(no subject)
Anyhow, as a sequel to my recent entry involving my list of favorite action scenes (and because work has put me in a crappy mood), I have decided to make a list of
THE TOP 13 MOST LOATHSOME MOVIE VILLAINS
DISCLAIMER I: Notice that the title is "most loathsome", not "coolest". There's a difference, although the two do sometimes overlap.
DISCLAIMER II: There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to this list other than my personal opinion. If anyone protests with something along the lines of, "But so-and-so from that one movie killed more people!", I will delete your comment with extreme prejudice (other sorts of comments are fine).
DISCLAIMER III: Spoilers!
~THE FORMAT~
#. Character Name (Name of Actor) - Movie Title (year)
Picture {may not work since I'm direct-linking and bandwidth is getting harder to steal all the time}
Gay description
***
13. Jeffrey Lebowski (David Huddleston) - The Big Lebowski (1998)
The Dick-Cheney-like namesake of The Dude, Jeffrey Lebowski pretty much epitomizes the capitalist Republican, as he rants incessantly about how everyone with less money than him is a "bum" but is later revealed to have inherited his fortune and then embezzled cash from one of his own charity organizations. At least he told the truth about being disabled. The part in which The Dude (Jeff Bridges) slowly and nonchalantly walks out of his office while Lebowski, realizing he is in the presence of a burnt-out hippie, screams "The bums will always lose! Do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOOOOOOOOSE" also is probably one of the single funniest movie scenes ever.
12. Sheila Broflovski (Mary Kay Bergman) - South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (1999)
The sort of mom who made all our lives a living hell in grade school, Mrs. Broflovski must insert her nose into EVERYTHING and eventually her shrill, self-righteous meddling leads to mass censorship, v-chips inserted into childrens' bodies, war with Canada, and the demonic legions of Hell (lead by Saddam Hussein and his gay lover, Satan) pillaging the Earth. Eventually she sort of sees the light, although one gets the impression (thanks in no small part to the TV show) that she will never stop being annoying.
11. Alonzo Harris (Denzel Washington) - Training Day (2001)
A crude, mean, dishonest prick whose stepfather-like attitude towards his young trainee (Ethan Hawke) is nothing but a front for his ruthlessly self-serving agenda. The Russian Mafia, in a rare display of coolness, shoots him full of holes at the end of the movie, shortly after he gives an arrogant, intimidatory (is that a word?) self-aggrandizing speech to a bunch of the local plebeians. Guys like him are, after all, a dime a dozen. If you're a young male being "trained" by an older male in anything, chances are you are experiencing a fair amount of Alonzo-Harris-ness at any given time.
10. Krug Stillo (David Hess) - Last House on the Left (1972)
Unlike most horror movie antagonists, not insane, and therefore worse. A dumb, cruel, infantile thug who, along with his various little minions, rapes and tortures teenage girls when not taunting and abusing his son and who is ultimately chainsawed by the father of one of his victims. The End.
9. Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher) - One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
Female institutional tyranny personified. Treats the patients in her hospital somewhat as though they're her own children whom she's raising as weapons against her husband (or something like that), and somewhat as though they're enemies of the proletarian dictatorship who have been sent to her gulag for re-education. Tremble before the hideous scene in which she drives one patient to suicide by perfectly inserting her tentacles into his deepest insecurities. Also, in the conflict between her and hero Randall P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson), she wins.
8. Dr. Hill (David Gale) - Re-Animator (1985)
Every university has at least one total-douchebag professor like this. He pretty much radiates evil, as when, in typical academic fashion, he goes out of his way to abuse his authority to settle a petty intellectual feud, or when he creepily hypnotizes the Dean as a prelude to moving in on his daughter, or when he blatantly attempts scientific plagiarism, or when he raises an army of zombies to do his dark bidding even after himself being decapitated. Perhaps most notorious for his cunnilingus skills, which are lost to the world after his headless body crushes his bodyless head and throws it against the wall. And yes, he does look an awful lot like John Kerry.
7. King Edward Longshanks (Patrick McGoohan) - Braveheart (1995)
Utterly cold-blooded tyrant. There is no meaningful difference between his dick and the left side of his brain; both are essential components in a computer designed to process only information pertaining to power. Needless to say, people drop like flies when not useful to his agenda, although he does manage barely to refrain from killing his fairy son, instead just beating the crap out of him and throwing his boyfriend out a window. Also comes up with the ingenious idea of subduing the Scots by "breeding them out". Eventually he gets old, gets sick, and dies, though not before hearing some other breeding-related bad news.
