in toronto
Oh my fuck. I'm freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out.
Okay. Yep. That's been stated. Oh my fuck. I'm scared and lonely already. Why the hell couldn't I have taken it slow the first year, gone to NIU, been SANE??? I hate this I hate this I hate this. It's uncomfortable. Everyone's cranky and they expect me to be strong and excited and optimistic 'cause we drove twelve hours just for me, but I'm freaking out. I'm thinking of ways to get out of this. I'm thinking "Okay, if you don't like it after a few weeks, you'll talk to a campus psychologist. The psychologist will say stick it out for a semester and then go home. Everyone will agree you had no idea it would be like this and you can go somewhere closer. Somewhere less scary." But where is less scary? I don't know. It's like drama camp when I was little and there were so many big kids and I just hid and cried. I just, I just, I just really don't like this right now. It's like getting a shot and getting my blood drawn and HOLY FUCK WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE???
I want to wake up now. Wake up from this stupid, over-ambitious nightmare and be in my bed. I want to be four and we'll go to the library and Miss Molly will tell us stories about Thumbellina. And they'll put me in the stroller with applejuice and Mom and Aunt Gina will push me around the mall. I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP! I WANT TO CLING TO MY FRIENDS AND MY BED AND MY FAMILY AND MY BABY COUSINS WHO SAY "I DO NOT LIKE YOUR HAT" WITH A BRITISH ACCENT.
My bed is twelve hours away. My car is twelve hours away. And they're just going to leave me in this huge city by myself with no friends and no sense of direction and I AM GOING TO DIE! YORK IS GOING TO KILL ME! I'm so fucking stupid.
Okay. Yep. That's been stated. Oh my fuck. I'm scared and lonely already. Why the hell couldn't I have taken it slow the first year, gone to NIU, been SANE??? I hate this I hate this I hate this. It's uncomfortable. Everyone's cranky and they expect me to be strong and excited and optimistic 'cause we drove twelve hours just for me, but I'm freaking out. I'm thinking of ways to get out of this. I'm thinking "Okay, if you don't like it after a few weeks, you'll talk to a campus psychologist. The psychologist will say stick it out for a semester and then go home. Everyone will agree you had no idea it would be like this and you can go somewhere closer. Somewhere less scary." But where is less scary? I don't know. It's like drama camp when I was little and there were so many big kids and I just hid and cried. I just, I just, I just really don't like this right now. It's like getting a shot and getting my blood drawn and HOLY FUCK WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE???
I want to wake up now. Wake up from this stupid, over-ambitious nightmare and be in my bed. I want to be four and we'll go to the library and Miss Molly will tell us stories about Thumbellina. And they'll put me in the stroller with applejuice and Mom and Aunt Gina will push me around the mall. I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP! I WANT TO CLING TO MY FRIENDS AND MY BED AND MY FAMILY AND MY BABY COUSINS WHO SAY "I DO NOT LIKE YOUR HAT" WITH A BRITISH ACCENT.
My bed is twelve hours away. My car is twelve hours away. And they're just going to leave me in this huge city by myself with no friends and no sense of direction and I AM GOING TO DIE! YORK IS GOING TO KILL ME! I'm so fucking stupid.