically appeared at the side of the bed.
I started pushing & I remember the midwife telling me to take a deep breath & bear down , pushing like I was trying to do a giant poo!
Man it was hard work, but it didn't hurt at all, at this stage I don't recall feeling any pain, I had a humungus rush of adrenalin and I remember saying over & over again ' I CAn do this! like it was my power chant.
No-one really understood why I was saying 'I CAN do this' over & over....but I remember thinking several times while I was pregnant ' I can't get a baby out of my vagina'....but when it came down to it, I decided I COULD!
So anyway I was pushing for quite a while & the midwife I had for such a long time had to go & was replaced by an older midwife who seemed pretty experienced. She changed my feeting position, which helped & I kept pushing. To me it didn't seem as if I had been pushing for that long, but I guess it must have been about 40 or 50 minutes. Then it seemed like the room filled with people & I just remember this female doctor with short hair saying that they needed to get the baby out fairly quickly as she was going into distress & they were setting up to do a vacuum extraction.
As soon as I heard the word distress it gave me the extra strength to push charlotte out in about 3 pushed.I remember the first push after the doctor had told me about the extraction I am pretty sure she started to crown, then a second push, and I think her head came half out & they told me she had a hand next to her head. The doctor reached down & shook Charlottes hand & said hello. Then she asked me if I wanted to feel her & I reached down my hand & felt her head & her little hand & I think I muttered something like 'baby' in a quivering voice....I think I may have torn about this stage, which I felt happen, but I didn't feel pain nor did I really care.
then I remember the doc telling me not to push with the next contraction & apparently she just shot out. they put her up on my bellie & I don't really remember wheat I felt at this stage.I recall the doctor saying do you want her on your bellie & I said yes. Then Adrian cut the umbilical chord, which I couldn't see because my bellie was still big.
Then they rushed her over to the resusitare as she was not breathing & she was purple, which I didn't know at the time, my mother said she looked black, but Adrian didn't seem to think she was quite that bad.
When se was born I clearly remember seing Adrian's face, he was beaming, like I had never seen him beam before. When they took her to the table, I was still up on the bed, Adrian was next to me & he looked at me, I could see in his eyes his look said I want to go stand with the baby & I just looked back at him with a look at said 'go for it, & he stood with the baby while they had her on the resusitare.
At this stage I was SO exhausted & out of it, & not allowed to move from the bed, I jut looked over & saw Adrian & the baby.
Next thing I remember was the doctor stitching me up & Vicky coming in during the stitching was screaming as she stitched me ever though she had given me a local anaesthetic. Then I held Charlotte & I expected I should be crying because I was so overwhelmed with the profound feeling of love I had for her, but at the same time I was so exhausted from the long hard labour that all I could do was look.
Mum and Adrian dashed out of the room to make phone calls & Vicky stayed with me.I asked Vicky to hold charlotte as my arms were so intensely sore as I had been using my arm muscles during the pushing, holding onto the handles at the side of the bed.
After wards I remember, getting up to take a shower & clean off all the blood, I was able to stand & the epidural seemed to have mostly warn off, then I was being wheeled up to the mothers & babies ward. Which was a makeshift mothers & babies ward as the real mothers & babies ward was overflowing.
I had to share the room with 3 other people who had just had babies & I was really sad that Adrian couldn't stay with me. Charlotte was next to me in a little hospital cot.I recall her crying a bit during the night & I had no idea what to do with her...I was patting her little head & calling her 'wobble' which was her nickname during my pregnancy & these things seemed to calm her down.
I also remember being unable to sleep because I could stop looking at her & I wanted to make sure she was always ok & still breathing. She was so precious to me, I couldn't have contemplated just how precious until that moment & I don't really think it can be put into words.