6. Kakihara (Tadanobu Asano) - Ichi the Killer (2001)
A particularly colorful variation on the kind of pretentious shithead male bimbo found infesting all sorts of stupid urban subcultures. In his case, it's definitely not the money that inspired him to join a yakuza gang. He lectures people about how they're uptight, and not "real", and so forth, because for some reason they don't share his passion for torture. This guy tortures a lot of people, often with minimal justification. He also likes being hurt himself and is continually disappointed that other people can't give him the pain he wants. Were anyone to attempt to lecture him on how perhaps he should find a different hobby, he would undoubtedly lecture them back about how they're uptight and not real, all the while with a twinkle in his eye and a spring in his step. Yaaay! Life is fun! Even when the disturbed yakuza-killer Ichii tosses Kakihara off a very tall building, all he can do is sort of grin stupidly and say, "Wow! This is great!" before splattering. I hate happy people!
5. Gaston (Richard White) - Beauty and the Beast (2001)
I'm pretty sure I remember this guy from junior high school, where the Pen is less mighty than the Sword is less mighty than the Bling. When, even after demonstrating his impressive ability to be dumb and hurt things, he somehow doesn't get a woman he wants, he goes completely mad and starts a lynch mob to compensate, even tossing in something about how the children are in danger. In the classic tradition of Disney villains, he just sort of dies at random for no particular reason, since the protagonists in G-rated movies aren't allowed to actually kill people.
4. Judge Doom (Christopher Lloyd) - Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1989)
Seldom has a character been more aptly-named. Everything children fear about adults and adulthood is personified in this asshole. The early scene in which he slowly, slowly, slowly lowers a squeaking little kitten-like cartoon shoe-thing into a vat of acidic Dip is one of the most horrible things ever and gave me all kinds of nightmares as a kid. Children should not watch this movie (unless they're considering a career in Criminal Justice). Judge Doom also has a plan to wipe ToonTown off the the face of the Earth so that he can replace it with a freeway so that everyone can work more, consume more, and pollute more. He is destroyed in predictably but fittingly ironic fashion.
3. The White Witch (Beth Porter) - The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1979)
First and foremost, this cheap 70's cartoon is IMO superior to the recent live-action Hollywood version. Second, I've only seen the American version - the British version has a different voice actress whom I can't comment on. Anyhow, this bitch YELLS a LOT. I hate it when women yell! In the early scenes it's rather amusing watching her struggle to be civil/quiet, as she seems to be on the verge of freaking out at any moment. It doesn't take long however for her true nature to come out. Like for example when she sees some forest animals enjoying themselves and promptly (and LOUDLY) intimidates and shames them for daring to defy her totalitarian regime. This is followed by her first genuine smile of the film as she turns them all to stone, thus insuring that they won't be allowed to talk back to her. And then there's her (LOUD) demand that Aslan be bound and shaved and generally humiliated before being killed and her (LOUD) assurance to him that she has no intention of even keeping her side of the bargain. Fortunately however, thanks to the power of Jesus (or something like that) Aslan is allowed to come back from the dead to put an end to her monopoly on decibels and her Hillary-Clinton-esque reign once and for all.
2. Bernardo Gui (F. Murray Abraham) - The Name of the Rose (1986)
When I first saw this movie as a teenager Bernardo Gui's presence sent me into such paroxysms of anger that I couldn't think coherently for a full day or two. Holy crap, what a bastard. I think this was the definite beginning of my profound disillusionment with organized religion. Anyhow he's only in the last third of the movie and there really isn't much to tell: he's the Holy Inquisition's main man, and he loves his job. That pretty much says it all, I think. The peasants, fed up with the Church's methods, kill him at the end, but not before he uses his absolute power over Right and Wrong to torture and burn a few people guilty of disagreeing with him and/or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. His general assholitude interferes both with Sean Connery's proper scientific investigation as well as Christian Slater's cute little relationship with some hot local slut and in so doing reinforces the ability of the Vatican leadership to retain large quantities of wealth in their upper echelons so as to "root out heresy" and "make war on the infidel."
1. Bill Lumbergh (Gary Cole) - Office Space (1999)
He represents all that is soulless and wrong. Apparently the DVD has a deleted scene where someone says "Did you go to Lumbergh's funeral?" implying that he dies in the fire at the end, but I never saw that originally so I always just figured that his blasted spirit persisted in the universe, spreading from it a vile miasma whose fetid odor of sulfur and swamp-gas could be sniffed in corporate slave-pits throughout the world. Mmmkay? Yeahhh.
THE TOP 13 MOST LOATHSOME MOVIE VILLAINS
DISCLAIMER I: Notice that the title is "most loathsome", not "coolest". There's a difference, although the two do sometimes overlap.
DISCLAIMER II: There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to this list other than my personal opinion. If anyone protests with something along the lines of, "But so-and-so from that one movie killed more people!", I will delete your comment with extreme prejudice (other sorts of comments are fine).
DISCLAIMER III: Spoilers!
~THE FORMAT~
#. Character Name (Name of Actor) - Movie Title (year)
Picture {may not work since I'm direct-linking and bandwidth is getting harder to steal all the time}
Gay description
***
13. Jeffrey Lebowski (David Huddleston) - The Big Lebowski (1998)
The Dick-Cheney-like namesake of The Dude, Jeffrey Lebowski pretty much epitomizes the capitalist Republican, as he rants incessantly about how everyone with less money than him is a "bum" but is later revealed to have inherited his fortune and then embezzled cash from one of his own charity organizations. At least he told the truth about being disabled. The part in which The Dude (Jeff Bridges) slowly and nonchalantly walks out of his office while Lebowski, realizing he is in the presence of a burnt-out hippie, screams "The bums will always lose! Do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOOOOOOOOSE" also is probably one of the single funniest movie scenes ever.
12. Sheila Broflovski (Mary Kay Bergman) - South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (1999)
The sort of mom who made all our lives a living hell in grade school, Mrs. Broflovski must insert her nose into EVERYTHING and eventually her shrill, self-righteous meddling leads to mass censorship, v-chips inserted into childrens' bodies, war with Canada, and the demonic legions of Hell (lead by Saddam Hussein and his gay lover, Satan) pillaging the Earth. Eventually she sort of sees the light, although one gets the impression (thanks in no small part to the TV show) that she will never stop being annoying.
11. Alonzo Harris (Denzel Washington) - Training Day (2001)
A crude, mean, dishonest prick whose stepfather-like attitude towards his young trainee (Ethan Hawke) is nothing but a front for his ruthlessly self-serving agenda. The Russian Mafia, in a rare display of coolness, shoots him full of holes at the end of the movie, shortly after he gives an arrogant, intimidatory (is that a word?) self-aggrandizing speech to a bunch of the local plebeians. Guys like him are, after all, a dime a dozen. If you're a young male being "trained" by an older male in anything, chances are you are experiencing a fair amount of Alonzo-Harris-ness at any given time.
10. Krug Stillo (David Hess) - Last House on the Left (1972)
Unlike most horror movie antagonists, not insane, and therefore worse. A dumb, cruel, infantile thug who, along with his various little minions, rapes and tortures teenage girls when not taunting and abusing his son and who is ultimately chainsawed by the father of one of his victims. The End.
9. Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher) - One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
Female institutional tyranny personified. Treats the patients in her hospital somewhat as though they're her own children whom she's raising as weapons against her husband (or something like that), and somewhat as though they're enemies of the proletarian dictatorship who have been sent to her gulag for re-education. Tremble before the hideous scene in which she drives one patient to suicide by perfectly inserting her tentacles into his deepest insecurities. Also, in the conflict between her and hero Randall P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson), she wins.
8. Dr. Hill (David Gale) - Re-Animator (1985)
Every university has at least one total-douchebag professor like this. He pretty much radiates evil, as when, in typical academic fashion, he goes out of his way to abuse his authority to settle a petty intellectual feud, or when he creepily hypnotizes the Dean as a prelude to moving in on his daughter, or when he blatantly attempts scientific plagiarism, or when he raises an army of zombies to do his dark bidding even after himself being decapitated. Perhaps most notorious for his cunnilingus skills, which are lost to the world after his headless body crushes his bodyless head and throws it against the wall. And yes, he does look an awful lot like John Kerry.
7. King Edward Longshanks (Patrick McGoohan) - Braveheart (1995)
Utterly cold-blooded tyrant. There is no meaningful difference between his dick and the left side of his brain; both are essential components in a computer designed to process only information pertaining to power. Needless to say, people drop like flies when not useful to his agenda, although he does manage barely to refrain from killing his fairy son, instead just beating the crap out of him and throwing his boyfriend out a window. Also comes up with the ingenious idea of subduing the Scots by "breeding them out". Eventually he gets old, gets sick, and dies, though not before hearing some other breeding-related bad news.
6. Kakihara (Tadanobu Asano) - Ichi the Killer (2001)
A particularly colorful variation on the kind of pretentious shithead male bimbo found infesting all sorts of stupid urban subcultures. In his case, it's definitely not the money that inspired him to join a yakuza gang. He lectures people about how they're uptight, and not "real", and so forth, because for some reason they don't share his passion for torture. This guy tortures a lot of people, often with minimal justification. He also likes being hurt himself and is continually disappointed that other people can't give him the pain he wants. Were anyone to attempt to lecture him on how perhaps he should find a different hobby, he would undoubtedly lecture them back about how they're uptight and not real, all the while with a twinkle in his eye and a spring in his step. Yaaay! Life is fun! Even when the disturbed yakuza-killer Ichii tosses Kakihara off a very tall building, all he can do is sort of grin stupidly and say, "Wow! This is great!" before splattering. I hate happy people!
5. Gaston (Richard White) - Beauty and the Beast (2001)
I'm pretty sure I remember this guy from junior high school, where the Pen is less mighty than the Sword is less mighty than the Bling. When, even after demonstrating his impressive ability to be dumb and hurt things, he somehow doesn't get a woman he wants, he goes completely mad and starts a lynch mob to compensate, even tossing in something about how the children are in danger. In the classic tradition of Disney villains, he just sort of dies at random for no particular reason, since the protagonists in G-rated movies aren't allowed to actually kill people.
4. Judge Doom (Christopher Lloyd) - Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1989)
Seldom has a character been more aptly-named. Everything children fear about adults and adulthood is personified in this asshole. The early scene in which he slowly, slowly, slowly lowers a squeaking little kitten-like cartoon shoe-thing into a vat of acidic Dip is one of the most horrible things ever and gave me all kinds of nightmares as a kid. Children should not watch this movie (unless they're considering a career in Criminal Justice). Judge Doom also has a plan to wipe ToonTown off the the face of the Earth so that he can replace it with a freeway so that everyone can work more, consume more, and pollute more. He is destroyed in predictably but fittingly ironic fashion.
3. The White Witch (Beth Porter) - The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1979)
First and foremost, this cheap 70's cartoon is IMO superior to the recent live-action Hollywood version. Second, I've only seen the American version - the British version has a different voice actress whom I can't comment on. Anyhow, this bitch YELLS a LOT. I hate it when women yell! In the early scenes it's rather amusing watching her struggle to be civil/quiet, as she seems to be on the verge of freaking out at any moment. It doesn't take long however for her true nature to come out. Like for example when she sees some forest animals enjoying themselves and promptly (and LOUDLY) intimidates and shames them for daring to defy her totalitarian regime. This is followed by her first genuine smile of the film as she turns them all to stone, thus insuring that they won't be allowed to talk back to her. And then there's her (LOUD) demand that Aslan be bound and shaved and generally humiliated before being killed and her (LOUD) assurance to him that she has no intention of even keeping her side of the bargain. Fortunately however, thanks to the power of Jesus (or something like that) Aslan is allowed to come back from the dead to put an end to her monopoly on decibels and her Hillary-Clinton-esque reign once and for all.
2. Bernardo Gui (F. Murray Abraham) - The Name of the Rose (1986)
When I first saw this movie as a teenager Bernardo Gui's presence sent me into such paroxysms of anger that I couldn't think coherently for a full day or two. Holy crap, what a bastard. I think this was the definite beginning of my profound disillusionment with organized religion. Anyhow he's only in the last third of the movie and there really isn't much to tell: he's the Holy Inquisition's main man, and he loves his job. That pretty much says it all, I think. The peasants, fed up with the Church's methods, kill him at the end, but not before he uses his absolute power over Right and Wrong to torture and burn a few people guilty of disagreeing with him and/or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. His general assholitude interferes both with Sean Connery's proper scientific investigation as well as Christian Slater's cute little relationship with some hot local slut and in so doing reinforces the ability of the Vatican leadership to retain large quantities of wealth in their upper echelons so as to "root out heresy" and "make war on the infidel."
1. Bill Lumbergh (Gary Cole) - Office Space (1999)
He represents all that is soulless and wrong. Apparently the DVD has a deleted scene where someone says "Did you go to Lumbergh's funeral?" implying that he dies in the fire at the end, but I never saw that originally so I always just figured that his blasted spirit persisted in the universe, spreading from it a vile miasma whose fetid odor of sulfur and swamp-gas could be sniffed in corporate slave-pits throughout the world. Mmmkay? Yeahhh.